


[Untitled] Simonverse Continuation - Year 1

by all_the_ships_are_sailing



Series: [Untitled] Simonverse Continuation Stories [1]
Category: Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Book: Leah on the Offbeat, Book: Love Creekwood, Canon - Book, Canon Continuation, F/F, Leah on the Offbeat Spoilers, Love Creekwood spoilers, M/M, No Smut, suggested sexual content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:53:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 61
Words: 96,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25454224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_the_ships_are_sailing/pseuds/all_the_ships_are_sailing
Summary: This is an in-universe continuation of the book series from Simon's point of view. It picks up in Chapter 34 of Leah on the Offbeat (Prom). If you haven't read that yet, I strongly suggest it. Using book-canon not movie-canon as backstory. I just read the new book of emails (and am annoyed by how the dates don't work on a calendar). I will be including some of the things that happen in that book (including the "surprise ending" that I definitely saw coming), but the time line is a bit askew.I'm now taking prompts/requests for shorter fics within this universe if you are interested. Submit requests to my Tumblr Ask Box: https://onlyherefortheshowmances.tumblr.com/ask. You can leave requests in comments if you don't have a Tumblr.  Thanks.
Relationships: Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier, Leah Burke/Abby Suso, Nick Eisner/Taylor Metternich
Series: [Untitled] Simonverse Continuation Stories [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1853647
Comments: 65
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picking up in the middle of Chapter 34 of Leah on the Offbeat when Leah has gone to find Abby.

Leah’s been gone for almost 10 minutes. No one has said a word. I glance at Bram; he squeezes my hand under the table. Nick is sitting across from me, tapping his foot loudly against the ground. His tempo is picking up and I swear it’s like he doesn’t even notice. He’s just staring toward the path that Leah followed Abby down. I don’t know how much longer I can handle this.

Deep breath. “Nick, stop it.”

“What?” He asks, looking to me briefly. His foot is still moving at a frantic pace and I swear it’s shaking the table.

“Your foot. Stop it.”

“Huh?” he looks down. “Oh. I didn’t even realize I was doing that.” I roll my eyes. He doesn’t notice. “Where are they?”

“They’re talking, I’m sure. I think maybe you should go find something else to do.”

Bram swallows and squeezes my hand under the table. “Yeah, man, I don’t think Abby’s going to want to talk to you tonight.”

“Or ever,” I add under my breath. Bram glances at me, but Nick doesn’t seem to notice.

Nick huffs loudly, but gets to his feet. He stares down the path for another couple seconds and then without a word he turns on his heel and stomps off toward a group of guys from the soccer team and their dates. Bram squeezes my hand again and I squeeze back. “Do you want to get some air?” he suggests. I nod. We’re already outside; the sides of the pavilion are open, but I know what he means. He untangles our fingers and gets to his feet. I follow him toward the edge of the pavilion. We stand with our backs toward the path that Leah and Abby took and lean against the railing, staring out into the darkness, our tuxedo jackets forgotten on the backs of our chairs.

I sigh after a few seconds of silence and Bram looks at me. “I knew tonight was going to be weird, but I didn’t expect Nick making out with Taylor Metternich levels of weird.”

Bram laughs quietly. “I don’t think anyone saw that coming.” He wraps one of his arms around my shoulders, his hand resting at the nape of my neck. This simple act; his skin touching mine almost allows me to forget where we are and what just happened. I wrap my arm around his waist and pull him closer until our hips are touching. He lays his head against the top of mine and world seems to stop for just a moment, or maybe it’s just because the music is changing. Stevie Wonder.

“This is Leah’s mom’s favorite song,” I mumble. Bram laughs.

“Why do you know that?” he asks though the laughter.

“I don’t know. I think Leah mentioned it once when it came on in a store?” He laughs again and I sigh.

“Maybe you should try not to think about them,” he suggests. I close my eyes. “Just for tonight. Let them figure it out on their own terms. We only get one senior prom, you know?” I nod once without opening my eyes. “Simon, look at me,” he says slowly, and I can’t help but blink and look up. “I love you,” he says quietly. I smile.

“I love you, too,” I mumble and without thinking, I raise slightly onto my toes and kiss his lips. He kisses back, but not in the way I want. “Do you know what would make me forget about the drama?” I ask.

Bram laughs. “Please, enlighten me,” he says raising his other hand to brush through my hair and I suspect, keep me from kissing him again.

“More of this,” I say. I lean forward and press my lips to his again. I can tell he wants to kiss me back, but he doesn’t. He takes a step away from me instead and glances over his shoulder.

“Simon, you know I want to kiss you, but maybe not right here.”

“Oh,” I mumble. I glance at the crowd of students, not really seeing them and then toward the path into the woods that Leah had followed Abby down. “Can we go for a walk?” I ask hopefully. Bram nods. I think he’s worried that I’m just trying to follow Abby and Leah, but honestly, I just want to kiss my boyfriend and forget about everyone else.

He grabs my left hand in his right and intertwines our fingers. This kind of hand-holding is usually reserved for when we’re alone, under the cafeteria table at lunch, or when we’re with our friends. I squeeze his hand. He tries to turn the opposite way of Abby and Leah. “You do realize the bathrooms are over there, right?”

“Oh,” he says.

“I’m not trying to follow them. I promise. That path just makes more sense,” I say and nod toward the one that leads into the wooded, darker area of the Nature Center. He bites his lip, but nods once and we start walking in that direction. We make it about 10 steps down the path, twigs crunching under our feet, before we run into something that makes both of us stop dead in our tracks. Our mouths drop open in unison as we stare. Abby and Leah… are kissing… each other. In the same moment we come to a stop, they do, too. Abby looks up wide-eyed at us for a second and then Leah slowly turns her head to follow Abby’s gaze.

The hand that isn’t intertwined with Bram’s flies to my mouth. “Wait,” I managed to gasp out. I want to say more and open my mouth, but the words don’t come, so I close it again.

Leah bites her lip. Abby laughs nervously. “Surprise,” she says with a nervous smile. I look back and forth between them, trying to figure out if what I think I just saw is actually what I just saw.

Leah finally stops biting her lip and speaks. “Well,” she says softly followed by a deep breath. “I guess you thought I was straight.” I tilt my head to the side and open my mouth, but no words come out. “So, yeah, I’m not. Like _really_ not. I am really, really bi,” Leah says.

“So am I,” Abby adds, with a little smile.

I blink at them. “Holy crap. I’m just. Really?”

“Really,” Leah confirms.

“Wow. Oh my God. I have so many questions right now,” I blurt out. Bram squeezes my hand and it brings me back closer to reality. I shake my head to clear it. “Does Nick know?”

“Nick will be fine,” Bram assures everyone with a smile. “I am _so_ happy for you guys.”

I smack my own forehead; _right._ “Oh, God, me, too! But you knew that, right? Holy shit. Yeah. Nick is going to… I mean, whatever, right? I’m so fucking thrilled. Okay. Okay.” I try to gather myself inside my own head. “Okay. Wow. How long have you been…?”

“Bi?” Leah offers.

“No. I mean.” I gesture vaguely at the two of them. They’re standing next to each; not touching, but closer than anyone stands to their friends. “How long has _this_ been a thing?”

“Fifteen minutes,” Leah says. My eyes go wider.

“Give or take two weeks,” Abby adds with a grin.

“Or a year and a half,” Leah continues with a smirk.

“Just. Holy shit.” I can’t wrap my brain around this development. Abby takes Leah’s hand and intertwines their fingers to match mine and Bram’s. “Like, you have no idea how happy this makes me. No idea. I just wanted you guys to be friends, even, but _this_.” I’m still staring at their hands in amazement.

“That’s right,” Abby says with mock sincerity. “We went above and beyond for you, Simon.”

“So, you’re welcome,” Leah deadpans.

“I’m shook,” I mumble and I feel Bram’s other hand come over and pat my forearm. It finally breaks my concentration and I look up at their faces and then at Bram’s. He smiles.

“See, tonight isn't all bad,” he whispers. I choke out a laugh. Abby and Leah giggle and Abby pulls Leah’s hand to her mouth and kisses it.

“Leah,” I say, eyes going wide again. “Did you just giggle?”

“I don’t giggle,” she says flatly.

“I’m pretty sure I just heard you giggle,” I insist.

“I don’t giggle,” she says again, sincerity failing. I raise an eyebrow. “Blame her!” she says suddenly raising their intertwined hands to gesture at Abby. Abby laughs loudly.

“So, I’m really happy for you guys,” Bram says quietly. “But…”

I turn to look at him as he trails off. He’s biting his lip and I give him an inquisitive look. He bites back a laugh. “But, Simon, and I were just, uh… going for a walk, so…”

I’m confused for a second, but then I can feel my face turning red. Leah doesn’t get it, but Abby does. She pulls Leah out of the way by their intertwined hands and Bram pulls me past them and down the trail further into the darkness.

“There’s a little observation deck back there, just off the path,” Abby calls over her shoulder with another giggle as she drags Leah back towards the pavilion.


	2. Chapter 2

Maybe 20 steps after we leave Abby and Leah, I see a barely noticeable path diverging to the right and slopping upwards. I nod toward it. Bram smirks and pulls me up the ramp. If I hadn't known to be looking, I don't think I would have even seen this path in the dark, but 10 steps later we're on a small observation deck. There are spotlights on interesting plants in the darkness surrounding us, but the deck itself is unlit. There's a single bench in the middle and Bram gestures toward it. I follow him in the darkness. He pulls me down onto the bench next to him and untangles our fingers. He wraps his arm around my shoulders instead and I curl into his side, nuzzling my face against his chest. He chuckles quietly and kisses the top of my head. I wrap both of my arms around him and hold him as tightly as I can from the awkward position. He wraps his arms around me, too and we stay there in the dark for what feels like forever.

I look up to find him already looking down at me with a smile. “I love you,” I mumble. His smile grows wider.

“I love you, too,” he says before leaning down and pressing his lips to mine. I sit up more, but I don’t break the kiss and within a few seconds, I’m straddling him with my knees on either side of his hips and we’re kissing like we’ve only ever done in our bedrooms. Too soon Bram puts his hands on either side of my face and pulls me away. “We _are_ still in public…” he says and I sigh and let my forehead fall to his shoulder as he releases my head. His arms wrap back around me and his fingers start tracing patterns on my back. I smile into his chest as I wrap my arms around his waist. “I love you,” he whispers again.

I smile even more. “I love you, too,” I mumble against his shirt. I lift my head and kiss him once on the lips. “We should go back,” I say begrudgingly.

“Should we?” he asks.

I laugh a little. “Well, if you’re not going to let me spend all night kissing you, we may as well go _experience prom_ or something.”

He laughs. “Or, we could go home,” he suggests, wiggling his eyebrows.

“We can’t leave without everyone else… we all have the same ride,” I remind him. “Garrett, Leah, Abby…” I swallow, “and Nick.”

“I don’t think Nicholas will be re-joining us this evening,” Bram says and I tilt my head at him.

“Oh?”

“Well, aside from the obvious. I saw him and Taylor Metternich walk past on the path a couple minutes ago. No one seems to notice the path that leads up here, but if you look,” he points, “just there you catch everyone going by. I wonder how Abby found this place.”

“You’re kidding me,” I say glancing toward the path and then I freeze and look back at Bram. “He didn’t…”

“No,” Bram confirms, “I most certainly am not kidding and no, he didn’t even glance this direction. He seemed a bit...distracted?" I laugh. "I don’t think Leah and Abby would mind leaving…” He pauses for a moment, “And Garrett can surely get a ride with some of the other guys if he wants to stay,” he continues. The plan was for everyone to stay at my house tonight. Group sleepovers are sort of our thing. Though, I sort of doubted from the start that this one would involve much sleeping after the previous senior year attempts. “If it’s just us and the girls, do you think your parents will give them Alice’s room and we can…” Bram mumbles, raising a hand to cup my cheek. I smirk.

“Maybe, but the basement may be… safer,” I say with a wink.

“But not with the girls,” he says quietly and then he kisses my forehead.

“I mean… Nora…”

Bram laughs. “She and Cal Price seemed to be having a good time, no?” he says. “If we leave now, we’ll beat her home.”

“My parents are probably still awake…”

“Are you trying to find excuses to not spend all night kissing me?”

“I would never.”

“Then, let’s go find Leah and Abby,” he says with another half-smile. I bite my lip for a second, but then kiss his lips once before getting to my feet and offering him my hand.

Less than a minute later, we’re back at the pavilion. I have my arm snaked around Bram’s waist and his arm is snuggly around my shoulders. I lean into him a little as we come to a stop at the end of the path and start looking around for the girls. “There,” Bram says finally, pointing to the edge of the path that leads in the opposite direction. When I follow his gaze, I notice Leah and Abby, entwined in each other again. I bite my lip. “I do feel bad for breaking that up twice in one night,” Bram says through a chuckle as we head in their direction.

“Ladies,” I say quietly once we stop next to them. They both jump and Leah looks angry for a minute before she realizes who we are; then she gives a nervous laugh. “So, Bram and I were talking.”

Abby snorts a laugh. “ _Talking_ , were you?”

I can feel my face going red. “Yes,” I say, trying to remain composed. Bram’s hand tightens on my shoulder and my face relaxes. “So, we were talking, and we were thinking about…uh…leaving soon?” I suggest.

“Oh,” Abby says, staring into the pavilion longingly.

I follow her gaze. A group of senior drama club girls and surprisingly, Martin Addison, seem to be garnering a lot of attention at the center of the dance floor. “We don’t have to,” I say somewhat deflated. “It was just a thought.”

“I like the idea,” Leah says carefully, trying to pull Abby’s attention back and Abby’s head snaps back to our conversation. “But, what about Garrett -” She glances at Abby before adding, “and Nick?”

I chuckle. “Bram?”

“I can text Garrett; I’m sure one of the other guys can give him a ride back. As for Nicholas…” The girls chuckle at the use of his full name. “It would seem he has found himself something better to do with his evening than sleep on Simon’s basement floor.” Leah raises her eyebrows at Bram as Abby starts scanning the crowd in the pavilion.

“You won’t find him in there,” I say slowly and Abby turns back to look at us with questioning eyes. "He and... uh, Taylor went that way.” I gesture over my shoulder toward the other path.

“He seemed quite distracted,” Bram adds.

Leah bites her lip. Abby cackles. “You have got to be kidding me!” Abby says as Leah eyes her carefully. I shake my head and see Bram doing the same out of the corner of my eye.

“So, anyway…” I say, glancing between them. “We were thinking that maybe. If you two can keep your hands off each other for five minutes, we could convince my parents that the basement has become unnecessary due to our dwindling numbers…”

“What are you suggesting, Simon?” Leah asks slowly.

Bram laughs. “We were thinking you two could take Alice’s room…and we could...sleep in Simon’s?”

“ _Sleep_ ,” Abby insinuates, “right, that’s definitely what you’ll be doing.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Like you two will be either.” Leah’s face goes beet red and Abby’s cheeks get rosy. “So, what do you think?” They glance at each other.

“I’m down if you are,” Abby says as she glances at Leah. Leah nods. They turn back to us. Bram already has his phone in his left hand. I watch over his shoulder as he types a text to Garrett. _Hey, Simon, Leah, Abby, and I are going to head out. Are you good catching a ride with some of the other guys?_

“Um,” I say quickly. “Should we at least let Nick know?”

“Oh,” Bram says quietly. “Yeah, probably.” He sends a similar message to Nick. _Hey, we were thinking about leaving soon. Are you good finding another ride?_

Garrett’s response comes in as soon as he hits send on Nick’s message. _Yeah, I can do that. Is our sleepover off then?_

_If that’s okay._ Bram responds.

_I mean, yeah. I wasn’t really excited about it anyway._ Garrett replies immediately.

Bram calls the limo driver to request pick up as we walk back to the table to gather our things. 15 minutes later, I hear Bram’s phone buzz on the table and he picks it up, reads a message, replies, and then looks at the three of us. I’m already staring at him, but Abby and Leah seem to be lost in each other’s eyes across the table. Bram clears his throat. They both jolt a little and look at him. “Nick’s good, too, we can go,” he announces. He drops a hand to my thigh under the table before I can stand and squeezes it lightly. I smile at him for a moment before we all get to our feet.

Back in the parking lot, the limo driver is waiting. He opens the door as we approach. “Weren’t there six of you?” He says, counting us as we climb in.

We all laugh nervously. “There were,” Abby says lightly. “Two of them are getting home separately.” The driver nods and snaps the door shut.

We’re all quiet for a minute while the driver walks around to get in and start the engine, but once we’re speeding down the highway back toward Shady Creek, the chatter starts. At least, Abby starts.

“So,” she says eyeing everyone. “How are we approaching this with the Spiers?”

I laugh. “I mean, they’ll still be awake. They’re not expecting us this early. They’ll expect us to head straight for the basement. But they’ll also expect there to be six of us. I think I should do the talking.” Everyone agrees. “My mom’s going to ask where Garrett and Nick are. What's our excuse?”

“Do we need one?” Leah asks. “Can’t we just tell them…”

“No,” I say flatly. “Leah, you know my parents. They’ll make it into some huge deal.” She nods.

“They got sick?” Abby suggests.

“Could work, but needs ironing out,” I agree. “And you two,” I look pointedly at their conjoined hands. “Need to act as platonic as possible for the time this conversation takes. Bram, maybe you should stand between them.” He laughs. “I’m serious. Because if they suspect it’s anything more than normal Abby and Leah, they’re going to call your moms and/or make us all sleep in the basement.”

Abby and Leah glance at each other and nod once in unison. Bram wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer as everyone falls silent again. He puts his lips against my ear and whispers quietly. “I love you. I really hope this works, because I was not done kissing you.” A giggle sneaks past my lips as I lay my head against his shoulder.

“I love you, too,” I mumble softly as I scoot even closer to him if that were possible. I glance up toward Abby and Leah to find Leah pretending to vomit. I show her my middle finger and turn my attention back to my boyfriend. Even 16 months later, I’m still not over the fact I get to call cute Bram Greenfeld _my boyfriend_. By the time I next glance toward Abby and Leah, I’m pretty sure Abby is basically sitting in Leah’s lap and their faces are so close I could swear they're kissing. I glance out the window and realize we’re turning onto my street. I sit up a little more, or I try to, Bram’s arm wrapped around me isn’t allowing that to actually happen. I nuzzle my face against his neck and kiss him there. “We’re almost there,” I whisper. He mumbles something unintelligible and holds me even tighter. I laugh.

The limo comes to a gradual stop in front of my house. The driver cuts the engine and comes around to open the door for us. Bram finally releases me at this point with a smirk and climbs out, offering me his hand as I exit behind him. I roll my eyes at his gentlemanly ways and link my fingers with his as I stand up. The driver offers his hand to Leah as she climbs out behind me and then to Abby behind her. “Thank you,” I say to the driver as he tips his hat and closes the door. The four of us start walking toward the house. I glance at Abby and Leah. Their hands are separate; it’s a start. Before we can make it halfway up the driveway, the front door opens and my parents appear with Bieber right behind them. Were they seriously watching out the window? I wouldn't be shocked, honestly.

“You’re early,” my dad says, eyeing the four of us with something akin to suspicion.

“We didn’t get kicked out or anything,” I assure him quickly.

“Where are Nick and Garrett?” my mom asks immediately. I fight back a laugh and squeeze Bram’s hand.

“Um, they wanted to stay longer,” I say hesitantly; realizing our planned lie wasn't going to pan out.

“Why didn’t you?” my dad asks loudly. “It’s your senior prom, Simon!”

“I know, I know,” I mumbled.

“My idea,” Bram quickly says. My dad eyes Bram. Bram smiles.

“Well, that and Nick was making out with Taylor Metternich,” Abby spits bitterly. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she was actually still mad about that.

My parents’ eyes go wide at this revelation. “I thought…” my mom starts to say.

“It’s complicated,” I suggest. “Uh, but, would you mind if we skip the basement this time?”

My parents’ eyes shift to me. “Continue,” my mother says.

“It’s just, Abby wants some girl time with Leah after the whole Nick thing,” I make up quickly. “I thought maybe they could have Alice’s room…”

“The door stays open,” she says, eyeing me and Bram.

“Mom, I know. Also, I’m 18 and going to college in 4 months; you do realize you can’t have that rule when I’m there, right?”

“That’s in four months, Simon, you still live in this house.”

“Yeah, I know, alright. Girls in Alice’s room, us in my room. Door open. Deal?”

My parents glance at each other and my dad sort of shrugs. My mom nods once and turns back to me. “Deal. But, what about Garrett’s car?” She gestures toward where it’s still parked in the driveway.

I bite my lip, but Bram's quick on his feet. “He’s getting a ride back with some of the guys from the team. It’s not a problem. They’ll drop him off to get his car and he’ll head home. He wasn’t super hyped about the idea of a sleepover anyway.”

My dad nods. “Alright then,” he glances to my mom. “We did put snacks down in the basement for you. If you wanted to get them.”

I nod a couple times and then suddenly, Bieber jumps out of the house from behind my parents and leaps at Leah. “Bieber!” she says gleefully, bending down to scratch behind his ears.

My mom, rushes to grab him by the collar. “Leah, your dress. I’m so sorry.”

Leah looks down at her dress. Aside from a couple paw prints that will wash off, there’s nothing wrong. “It’s fine, Mrs. Spier. No harm done.” She stands back up. “Not like I was going to wear this again anyway,” she adds quickly.

“Alright, alright, inside, go on,” My dad says, pushing the door all the way open and stepping into the entryway. He gently guides my mom back toward the living room and winks at us. “Good night, kids.” Sometimes I love my dad. I pull Bram up the stairs by the hand; almost forgetting about Leah and Abby.

“Uh, Si?” Leah asks quietly. “Do you think we have to leave the door open, too?”

I laugh quietly for a moment. “Nah, as far as my parents know, you’re just a straight girl consoling your straight friend about her recent breakup.”

“Thanks, Si,” she mumbles, grabbing Abby’s hand and pulling her toward Alice’s room, but Abby doesn’t move.

“What happened to the lying?”

“When we got back, I realized Garrett’s car was still here and that my mom would a hundred percent call Nick’s mom to check on him.”

Abby nods. “Good thinking on your feet, Spier.” Then she allows Leah to actually lead her off to Alice’s room at the other end of the hallway.

I smile after them for a moment until the door clicks shut. Then I turn back to Bram who is already sitting on the edge of my bed removing his shoes. I push the door so it’s just barely open and then cross the room quickly and tackle Bram backwards onto my bed, reconnecting our lips.


	3. Chapter 3

When I wake up the next morning, I am completely sure I imagined everything from the night before. _Everything._ Nick kissing Taylor. Abby kissing Leah. Even Bram kissing me. I squeeze my eyes tighter shut, but then I hear a heartbeat that isn’t my own. I open my eyes slowly. Bram's here; in my bed and my head is on his chest; it’s his heartbeat that I can hear. I smile and nuzzle against him. I feel his arm tighten around me and his breathing deregulates. He runs his other hand through my hair. “Good Morning,” he whispers and then he kisses the top of my head.

I don’t say anything, but I do press a string of kisses starting from his bare chest and then up his neck and along his jaw until our lips connect. His hands both knot into my hair as I prop myself up over him. I could get used to waking up like this. “Good morning,” I finally say with a smile when I run out of breath.

Bram smiles at me and runs his hands through my hair. I smile again before rolling away onto my back and checking the time on my alarm clock. It’s still early enough that no one is awake. Bram rolls onto his side to face me and props himself up on his elbow. “You are so gorgeous,” he says as he runs his hand down the side of my face. I feel my cheeks turning red under his touch. He smirks. “I’m serious, you know.” That didn’t help matters.

“Nothing like you though,” I counter. I reach up to touch his face, too. “You’re perfect,” I mutter quietly before kissing him once. “I love you.”

He smiles. “I love you, too, but I am not perfect.”

“Well,” I say staring at his face, “you’re the closest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“I think you need to put your glasses on,” he says reaching for them over me, but before he can pick them up, I wrap my arms around him and pull him down on top of me and reconnect our lips. He doesn’t complain.

I’m not sure how long we’ve been kissing, but our bodies are fully entangled. Then I hear a door open in the hallway and freeze. Bram rolls onto his side next to me and we both glance to the door. Another door closes; someone was going to the bathroom. We stay still and quiet. The bathroom door opens again and then I recognize the proximity of Nora’s bedroom door closing. I sigh in relief. Bram looks at me, confused.

“It was Nora,” I whisper.

He almost laughs. “Oh,” he says, “in that case, where were we?” He leans down and presses his lips back to mine, but I half-heartedly pull away after a few seconds.

“Her bed is literally on the other side of this wall,” I mumble pointing to the wall behind my headboard.

“Oh,” he grumbles and falls back onto the bed next to me. He stretches and glances at me. “Maybe, we should just get up?” I contemplate for a few seconds, but nod once.

Bram sits up on the edge of my bed and puts his feet on the floor. He’s only wearing boxers and his back is facing me, and it may be the most gorgeous sight I’ve ever seen. I quietly and quickly sit up onto my knees and crawl over behind him, wrapping my arms around his neck from behind. “I love you,” I whisper against his ear before kissing his cheek.

He smiles and turns his head toward mine. “I love you, too,” he replies and kisses my lips once. Another door opens in the hallway.

I sigh and roll around until I’m sitting with my feet off the opposite side of the bed. I close my eyes and stretch, but before I can get to my feet, Bram is in front of me. He’s standing between my knees, I bite my lip as I take in his body in front of me and then look up at his face. “Can I help you?”

“Mmhmm,” he mumbles and then leans down and kisses me again, too briefly. He smirks at me and then walks away to pick up his bag from the floor near my desk. He sets the bag on my desk chair and pulls out sweatpants and a t-shirt. I watch. He pulls on the sweatpants first and then the shirt before checking his hair in the mirror. That’s when he notices me watching. He smirks and turns around. “Can I help you?” he mocks my earlier line.

“Mmhmm,” I respond, mocking his. I get to my feet and walk over to him, still in only my boxers, and wrap my arms around his waist. “I’m sorry, my boyfriend seems to think it’s okay to mesmerize me in the morning.”

He chuckles quietly. “Well, that’s not very nice of him, is it?”

“Oh, no, you misunderstand. It’s very, _very_ nice of him. It just makes me a little distracted.” He chuckles again and I kiss him quickly before turning to my dresser and pulling out my own sweatpants and t-shirt.

By the time we’re dressed and downstairs, my mom is already making breakfast with Dad and Nora sitting at the table. Abby and Leah emerge shortly after we do and everyone sits down to eat. I eye my parents every time it looks like they might open their mouths to speak, but I can’t hold them off forever. “So, who is… what did you say her name was?” my dad asks looking at me. I raise an eyebrow. “Nick…” he starts.

“Um, Taylor, but maybe we could not talk about that right now?” I say tilting my head toward Abby.

“Oh, right, I’m sorry, Abby. I didn’t…”

“Think,” I offer. Abby laughs.

“It’s fine, Mr. Spier. Um, Nick and I broke up a few weeks ago. I don’t really want to do the whole long-distance thing and since I’ll be at Georgia and he’ll be in Boston, it just didn’t seem like a good idea. Nick is perfectly welcome to kiss whoever he wants. Even if it is Taylor Metternich.”

“She’s honestly not that terrible,” Leah offers. “You know, I was in a band with her for over a year…”

“Wait,” Nora says suddenly. “Nick and Taylor? Like they actually? At prom?”

We all laugh. “Yup,” I confirm. “Were you just completely not paying attention?”

“Um,” she looks down at her pancakes.

“I swear to God, Cal Price and my little sister. I don’t know how he thinks,” I suddenly burst out and my parents stare.

“Simon, stop,” Nora says. “Please? Just let it go.”

“I’m telling you, it’s because she looks like you,” Leah adds. I roll my eyes.

“What the hell, Leah?” Nora snaps.

“Language,” my mom says and Nora just gives her a look.

“Fine, but seriously, Leah,” Nora says finally turning back to Leah.

“I mean…he did ask Simon out first.”

“So, what!?!” Nora practically shouts. “That doesn’t mean he only likes me because I ‘look like Simon’. We don’t even look that much alike.” And at that, literally everyone else at the table laughs. Nora crosses her arms and gets to her feet. “I’m done with you. With all of you,” she says huffily and looks at each of us with daggers in her eyes before she leaves the room. A few seconds later, I hear her bedroom door slam shut. Leah looks like she might go after her.

“Leah, no,” I say, reaching across the table.

“I’m so stupid,” she mutters. “Why would I say that? I need to apologize.”

“Leah, don’t,” I beg. “It’s not your fault. Give her a minute and she’ll come back.”


	4. Chapter 4

After the disaster that was our senior prom and the morning after, I almost don’t know what to expect as Nora and I arrive at school on Monday morning. She goes to get out without a word. “Nora,” I say, grabbing her wrist.

She shakes it free and gets out of the car. “What?” she snaps, turning to look at me, one hand on the door.

“Leah didn’t mean it like that, you know.” Nora rolls her eyes. Contrary to Nora’s usual M.O., she had never returned to the breakfast table and Leah’s mom showed up for her before Nora had re-emerged.

“I’m serious, Nora. So,” I say biting my lip. “You and Cal.”

“I’m not talking about it.”

“I won’t tell mom and dad, promise,” I say quickly. “Just…”

“Simon, stop. It’s none of your business.”

“Okay, well, is he giving you a ride home tonight?”

Her turn with the lip biting. “Probably,” she mutters. “We have yearbook things to get done, you know.”

“Right. _Yearbook things,”_ I bite back a laugh and wiggle my eyebrows at her. But just then her savior arrives. Bram’s face appears over her left shoulder.

“Stop monopolizing your brother,” he says with a laugh.

“Gladly,” Nora agrees and she turns away from me without another word. I watch her march toward the school and Bram flops into her vacated seat.

“Good morning!” Bram says happily. I turn to look at him as the school door closes behind Nora. I lean across the center console and kiss him. “How was the rest of your Sunday?” he asks, glancing toward the school.

I half-laugh. “Nora finally came out of hiding after you left,” I inform him.

“You said,” he confirms.

“Then why’d you ask?”

He shrugs. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I say shaking my head. From the school the first warning bell rings. “We should go.” He nods and gets back out of the car. I get out and lock the doors before walking around the front to join Bram as he heads toward the school. His hand touches mine, but our fingers don’t quite interlock; not like they did a prom, but this is Georgia in broad daylight. I smile up at him as he holds the door open for me and then we both hurry off toward our lockers.

By the time I make it to lunch, I’m not even thinking about prom anymore, but rather the ridiculous amount of homework being dumped on us just a week before AP exams. I drop my books in my locker and head for the cafeteria. It’s when I enter the cafeteria that I realize the extent of Saturday’s impact. Anna and Morgan are already at our lunch table. Nick is usually there, too, so my eyes scan the room and they land on the drama club table. Nick is staring googly eyed at Taylor Metternich as she yammers away about something. I swallow and shake my head, walking toward the line.

I’m almost back to the table when I feel a hand on my back. My body instinctively arches forward and the hand drops. “It’s just me,” Bram whispers from where he’s appeared next to me. I half-laugh. “You’re cute,” he mumbles as we walk back to the table together.

By the time Bram and I sit down, everyone else (except Nick) has arrived. Garrett, being the oblivious idiot that he is mentions this loudly. I bite my lip, but nod in the direction of the drama club table. Garrett turns and his mouth falls open. “Are you actually kidding me?” Garrett gasps.

“Nope,” I say quietly. “It would appear, Nick won’t be joining us at lunch today.”

“Or ever,” Leah adds looking toward him. “And tomorrow’s his birthday!”

“Can we have cake without him?” Abby asks, laughing.

“Knowing Leah, she’s had his cake ordered for a month, so…”

“I have,” Leah confirms.

Bram catches my hand under the table and intertwines our fingers. I smile at him for a moment and he laughs inaudibly.

“You two make me want vomit,” Leah grumbles, trying to focus on her food. I laugh and then Abby winks at me. Her hands drop under the table and a second later, Leah’s eyes go wide as saucers and her head turns toward Abby.

“Yes?” Abby asks innocently.

“Abby,” Leah gasps.

“Yes?” Abby asks again.

“Abby!” Leah says more emphatically.

“Yes?” Abby asks again. It’s become difficult to bite back my laughter at this point. Leah’s hand on the Abby side drops under the table. A moment later, Leah is back to eating (one-handed this time) and Abby smirks at me from across the table.

It breaks my composure and I laugh. Leah gives me the stink eye as I try to swallow the laughs, but fail. “Abby Suso, I love you,” I say between my laughter.

Abby uses her free hand to gesture grandly and bow toward me. “God damn it.” Leah says and I can see she’s trying to pull her hand away from Abby’s.

“Nope,” Abby says quietly. “That hand’s mine now.” Leah’s face goes beet red and Abby laughs. Bram and I laugh, too, and that’s when I realize, Garrett isn’t laughing. He’s just staring back and forth between Abby and Leah with this confused puppy expression I can’t quite explain.

“You, uh, didn’t tell him, did you?” I ask Leah, nodding in Garrett’s direction. She bites her lip and shakes her head.

“Oops,” Abby says quiet and I can tell she’s releasing Leah’s hand under the table. Leah shakes her head and grabs Abby’s hand _on top of_ the table.

“So, uh, Garrett,” Leah says. Garrett’s staring at their intertwined fingers with wide eyes.

“Burke,” Garrett acknowledges.

“Um, so, well, Abby and I, uh…” Leah trails off and Garrett’s still staring.

“Leah is _my_ girlfriend,” Abby says emphatically. “Sorry,” she adds as Garrett looks up at her.

“Suso,” he says slowly. “But, Eisner? I…”

“I’m bi,” Abby says quietly.

“So am I,” Leah adds squeezing Abby’s hand.

“Oh,” Garrett says, his eyes fall back to their hands. “Oh, uh, okay then.” He blinks and shakes his head, turning Bram. “Greenfeld, did you know?”

“Not ‘til prom,” Bram says hesitantly.

Garrett nods and looks away for a minute. He turns back, “So, uh, Burke?” Leah looks at him. “Did you, uh, go to prom with me, uh, well I mean, why?”

Leah laughs. “Because I thought I had no chance in hell with Abby?” she suggests. “Because you’re nice and funny…most of the time. I, uh, didn’t realize it was a _date_.”

“Oh,” Garrett nods again. “Okay then.” He goes back to eating and within a couple minutes he’s back to his usual chipper self; though I swear he's trying to avoid looking at Leah.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day at lunch, we all sit down and wait for Leah and Abby to join us. Abby is with Leah at Publix, picking up the cake. About 10 minutes into the period, Leah and Abby enter with a whole massive sheet cake and set it on the table. Leah gives Nick a pointed look where he’s sitting next to Taylor. I watch Nick’s face. He swallows and then he gets to his feet. I see Taylor say something; _asking him where he’s going?_ He walks over to our table and stops just behind Morgan’s chair. “Is that…” he starts.

“Yes, Nicholas, this is _your_ birthday cake,” Leah says without looking up.

“You didn’t…” he pauses and swallows again. “You didn’t have to,” he concludes lamely.

“It’s been ordered for a month. Don’t be stupid,” Leah says as she starts cutting. “Anna, the hats?” Anna nods and pulls a bag of party hats from under her chair.

“No hat; no cake,” Leah says flatly; trying to focus only on the cake.

We each take a hat, Nick included; though no one speaks a word. Nick and Abby seem to have locked eyes and I don’t think anyone knows what’s about to happen, but then Abby swallows and smile appears on her face.

“Happy birthday,” she says quietly.

“Thanks,” Nick says automatically. He shakes his head. “Listen, Abby, I’m,” he draws a raspy breath. “I’m really fucking sorry, okay? I feel like a total asshole and I, I get it. I mean, I understand if you’re mad at me or whatever. I just, I was being stupid.”

Abby laughs. “I’m not mad at you,” she says sincerely.

“Wait. What?” The sincerity in Abby’s voice can’t be mistaken. Nick stares at her.

“I’m not mad at you,” Abby repeats. “I broke up with you, remember? You are perfectly welcome to kiss whoever your heart desires. Yes, that includes Taylor Metternich.”

“But, I…” Nick tries to get words out, but Abby holds up a hand.

“Don’t. Just don’t. I’m not mad. I was never mad. I didn’t leave because you were kissing Taylor, Nick. You think too much of yourself.”

Nick’s eyebrows furrow to the center of his forehead. “Then… why? I don’t understand.”

Abby laughs. “Leah?”

“Yeah?” she looks up from the cake at Abby.

“Care to explain to Nick why I left prom?”

Leah laughs. “Nope, that’s all you, sweetheart,” she says with a wink, turning back to the cake. I almost gag. I live in Georgia, “sweetheart” is a perfectly normal word around here, but it’s not a word _Leah_ has ever uttered in the nearly 7 years I’ve known her. And, the way Leah said it, her voice was oozing with adoration. I think I might understand what Leah means when she says Bram and I make her want to vomit.

Nick seems to notice too, because his eyes are locked on Leah, wide as saucers. Abby laughs and snaps her fingers in front of Nick’s face. “Earth to Eisner. Paging Nick Eisner,” she mocks. He shakes himself and looks back at Abby.

“So,” Abby continues. “Like I was saying. I didn’t leave prom because you were kissing Taylor. I mean that was a shocking sight, but it’s not why I left.”

“Wait, are…”

Abby swallows hard. “Nick, I’m bi.”

“Me, too!” Leah adds without looking up.

“And,” Abby swallows again, “well, since Saturday night. Leah and I…”

“Wait. Wait, wait, wait,” Nick mutters over and over again. “You, Abby Suso, and you, Leah Burke,” he points to each of them as he says their names. Leah glances up and the sound of hers. “Are…” he swallows. “You’re _dating_.”

Abby laughs. “I mean…Leah is my girlfriend, yes,” Abby confirms. “We haven’t actually been on a date though, to be fair.”

“I just,” Nick stares at her incredulously. “Is that? Is that why you…why you broke up with me?”

Abby laughs. “A little bit, yeah,” she admits as she glances at Leah who has finished cutting the cake and turned to look at her.

“I just… I didn’t realize…”

“No one did,” Leah says through a chuckle. “Not even me.”

“Wow, I just. Wow, wow, wow,” Nick repeats and then suddenly Taylor appears next to him.

“Wow what, baby?” And with one word the entire table bursts into laughter.

“Wow, that!” Nick says pointing at the now intertwined hands of Leah and Abby on the table next to his cake.

“Your friends bought you a birthday cake?” Taylor asks stupidly.

“No, that is expected,” Nick said impatiently. “ _THAT_.” He points to their hands again.

“Leah and Abby holding hands?” she asks, still clearly oblivious. “Abby holds people’s hands a lot…it’s sort of a girl thing, Nick. I don’t think…”

And then, Leah does the most un-Leah thing I’ve ever seen in my life and leans across the space between their chairs and kisses Abby square on the mouth. She then looks at Taylor whose eyes are wide. “Think again,” Leah adds before settling back into her chair, face turning bright red.

Both Nick and Taylor stare at Leah which makes her face get even redder if that's possible. Abby squeezes Leah's hand and smirks. “Taylor, about that. Don’t be offended or anything, but _this_ ,” she says raising the hand that is intertwined with Leah’s, “is the only hand I’ll be holding from now on.” Leah blushes again and looks like she’s trying to sink into her chair.

“So, cake,” Leah offers after a long silence. “We’d better get going before lunch is over.”

Everyone starts reaching for a slice, but Morgan raises her hand to stop Taylor. “No hat; no cake,” Morgan says firmly.

“Right,” Taylor says and picks up a party hat from the table.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets a little emotional as a fair warning.

After that, things settle back into a normal pattern pretty quickly. By Friday, Nick and Taylor have both joined our table which I’m sure has Martin Addison fuming since I’d once told him we didn’t have room for another, but I don’t care. I’ll take Taylor if it means Nick’s back. Plus, with the number of couples at the table, we don’t mind sharing space. Some days I’m pretty sure Bram and I may as well be sharing a chair.

AP Exams, Anna’s birthday (which of course means another sheet cake) and the last two weeks of school all fly by in a whirlwind. By the time we reach graduation, I don’t think any of us are ready.

Alice arrived home the weekend prior, so the Spier household is complete and buzzing with excitement when I wake up on Saturday morning. I don’t bother getting dressed before heading downstairs for breakfast. I walk into the kitchen, sniffing the air. _Bacon_.

“Good morning!” My mom says cheerfully from the stove as she glances back at me. “Are you excited for today?”

“I guess. It’s just so weird that everything's going to be over,” I say as I sit down next to Alice who’s already at the table.

“I know what you mean,” Alice assures me. “It doesn’t feel that weird forever, plus graduation is _fun_.”

I raise my eyebrows at her. “Yes, listening to names for an hour and speeches for another hour sounds so exhilarating, Alice.”

Alice laughs, “Okay, so the actual thing isn’t that fun, but the parties afterwards are worth it. A summer full of everyone you know having a party before you all head off to different schools.”

I nod. “I’m actually going to Garrett’s tonight,” I confirm.

“He’s the one with the Halloween party, right?” Alice asks and I nod.

“But first,” my mom turns around with a serving plate full of bacon and eggs. “We’re going to the Varsity after graduation. Simon, you should invite Bram and his parents.” I hesitate for a moment. “Don’t worry, we’ll have you both back before Garrett’s party.”

“It’s not that. The party isn’t until 8,” I say slowly. “Uh, Bram’s parents are divorced. I think his dad and step-mom are supposed to be coming in from Savannah for the weekend. I think they’ll probably have the baby…”

“Oh, dear, you’re right,” my mom says quickly though there’s something about the way she says it that piques my interest. “Oh, well, I still want you to invite Bram, and his _family_. Any of them that would like to come are more than welcome to join us.” I nod slowly, but eye her for a moment longer. Then, I decide it’s not worth dwelling on and start moving bacon and eggs onto my plate.

After breakfast, I retreat to my bedroom again. I take out my phone and press send on Bram’s number. Usually we’d FaceTime, but I’m not sure I want to see his face during this awkward mess of a conversation. “Hey,” he answers quietly on the first ring. “To what do I owe this early morning pleasure?”

“My mother,” I answer bluntly.

“I’m confused.”

I laugh. “No, just over breakfast she mentioned that she and my dad want to take us to The Varsity for dinner after graduation. And after assuring me we’d be back before Garrett’s party, she told me to invite you…”

Before I can finish my sentence, Bram interrupts. “My dad’s here with his wife…and Caleb. I can’t, Si. I don’t even know if I’m going to be able to get away for the party, honestly, but I’m going to try.” The sincerity in his voice seems to be mixed with something else that I can’t quite place.

“Will you let me finish?” I ask impatiently.

“What?”

“She told me to invite you, _and your family_. Mom, dad, step-mom, baby brother, everyone. Like she actually specified that _everyone_ was invited.”

“Oh,” Bram says quietly. “That’s really nice of her, but…”

“You don’t have to,” I say. I hate to admit it, but I _am_ slightly disappointed. I knew that would be the answer, but for some reason I still had some glimmer of hope it wouldn’t be.

“I’ll ask, okay?” he says quietly, sensing the disappointment in my voice.

“You don’t have to. I know it would be weird. It probably already is.”

“I’m sorry, Simon,” he mumbles.

“Don’t be. It’s fine. I’ll see you at Graduation,” I pull the phone away from my ear.

“Simon,” I hear him say. “Please,” he said, it sounds like he’s as close to tears as I am.

“It was a dumb idea anyway. Don’t worry about it,” I say without bringing the phone back.

“I love you,” he croaks out. It sounds like he’s actually crying now. My heart can’t take that sound, so the phone flies back to my face.

“I love you, too,” I promise. “Please, don’t cry. It really was a dumb idea. I promised my mom I’d ask you and I did. It’s fine. You don’t have to ask even.” He doesn’t respond. “Bram?” I ask looking at my phone to make sure the call hasn’t dropped.

“Simon,” he literally sighs out my name. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “It’s complicated. I will ask though. And tell you mom I said thank you for the invite.”

I nod for a second before realizing he can’t see me. “Bram, you don’t have to apologize. It’s really not your fault.”

It almost sounds like he’s biting back a laugh and I’m confused again. “I know,” he mumbles. “But sometimes it feels like my family makes everything more complicated. If I had that cookie cutter family like yours this wouldn’t even be a conversation…”

“Bram, no,” I had no idea how to explain exactly how wrong he was. “No, just listen to me, okay?” He mumbles something I can’t understand, but I assume it means yes and continue. “I don’t care how complicated your family is. They’re _your_ family. Invite them to The Varsity if you want, but you don’t even have to. I swear, it doesn’t matter. Yeah, I was hoping to spend more time with you, but I’ll survive. You don’t get to see your dad that often, and Caleb’s here! You should be excited not crying over stuff that doesn’t really matter. I love you and I _will_ see you at graduation, okay?”

I hear him swallow. “Thanks, Simon. I…I love you, too.” The pause doesn’t sound genuine. There’s something off; just like there was something off with my mom. _What is going on with this day?_ I decide not to mention it. Once we hang up, I flop across my bed. Today is supposed to be a happy day and it’s already turning into a disaster; just like prom. I take a deep breath and sit up, staring across the room at my laid-out clothes and graduation robes. I need to shower. I’m probably just imagining it anyway.


	7. Chapter 7

When I get to the school, most of my friends are standing outside with garment bags draped over their arms. Leah waves with her free hand when I spot them and I wave back from my car. I don’t get out, but pull out my phone to text Bram instead. _Where are you?_

_I may be late._

_Is everything okay?_

_Yeah, fine. Don’t worry._

_I don’t believe you._

_I promise it’s fine. Go get ready. I’ll be there._

I stare at the screen for a full second, in shock. Bram's never late for anything, in fact he’s almost always early. I climb out of my car and head toward my friends, still trying to figure out what’s going on.

“Simon!” Abby squeals as she throws her free arm around my neck. “Where’s your boyfriend?” The question doesn’t sound genuine.

I glance at her and don’t respond. She steps back and looks at me with her head tilted. “He said he might be late. His dad and step-mom are in town with the baby.”

“Bram Greenfeld late. I didn’t think I’d ever see the day,” Nick jokes. At least he seems genuine. “Should we head in, then?”

“Not waiting for Taylor?” I ask with raised eyebrows.

“She’s already inside; valedictorian speech and all. They had to be here early.”

Once inside, the girls are directed down one hallway and the boys down another. _Absurd, it’s like the they think gay people don’t exist._ I complain in my head. _This is Georgia_. I remind myself as I follow Nick and Garrett down the hallway and into a mostly empty classroom. We all pull our graduation robes out their garment bags and shake them out. I pull mine over my head and adjust it. Next to me Garrett starts complaining that Blue is not his color. I roll my eyes. At least we aren’t wearing _orange_. Creekwood colors are Blue and Orange which are probably the worst school colors to ever exist, but the robes really aren’t that bad. I glance up at the clock over the door, it’s only 30 minutes until graduation and Bram still hasn’t gotten here. I pull out my phone and text him again.

_Are you almost here?_

_No._

_Bram, what’s wrong? What happened?_

_Don’t worry about it, Simon._

_But you’re going to miss graduation._

_No, I’ll be there._

I don’t know how to respond to that, so I don’t. I look up from my phone to find Nick and Garrett watching me. “Greenfeld?” Garrett asks.

“Yeah,” I mumble as I slide my phone back into my pocket.

“Are you two fighting?” Nick asks, unsure.

“No? I mean, I don’t think so.”

“What did he say?” Garrett asks. That’s when I realize Garrett’s acting _really_ weird. I analyze his face for a second.

“I asked if he was almost here and he said no. I asked what happened and he told me not to worry about it. I said he was going to miss graduation and he said he’d be here,” Garrett nods along. “Garrett, do you know something I don’t?”

“No,” he said suddenly, shaking his head. “I just got the same story when I texted him.” He holds up his phone. “I wonder what happened.”

I swallow hard. “So, what are you doing after graduation until the party, Nick?” I ask turning away from Garrett, trying to just believe him and move on, but I'm still not totally sure.

“My parents mentioned dinner, I think.”

“Oh, cool. Yeah, my parents said we’re going to The Varsity,” I say quietly. I turn back to Garrett. “But, don’t worry they assured me we’ll be back before your party.”

Garrett laughs. “You better be. Greenfeld said he might not come, though, so I thought that might include you.”

I shake my head. “His dad’s in town with the baby.” I pull my phone out again. 20 minutes until graduation. Still no Bram. “I just wish I knew where he was…” I mumble under my breath.

“He said he’ll be here,” Garrett says confidently, clapping a hand on my shoulder.

“Right,” I say and I attempt go back to trying to enjoying the last of my time with my friends in the high school. “It’s weird to think we’re never going to be back here.”

“Well, you’ll come to Nora’s graduation, no?” Nick says.

“Yeah, I mean, I guess so, but this,” I gesture broadly. “Won’t be the same.”

“True,” Nick agrees.

Just then, Mr. Worth pokes his head through the door. “Alright, boys, it’s time to line up! Alphabetical just like we practiced yesterday please.” He holds the door open and gestures us into the hallway.

I follow Nick and Garrett until they head toward the front of the line. I find my spot right before Abby and hug her as I get in line. “I can’t believe we’re graduating,” I say emphatically.

“Right!?! How nuts is this?”

“Totally nuts,” I agree and then I turn around. I look toward the front of the line, trying to find the Gs and then there he is. Bram is in line with the rest of the class as if he was never missing. “Oh,” I sigh and pull out my phone. Nothing. I text Bram. _I see you made it._ I watch him, but he doesn’t even get his phone out. My eyebrows furrow.

“What’s wrong?” Abby asks, patting my arm.

“Bram.”

“Oh no. What happened?” she asks, but she has that same air about her that Garrett did earlier. _What do they know?_

“I mean, he’s here now, but he never even told me he got here…”

“Oh,” she says glancing toward him with a look that says _why are you making this harder_? I glance too, but he’s not looking at us. He’s talking to Mr. Worth of all people.

“Why is he talking to Mr. Worth?” I ask. Abby shrugs. “Okay, you know something I don’t and so does Garrett. What the hell is going on?” I demand finally.

“I’ve been sworn to secrecy. I can’t tell you, but it’s not bad. I promise.” I eye her suspiciously, but decide she’s being sincere; whether because its true or because I want it to be, I’m not sure.

I pull at and straighten my tie under my graduation robes just as Mr. Worth opens the doors that lead toward the stadium. “Graduates, it is time!” He gestures grandly as the beginning of the alphabet marches out the doors in a single file line.

Once we make it to the stadium and find our seats I look up into the stands. My parents and sisters are waving, so I wave back. Then I notice Leah’s mom and her boyfriend and Nick’s parents are right in front of them. Just to the left is Abby’s family; both of her parents and her brother are here. And behind them, next to my parents are… _no_. Bram’s entire family. His mom, dad, and step-mom holding the baby. If he didn’t ask them, I’m sure my mom already has. _Why are my parents like this?_ I think again. I turn my attention back to the other graduates. I find the back of Bram’s head a number of rows in front of me. I go to pull out my phone, but Abby smacks my hand. “You can’t take your phone out,” she mutters. “Remember what Mr. Worth said.”

“Right,” I groan. As the band finishes their rendition of Pomp and Circumstance, I turn my attention to the stage. Mr. Worth is already standing at the podium.

“Please rise and remove your hats as we welcome to the stage, valedictorian of the class of 2016, Taylor Metternich for the singing of the national anthem,” Mr. Worth announces.

Taylor stands from her place on the aisle, 3 rows in front of me and walks to the stage. She takes the microphone from Mr. Worth. “Thank you.”

Taylor sings; flawlessly, of course, and the crowd goes wild. Nick wolf-whistles obnoxiously from the third row. Taylor hands the microphone back to Mr. Worth and proceeds back to her seat. Mr. Worth makes a few more announcements and then invites the superintendent up for his speech.

Speech after speech and I’m almost asleep until Mr. Worth takes the microphone back from a classmate I barely recognize and announces there is one more student speech. “For our final student speech this afternoon, please welcome to the stage, class of 2016 salutatorian, Abraham Greenfeld.”

“What!?!” I say out loud. I glance over to find Abby biting back laughter. “Is this what you’ve been trying not to tell me about?” I demand of her and she nods.

“He made us promise not to tell you; about the ranking or the speech,” she whispers quietly as I watch Bram make his way to the stage. "I think Mr. Worth was even in on it."


	8. Chapter 8

“Hi,” Bram says when he takes the microphone. “Thank you, Mr. Worth. Students of Creekwood High School, I want to tell you a story. Four years ago, when I moved to Shady Creek with my mom, I knew no one. When soccer started, I met Garrett and the rest is sort of history. However, there’s one part of my story that only a few of you know about and I wanted to use this opportunity to share it with all of you.” Bram takes a deep breath and looks directly at me for a moment with a little smile on his lips. The rest of his speech comes out in a very grammatical, but very hurried mess. “I’m gay. It’s something I’ve known for a long time, but it’s something I also hid for a long time. From the moment I met him, there was one boy who I literally could barely speak around.” He pauses to wink at me and I laugh. “And unfortunately and fortunately for me, that boy has sat at my lunch table every day for the last 4 years. To say I had a crush would be the biggest understatement of the century. This boy is the reason I eventually came out; to Garrett first and then my parents, but then and now to all of you and the world. A lot of you know his side of the story or at least pieces of it, but I wanted to make sure you knew mine, too,” he continues. He swallows hard. “When I made that post to the Creeksecrets Tumblr two summers ago, I never expected anyone to answer, but he did. I didn’t know it was him at first and when I did, I still didn’t know if I thought that because I wanted it to be or because it was. Then at the Carnival last year, I did something I never knew I’d have the courage to. I’m not talking about riding the tilt-a-whirl, though that definitely qualifies. I’m talking about the moment I told Simon I was the person he’d been emailing.”

I look around at my classmates. Nearly every girl has her hand clenched over her heart, but none more than Abby who also appears to be on the verge of tears. I blink rapidly and glance into the stands. Bram’s mom is smiling proudly. _Did she know about this, too?_ I turn back to Bram as he continues. His eyes lock on mine.

“From that moment on, I’ve known something that I never quite understood before. I hope it’s a lesson I can teach each of you, or at least a lesson you will all learn. Nothing in this world matters more than the ones you love. Love makes you do a lot of crazy things. Case and point, I’m currently standing in a stadium, in Georgia, announcing not only how incredibly gay I am, but how incredibly in love I am. But, sometimes, you need to do crazy things in life. And so, to conclude, I want to address this last part to you, Simon Spier, not only do I love you more than life itself, but I want to thank you. Thank you for always being the most understanding person I’ve ever met. Thank you for inspiring me to be bold and brave in unexpected ways. Thank you for showing me that there are other important things in life beyond academics and soccer. Mostly, thank you for being the best boyfriend anyone could ever ask for.” Bram pauses and I can see he’s fighting back tears of his own even through the tears that have started to roll down my own cheeks. He smiles at me and then he turns back to face everyone. “And thank you, Creekwood High School class of 2016, for being bold and brave and for being the best classmates a kid for ask for. I hope each and every one of you is able to find someone or something that makes you as happy as Simon makes me. May you all go on to do great and amazing things.”

As Bram returns to his seat the entire crowd is silent (other than a few sniffles). Then, Taylor Metternich, of all people, starts a slow clap that explodes through the entire stadium. Once Bram is in his seat, he turns around and smiles at me mischievously mouthing the word “sorry”. That is the absolute last straw. I burst into tears. Loud sobbing tears. _How on earth is my boyfriend this perfect? How?_

I feel Abby’s arm wrap around my shoulders as I cover my face with my hands. But then I hear movement to my left, toward the closest aisle. It serves to halt the tears if only to be replaced with confusion. I hear Abby giggle as she removes her arm and shuffles back into her seat. I sit up to look at her, but am suddenly engulfed in someone else’s arms instead, and he smells like Dove soap. Eventually I manage to open my eyes enough to see Bram, crouched down in the little space in front of my chair. His arms are wrapped around me so tightly, I can barely breath, but that’s also when I notice he’s crying, too, which starts my crying all over again. I stand up and pull him with me; that will make this easier. Our arms are wrapped so tightly around each other, I’m not sure how either of us is still sobbing, but we are.

“I love you,” he manages to whisper. I half-laugh through my tears.

“I’d gathered,” I joke. “I love you, too, you utterly romantic, completely ridiculous, completely amazing, wonderful person.”

He pulls back enough to smile at me for a moment before pressing his lips to mine, and it’s the kind of kiss that makes you forget not only where you are, but who you are. That is until Abby clears her throat from behind me. “Some of us would like to graduate this century, boys,” she says with a little laugh. I can feel my face turning red as Bram releases me and scoots back out of my row past our classmates. I sink into my chair and Abby laughs as she pats my thigh.


	9. Chapter 9

“Shut up,” I tell her as I brush her hand away. She laughs harder.

Mr. Worth is standing at the podium with raised eyebrows. “Thank you, Bram, for that… _moving_ speech. We will now award the diplomas. Please rise and file to the stage with your row when indicated as we practiced yesterday.” The front row gets to their feet and files toward the stage. Mr. Worth starts calling names.

The first one I even pay attention to is Martin Addison. He takes his diploma and has his picture taken. I can see his parents and brother in the stands clapping enthusiastically. Halfway through the second row is Leah’s turn. Her mom claps wildly in the stands and even Wells offers polite applause at her side. Abby wolf-whistles loud enough to be heard over the crowd and I watch as Leah gives her the stink eye with a bright red face.

Anna is at the beginning of the third row. I still can’t believe I dated her. I still think she and Morgan are interchangeable. Then at the end of the third row is Nick. Then halfway through the fourth row is “Abraham Louis Greenfeld”. I clap enthusiastically and offer a few whistles of adoration. I look up into the stands and see Bram’s whole family going wild, too. At least, I assume Caleb is cheering from his baby carrier on Bram’s step-mom’s chest. I turn back to Bram himself as he’s approaching his row of chairs. He catches my eye and winks. I blush, again. _God damn this boy._ I think to myself. I glance at Abby who is smirking next to me.

Morgan is at the end of the fourth row and Garrett is at the end of the fifth. “Taylor Eline Metternich, valedictorian” receives her diploma in the end of the sixth row and I hear Nick doing another wolf-whistle from the second row. Cal Price is at the beginning of the eighth row. I glance to the stands and watch my sister cheer; Alice is watching her with raised eyebrows. I laugh. Mr. Worth continues calling names until finally my row is directed to the stage.

“Simon Irvin Spier,” Mr. Worth says with a nod in my direction. I cross the stage and take my diploma from him. The professional photographer’s flash is so bright it makes me dizzy for a second. I look up to find my parents and sisters in the stands, cheering loudly. I glance to their left and notice Bram’s mom is also on her feet, clapping for me. I smile at them and wave and then turn to walk back to my seat. Bram catches my attention out of the corner of my eye and blows a kiss. I feel my face go bright red again. I mouth _I love you_ to him and he smirks and winks.

“Abigail Nicole Suso,” I hear Mr. Worth call from behind me as I walk quickly back toward my row.

I turn around and “Woo!” loudly for Abby as she takes her diploma.

Eventually everyone has gotten their diploma and we’re all back in our seats. I turn to Abby, “I can’t believe he did that.”

She laughs. “He must really love you,” she agrees.

“You know, I get the feeling you might be right,” I laugh.

We’re told to gather in front of the stage for the final class picture (throwing our caps). Abby and I make our way being joined by friends along the way. Bram wraps and arm around my waist as we walk. “Someone’s lost his mind,” I comment, side-eyeing him. He pulls his arm away. “I’m kidding,” I assure him, pulling his arm back. He laughs and pulls me closer to him as we walk.

We find a spot right in the middle of the crowd. Garrett, Nick, and Taylor on one side. Abby, Leah, Anna, and Morgan on the other. Mr. Worth counts down from 3 and we all throw our caps into the air. I’m looking up, trying to make sure I know where mine lands, when I feel Bram’s other hand on my hip pulling me toward him. I look down and suddenly his lips are on mine again just as the camera flash goes off.

“Gross,” Leah says from next to me. “Now I’m going to have to look at you two kissing for the rest of my life.” I laugh and reach an arm back to punch her shoulder, but Abby beats me to it, grabbing both of Leah’s hands and kissing her, too.

Once we’ve collected our caps from the ground, we make our way toward our congregated parents. Bram runs to catch up to me and grabs my hand in his. I smile and squeeze his hand. “So, about The Varsity,” he says before we’re in earshot of our parents.

“If you didn’t ask them, I’m sure my mom did.” I nod toward where our moms are currently talking to each other.

“I did ask them,” he says quietly.

“And?”

“They were planning on all going to eat together anyway, and my mom thinks it’ll be _less_ awkward if it’s with your family, too, so.”

I stop and look at him. “You’re coming?”

He nods. I kiss him. He laughs and raises his eyebrows toward our parents who are now all staring at us and my sisters who are both laughing their asses off. _God damn it_. I feel my face go red, yet again as we continue walking toward them. Bram laughs and squeezes my hand.

Bram and I end up in the back seat of his mom’s car as we caravan toward Atlanta proper. Our fingers are still intertwined on the seat between us as his mom drives. He lifts my hand to his lips and kisses it. I laugh. “You’re ridiculous,” I say quietly.

“I love you,” he mumbles as he leans his head toward my shoulder.

“I love you, too,” I say back as his head lands against me.

“Awwwwwww,” coos his mom from the front seat and I feel my face once again, turn red.

“Mom, shut up,” Bram grumbles from my shoulder. She laughs. I lean my head against his and the car falls silent other than the music on the radio.


	10. Chapter 10

Once, we arrive at the restaurant, things get trickier. 9 adults and a baby in this place isn’t exactly ideal.

Alice slides into a booth and pulls me in behind her. Bram glances and shrugs as he slides in next to me. Nora slides into the other side of the booth followed by my mom and dad. Somehow Bram’s Dad & step-mom and his mom end up at the booth across the aisle form ours with Caleb in a highchair between the tables. Bram glances at them and then turns to me. “Maybe I should sit with them…my mom…” I nod and let go of his hand but he doesn’t move. I raise an eyebrow at him. “She’ll survive,” he mumbles, grabbing my hand under the table. I bite back a laugh and squeeze his hand.

Once we can’t possibly eat any more fries or drink another Frosted Orange, we all get back into the cars.

The ride back to Shady Creek is chattier. Bram’s mom seems to have remembered why that marriage didn’t work out, other than the possible cheating, but she also is astounded how much Caleb is “just like” Bram when he was that age. I bite my tongue to keep from mentioning all babies are pretty much the same because it’s keeping her off the ex-husband saga and Bram seems pleased by the development. Our hands stay connected on the seat between us until Bram’s mom pulls into the school parking lot where my car is waiting. I unlink my hand from Bram’s as she comes to a stop and undo my seat belt. I’m surprised to see Bram doing the same, then I realize, he’s probably just moving to the front seat. I still hadn’t brought up the party again. I lean across to kiss Bram and he kisses me back and then smirks. I get out of the car before his mom can say anything and head toward my car.

I’m surprise when I walk around the back of the car and Bram’s hand is reaching out for me as he leans in to talk to his mom. “Yeah, I know. It’s fine. Yeah. Thanks!” He stands up and closes the door with a smile toward me.

“Wait.”

“Oh, I guess I didn’t ask you if this part of the plan was okay, did I?” I shake my head. “I figure if we’re both going to Garrett’s party…I may as well just ride with you now. I mean, if that’s okay?”

“Of course!” I say enthusiastically. I take his hand and head toward my car.

Once we’re in the car, I turn the engine on, but don’t move. I turn to look at Bram. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“About what?”

“The speech! Being salutatorian? Your parents agreeing to dinner? You coming to the party? I feel like today’s just been a blur of confusion.”

“I’m sorry,” he says with a smile and leans across to kiss me. “I promise I won’t do it again.”

“Which part?”

“The speech, and not tell you what our plans are.”

“Now, hold on. I didn’t say I didn’t like the speech…”

He laughs and kisses me again, but this time it’s another one of those kisses that make you forget who you are and there’s no one to interrupt us, so we just kiss until we’re too out of breath to continue and then I sigh as I try to figure out how I ended up on Bram’s lap instead in the driver’s seat. “I love you,” he whispers, kissing me again.

“I love you, too,” I reply quietly. “But we should probably go,” I say looking at the clock and realizing the time. “My parents are going to wonder where I am.”

“Are you dead set on going to Garrett’s party tonight?” he asks, biting his lip.

“I mean, I told Garrett I’d be there…”

“I may have told him _we_ wouldn’t.”

“He did mention something about that,” I remember.

“Oh? What did he tell you?”

“Just that you said you might not make it and that he thought that might include me.”

“He’s a good friend and better cover,” Bram agrees. “I may have other plans for the evening, if you’re up to it.” I eye him carefully. “Your parents have already approved,” he assures me. I raise an eyebrow. “Trust me?” I nod. “Okay, so, we’re going to go pick up your things from your house. Your parents are under strict orders to not tell you where we’re going though.”

“My sisters?”

“The same,” he confirms. “You also need to pack quickly because we need to leave soon, it’s a bit of a drive.” I eye him again.

“Is this what everyone’s been hiding from me all day?”

“I mean, yes and no,” he bites his lip. “Not _everyone_ knows about this part.”

“Did _everyone_ know about the other part?” I ask, rolling my eyes.

“No.”

“Do the same people know about this part?”

“Almost,” he says with a laugh.

“I thought you promised not to keep our plans from me anymore?”

“I did, but this is a surprise and I’m telling you that much.”

“What kind of surprise?”

“The kind we need to leave for soon…” he says, glancing at the time. I raise my eyebrows and climb back into the driver’s seat. “To your house!” he announces, raising a finger in the air. I laugh and shake my head. I carefully back out of my parking spot and head for my house. It’s only 5 minutes from the school, so we’re there quickly. I stare at him again once I park.

“You need to go pack,” he says opening the door.

“How many days am I packing for?”

He laughs. “3. We’ll be back on Tuesday.”

“And my parents approved of this?” I ask, getting out of the car to follow him toward my house.

“Yes,” he assures me again. “And mine.”

“And you won’t tell me where we’re going.”

“Not until we get there.”

“Speaking of, your sister, Alice, is going to drive us to my house after you get your things, so I can grab my bag and then I’ll drive.” I raise my eyebrows at him again. “Your sisters might need the car.”

“Can you give me a hint? How do I know what to pack?”

“Hmm,” he thinks for a moment. “Shorts and t-shirts. Sneakers. Your swim trunks.”

“Beach?”

“No,” he says shaking his head. “You’ll never guess correctly. Come on, let’s get your things.” He intertwines his fingers with mine as I open the front door.

When we get inside. My sisters, both of them, are standing in the entry way suppressing giggles. “One of you better crack. I want to know where I’m going!”

Alice cackles. “Can’t do that, Bub. Go on!” she says and then she shoos us up the stairs.

Once in my room, I notice someone has already gotten my suitcase out of the attic. I eye Bram. “I told you they knew.”

I sigh and open my drawers pulling out boxers and socks first. Then I drop 2 pairs of shorts and swim trunks into the bag along with a pair of pajama pants. “Which t-shirts?” I ask holding a couple up towards Bram. He bites his lip.

“Can I pack them for you?” he asks quietly. I laugh. “You go get your bathroom stuff maybe?” I roll my eyes and laugh as I head toward the bathroom.

In the bathroom next to my soap and shampoo are two additional items and note that makes my entire body feel like fire from embarrassment.

_Bub,_

_Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do and take these, please._

_Alice_

The items in question are a very large, much larger than ever necessary, box of condoms and a bottle of fluorescent blue lubricant. I grab my toothbrush, a travel-size toothpaste (which my mom keeps on hand for whatever reason), my bodywash, shampoo, and then Alice’s items. When I get back to my room, Bram is neatly folding my shirts into the suitcase, so I drop the items in my arms onto the bed next to the suitcase. “I’m going to murder Alice,” I say grumpily. He laughs. “No, seriously,” I hand him the note as he steps back from the suitcase. He raises an eyebrow and I hold up the box of condoms and bottle of lube.

“Oh, God. Hey, at least it was your sister! My _mom_ shoved a box of those in my suitcase last night. _MY MOM_!”


	11. Chapter 11

Bram doesn’t even let me see which shirts he packs before zipping the bag and carrying it downstairs, pulling me by the hand after him. “Alice?” he calls when we reach an empty entry way.

“All ready?” Alice ask with a mischievous grin as she enters from the living room. I nod. Alice reaches for the front door, but just then my parents appear in the kitchen door way and my dad clears his throat. I take a deep breath and turn to them.

“Now,” he says slowly. “You’re sure you shouldn’t wait ‘til tomorrow, Bram? It’s getting late already.”

I glance at Bram as he nods. “Yeah, Mr. Spier. We should get there right around midnight if we get out of here quickly. It won’t be a problem. And I know, if we get tired, it’s better to pull over and be safe than keep going and not.”

My dad seemed satisfied by this answer. If there was one thing my parents were strict about it was driving. “Alright, well, be safe, and Simon, let us know when you get there, please.”

“Sure,” I say, nodding. “As soon as I know where there is.” Everyone else laughs and Alice opens the front door and gestures us through.

Once, we’re in the car, Bram guides Alice to his house, though with the number of times I’ve been there, you’d think this car would just know the way. Once we arrive. Bram unlocks his Civic and I throw my bag in the back seat. He quickly opens the door and grabs his bag from the front hall. He tries to close the door, but I see his mom’s hand catch it instead and her head pokes out.

“Now you boys be careful, please,” she says loudly. “And I’m not just talking about the driving.”

“ _Moooom_ ,” Bram whines. “Please don’t.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know, mom. I got it. Promise.”

“Every time in…”

“Yes, mom. I know. Every time including oral,” He groans. “I _know_. Please can we just go?” She laughs, but lets the door close. “See! See what I mean?” He says when he gets to the car. I can’t bite back my laughter anymore.

Once we’re settled into the car, Bram leans across the front seat and kisses me. “Ready?”

“Wait,” I say glancing at the dash board clock. “It’s only 5:30, didn’t you tell my parents we weren’t going to be there until _midnight_.”

“I did and if we don’t leave now, it’s going to be later that that,” he says with sudden concern. He quickly backs out of the driveway and heads toward the beltway. We eventually end up on I-75 South and he informs me that it’s going to be awhile. _So, not Savannah._ I think to myself, checking off destinations as we go.

It’s almost 8 PM and I’m sitting in Bram’s car outside a gas station somewhere in Southern Georgia along I-75. I think the exit was for Cordele if I remember correctly.

Bram opens the driver’s side door and gets back in. “Are you hungry at all?” I shake my head. “Cool, we’ll just get back on the highway then.”

“Still not telling me where we’re going?” I ask impatiently. He shakes his head and starts the car.

Just before 9:30, we cross into Florida. “And you said, not the beach?” I confirm again.

He shakes his head. “Not the beach.”

“How much longer?”

“Not even 3 hours,” he confirms.

I half expect him to take the exit for I-10 when we reach it, but that’s not what happens.

It’s just after 11 and we pass a sign indicating there’s a 24-hour McDonald’s at the next exit. “Oreo McFlurrys?” I suggest pointing at the sign.

He laughs and nods. “I have to pee anyway.”

He takes the exit for Inverness/Wildwood and pulls into the McDonald’s parking lot. “I’ll get the McFlurrys, you use the bathroom?” I suggest when we get inside. He nods and disappears.

A few minutes later, we’re back in the car with our McFlurrys and less than an hour until our destination according to Bram.

“Unfortunately, I’m going to need GPS for the rest of the way,” he says grumpily. “No looking,” he adds as he pulls out his phone.

After getting back on the highway, he immediately takes the next exit onto the Turnpike. “Orlando?” I ask and suddenly it all makes sense. “Bram, where are we going?”

“Shhh. You’ll see,” she says. He reaches across the center console and pulls my hand to his lips briefly.

We drive until we get to the exit for I-4. _Definitely Orlando._

“Disney World?” I suggest. He shakes his head. And suddenly we getting off at the Universal exit and it dawns on me. “OH. MY. FREAKING. GOD. WE’RE GOING TO HARRY POTTER WORLD.”

Bram starts laughing in the driver’s seat. “I did not expect that to take you this long.”

“How? Are you serious?” I’m very clearly losing my mind right now.

“Didn’t you wonder why your parents didn’t give you a graduation present?” My eyes fly wide as I stare at him. “I may or may not have had this planned for… awhile.”

“Who all knows?”

“Obviously your parents and mine. I very recently had to tell a few other people to make today work properly, but just Abby and Garrett really.”

“Leah?” He shakes his head. “She’s going to freak.”

“I’m sure Abby’s told her by now,” he says calmly as he pulls into a spot in the hotel parking lot. “Come on.”

Once out of the car, it actually hits me. _I am in a different state. With my boyfriend. Without parental supervision. Staying in a hotel. For three days. At Harry Potter World. When did this become my life?_

Bram grabs my hand and intertwines our fingers as we head toward the hotel lobby, pulling our suitcases behind us.


	12. Chapter 12

The room is gorgeous. A king-sized bed, a table with 2 chairs, a little sofa, and then there’s the giant window overlooking the pool and lake below. “Wow,” I say, dropping my suitcase onto the end of the bed next to Bram’s. He smirks at me. And then before I know what’s happening, he’s pulling me with him onto the sofa and intertwining our bodies so that our mouths connect. It’s blissful. The kissing is that mind-blowing, forget who you are kind of kissing and it doesn’t end. That is, it doesn’t end until I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I pull away and Bram tilts his head, confused for a second before I pull my phone out and answer the call pressing it to my head. “Sorry,” I say immediately.

“Have you two made it yet?” my mother asks on the other end. I can feel my face going red.

“Oh, yeah, I can’t believe you kept this from me.” She laughs. I mouth to Bram _what time is is?_ He holds up his phone so I can see, just after 1 AM. _Oops._

“When did you get there?”

“Um, probably an hour ago?”

“Why didn’t you text me?”

“We were changing into pajamas,” I say. A blatant lie that I hear Bram scoff at. “And showering and things. It was a long drive.” Bram wiggles his eyebrows and I shake my head slightly, biting my lip.

“Oh, well, I’m glad your safe. Have fun, but please remember to call us tomorrow night, okay?” my mom says. _She believed me_ I mouth to Bram. He bites back a wave of laughter. “Well, you probably want to get some sleep, so I’ll let you go. Good night.”

“Thanks, mom. Sorry, I didn’t call you. Good night.” The line clicks dead and I drop the phone to the side table next to me.

“Now, where were we?” Bram says, suddenly pulling my shoulders back toward him and pressing our lips together. “Though,” he says breathlessly a minute later. “That shower idea did sound nice…”

I laugh and stand up, taking him by the hand toward the bathroom. I try not to pay attention to the fact that he wiggles his hand free as we pass the bed. He grabs _something_ from his bag and then follows me into the bathroom where I’ve already started running water in the shower.

When I wake up the next morning, I try to squeeze my eyes tighter shut. I am so very sure that yesterday was a dream. I inhale and the scent of dove soap hits me like a Mack truck and my eyes fly open. _Not a dream_. I think to myself, but I can still hardly believe that I’m currently, laying with my head on Bram’s chest staring across a _hotel room_ and out a window into _Universal Studios_. I lay there without moving for a few minutes until I hear Bram’s breathing pattern change. I lift my head just as he opens his eyes and we smile at each other for a moment before I crush my lips to his. Once we break apart a few minutes later I roll onto my back and stretch. I notice Bram already has his phone in his hands when I look back over, so I pick mine up, too. I have a multitude of texts starting with one from each Leah and Abby.

From Leah: _omfg Abby just told me where you are. So jealous. Have the best time ever, okay?_

From Abby: _I hope you enjoyed your first night in paradise. [winky emoji]_

“Is it possible to punch my friends through my phone?” I say out loud. Bram snorts. “Seriously, look at this text from Abby.” I turn my screen around and show him. He laughs harder.

“I mean, she’s not wrong…” He has a point, but _still_. I’d rather my friends _not_ be thinking about my sex life; thank you very much. I reply to the texts including more from Nick (apparently no one told him) and both of my sisters. Then I see Bram is already sitting up with his feet off the side of the bed.

“Where are you going?” I whine, reaching toward him.

He laughs. “We have breakfast reservations, sleepyhead.”

“Oh?”

“This hotel does character breakfasts on Sundays and I want to meet Spiderman,” he says sounding a bit like a grumpy toddler and I can’t help but laugh.

“Yes, sir.” I sit up and stretch again. We both barely managed to get boxers on before crawling in bed the previous night; which makes getting dressed that much easier. I open my suitcase, curious as to what shirts Bram packed and snort a laugh when I see the Hufflepuff shirt I bought at Hot Topic last summer on top. “How appropriate,” I say pulling it and a pair of shorts out.

“Might be why I asked to pack for you,” Bram says, swooping in to kiss my cheek.

“I can’t believe we’re actually here right now,” I say as I sit down to pull my shorts on.

Bram bites his lip and looks at me as he pulls his shirt on. “You are happy, right? I mean…”

“Bram, stop, are you kidding me right now? Of course, I’m happy. I’m more than happy. I’m ecstatic. I get to spend 3 uninterrupted days with you _and_ I get to go to a Harry Potter themed amusement park. I could literally not think of a better graduation present.”

He smiles and leans down to kiss me.

Breakfast is amazing. A huge buffet of everything you could ever imagine and a ton of costumed characters (including Spiderman, who Bram insists on getting a picture with). “I literally dressed up as Spiderman every year for, I think, 6 years when I was a kid,” He reminds me as we return to our table. I laugh.

After Breakfast the parks are about to open so we make our way down a winding path that leads from our hotel to City Walk and from there we head toward Universal Studios. The kiosks where we have to retrieve our tickets are a little confusing, but we manage and then we head into the park. Just inside the front gate, we stop at a store to buy lanyards for our tickets. Of course, I choose one that’s striped like a Hufflepuff tie and Bram gets one with Spiderman on it.

Bram grabs my hand after we leave the store and I smile. “Is that allowed here?” I ask squeeze his hand in mine. He nods and that makes me happy. Then again, after his rousing graduation speech yesterday, who’s to say what’s possible now.


	13. Chapter 13

“Oh my God.” I can’t help myself. We round a corner and suddenly Grimmauld Place is in front of me and the Knight Bus and King’s Cross Station. “Oh my God,” I say again. Bram is smiling next to me and squeezes my hand.

“Yeah?” he says. “Is someone excited?”

I laugh. “Shut up. This is amazing.”

He nods. “It actually kind of is.”

We weave our way through both the crowds and the architecture until we arrive in Diagon Alley. “Holy shit.” Bram laughs. “We have to go to Gringotts first!” I say pointing toward the large white building with a dragon perched on the roof.

“Of course,” he agrees and we set off down the cobbled path.

We spend the rest of the morning getting absolutely lost in the wonders of Diagon Alley. I get a wand at Ollivanders. It’s even interactive with a little map that shows you where you can cast spells around the park. We buy too many things; I even get a few things for Leah. I convince Bram to buy a Ravenclaw robe to match my Hufflepuff one from Madam Malkin’s. _This place is amazing._ Since we’re staying on-site, they just send all of our purchases right to the front desk of our hotel so we don’t have to carry the bags. Which is both helpful, and makes me forget how much money I’m spending. _I see your game, Universal Studios._

Then its lunch time and we venture into the Leaky Cauldron which is the most wonderful thing I’ve ever seen. After lunch we board the Hogwarts Express and head to the other half of the park. It’s just as magical as the first half. We ride all of the rides, including the Dragon Challenge twice to get both halves of the experience and stop in all the shops. I buy far too much candy in Honeyduke’s under the guise that I’m going to share it. I don’t think Bram believes me. He may be right.

Then it’s almost 5 o’clock and there’s a loud crack of thunder. It’s not raining though. Bram pulls out his phone to check the radar. “Yeah, it’s going to rain later. Let’s go see some of the rest of the park and find somewhere for dinner, maybe?” He asks looking up at me. I nod. “We still have tomorrow,” he reminds we as we exit Hogsmeade into a Jurassic Park themed area.

We make our way around the park and just as we’re getting out of the Spiderman ride it starts to drizzle. “Dinner?” Bram suggests and I nod. We make out way out of the park and back toward CityWalk.

“Hard Rock Café?” I say pointing toward it down the path to our left.

“Sure,” he agrees and walk more quickly as the rain picks up.

After dinner it’s almost 9 o’clock and it’s pouring outside so we spend more time than necessary browsing the shop attached to the restaurant. We don’t even buy anything, but the rain lets up by quarter after and we head back toward our hotel.

The next day is much the same, but we make sure to see the rest of the parks that we missed the first time around and have dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.

“I can’t believe we have to go home tomorrow,” I complain as we lay on the bed that night. Bram hums in agreement. “This was seriously the best graduation present ever,” I say, rolling onto my side to face him. “Thank you.”

He turns his head and smiles at me. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I say with a smile curling into him.

We wake up the next morning and decide an early morning swim before we have to check out is a good way to spend our last day of vacation. We change into our swimwear and head for the hotel’s pool.

After relaxing for a little while and just talking in the water, Bram suddenly has a mischievous smirk on his face. “What are you…” but before I can finish my thought, he leaps across the short distance between us and wraps his arms around my shoulders. “Oh hi.”

“Hi,” he says breathlessly and then he kisses me. It's quick, over before I want it to be, but it still, for that moment, makes me forget who I am. “I love you,” he breathes quietly against my lips.

I smile. “I love you, too.” He kisses me again and then unwraps his arms and takes my hand instead. I bite my lip and look at him. “This new thing where you just kiss me in public like that,” I say slowly and he looks concerned. I smirk. “It can stay.”

He laughs and then kisses me again. “You mean this thing?” he asks with that mischievous smirk returning.

“That’s the one,” I laugh.

He kisses me again and then says, “We should probably go pack and such.”

“Oh, yeah, I guess so,” I grumble glancing up at the large clock. I was glad I remembered to bring my contacts; swimming pools aren’t nearly as fun when you can’t see.

Bram starts walking toward the shallow side of the pool and I follow him for a second before running a little to catch up and wrapping my arms around his waist from behind. “Thanks again,” I mumble into his shoulder. “I mean it. This was the best vacation ever and the best graduation present ever.”

His arms wrap over mine and I can almost feel him smiling. “I’m glad,” he says quietly. “I thought it was pretty amazing, too. Just imagine, next year we get to spend every other weekend together,” he reminds me.

“God,” I sigh. “I can’t wait.”

He laughs. We reach the edge of the water then and he releases my arms and I unwrap them from his waist. We find our towels and dry off before slipping our flip flops back on and heading back into the hotel.

A few hours later and we’re on the road. I text my mom as Bram pulls out of the parking space. _Heading home. Thanks again. I mean it. This was perfect._

She responds almost instantaneously. _You’re welcome. We’ll see you when you get here._


	14. Chapter 14

The rest of summer flies by in a swirl of graduation parties, Alice’s birthday, more graduation parties, and there’s that trip to Savannah with Bram. When the first weekend of August rolls around, I can hardly believe it’s already time for Abby and Leah to leave for Athens.

“How is it that you leave for school _tomorrow_?” I ask out loud looking at Abby and Leah across the table in Nick’s basement. We’re having a board game night on the eve of their departure.

“Well, today is Saturday and tomorrow is Sunday, and that’s when we have to be there,” Leah deadpans and I shake my head.

“You know what I mean. Where did summer go?”

“No idea,” Abby responds. “It doesn’t help that I spent half of it in DC though.”

“Where are your cousins going to school anyway,” I ask now that she’s brought it up.

“They’re both at University of Maryland. So is Cassie’s girlfriend, Mina, and our friend Olivia.”

“Molly’s boyfriend?” I ask.

“Same, actually. I’m sort of jealous. Almost all of their high school friends are going to the same school. It’s going to be so weird without you guys around all the time.”

“So true,” I say as the bathroom door creaks open. Bram emerges and returns to his place on the floor next to me. He immediately intertwines our fingers and kisses me as he sits down. Leah pretends to gag. “Leah, are you serious right now?” I raise my eyebrows and look at the place where her hand is intertwined with Abby’s in the exact same way. We all break out in laughter as Abby kisses Leah with a wink.

“Are we playing a game or what?” Garrett asks from the next to Bram. I’m pretty sure he’s still not over how prom wasn’t a date to Leah.

Wednesday is the last day before classes start at Georgia and also Abby’s 19th Birthday. After spending the day together, Bram and I sit down in front of his laptop for our first of many Skype double dates with Abby and Leah.

At 7:00, Bram hits video call on Leah’s contact. A few seconds later she answers. “Hey, boys!” She says excitedly.

“Leah! Where’s Abby?”

“Abby!” she says over her laptop screen and makes some gestures that I don’t quite follow. “She’s on the phone with her cousin. She’s coming now.”

“Birthday girl has arrived!” Abby announces as she flops onto the bed next to Leah on Bram’s screen. “How are my favorite boys?”

We both laugh. “Are we your favorites now?” I ask.

“Who else would be?” she asks incredulously.

“Well, alright then,” I say, nodding. “Happy Birthday by the way!”

“Thank you, Simon!”

“Happy Birthday!” Bram says from next to me.

“And thank you, Bram!” she smiles and glances at Leah. “You guys are still coming up next weekend, right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I confirm.

We talk for almost an hour before Leah informs us that she needs to take Abby to obtain her birthday present and says she’ll send me a picture later. It’s a cookie cake and the picture I receive includes a very excited looking Abby.

On Friday the 19th, I stumble down the stairs just before 3 o’clock after receiving a text from Bram that he’s on his way. Alice is waiting in the living room. “Bub,” she says quietly, “come here a minute.” I raise and eyebrow and drop my backpack next to the front door. Alice is sitting on the sofa with her laptop on the coffee table in front of her.

“What’s up?” I ask, trying to be casual.

“Since mom and dad are still at work, they asked me to talk to you before you leave,” she says with a smirk. I roll my eyes. “Mom said that you’re supposed to call her when you get there. Dad said ‘no parties.’ Which seems absurd as _you_ leave for college on Wednesday, but I’m just the messenger.”

I laugh. “Leah doesn’t party. I’m sure there won’t be anything crazy.”

Alice shrugs. “I’m just telling you what I was told to say. Where are you staying anyway?”

Apparently, mom and dad hadn’t conveyed the finer points of our trip. “Leah and Abby are roommates so we’re just staying in their dorm room.”

“Do their moms not know…” she starts to say.

I laugh. “I’m pretty sure _everyone_ knows. Leah’s mom is just super chill about it. Abby’s parents know they’re dating, but don’t know they’re roommates. It’s actually kind of hilarious.”

“Okay, that’s an odd decision,” Alice says, glancing at her computer screen. “Just remember to call mom, okay?”

I nod. “Where’s Nora?”

“Uh, she left a couple hours ago,” Alice says. I raise an eyebrow. “Something about WaHo,” she explains.

I nod and just then there’s a knock on the door. “That’ll be Bram. I’ll see you Sunday,” I say, waving to Alice as I hurry toward the door. Bieber beats me there. “Bieber, down!” I say as I grab is collar with one hand and the open the door with the other.

Bram is waiting on the other side. “Hi,” he says with a smirk at me and then he turns to Bieber. “And, hello, Bieber!” He crouches down and scratches Bieber behind the ears. I drop Bieber’s collar and pick up my backpack, swinging it over my shoulder.

Alice walks out from the living room. “I think your boyfriend likes the dog more than he likes you, Bub.”

Bram looks up at her. “Alice.”

Alice laughs. “Hey, Bram. Just kidding. After that graduation speech, I’d have to be actually insane to think that. Anyway, my parents said to tell _you_ to be careful driving.”

“Always,” he says getting back to his feet. “Ready, Simon?” I nod.

He heads for the door and Alice grabs Bieber’s collar. I follow Bram to his car and toss my backpack into the backseat before getting into the passenger’s seat. Once seatbelts are on, Bram starts the car and hands me his iPod. “Road trip music, if you would,” he says with a smirk. By the time he backs out of the driveway, I’ve picked the specially curated playlist I made sure was on his iTunes the day before.

It's not a long drive to Athens, just over an hour. We park at the West Campus Parking Deck as Abby instructed. As soon as Bram cuts the engine, I pull out my phone to text Abby. _We’re here!_

You’d think she was staring at her phone from how quickly she responds. _I’ll be right down! The building is diagonally across Finley. Creswell._

“Abby’s on her way down,” I inform Bram as we grab our backpacks from the backseat. Then, I look around for the indicated building and see literally no signs. “She said it’s across the street, but I don’t see any signs,” I complain to Bram pulling my phone back out. Abby answers on the first ring.

“Where are you?” she asks.

“There’s no signs. Help!”

She laughs. “Okay, from the parking deck, there’s a path that goes out the opposite end from where you drove in, do you see that?”

I nod before realizing I’m on the phone. “Yeah.”

Okay follow that path it comes down to Finley Street and you just take that crosswalk and that’s the front of the building, I’ll come out to the road to meet you.”

“Oh, okay. See you soon!” I say waving for Bram to follow me toward the indicated path. I hang up the phone and turn to Bram just as he grabs my hand. “It’s apparently directly across the crosswalk at the end of this path, so,” I look ahead and point. “That one I guess?”

“They did say they lived on the 9th floor,” Bram says nodding.

We find Abby waiting just across the street and she squeals and hugs me as soon as we get across the road and then does the same to Bram. We all laugh. “Okay, come on, Leah should be back from her last class any minute,” she says turning for the building.

We’re in the lobby waiting for an elevator when Leah suddenly joins us, punching my shoulder as she arrives. “You’re here!”

“Leah!” and I hug her without thinking. She squirms and I let her go. “Sorry.”

She laughs. “Nah, I’d hug me, too.”

Then Abby turns around and kisses her and I laugh. “I see that hasn’t changed.”

“She’s gotten worse, honestly,” Leah says with a straight face.

The elevator dings open and we step in. Abby presses the number 9 on the panel inside and the doors close. “What’s it like living on the 9th floor?” Bram asks as the elevator starts to rise. He squeezes my hand.

“The view is totally worth all the elevator rides,” Leah says. “But didn’t you say you have us beat, what was it 14th floor?”

“Yeah,” Bram nods. “But I’m in New York. I think that’s a little different.”

“True,” Leah agrees.


	15. Chapter 15

Bram pulls into my driveway on Sunday afternoon and cuts the engine. “Are you staying?” I ask, glancing over at him as I get out of the car and pull my backpack from the backseat. He opens his door and smiles.

“I’m taking all the time I can get with you before Wednesday.” He links his hand with mine as I come around the front of the car and we head toward the house. I open the door to Alice waiting; her flight back to Connecticut is tomorrow morning.

“Alice?” I say, eyeing her carefully.

“Bub! Good timing. I’m going to pick up Nora at her friend’s house and then we’re going to WaHo one last time before I leave. You should come.”

I glance at Bram and he shrugs. “Is this a sibling activity or can he come?” I say tilting my head toward Bram.

“Oh, uh, didn’t you just spend all weekend together?”

“Well, yeah, but I leave for school on Wednesday…”

Alice rolls her eyes. “Two hours of sibling time and I’ll drop you off at his house on the way home?” she offers.

I glance at him and he nods. “That’s fine. I should go home anyway. My mom’s going to wonder where I am.” He squeezes my hand. “Two hours,” he says pointedly eyeing Alice before leaning down and kissing me quickly.

Alice laughs as Bram leaves. “Can I go put my stuff away?” I ask, eyeing the stairs.

“Yeah, yeah. I told Nora I was on my way though, so hurry.”

I hear Bram’s car backing out of the driveway as I run up the stairs and throw my bag in my room, pulling the door closed after. When I rejoin Alice in the entryway my parents have also come out of the living room and Alice is relaying our plans.

“Yeah, we’re going to WaHo for some Spier sibling time before I leave and Simon has requested drop off at Bram’s afterwards.”

“I did not request anything. That was your idea.”

“Because you looked so disappointed that he wasn’t invited to sibling time.”

I roll my eyes and glance at my parents. “You were just in Athens _all_ weekend,” my mom says. “I’d like to have some _family_ time before Alice…and _you_ leave for school, Simon.”

I sigh. “Okay. Let me just break the news to Bram.” I pull out my phone.

My mom grabs my wrist. “Be home by 8.”

I glance at the time, currently 4:15. “Can do. Thanks,” I say stuffing my phone back in my pocket and heading for the door.

Alice pulls up in front of Cal Price’s house and Nora is suddenly in the back seat staring at me with wide eyes. “ _Friend_ ’s house,” I say eyeing Alice.

“Mom and Dad could hear me. I covered for you after the talent show; Nora deserves her cover, too.” I laugh. I can see Nora’s face going red in the mirror. A few minutes later Alice pulls into the parking lot of the Waffle House next to Starbucks and we all get out of the car. Alice throws an arm around each of our shoulders and smiles. “Just like the good old days.”

An hour and half later, Alice agrees it’s probably time to go. I’ve only been asking for the past 20 minutes. Alice pays and we go back to the car. “Take the front, Boop. We’re dropping Bub off.”

“Why else would he have been asking to leave for every 2 minutes for the past 20 minutes,” Nora laughs as we get into the car. “Were you not literally just in Athens all weekend with him?”

“Yes,” I say, nodding and pulling out my phone to text Bram that we’re finally on our way. _Leaving WaHo. See you soon. I have to be home by 8, though._

“How on earth are you going to survive being in separate states?” Nora says, glancing over her shoulder at me.

I shake my head. “We’ll figure it out.”

My phone buzzes in my pocket as Alice turns onto Bram’s road. I pull it out. _My mom just left; something at work and she’s on-call this weekend._

_Even better. We just turned on your road._

By the time Alice parks in front of his house Bram is already on the doorstep waiting. He smiles ridiculously as me as I get out of the back seat. I lean back in for a moment. “I’ll be home by 8. Thanks again, Alice.”

“We’ll be waiting,” Alice assures me as I roll my eyes and close the door.

I wait until Alice and Nora are far enough down the street that they won’t see and then run to Bram at the front door. He laughs and wraps his arms around my waist as I throw mine around his neck. “Is it bad that I missed you already?” I mumble after kissing him briefly. He laughs and opens the door behind his back with one hand. He pulls me into the house and shuts the door behind me before kissing me again; one of those forget-who-you-are kisses. And I don’t remember it happening, but I’m pretty sure the next time I opened my eyes we were laying on Bram’s bed with most (or was it all) of our clothing on the floor.

I sigh as I lay my head against his chest and he wraps his arm around my back. “I missed you already, too. I don’t know what I’m going to do after you leave on Wednesday.”

“Count the seconds until you see me on Saturday?” I suggest.

“Probably,” he laughs.

“What time is it?” I ask glancing to his alarm clock. 7:48. “SHIT!” I sit up as quickly as possibly and start trying to find my clothes in the pile on the floor.

“What?” he says, staring at me.

“I told my parents I’d be home by 8. They want to have ‘family time’ tonight because Alice is leaving tomorrow,” I glance at him. “So, get dressed maybe?”

He laughs, but quickly picks up his own clothes and puts them on.

Bram pulls into my driveway at exactly 7:59 PM. I lean across the center console and kiss him quickly before running to the front door and waving as he backs away. My mom opens the door the next second and my face goes red. _Was she seriously watching out the front window for all of that._

She checks her watch. “Exactly on time.” She opens the door further to let me in. “We’re going to watch a movie,” she says casually as we head to the living room.


	16. Chapter 16

Under the guise of him helping me pack, I manage to spend most of both Monday and Tuesday with Bram, but Tuesday night, my parents insist on having a family dinner, so at 5:30, Bram is kicked out. “Saturday,” I breath in his ear after we kiss on the doorstep.

“Saturday,” he agrees with a nod.

“Text me when you land.” He nods again. “I love you.”

He smiles. “I love you, too. Saturday.”

“Saturday,” I agree and then he turns for his car and it feels like a piece of my heart goes with him. It takes every ounce of willpower I have to not immediately start crying when his car disappears around the corner. I take a minute to settle myself in the entry way before going into the dining room for dinner.

Dinner is normal. Just another night at the Spier house. After dinner, I disappear to my bedroom as quickly as possible to avoid another awkward family movie night and FaceTime Bram the instant I lay down. He answers on the second ring and smiles ridiculously. “Is it weird that I already miss you?” I complain.

“I hope not, because I already miss you, too, and you’re not even gone yet.”

“Soon enough. My flight’s at 8 AM.”

He sighs. “Why are you leaving so early?”

“Cheaper flight,” I sigh. “I wish we had time for breakfast tomorrow or something, but my dad’s taking me to the airport first thing at like 5 in the fucking morning.”

“Ew,” he says as he turns up his nose.

“Right? Being awake at that hour should _not_ be legal. My mom said she’s going to wake up and make us breakfast though.”

Bram laughs. “I don’t think I’d want to eat at that hour.”

“I probably won’t be hungry, but I also don’t want to spend money on airport food.”

“True,” he agrees.

We talk for a while, but then it’s 10 o’clock and my mom knocks on my bedroom door. “Simon,” she says from the hallway. “It’s 10. You need to go to sleep.”

I grumble, but see her point. “I have to go,” I say with a half-smile to Bram. He half-smiles in return.

“Okay,” he says quietly. “Let me know when you get there safely, okay?”

I nod. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He blows a kiss at his phone which definitely does _not_ make me giggle; okay, maybe a little. And I blow one back and then the call ends.

_Knock._ “Can I come in?” Nora says from the other side of my door.

“Yeah,” I say putting my phone on the nightstand. Nora enters, already in pajamas and looking moderately upset. “What’s up?”

“I’m going to miss you,” she blurts out. I laugh. “I’m serious!” she says. “School is already not the same without you.”

“I know. Remember when Alice left two years ago. How everything felt so weird?” She nods. “Remember how we found a new normal?” She nods. “You’ll do that. Promise. And I’ll be back for fall break, and thanksgiving, and Christmas.”

She smiles. “I know. It’s still weird. And now I’ll be here with Mom and Dad by myself.”

I laugh. “Now, _that_ is a valid point. You can call me, you know.”

“I know,” she says quietly. “But it won’t be the same.”

“I know,” I admit.

She opens her arms toward me and I half-laugh as I hug my little sister. This isn’t normal for her. Nora doesn’t talk about feelings. Maybe Cal’s helping break her mold a little, but thinking about that isn’t helpful so I push it to the side and release Nora. “Thanks, Si,” she says quietly.

“Anytime,” I say with a smile and she leaves, closing the door behind her.

Far too soon my alarm clock goes off. I put my glasses on and stare at a time I haven’t seen from this angle in a long time. Sure, I’ve stayed up until 5 AM on occasion, but purposefully waking up at this hour should really be illegal. I stretch and sit up. My bags are all packed except for the pajama pants and Elliott Smith t-shirt I’m currently wearing. My roommate, Kellan, and I have been emailing on our fancy new Haverford emails for the past month. I venmo’d him some money towards the larger dorm-room purchases since he lives within driving distance and I have to fly. All I’m taking is two huge suitcases that are each exactly at the American Airlines 50 lb weight limit, a carry-on bag, and my backpack.

I get dressed and lug the final suitcase down the stairs. “Breakfast is ready,” my mom calls from the kitchen.

I drop the suitcase next to the rest of my things and head for the kitchen as soon as I enter, I stop completely dead in my tracks. Sitting at my kitchen table is none other than Abraham Louis Greenfeld the most ridiculous boyfriend to ever exist. “What are you doing here?” I ask as I sit down next to him.

He smirks and takes my hand. “I may have offered to drive you to the airport, so your dad didn’t have to get up.”

“I got up anyway,” my dad says walking into the kitchen still wearing pajamas. “I couldn’t let you leave without saying goodbye!”

I laugh. “Are seriously just going to keep scheming with my parents now?” I ask looking at Bram completely dumbfounded by what was occurring.

“I may have had Nora coordinate my effort this time, but yes.”

“And my sisters,” I say, rolling my eyes and taking his hand under the table.

After a very quick breakfast, just before 5:30, Bram and I are in the driveway loading all of my luggage into the trunk of his Honda Civic. “I can’t believe you did this,” I say as he closes the trunk.

“What? Save you from the most awkward car ride ever?”

“My dad’s honestly not awkward when it’s just us…” I say as we get into the car.

“Okay, save you from the tearful parent goodbyes at the airport?”

I laugh. “You’re saving me from missing you.”

He smirks. “My intentions may have been selfish.”

“And what might those intentions be?”

He laughs and leans over to kiss me before pulling out of the driveway. “I’m saving me from missing you, too, you know.”

We pull into the Airport complex just over half an hour later. “You don’t have to park. It’s not like you can come past security anyway.” He shakes his head and merges into the short-term parking lane. “Airport parking is so expensive, Bram, you really don’t have to.”

“You’re more than worth the cost of airport parking, Simon. A few extra minutes with you would be worth the most expensive parking in the world.” He finds a spot near the crosswalk that leads to the Domestic Terminal.

Once we’re inside, I find the American Airlines counter and quickly check my two larger bags for my flight. I glance toward the line for TSA. There’s only 5 people in it. _The advantages of early morning flights._

Bram bites his lip and points down the hallway. “Starbucks?” he suggests and I nod. We get iced coffee and find a bench to sit on. “Saturday,” he says quietly.

“Saturday,” I confirm with a smile. “There’s an Amtrak station right at Newark airport. I’ll be waiting at baggage claim.”

“Then, we have a room at the DoubleTree.”

I nod. “And then on Sunday, you’ll go to New York and I’ll go back to Philly.” And we both fall silent, not wanting to continue that line of conversation.

It’s almost 7 AM and there’s now maybe 15 people in the security line. “I should go,” I mumble shrugging toward the line. Bram nods and bites his lip. We get to our feet and I throw my arms around his neck and I can feel him giggling against my ear. “I love you,” I whisper.

“I love you, too,” he whispers back and then he kisses me. Right there. In the airport terminal. And I smile at him as he waves and heads toward the parking deck.


	17. Chapter 17

My flight lands at Philadelphia International Airport just before 10 AM. I pull my phone out and turn off airplane mode as soon as the sign turns off. Three texts.

From Mom: _Text me when you land please._

From Bram: _I miss you already._

From Bram: _[three kissy face emojis]_

I laugh and quickly respond to my mom while the plane taxis to the gate. _Just landed. Waiting to get off the plane. I’ll call you once I get to my room._

I then respond to Bram. _I miss you more. I love you. [kissy face emoji]_

_I don’t think that’s possible and I love you, too._ He responds immediately. _How was the flight?_

_Uneventful. We just landed._

_Uneventful is good._

The plane reaches the gate and and half the passengers are immediately in the aisle. _People are ridiculous_. I wait like a responsible adult for everyone in front of me to get off the plane before retrieving my carry-on from the overhead compartment and heading for the door. I follow the throng of people to our designated baggage claim area and grab my other two bags quickly. _Now, to figure out the local train system._ SEPTA (short for SouthEastern Pennsylvania Transit Authority) is a complex network of trains of busses that serves Philadelphia and its suburbs. Finding the train station in the airport is easy enough and the ticketing machines aren’t any more or less complicated than the MARTA ones back home. I manage to get a ticket and get on a train at 10:39 AM.

That train reaches 30th Street Station, the main train hub for SEPTA and Amtrak in Philadelphia at 11. Now, I have to figure out the transfer to the train that goes to Haverford. I’d looked everything up the night before, but actually doing it is more complicated; especially while managing 3 suitcases and a backpack in a crowded train station. The Paoli/Thorndale line has a train at 11:29 which I managed to buy a ticket for. I get to the platform just in time.

From there the trip to Haverford is just under 20 minutes and when I arrive the roommate I’d only seen in Facebook pictures was waiting in the parking lot next to a very new and very shiny BMW. I knew he had money; I didn’t realize he had _BMW_ _money_. “Kellan?” I ask, though I recognize him immediately.

“SIMON!” he says, popping his truck and grabbing one of my bags.

“Nice car,” I comment as he throws my bags into the open trunk.

“Thanks,” he says. I notice him blushing a little. “It was a graduation present. My grandfather owns a dealership.”

“Nice,” I say as I got into the passenger side. It looks like he’s already moved most of his stuff in. There’re only a couple small boxes in the back seat. Kellan doesn’t talk much and I’m okay with that as I pull out my phone. _Kellan seems nice._ I text Bram.

_That’s good. [thumbs up emoji]_

“Who’re you texting already?” Kellan laughs, glancing out of the corner of his eye at me.

I bite my lip. “My boyfriend.”

“Right, I saw him on your Facebook.”

I shove my phone back into my pocket as Kellan pulls into a parking spot outside Barclay Hall, our new home. He helps me carry my bags inside and introduces me to our customs person, Liza. She checks me in and hands me my room key. Kellan and I roll my luggage down to the elevator and then down another hall and into our dorm room.

It doesn’t look like he’s unpacked much of anything yet, other than his laptop which is already on his desk and the refrigerator and microwave already plugged in under the window. We drop my bags next to my bed and I take off my backpack. I pull out my phone. “My mom asked me to call,” I say, holding it up. Kellan nods and starts unpacking clothing into his standard issue dormitory dresser.

My mom answers on the first ring, because, of course, she does. “Hi, Simon.”

“Hey, mom, I’m safely in my dorm room.”

“Good, good. How was your flight? Were the trains complicated? I’m sorry we didn’t drive you.”

“Mom, stop. It was not worth a 12-hour drive. The flight was fine. The trains weren’t any worse and honestly maybe a little better than MARTA.”

“Good. How’s your roommate?”

“He seems nice,” I say, glancing at Kellan who is still unpacking as I collapse onto my desk chair. “He has a car here since he’s from DC, so he picked me up at the train station.”

“Oh, that’s nice of him. I’m glad you two are getting along.”

“Yeah, mom, listen, I need to unpack. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Oh, right, yes, go on. Don’t forget to call.”

“I won’t mom. Thanks.”

“I love you, Simon.”

“I love you, too, Mom. Goodbye.” I end the call.

I manage to muddle through Haverford’s ridiculous orientation process and find the nerdiest frat to ever exist and decide that sounds like a good idea. Kellan makes friends with another guy from our customs group, Grover, almost immediately and I befriend some of the other people in our hall.

When Saturday rolls around, I’m literally too wired to sleep beyond 8 AM. I don’t have to get the train until the 1:21 trip to 30th Street, but I can’t sit here any longer, so I get up. I spend the morning trying to orientate myself with Haverford’s campus before getting lunch with my customs group at noon. After we eat, I pick up my backpack from my dorm room and start walking toward the train station, but stop near the duck pond and FaceTime Bram.

He answers with a smirk and headphones in. I recognize the familiar walls of the Atlanta Airport terminal behind him; his flight doesn’t leave for a little over an hour. “Hi there,” he says with a smirk as he squints at his screen. “Where are you?”

“Duck pond,” I announce, turning around to show him.

“Nice.”

“I have to get the train in a little bit.”

“Already?”

“The SEPTA train into Center City only runs every two hours on the weekend. I’ve also been awake since 8 and barely slept last night.”

“I can’t wait to see you,” he says with a smile. “When’s your train to Newark?”

“I’m taking the one at 2:18 and it gets there at 3:22.”

“You know my flight doesn’t get in until almost 4, right?”

I laugh and nod. “I said I’ll be waiting in baggage claim. I meant it.”

“I miss you,” he says quietly.

“I miss you, too.”

We talk until I realize it’s already 10 after and I only have 11 minutes to get to the train station. I quickly hang up and shove my phone back into my pocket.

The SEPTA train into Center City is only about a 20-minute ride, but Bram’s already boarding his flight by the time I reach 30th Street Station, so I’m on my own. This place is ridiculous. There’s a bunch of places to eat or in this case get coffee. All the kids from up here swear by Dunkin Donuts which I don’t understand, but it seems like the right option. I eventually find a seat on one of the huge benches in the main Amtrak area and throw my backpack down next to me. I already bought the Amtrak ticket on my phone (eTickets are a lot harder to lose), so it’s down to waiting until the train arrives.

“Amtrak Train number 140, Northeast Regional service on route to Springfield. Making stops at Trenton; Metropark; Newark International Airport; Newark Penn Station; New York Penn Station; New Rochelle, Stamford, Bridgeport, New Haven; Wallingford, Meridien; Berlin; Hartford; Windsor; Windsor Locks; and Springfield is now arriving on Track 8.”

I confirm on my ticket that it matches the train number and get into the line that’s already quite long. When I get on the train, I find a seat next to a window and put my backpack between my feet. We leave at exactly 2:18 as scheduled.

The first stop is 30 minutes later in Trenton and then another 22 minutes to “Metropark” which I don’t think is a real place and finally 12 ridiculous minutes to Newark International Airport.

“Newark International Airport, this stop,” the conductor says over the speaker system and I get to my feet, swing my backpack on and join the line of people in the aisle. _Is this appropriate on trains?_ I wonder to myself, but I don’t care.

I get off the train and find the shuttle to the terminal. Once in the airport it becomes trickier. I eventually find my way to the Terminal C baggage claim and then just before 3:50, Bram’s flight pops up on the screen and I make my way to _his_ baggage claim.

My phone buzzes in my pocket. _We landed._

_I’m waiting in baggage claim._

_I can’t believe I get to see you in literal minutes._

_I missed you. I still miss you._

_I still miss you, too._

And a few minutes later, at 3:58, a steady stream of people starts down the escalators at the end of the terminal. I stare. I wait. I watch. Until, soft brown curls, and the most beautiful smile and the world. I give up on waiting by the baggage claim and basically run through the crowd of people toward him and he laughs when he sees me. And then we collide and I throw my arms around his neck and he throws his around my waist. “God, I missed you,” I breathe against his neck.

“I missed you more,” he whispers back.

“Impossible.” He laughs. “Seriously, though.”

He pulls out of the hug and smiles. “I should get my luggage.”

“Please, that hotel room is waiting.”

He laughs, but nods. He takes my hand, but in the we’re back in high school way where just our finger tips are touching and we head toward the baggage carousel. He quickly identifies and pulls off both of his suitcases and I take the handle of one and he takes the other. “Now where is the hotel shuttle?” he wonders aloud.

“Over there,” I point to a sign indicating such. We follow the signs and eventually find the shuttle to the DoubleTree hotel. The driver helps lift Bram's bags into the little mini bus and then we set off. We get to the hotel just before 4:30.


	18. Chapter 18

The next morning, the alarm we’d begrudgingly set goes off at 8 o’clock. I grumble and try to nuzzle back into Bram’s side. He laughs. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” he mumbles, kissing the top of my head.

“Hmmm,” I hum as I lift my head to look at his face. “I wouldn’t jump straight to ‘sleepy’.” He laughs in agreement. “God, I missed you,” I sigh dropping my head back to his shoulder.

“I love you,” he mumbles and I lift my head again and press our lips together.

“I love you, too. When do we have to check out?” I ask, rolling onto my back.

“Eleven,” he answers, stretching and sitting up.

“So, why did we set that alarm for 8?”

He laughs. “So, we can make use of the other amenities this room offers.”

“Such as?”

“Well, there is that oddly fancy shower…”

I sit up, too, looking down at the mess that is me. As is almost always the case when I spend a night alone with Bram, I’m barely wearing boxers let alone other night clothing. I stretch and yawn.

“Shall I?” he asks, gesturing toward the bathroom. I bite my lip and nod. He disappears into the bathroom. I check my phone. There’s a couple of texts.

From Kellan: _Hey, what time are you getting back. Some of the boys were going to have a board game night and you’re definitely invited if you’ll be back in time._

From Leah: _So, how’s sappy boyfriend land? [laugh-cry emoji]_

I sent out my replies. First to Kellan. _I’m not sure, but I’ll let you know. Thanks for the invite._ Then to Leah. _It’s good Leah. It’s reeaaally good._

Leah responds immediately. _Omfg. Simon Spier, I did not need to know that._

_You asked, Leah._

_But ‘reeaaally good’. Really, Simon?_

_Oh, come on. How’s sappy girlfriend land then, Leah? Huh? What about that?_

_Touche._

I stop texting and stand up. Remembering what’s waiting in the bathroom with huge smile on my face. “I love you,” I say loud enough for him to here.

“I love you, too, now get your cute little butt in here,” I hear him reply and I am more than happy to oblige that request.

After the shower, we get dressed and find our way to the hotel lobby for breakfast. It’s good; not as good as the hotel in Orlando, but it’ll do. We then head back up to the room and occupy our time until the 11 o’clock check out deadline. Once we check out, we get on the shuttle back to the airport terminal and then take the short train ride out to the main train station.

The plan is for Bram to take the 12:23 train in the New York and for me to take the 12:27 train back to Philadelphia. I bite my lip while we’re staring at our phones trying to make purchases and nudge him with my shoulder. He glances over. “Can I help you?”

I laugh. “I don’t want to go back yet.”

“I thought your friends were having a game night?”

“They are,” I say, biting my lip.

“You don’t want to go?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

“I want to be with you,” I mumble. He laughs. “What if I come up to the city with you. I can help you unpack or something and then I can just get a later train back to Philly.”

“That sounds like a waste of money.”

“Okay, just don’t tell my parents.” He laughs.

“You know, I’d never stop you from spending more time with me, right?”

“Good,” I say finally as we both finish our purchases for the 12:23 train to New York’s Penn Station.

A 24-minute train ride, during which Bram refuses to let go of my hand, later, we arrive at Penn Station in New York.

“Okay, according to the email from Columbia, we have to take the 1, 2 or 3 train, uptown.” After asking for directions from a friendly looking security guard, we find the subway part of the train station, and arrive on the platform just as the 1:00 departure of the 3 train is leaving. “The 1 that comes at 1:01 also stops at a hundred and sixteenth.” He says looking at a map on his phone.

Sure enough, a few seconds later, another train arrives and we get on. The train ride to Columbia is only 17 minutes and then we’re suddenly on a bustling street on New York’s upper west side. Bram looks around for a minute before something seems to click in his head. He grabs my hand in one of his hands and his now stacked carry-on and largest suitcase in the other. I have his slightly less large suitcase in my other hand and he pulls me onto Columbia’s campus.

“Your bookstore is a literal Barnes and Noble?” I ask in amazement as we pass it.

“Yep!” We cross a huge open area that Bram informs me is called the “South Lawn” and then he points toward a building that has signs for “John Jay Dining Hall”.

“Dining Hall?” I ask, tilting my head.

“On the first floor. My room’s on the 14th floor.”

“Oh! That’s convenient.”

“I guess so.” He leads me into the building and then has me stand with his luggage while he goes to check in. He returns after a couple minutes, holding up a key. “Elevators are over here.” He points down a hallway and I follow him.

When we arrive on the 14th floor, I immediately look out the window to the left of the elevators. “Wow!”

“How’s the view?” Bram asks, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. “Nice. I wonder which direction my room faces.”

“Let’s go find out!” I gesture toward the main hallway, which is the opposite direction of the window and he leads the way. The sign shows that rooms 1401-1410 are to the left and 1416-1445 are to the right. We turn right. “What’s your room number?”

“1431,” and we find it just before the stairs on the same side as the elevators. He uses the key to unlock the door and we go in.

“This is…”

“Small?” he suggests.

“Yes.”

“But it’s a single. Actually, most first-year students live in singles here. Almost this entire building is singles and is first-year students only other than the R.A.s,” he says dropping his bags and closing the door. I go over to the window; he has this amazing view over part of the south lawn. “Wow,” I say and then his arms around around me from behind again. “Ooh, I got a good view.”

“We should take a picture to send to Abby and Leah. They think their view’s good.”

He laughs. “Definitely.”

I pull out my phone and take a picture out the window. I add it to a text and sent it to Leah. _Bram’s dorm window view wins._

She replies almost immediately again. _Holy shit. Did he just get there and send that to you?_

“Oops,” I say out loud.

“Huh?”

“Leah didn’t know I was coming to New York with you. Okay, so no one knew that, but still. She just asked if you sent me the picture.”

He laughs. “What are you going to tell her?”

“Oooh, better idea!” I say whirling around to see where he went. “Selfie?”

He laughs. “Okay, but only for Leah. Remember your parents and spending extra money?” I nod and hold up my phone, swapping to selfie mode. He kisses my cheek in the picture and I send it to Leah.

_You went to New York with him? Simon Spier, you call me, right now._

I laugh. “I apparently have to call Leah ‘right now’.”

Bram laughs. “Go for it, I’m trying to find my bedding.”

I sit down at Bram’s desk and press send on a FaceTime to Leah.

“Simon!” she squeals.

“Leah!”

“What are you doing in New York?”

“Um, I decided I didn’t want to go back to Philly right away, so I’m going to help Bram unpack first and then I’ll just get a later train back. Just don’t tell my parents.”

“What are we not telling the Spiers?” Abby asks leaning over Leah’s shoulder suddenly.

“Hi, Abby. You’re not telling my parents that I spent extra money coming to New York with Bram to…help him unpack.”

Abby rolls her eyes. “Can we tell them why you’re really there, then?”

“Abby!”

“Kidding, Simon! Have fun.”

By the time I hang up with Abby and Leah, Bram has his bed made. “Perfect,” he says as he stands up and flattens the blankets.

“What, other than you, is perfect?” I ask as I stand up.

“One, I am not perfect. Two, my bed.” He gestures toward it.

“One, you are. Two, want to make it not?” I ask with a wink and then his lips are on mine and the rest of the afternoon is a bit of a blur.


	19. Chapter 19

Eventually, we actually start unpacking. It’s 7 o’clock before either of us even realize. “Oh, damn. I should probably go,” I say, sliding my phone back into my pocket.

“Do you want me to come with you back to Penn Station?” Bram asks as I sit down at his desk to put my shoes on.

“Want? Yes. Need? No.”

“I’m coming,” he decides and sits on his bed to tie his own shoes.

We get the 7:24 1 train, downtown and arrive at Penn Station 16 minutes later. I nearly get us lost in the subway part trying to find the exit before Bram grabs my hand and pulls me in the right direction just before I head down a really shady corridor.

While we were on the subway, I bought a ticket for the Amtrak train. There’s a lot of options to get between Philly and New York, which is nice. The one I booked a ticket on actually goes through Pennsylvania, so I don’t have to transfer to the SEPTA at 30th Street; it’ll just take me right to Ardmore which is the next station over from Haverford. The train leaves 13 minutes after our subway pulls into Penn Station, so after my almost getting lost fiasco, we barely walk into the concourse before there’s an overhead announcement.

“Train number 671. Amtrak’s Keystone Service on route to Harrisburg. Making stops at Newark, Trenton, Philadelphia 30th Street Station, Ardmore, Paoli, Exton, Downingtown, Coatesville, Parkesburg, Lancaster, Mount Joy, Elizabethtown, Middletown, and Harrisburg. Now boarding on track 22.”

“That’s me,” I say sadly, leaning my head against Bram’s shoulder for a second. He wraps his arms around me. “How is it that I miss you already and I haven’t even left?”

“I don’t know, but if you figure it out, let me know, because I already miss you, too,” he gives me one of those half-smiles and I reach a hand up to touch his face for a second. “You should go,” he says quietly.

I nod, but don’t move. “I know. Okay, I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he says before releasing me from the hug. I hurry toward the indicated track and show the conductor my eTicket. She lets me through the gate and I hurry down the stairs and onto the train.

The train pulls out, less than 2 minutes after I find a seat and I sigh as I watch Penn Station fade into the darkness of the tunnel that takes us into New Jersey. “First stop will be Newark in 16 minutes,” the conductor says and I sigh again. I text Kellan. _I’m just leaving New York. Long story. I get into Ardmore just before 10._

_Oh, I was wondering about you. We’ll probably be done around then since classes start tomorrow, but I’ll let you know._ I’m about to reply when a second text comes through. _Why Ardmore?_

_I’m taking the Keystone Amtrak so I don’t have to change trains at 30 th Street. Thanks on the game night, though. I’m actually already tired, so I’ll probably pass tonight either way._

_No sweat. See you soon!_

I laugh and look out the window just as we come out of the tunnel and into New Jersey. No one in my car gets off in Newark, but a few people get on and we set off again. “Next stop will be Trenton in 34 minutes,” the conductor says. I shove my headphones in and turn on my iTunes playlist. We stop in Philadelphia for a full half-hour, which is a little absurd, but as we pull out the conductor says. “Next stop will be Ardmore in 12 minutes.” I pick up my backpack and shove my phone back into my pocket.

It’s about a mile from the Ardmore station back to my dorm, so it’s a 20-minute walk in the dark, but I make it and collapse onto my bed upon arrival, dropping my backpack to the floor in exhaustion. I pull out my phone and text Bram. _Just got back to my dorm room._

_Glad you’re safe. [smiley emoji]_

Just then the door opens and I sort of jump and look up. I’m still not used to this roommate thing. “How was the boyfriend?” he asks with a laugh.

“Good. I actually went up to New York to help him unpack for a while. That’s why I’m so late getting back.” I glance up at the newest addition to Kellan’s side of the room, a humungous poster of Pennywise the clown from Stephen King’s “It”.

“Nice. I’m going to go shower,” he says as he grabs his towel and shower caddy.

“Cool. I showered this morning.” I don’t know why I feel it necessary to tell him that, but I do. He doesn’t say anything as he leaves the room. When I’m alone in the dorm room is when I finally remember the other part of our plan for surviving this 117 ½-mile distance. The emails, so I pull out my laptop and sit on my bed as I log into my Jacques email for the first time in literally over a year and a half.

[The emails are transcribed with a few corrections from the new book “Love, Creekwood” by the lovely Becky Albertelli.]

FROM: hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

TO: bluegreen118@gmail.com

Date: August 28 at 10:29 PM

Subject: I DON’T LIKE THIS

Wow. Hi. This is weird, right? I swear, a part of me believes this email is going to land in your inbox circa junior year of high school. Remember when we were two oblivious dumbasses emailing from across the lunch table? As opposed to 117 and ½ miles away?

  1. And a half. Miles away. WHO ALLOWED THIS??



So yeah, email sucks, because I want to see your face (and touch your face and smell your face and put my face on your face) (because I miss you) (I MISS YOU).

(I hate this.)

I’m not doing this right. I’ve forgotten how to do emails. Especially to you. How does this go again?

Dear Blue. Dear Bram. I love you. I miss you. I wish you were next to me on this shitty dorm bed with its sad little mattress, and btw I’ve eaten OREOS thicker than this mattress, but ANYWAY. Let’s try this again, with a little positivity (yay! wheeee!).

Hi! I’m in college! And it’s nice here! Everything’s nice! My customs group is nice! I miss my fucking boyfriend!

Fuck this,

Simon aka Jacques aka your sad, pining boyfriend who is HANDLING THIS VERY POORLY.

I hit send without even proofreading. Something I never would have done when we were two dumbasses emailing across the lunch table. I put my laptop on my desk and flop backwards onto my bed; sprawling out and stretching. I wonder absently how long Kellan’s shower is going to take, but does it even really matter? I pull out my phone and press send on a FaceTime to Bram.

“You know, it’s difficult to respond to an email when you FaceTime me five minutes after you hit send,” he says when he answers.

I laugh. “Okay, but I missed your face.”

“I thought there was a game night?”

“Over by the time I got back, plus I’d rather talk to you.”

He laughs. “Oh, hey check this out!” and suddenly he’s showing me his dorm room that is now almost entirely unpacked and decorated. We talk for a while; Kellan’s shower is apparently going to take a while, but maybe it’s just that everyone else is in there, too.

The door to my room creaks open just after 11. “Oh hey, Kellan’s back. I’m going to go.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“I want to hear all about that first day of classes. No forgetting anything.”

I laugh. “I will do my best.”

The call ends and I look up at Kellan. “Long line?” I ask.

He nods. “I think the whole hallway decided to shower at exactly the same moment.”

“Well, most of you were just in the Jacobs room playing games all night…”

“True, true.”

**From:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

 **To:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

 **Date:** August 28 at 11:17 PM

 **Subject:** Re: I DON’T LIKE THIS

Dear Jacques,

Sorry it took me so long to reply to your email. You can blame it on the cute college boy who FaceTimed me five minutes after he sent it.

Well, I miss you. So much. I didn’t think it would hit me this quickly. It seems impossible that fifteen hours ago, I was waking up beside you in the (weirdly fancy??) Newark Airport DoubleTree, and now I’m here. And you’re there.

New York City feels so empty without you in it. Is that weird? You were only here for six and half hours. You left your mark, Simon Spier. And, no, I won’t tell your mom you came into the city with me and spent extra money on train tickets. (Also, you’re _never_ allowed to navigate Penn Station alone. I’d like to grow old with you, thank you very much.)

Anyway, nothing I write feels remotely adequate right now. I miss you. I love you. I hope you’re finally settling in. Glad your roommate’s such a devoted Stephen King fan, and I’m sure that giant Pennywise poster will be a joy to wake up to. Do you think you’ll sleep tonight? I don’t think I will. But I don’t mind being a zombie for orientation, because my theory is that zombie brain will make the weeks go faster. I just need it to be September twenty-third. You know how people strike off dates on a calendar? I want a clock where I can strike off every single second.

TL; DR: I miss my fucking boyfriend, too.

Love,

Blue


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As will be the case for the rest of this part of the story, all emails are copied (with a few updates/edits) from Becky Albertelli's "Love, Creekwood" novella.

I somehow manage to get through the first 2 weeks of classes. There’s not a second of a day that passes that I’m not stuck in my head, missing my boyfriend. I start getting to know more people in my customs group. More people in my classes. It doesn’t feel right though. I just don’t feel “all in” for this experience.

The second Friday of the school year, I am awoken 3 hours before my alarm at 5:30 AM by the sounds of a screwdriver and plastic. I roll over and put my glasses on. Kellan is screwing a new plate over our light switch. _Seriously. Is that even allowed?_ I try not to groan as I roll back over and squeeze my eyes shut.

I spend the three hours during which I _would have, should have_ been sleeping, thinking about Bram. Wondering what he’s doing in New York; wondering what his classes are like. Not that we haven’t been talking. We text almost constantly and FaceTime literally every night, but it’s so weird being away from him like this; not just _knowing_ what he’s doing.

I walk back into my dorm room after dinner that night, wondering what Bram’s doing. I pull my phone out and text him. _What are you doing?_ I sit down at my desk to start the paper that is due in psychology on Monday morning. Bram interrupts my paper writing with a text every few minutes, but I’m not complaining, I have all weekend to write it after all. He falls silent a little before 10 and for a while I don’t even notice; this paper is actually fascinating, which is a nice change of pace.

Then my phone dings with an email notification and I sort of laugh to myself.

**From:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

 **To:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

 **Date:** Sep 9 at 10:10 PM

 **Subject:** RE: I DON’T LIKE THIS

Jacques,

You know what’s been an unexpectedly hard adjustment? The fact that we don’t know all the same people anymore. I know that’s such a weird thing to miss. But it was really its own kind of language, having all those people in common: Garrett and Abby and Leah and Nick and everyone, even Martin. And now I’m surrounded by people you’ve never met and you’re surrounded by people I’ve never met, and I don’t know, Simon. I really miss inhabiting your universe.

Okay, I just stopped and counted up the number of days since we’ve seen each other, and it’s been less than two weeks. Twelve days. I bet you haven’t even done laundry yet, have you? God, I miss you. I miss you every single second.

I want to know every detail about your life, okay? I want to know about Kellan and his Stephen King fetish, and whether you’re wearing shower shoes to the bathroom, and who the most annoying person is in every single one of your classes. I want the stuff you think is too boring to share.

Here’s my update: I had peanut butter toast for breakfast. Best class of the day was poli-sci, because we had this amazing lecture about spotting misinformation in news articles (I’ll save the real geeking out for FaceTime so you can properly make fun of me). Also, I think you may be right about that girl Ella with the tongue piercing. She caught a glimpse of my lock screen today and was weirdly flustered about it? But it actually ended up being a fun conversation. She was really curious about you (What’s his name? How soon is he transferring here? Why’s he wearing a tux in an American Girl store?” ALL VERY GOOD QUESTIONS).

What else? Hmm. The libertarian edgelord from econ blessed us today with some brilliant advocacy on behalf of the devil! I know I loved being stuck in class an extra fifteen minutes to really soak in that game-changing wisdom. Then I showered and did some problem sets and fell madly in love with your latest Instagram selfie (excuse me, how is your face even legal?). And I had peanut butter toast again for dinner, because there’s nothing more delicious than not walking into a giant dining hall full of strangers.

So that was my day. I didn’t stop missing you for a minute. How was yours?

Love,

Blue

I will never understand how Bram is simultaneously the biggest dork on the planet and the cutest human to ever exist, but he manages it somehow. I turn back to my laptop. _I should really finish this paper_ , I think and so I finish the section I'm working on and then I open gmail again and open Bram’s email again. But just as I start typing, the door opens and Kellan enters, startling me out of boyfriend-land. He laughs.

“You all right?” he asks.

“Yeah, no. I just didn’t realize the time.” I glance down at the clock on my computer screen; it’s just after 11.

“Well, no worries. I just needed this.” He holds up a DVD case. “You can get back to your…what are you even doing?”

“Uh, working on a paper for psych.”

“It’s Friday night, man! Come watch a movie with us in the Jacobs room!”

“That’s okay. This is actually really fascinating.”

“Nerd.”

“Do you know what school you go to?”

Kellan laughs and leaves, closing the door behind him. Just as the door closes, my phone goes off again. FaceTime from Bram. I answer immediately and flop onto my bed with the phone in front of my face. “Hey,” I say quietly.

“Hey,” he mumbles.

“I was just about to reply to your email, but then Kellan stopped in to get a DVD and then you called and well, here we are.”

Bram laughs. “It’s okay.”

“So, about your poli-sci nerdgasm,” I prompt.

“Oh, so get this,” he starts and then he’s off. Explaining the finer points of I’m pretty sure everything his professor said during class that morning. I think I manage to “mmm” and nod and gasp at all the right parts.

“You're adorable,” I say when he finally finishes.

“You’re not going to completely rip me to shreds for how nerdy that entire thing was?”

“Bram, my boyfriend goes to an _ivy league_ school, I don’t think it’s possible to make fun of you for being a nerd. Remember, my college is the one with the _nerd frat_.”

“Okay, you raise a valid point.” He yawns.

“You need to sleep. And you also need to go to the dining hall and eat real food tomorrow. I worry about you.”

He laughs. “I’ll see what I can do.”

We have the standard conversation of who really needs sleep anyway and then eventually, after he yawns a dozen more times, I manage to get him off the phone and into bed. God, I wish that “into bed” was in the more riveting sense of the phrase. I miss him even more now, I think. Now that I’ve seen his face and it’s so fresh in my head; I want to kiss his face even more than I did an hour ago if that’s even possible. The next two weeks cannot possibly go quickly enough.

I pull my laptop from my desk onto my bed and turn back to that blank reply email I was staring at what feels like an eternity ago.

**From:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

 **To:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

 **Date:** Sep 10 at 12:07 AM

 **Subject:** RE: I DON’T LIKE THIS

“I really miss inhabiting your universe.” Hello, is that a euphemism?? And in related news, can we discuss your intentions re: the phrase “unexpectedly hard”???

I miss you. Yup. Every minute. Every second. Honestly, missing you feels like the whole point of my day. Which kind of scares me, you know? Is it supposed to feel like this? Why did I think it would be easier? But Bram, hear me out. I think I left half my heart in your dorm room.

Ah yes, the libertarian edgelord. What a treat. Have I told you about the one in my psych class? Front row, gelled-up bangs, passionately defending the Stanford Prison Experiment by day three of class. Not gonna lie, I’m starting to suspect they plant one of these dudes in every 101 class as part of some big social psychology experiment. Or maybe...maybe COLLEGE ITSELF is one big social psych experiment, and we’re the test subjects. *cue dramatic music* *close-up on my gaping-mouthed face*

Okay. My day. Let’s see. Kellan was up at five thirty, *noisily* screwing in a Pennywise light switch cover. B, I’m not even convinced this is about Stephen King. I think he just really likes Pennywise. Maybe clowns in general. Anyway! I guess my day was basically like yours. Class, shower, etc. No comment re: the shower shoes. I don’t really have any girls in love with me though (I TOLD YOU, BRAM. I TOLD YOU). I think people are clocking me as gay, maybe? Could it be the rainbow shoelaces? Or the fact that I’m incapable of going five minutes without mentioning my boyfriend?? Anyway, I like it. It’s refreshing!

To respond to Ella’s most excellent questions:

  1. My name: His Royal Highness Simon Irvin Lovesick Sad Bramless Spier the first, of Oreo House.
  2. DON’T TEMPT ME.
  3. Garrett Laughlin.



Now go eat some real food, okay? I love you way too much to let you miss out on dining hall grilled cheese.

Sincerely,

HRH Simon ILSB Spier


	21. Chapter 21

The next week and half seem to take a century to get over with, but Tuesday, September 20 is a very important day. I wake up and immediately send a text message to Leah and then to Bram. Leah because it’s her birthday and Bram because it’s ritual at this point. I eat breakfast in the dining hall with my customs group and then at exactly 9:20 AM, I place a phone call to one Leah Burke, leaving a voicemail when she doesn’t answer (which I knew would happen because Leah Burke never answers her phone).

I muddle through my classes and then when I finally get back to my dorm room at three o’clock, I pen the most epic gossip session of an email the world has ever seen.

**From:** simonirvinspier@gmail.com

 **To:** leahontheoffbeat@gmail.com

 **Date:** September 20 at 3:13 PM

 **Subject:** You were born!!!

HEY, LEAH, IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!!! So here’s your birthday email, not be confused with your birthday texts or the voicemail I left you a 9:20 a.m. or the one I’m definitely going to leave you at 9:20 p.m. (phone alarm is locked and loaded). Well, I hope you’re out on the town right now, living that charmed nineteen-year-old midafternoon life. God, it’s so weird not seeing you on your birthday. I want to hear about everything. How are your classes – how’s sociology? How’s everything with Abby? Did you talk to Nick? He said he was going to call you early, because Taylor wants to go to the symphony orchestra in Boston, which she apparently thinks is a Shawn Mendes concert or something, because she’s insisting they get there two hours early “just in case.” And Nick’s just like, “oh well, gotta keep the girlfriend happy.” Leah, my jaw dropped. GIRLFRIEND?? Did you know about this development? Because I sure the fuck didn’t. Our Nick, sealing the deal with Taylor freaking Metternich. What a JOURNEY.

Aaaaaand speaking of shitshows (sorry, I realize this email is like 90 percent gossip, but I keep forgetting to text you this golden information), have you heard anything about Garrett and Morgan? I can’t 100 percent confirm this one, since it’s coming secondhand from Nick, but apparently Morgan was up at Tech last weekend? Morgan Hirsch at Georgia Tech??? There can only be one explanation for this, and it starts with M and rhymes with takeout. Of course, Garrett’s currently denying everything, but Bram’s working on getting more info, so stay tuned!

Anyway, I miss your face and your voice and god I wish you were here with me at Haverford, doodling in the margins of all my notes. And I hope you’re having the best birthday ever. I love you so much, beautiful Leah, and I’m so glad you were born.

Love,

Simon

The rest of the night goes as normally as possible. I have dinner with my customs group and then FaceTime Bram for longer than is strictly necessary or advised on a school night and fall asleep in the middle of reading for English.

When I wake up the next morning there’s a response waiting in my inbox to Leah’s birthday email and it’s only 2 ½ more days until I get to see Bram’s face live and in person. I text Bram my standard good morning message and then open Leah’s email and smile as I read.

**From:** leahontheoffbeat@gmail.com

 **To:** simonirvinspier@gmail.com

 **Date:** September 21 at 1:34 AM

 **Subject:** Re: You were born!!!

Okay, I can’t even tell you how much I love the fact that you sent me an actual birthday email. In Garamond. That’s like peak Simon. If you ever change, I swear to God I’ll kill you.

But the birthday was good! Abby’s such a fucking nerd. She made me breakfast in bed, and by breakfast, I mean _cookies_ , and by _made_ I mean wore a _cargo jacket with_ _cookie-sized pockets to the dining hall._ And, make no mistake, we live five minutes from a cookie delivery bakery (let that sink in. Cookie. Delivery. Bakery.). But of course, some sacrifices are necessary, especially when a person and her girlfriend are saving every dollar for the April New York trip that is DEFINITELY HAPPENING. So tell you boy to clear out some Leah and Abby-sized floor space in his dorm room (like Bram would ever have clutter on his floor, God, what am I even saying?).

So I’m ignoring your first question, because I know you don’t actually want to know about Intro to Sociology (it fucking rules, though, just fyi). I’m not ignoring your second question, but I’ve been sitting here staring at Abby’s laptop screen for ten minutes trying to find the exact words to explain what it’s like and apparently those words don’t exist, so. Yeah. It’s good. Like, really, really good. She’s just Abby. You know? Like today it was one of those perfect sunny days, so we just spread a blanket out on the North Campus quad and she was reading and I was drawing and she kept pushing her sock against mine, like our feet were kissing and NOW I’M BLUSHING, ARE YOU HAPPY?

Because I am. Happy. Honestly. It’s kind of weird.

And yes I did talk to Nick, but he did NOT mention the Taylor development! Are you serious? God, I think he’s going to wake up one day and discover he’s married to her. She’ll make it happen. But good for her, I guess? I mean, good for…them? Not going to lie, I’m a little freaked out that I’m dating someone who was dating someone who is dating Taylor Metternich.

Yikes.

Okay, but Garrett and Morgan – WHAT? Bram needs to get us all the details (hi, Bram!). Are you still heading up to New York this weekend? You better text me loads of pictures. I love you a lot, Simon Spier. You know that, right?

Love,

Leah (your platonic soul mate forever and ever and ever) (and I don’t care if I’m being corny right now, because corny is the new me, I’m turning into my mom, YEAH I SAID IT) (I love you)

I get through Wednesday, and then Thursday, and then suddenly it’s Friday and classes seem to drag forever, even psychology which is usually my favorite (which is honestly good with it being my major and all). My last class ends just before 3 o’clock and I basically run back to my dorm room. I check the time 2:57. I scoop my school things out of my bag and replace them with clothing, not even paying attention to what I’m packing. It’s still in the upper 80s, so it’s just t-shirts and a pair of jeans. I’m already wearing my Haverford sweatpants which I recently purchased from the school store. I slide my laptop in next to my clothing and then I check the time. 3:04. I'm laughing out loud at myself when Kellan enters the room.

“What’s so funny?”

“I’m literally running around like a maniac and I still have 17 minutes until the train.” I say through my laughter. He raises an eyebrow. “I’m just…laughing at myself…I guess?”

He snorts. “Whatever, man. Have fun in New York this weekend.”

“Oh, I definitely will,” I assure him.

I throw my backpack over my shoulder and head out the door. The walk to the train station is jam packed with other students. A lot of people go home on the weekends around here, and most of them take the train. When the train arrives at 3:21, I slide into a seat with a girl whose name I don’t know, but recognize as being in my English class and then we’re off to Center City.

Once I arrive at 30th Street, I have 18 minutes to make my connection to Amtrak. I make my way from the SEPTA part of the station into the main Amtrak and New Jersey Transit concourse and check the huge board for my train.

Amtrak 94 – NE Regional – From Newport News – To Boston – Track 8 – On Time

I look around at the signs and find the right one. There’s already a line waiting to board, so I get into it; pulling up my eTicket on my phone.

“Amtrak train number 94; Northeast Regional Service to Boston. Making stops at Trenton, Newark International Airport, Newark, New York Penn Station, Stamford, New Haven, Old Saybrook, New London, Kingston, Providence, Route 128, Boston Back Bay Station, and Boston South Station. Now arriving on Track 8.”

The conductor opens the ribbon gate and people stream up the stairs and into the concourse. Once the stairs clear, she closes the ribbon and turns to the line of passengers waiting to board. “All right, go on then,” she says and opens the side of the ribbon gate toward us. Everyone streams down the stairs and escalator and I’m somewhere in the middle. Down on the platform there are more conductors waiting.

“Business class to the front of the train, please; Quiet car at the rear of the train; everyone else in the middle,” they announce as we exit the stairs and escalator. I slip into one of the nearby “middle” cars and find an empty seat.

“This is Amtrak’s Northeast Regional Train 94. Welcome to all of those who joined us at Philadelphia. The first two cars on today’s train are reserved for Business Class passengers. The final car on the train is the designated quiet car; if you are seated in that car, please refrain from talking loudly or using media devices. The car prior to the Quiet Car is the Café Car, serving sandwiches, snacks, and beverages for your convenience. Next stop will be Trenton in 29 minutes,” the conductor’s voice says over the speakers as we pull out of the underground tracks at 30th street.

I think to myself and pull out my phone. I text Bram. _Officially leaving Philadelphia. I’m on my way to you and I don’t want to wait the hour and twenty-three minutes this train is going to take to get me there._

_I’m literally pacing my room waiting until it’s appropriate to get on the subway to come meet you._

_I can’t believe I get to see you in a literal hour._

_I miss you._

The train ride feels like a month rather than 83 minutes, but eventually the conductor announces, “This will be Penn Station, New York. We will be stopped for 20 minutes while the engine is changed out; all cabins will lose power during this time.”

_OMG. WE’RE FINALLY PULLING INTO PENN STATION._

_I’m waiting._

I get to my feet and stand in the aisle with everyone else rushing to get off the train even though it’s an extended stop. As soon as the doors open, we pile onto the platform and then up the stairs and escalator. As soon as I can see into the concourse I start looking around and then my eyes lock on his and don’t move. As soon as I can escape the crowded escalator I run across the open space and directly into his arms. He grabs my face with both hands and kisses me. I’m not even sure I remember I’m alive when I’m kissing him. And then the world swims back into focus as he pulls away and I pull him back, burying my face in his neck.


	22. Chapter 22

The entire weekend is a blur of peanut butter toast for every meal and never leaving Bram’s dorm room. I manage to sneak in a couple selfies to send Leah as promised, but otherwise its pajamas and cuddling while watching YouTube on Bram’s laptop and it’s perfect.

On Sunday afternoon we head for Penn Station. We get there with time to spare before my train leaves and Bram suggests a snack. We end up at the Shake Shack inside Penn Station, because that’s a thing in the north; train stations have ridiculous amounts of actual restaurants inside them. By the time we return to the concourse, milkshakes still being drank, my train has already arrived and there’s a crowd of people waiting to go down the escalator to board.

“I should go,” I mumble, shrugging toward the crowd. He nods and releases my hand. I sigh and turn back to him, bite my lip for a second and then grab his face with my non-milkshake hand and kiss him. When I pull away, he’s smiling at me. “I love you,” I say emphatically.

“I love you, too,” he mumbles in return and then I join the crowd of people at the top of the escalator just as the ribbon gate is opened.

“Amtrak train 2221; Acela Express service to Washington Union Station; making stops at Newark, Metropark, Philadelphia 30th Street Station, Wilmington, Baltimore, BWI Airport, and Washington Union Station is now boarding at track 22 for 5 o’clock departure.”

I sigh and glance over my shoulder at Bram. He’s exactly where I left him, watching me. I laugh and wave. He smirks and blows a kiss. I blow one back. I gulp down the last of my milkshake and throw the cup in the trashcan at the top of the stairs. I find a seat in the middle of the train and immediately text Bram. _I miss you already_.

_I miss you, too._

Then he sends me the selfie we took at Shake Shack and my heart crumbles. I sigh, fighting back the tears, and pull out my iPod and headphones to prepare for the hour and thirteen-minute journey back to Philadelphia. 14 minutes after we leave Penn Station, we’re pulling out of Newark and then it’s another 15 minutes until Metropark (which I _still_ don’t think is a real place).

We stop at the Metropark station and I look out at the platform from my window. There’s maybe 20 people waiting to board the train. I watch as they do, one by one, and two of them sit in the empty seats across the aisle from me. They look a little older than me, but not much; maybe 25. It’s two guys and I realize once they sit down, they’re both wearing wedding rings and then suddenly they’re holding hands and I have to look away.

_God, I miss my boyfriend_ , is all I can manage to think. There may be tears involved, who’s to say for sure. I turn to stare out the window instead as we pull out of the station and turn the volume up on my iPod, I don’t think I want to hear them talking.

“Next stop will be Philadelphia in 49 minutes,” the conductor says as we pull out.

Less than 10 minutes later, my phone dings with an email notification.

**From:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

 **To:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

 **Date:** September 25 at 5:38 PM

 **Subject:** Guess how badly I miss you

Dear Jacques,

I hate everything. I hate every white square on my calendar. I doubt you’re even past Newark, but you might as well be halfway to Mars, because either way, I can’t kiss you again for another twelve days.

Can we just rewind to Friday afternoon? I keep scrolling back to your text saying you were _finally_ pulling into Penn Station (look, I’m not trying to be dramatic about this, but it was starting to feel like your train was being pulled by a single elderly mule). But then you stepped into the concourse in your Haverford sweatpants, looking so bowled over by the entire concept of Manhattan.

Simon, I don’t know if you notice the _giant Oreo donut banner_ on the wall, but you ran straight past it, into my arms (greatest compliment of my life, hands down). And then I held your face and kissed you in the middle of Penn Station, because apparently public kissing is a thing I do now. What’s your deal, Simon Spier? Are you made of magnets or what?

Anyway, now I’m sitting here staring at my laptop, trying to find the words to explain how it felt to have you here again. I…don’t even have a frame of reference for it. Like, I keep thinking about Garrett, and how it’s been a month since I’ve seen him. And that sucks, don’t get me wrong, but it’s like going a month without waffles or something. Not seeing you until your fall break? That’s like twelve days without water.

And now I miss you even more, because you’re all over my dorm room. The Oreo boxes in my trash can, the song lyrics on my whiteboard. Even this laptop. How am I ever going to use it for homework when it just makes me miss watching your absolute shitshow top thirty life hack videos on YouTube? (For the record, though, I do NOT miss those shitshow videos. I just miss you leaning your head on my shoulder while we _watched_ those shitshow videos.)

And then there’s my bed. How am I ever going to sleep there again without remembering how little sleeping we did in it?

Love,

Blue

This boy is a one-man inuendo party and I don’t think he even realizes it. I close the email app; I’ll respond to that later. I open iMessage instead. _I miss you more._

_I really don’t think that’s a thing, Simon._

_It definitely is. I love you. [kissy emoji]_

_I love you, too. [kissy emoji; heart eyes emoji]_

_Twelve days._

_It’s better than 26._

I sigh, because he’s right, but with his dove-soap scented skin so close in my memory and his lips still lingering on mine, it doesn’t feel like it. _How is it possible to miss someone this much when I literally saw him less than 40 minutes ago?_

It’s 6:10 and the train is starting to lose speed. “This will be Philadelphia, 30th Street Station,” the conductor reminds us from the speakers. I pick up my backpack from between my feet and throw it over my shoulder as I stand in the aisle. The married couple across from me doesn’t move. _Good_ , I think to myself. I don’t think I could handle waiting to get off the train behind that.

The train slows to a stop 3 minutes later and I follow the throng of people onto the platform and then up the elevator into the concourse. I check the time on the massive clock over the information desk and then pull out the SEPTA schedule booklet form the side pocket of my backpack. _I hate Sundays_. I think to myself. There’s over half an hour until the next train to Haverford.

I decide I should probably eat dinner considering all I’ve had in the past 24 hours was peanut butter toast and a milkshake. I walk around the side of the station that has all the shops and food and settle on Wendy’s. There’s a line, but it’s the most reasonably priced option that sounds good. Burger, fries, and frosty in hand, I decide to sit outside in an area known at “the porch” and find an empty swinging bench. It isn’t really a porch though. It’s across one of the driveways for the train station and is just a big cement area with a few grass patches that I suspect might be fake due to their perfectly trimmed nature.

It's finally starting to feel like fall outside, it was only barely 70 degrees today. I’m wearing my Haverford Sweatpants and a Creekwood Soccer hoodie I stole from Bram’s drawer since I forgot to take one along. Across form the swinging bench I’m sitting on is a bright red public art work that just says “XoXo” in what looks like someone’s handwriting. I decide it’s good enough for an Instagram post, so I take a picture and write a cute caption about how much I already missing my fucking boyfriend and post it. Within literal seconds of the upload finishing, said boyfriend has already liked the picture and commented with a few choice emojis and then he’s calling me on FaceTime. I answer.

“That art is cute,” he says. “Where are you?”

“Outside 30th Street. I always forget there’s like no trains to Haverford on Sundays.”

“What is on your face?” he asks squinting at his phone screen. My eyes go wide. “Upper lip, left, no other left,” he instructs.

I look at my finger after I manage to wipe it off. “Frosty,” I inform him. “I decided dinner was probably a worthy use of some of this time.”

“Did we not just have milkshakes before you left?”

I laugh and nod. “But you can’t eat Wendy’s without a frosty to dip your fries in.”

“Okay true. I love that there’s a Wendy’s in your train station.

“There’s actually a bunch of places, including a full-on pub.”

“I guess Penn Station is kind of like that, too.”

“Yeah, you even get Shake Shack which is definitely better than Wendy’s.”

He laughs. “What time is your train?”

“6:49.”

“That’s not too much longer…”

I glance at the time. 6:38. “Oof, I should get back inside. Plus, I have an email to respond to when I get back to campus.”

He smirks and laughs.

The SEPTA train pulls into Haverford Station at 7:07 and I immediately head for my dorm room. When I get there however, Kellan _and Grover_ are in my room. They look up and excitedly greet me when I walk in. I drop my backpack on my bed. “Hey,” I respond lamely.

“How was New York?” Kellan asks.

“Good,” I say. I’ll spare him the details. Straight boys don’t tend to enjoy gay sex stories.

“And the boyfriend?” he asks with raises eyebrows.

“Really good.”

He laughs. “Good to hear. You don’t mind if Grover hangs out for a bit, do you?”

“Nah, you’re good.”

I try to pay attention to them for a while. I text Leah, and Bram, and my mom that I made it back to campus safely. By 8 o’clock, Grover’s still there, but I decide to stop waiting and get my laptop out. I sit down at my desk and turn it on. I check my school email and regular email first and then turn to the email reserved specifically for love letters. I reread Bram’s email and then open a new message.

**From:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

 **To:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

 **Date:** September 25 at 8:19 PM

 **Subject:** Pretty sure I miss you more

Abraham. Romeo. Greenfeld. I think I need a minute here. (Not for that. Mind out of the gutter. I just have to, like, catch my breath. Or something.) I mean, THAT? That was a love letter. Bram, I’m _blushing_. This is junior year all over again. I feel like my secret email boyfriend just told me he imagines me fantasizing about sex (HEY BLUE, REMEMBER THAT?).

I swear, everyone thinks you’re so freaking innocent, but then you sign into gmail and it’s like BAM. Innuendo. Sex grenade. _How little sleeping we did??_ I mean, you’re not wrong, but WOW. And the best part’s how you had this whole food itinerary, with the Dinosaur Bar-B-Que restaurant and the hipster ice cream parlor. Which I’m sure are delicious (Who doesn’t love eating dinosaurs?). But peanut butter toast and never leaving your dorm room tasted pretty great, too. 😊

A FEW IMPORTANT CORRECTIONS. First things first: “I always wanted to stumble into someone like you.” That, sir, is no song lyric. It’s a book quote (does this mean there’s a book on this earth you haven’t read yet??). Second things second, shitshow?? Are you saying you _don’t_ need a succulent vase made out of a spray-painted doll’s head?

God, I’m so bad at this. Here I am going on about dinosaurs and YouTube and 5-Minute Crafts, when all I really want to write is I miss you. Because HOLY SHIT, I MISS YOU. You know, I thought I was fine when I boarded the train. But then you texted me our selfie from Shake Shack, and that was it. That picture. It was so _us_ , with me looking like I was going to burst out laughing, and you with that deer-in-the-headlights, anime-eyes face you get whenever there’s a straw in your mouth. Bram, it destroyed me. Like, it just hit me all of a sudden how that moment is OVER. And we’ll never, ever get it back. (God, even as I’m writing this, I know it’s so weird and over-the-top. Look at me having an existential crisis over a five-minute pit stop at Shake Shack.)

But I kept thinking about last year, and the year before that, and how being near you was this everyday thing I took completely for granted. And we don’t get to go back. We don’t get to do high school again. And, yeah, I knew that intellectually, but I don’t think I fully processed it until now. I guess being on a literal express train away from you really made it sink in.

So now I’m back in my room with Kellan and his friend Grover (no REALLY), who has a guitar, and can sing, and is currently playing “Hey There Delilah” for the twentieth time. I think he’s trying to teach it to himself. I feel like I should be annoyed, but I’m just so drained. And now that song’s stuck in my head, and Bram, I don’t know if you know the lyrics to that one, but it’s like…too freaking relevant. So now I feel like crying again, but I don’t want to do that in front of a bunch of random straight dudes. Maybe I’m not cut out for this whole roommate thing. Like, I want to know who thought it was a good idea to stick a random guy in my room and have him _live_ there.

But mark my words, Greenfeld: We’re going to be Kellan-free for fall break. I will make it my life’s fucking mission.

Twelve more days. God, I miss you. And I love you. I’m, like, preposterously in love with you.

Love,

Simon

_Hey there, Delilah_

_What’s it like in New York city?_

_I’m a thousand miles away_

_But, girl, tonight you look so pretty_

_Yes, you do_

_Times Square can’t shine as bright as you_

_I swear, it’s true_

_Hey there, Delilah_

_Don't you worry about the distance_

_I'm right there if you get lonely_

_Give this song another listen_

_Close your eyes_

_Listen to my voice, it's my disguise_

_I'm by your side_


	23. Chapter 23

Over the course of the next week, it becomes abundantly clear that a Kellan-free fall break is going to be more difficult than anticipated. He keeps mentioning that he wants to stick around for the first part of break and I can’t bring myself to beg him not to. Kellan’s parents live outside DC; I need to find a reason to get him there. _Immediately._

ABBY! I realize suddenly. Abby can help. So, I send her an email on Friday afternoon before heading to dinner with my customs group. When I get back to my room after dinner, my nightly FaceTime call with Bram begins. Kellan bites back a laugh at how ridiculous we are before saying he’s going to the Jacobs room with Grover to play board games. I just nod and wave from my bed.

When we finally hang up, because Bram’s about to fall asleep on me, I check my email.

**From:** abbysuso0710@gmail.com

 **To:** simonirvinspier@gmail.com

 **Date:** September 30 at 11:21 PM

 **Subject:** Re: A question

I’ve got to say, that’s the weirdest fucking question you’ve ever asked me (AND I LOVE IT). So let’s make sure I’m following this. You want your roommate to leave early for fall break. And for that to happen, you need me (me!) to come up with a list of, and I quote, “clown-centered DC attractions”? WELL THEN.

First of all, Simon, are we sure _clown-centered_ is a thing? Because it looks like we just found a hot new contender for Most Cursed Adjective (you had a good run, _moist_ ). Seriously, though, what does that even mean? Clown-centered? Is that a metaphor? Are we talking about GOP senators, or do you mean literal, actual clowns? And if so, WTF?? Do you just really hate your roommate? I have SO MANY QUESTIONS.

But yeah! Happy to see if Molly and Cassie have heard of anything…clown-centered. They’re at University of Maryland now, though, which is outside the city. Is that okay, or do you need it to be in DC proper? (Seriously, I am DYING to know what your roommate did to deserve this.) Anyway, texting M and C in a sec, and I’ll report back!

So, other than scheming against your roommate, what on earth are you up to? And how was New York? Leah and I actually heard from Nick this morning, by the way. Can you believe it?? He wanted to know if we’re coming home next weekend (we are, for what it’s worth, in case you were maaaaaaybe considering coming down early?).

Anyway, Nick said he talked to Bram, and he got the impression that you two are kind of struggling with the long-distance stuff, I guess? I don’t want to overstep or anything, but I did want to make sure you’re okay. You always seem so cheerful with me, and that’s great, seriously. But I hope you know I’m here if you ever want to talk through the hard stuff. And same with Leah. We both love you so much, Si.

(And in happier Bram news, tell him congrats from me on the game!!)

Anyway, write back soon so I can start sorting through all your clown shit!! MISS YOU!!!

xoxo

Abby

I decide to leave the response until the morning. Too many questions for this hour, but I’m glad Abby’s willing to help on my new life’s mission. The next morning, I am awoken by Kellan’s early morning antics again. I’m not even sure what he’s doing this time, but I’m up by 8 o’clock even though it’s Saturday. I head to the dining hall to get breakfast and then come back to my room and do a little homework before I remember Abby’s email needs a response.

**From:** simonirvinspier@gmail.com

 **To:** abbysuso0710@gmail.com

 **Date:** October 1 at 10:16 AM

 **Subject:** Re: A question

Clown-centered attractions are totally a thing!! I’m thinking circuses, funhouses, clown museums (I feel like clown museums exist, probably?). Anyway, GREAT question, but nope not a metaphor. And DC suburbs are fine – I think Kellan’s parents actually live in the suburbs, now that you mention it. And by the way, I don’t hate Kellan!! But he says he’s hanging around campus for the first part of fall break, and I need him to GTFO and go home early to be with his clowns. He _likes_ clowns. A lot. (Anyway, tell Molly and Cassie thank you from me!)

So, Bram and me.

First of all, Abby, you’re not overstepping! I’m sorry I haven’t been more open about stuff. I just feel so weird about the whole thing. I guess I didn’t expect it to be this hard. Which is probably really naïve of me? But the thing is, so many couples do this! All the time! And in the grand scheme of things, New York to Philly is _nothing_. Like, we’re so fucking lucky. I got him a week ago, and I get him back on Friday, and Abby, I don’t know why this is so unbearable. I just miss him so much.

Anyway, I love you, and thank you, and hug Leah for me, okay? I mean you’re probably already hugging RIGHT THIS SECOND, aren’t you (is “hugging” a euphemism? I don’t know, you tell me!).

Miss you too, Abby Suso. <3

Love,

Simon

Abby’s cousins aren’t helpful with the clown-centered attractions and Kellan is still planning on hanging around for the first part of break. Finally, on Friday, as I’m heading to the train station to go meet Bram at 30th Street, I decide it’s time to actually say something. “Uh, Kellan?”

He looks up from his book. “What’s up? Where are you going?”

“So, Bram…uh, my boyfriend is coming down from Columbia for the weekend…”

“Say, no more. I will spend the weekend in Grover’s room. His roommate already went home or is about to.”

“I feel bad.”

“Don’t. No, it’s totally cool. Don’t worry about it. Do I finally get to meet this boyfriend, though?”

I laugh. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

He laughs. “Yeah, alright. Well I’ll be out of your hair before you get back, promise.”

I check the time on my phone. Just after 3, I need to get going. I check my pockets for my wallet and keys and then head toward Haverford Station. I text Bram as I walk. _You’re never going to believe this. When I told Kellan that you were coming for the weekend, he immediately volunteered to stay in Grover’s room all weekend; apparently Grover’s roommate already left._

_That is the best news I’ve had all day. I’m somewhere between Newark and Philly and I can’t wait to see your face._

_I can’t wait to kiss your face._

_[laugh-cry emoji; kissy emoji]_

I laugh to myself as I make it onto the platform. The twenty-minute train ride into Center City feels like it takes two hours and then there’s the 29-minute wait at 30th Street for Bram’s train to arrive. After I make my way from the SEPTA corner into the main Amtrak Concourse, I check the huge board with arrivals and departures.

Amtrak 2163 – Acela Express – From Boston – To Washington – Track 6 – On Time

I find track 6 and sit down on one of the benches near the entrance. I take a selfie that shows the arrival board for his train. _Waiting for you._ I text Bram with the selfie attached.

_How is your face even legal?_

I laugh and glance at the time. 3:53. 17 minutes. I sigh and slouch back onto the bench. I wonder for a moment how Leah and Abby are fairing on their drive from Athens to Shady Creek, but then my mind is right back where it always is. _Bram is almost here._

“Amtrak train number 2163; Acela Express service to Washington Union Station. Making stops in Wilmington, Baltimore, BWI Airport, and Washington Union Station. Now arriving on track 6.”

I get to my feet and go to stand where I can look down the stairs. I can see the blurry shadow of a train pulling in and then the sound of the breaks and a rush of people. I step to the side, watching, waiting and then there he is and he’s all but running toward me and then his arms are around me and his lips are on mine and the world seems to stop for a minute and then he pulls away and links his hand with mine instead, still staring into my eyes and I can feel the strangers staring at us, and I don’t care. “I missed you,” are the only words I can think of.

“I missed you, too, but I’m here now, yeah?”

“Yeah!” I say with a huge smile.

“So, where to?” he asks, looking around.

“The next train to Haverford isn’t until 4:29.”

He bites his lip and glances toward the shopping/dining area and then back to me. “What’s over there?”

“Food mostly. I think there’s an ice cream place…I really haven’t looked around too much,” I admit. He smirks and pulls me toward the food area. We eventually end up with ice cream cones and I lead him out to the porch and the swinging benches. It’s getting chilly outside. Low 70s and clouds everywhere. Bram wraps and arm around my shoulders as we sit down and I lay my head against his shoulder.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here,” I say after I finish the last of my ice cream.

He smiles and pulls out his phone. “I remember a conversation about needing to post disgusting couple selfies to Instagram every five minutes.”

I laugh and then he pulls me toward the public art of XoXo, and kisses me while he takes a picture. He turns his phone around to show me. “Leah’ll hate it. It’s perfect.” I also notice the time on his screen. It’s 4:20. “But, we have a train to catch.” I grab his hand and pull him back inside and across the entire building to the SEPTA corner of the station.

I show him how to buy his ticket with the automated machine and then we go through the turnstiles and up onto the platform. “It’s the Paoli/Thorndale line,” I tell him, pointing at the sign that says when the next train will arrive.

He nods and then wraps both of his arms around my shoulders and pulls me so we’re facing each other. “I really, really missed you,” he mumbles against my ear.

“I missed you more.”

“That’s literally not possible.”

I laugh and kiss his neck (the only thing I can get to in our current position). I feel him smile against my ear and then I hear the train arriving.

We make it to my dorm room just before 5 and as promised, Kellan is nowhere in sight. I gesture toward my bed and Bram drops his backpack next to it. When he turns around, he’s half-biting his lip and half-smirking. I raise my eyebrows. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me toward the bed.


	24. Chapter 24

On Saturday morning, I ask Bram’s opinion on breakfast. He doesn’t want to go out. “I literally don’t have toaster…or bread…or peanut butter.” I inform him.

“How!?!”

I laugh. “Because unlike some people, I actually _like_ the dining hall. So, we can go over there, but I think it’s pretty expensive for guests, so…or we can walk up to the main road.”

“What options do we have there?”

“McDonald’s…Dunkin Donuts (because I swear people up here are _obsessed_ )…IHOP…”

“Pancakes sound good,” he says. “IHOP?”

I nod. It’s a 15-minute walk from my dorm to the IHOP on Lancaster Avenue. He holds my hand the entire time. We walk up College Lane and past the duck pond. I promise we’ll go back later.

“What on earth is a ‘Wawa’?” He asks pointing across the road.

I laugh. “Another thing people up here are obsessed with.” I explain to him how it’s a gas station with a convenience store, but you can order food and people swear their “hoagies” are the greatest things on the planet, but I still don’t understand. We reach IHOP and it’s already buzzing. The parking lot is full and almost every car has a Haverford or Bryn Mawr parking permit. “Saturday morning is apparently college time at the IHOP,” I joke as I hold open the door for him.

He asks a lot of questions and I try to explain everything I’ve picked up. The area where Haverford is (the western suburbs of Philadelphia) is jam packed with schools and rich people. There’s Haverford itself of course, but in the next town over, you have Bryn Mawr College which is an all-women’s school. Then there’s Harcum College in between, but that’s more of a community college vibe. Then there’s the private schools for kids. Haverford School (right off Haverford’s campus) is an All-Boys school and there’s the Shipley School (a co-ed school right next to Bryn Mawr’s campus) and The Baldwin School (an all-girls school over there, too). I think I’m overloading Bram with useless information after a while so I stop.

“And we’re where right now?”

“Technically Ardmore, I think.”

“I think the Philly suburbs might be more complicated and ridiculous than Atlanta’s,” he laughs as the waitress places our plates in front of us.

“Luckily a couple people in my customs group are from the area and our customs person knows it pretty well, too, so I’ve been well informed.”

After we finish eating, Bram insists on a tour of campus, which I oblige, but only after insisting, we have to actually go outside next time I’m in New York. I take him back to Campus a round about way. Out the back exit of the IHOP parking lot and down Ardmore Avenue until we get to HCA.

“This is HCA,” I say absently as I turn toward campus.

“HCA?” he asks, squeezing my hand.

“Oh. Uh, Haverford College Apartments. The complex is owned by the school; it’s where most upper classmen live.”

“Oh, nice,” he says glancing in.

“I mean they’re old, but they're cheaper than off-campus, so it’s where most people live,” I say shrugging as I pull him toward the visitor parking lot and then up the short road that goes through the woods and onto campus.

“That’s Reid House,” I say gesturing to the building with obscenely green siding to our left as we head toward campus. “I think there’s some student rooms in there, but it’s like the African-American cultural hub. The campus center and behind those trees is the athletic center.” I add pointing to the next set of buildings. “These are dorms,” I say pointing to the right. “Kim and Tritton. I can never remember which is which, but one is freshman like my building and the other is for upperclassmen.”

“A playground?” he asks as it comes into view.

“Oh yeah, there’s like a daycare center for the teacher’s kids and stuff.” We turn left onto campus and I point out more buildings around the quad and then I remember a bet we’d made when I mentioned one of the upperclassmen houses the day before. “OH! Drinker House is back here, come on.”

“There is no way, _Drinker_ house is a thing.”

“Well you’re about to have to kiss me behind it, because it definitely is,” I say pulling him toward it. “See,” I say pointing toward the tan building with the brown roof. “Drinker House.”

“You are actually lying, that’s not what it’s called. No way.”

I laugh. “Oh, but it is.” I pull him into the grass between the track and Drinker House under a huge oak tree so he can see the sign on the door. “As I said.”

“Oh,” he says, sounding a little deflated, but then suddenly he has my face in his hands and we’re kissing. The campus is mostly empty; fall break and all, but it still feels weird to actually be kissing my boyfriend in the middle of broad daylight. Don’t get me wrong, it’s weird in a good way, a _very_ good way, in fact, but it’s still weird.

When he pulls away, he has a mischievous smirk on his face. “Can kissing you be my punishment for everything?”

I laugh and pull him back toward campus after retaking his hand. I show him the library and dining hall. Then we pass Founders Hall and I point out the north campus dorm buildings as we pass between Roberts Hall and the music library. “I think I promised you the duck pond, no?” I ask as we step off the path and head toward the water. We make it to the College Lane side of the pond and I gesture grandly.

We eventually make it back to my dorm room and there’s still no sign of Kellan. We spend the rest of the morning (granted there really isn’t much left) and all of the afternoon, watching dumb YouTube videos on my laptop while cuddling on my bed and honestly, I don’t think there’s ever been a more perfect Saturday. Somewhere in the middle of the afternoon it dawns on me that it's Nora’s birthday, so we call her and sing to her in a very awkward harmony. Nora doesn’t know I’m going to be home in two days, so I apologize profusely for not being able to make it for her birthday before hanging up.

We end up ordering pizza for dinner, because even I don’t feel like leaving again. And as we’re finishing up the last of the pizza, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out.

_Is it okay if I stop in for a minute? I want to grab a DVD._

_It’s your room, too, so obviously, that’s fine._

_Is boyfriend still there? Do I actually get to meet the mysterious Bram?_

_Yes, he’s here._

I glance over at Bram and he’s looking at his phone, too, clearly trying to be respectful. “Uh, I think Kellan’s on his way over here. He said he wanted to get a DVD.”

Bram looks up at me and then at our intertwined bodies. I nod and he starts disentangling himself. By the time Kellan walks in a few minutes later, we are much more appropriately sitting next to each other on my bed with just our hands connected between us, staring at my laptop screen. I pause the video when Kellan enters. The interaction goes better than anticipated and then Kellan is gone again and I have one more night with Bram.


	25. Chapter 25

Bram gets on the Acela just after 6:30 on Sunday and my heart sinks. Not even the surprisingly delicious milkshake from the little stand at 30th Street Station can hold it together. I sigh and head toward the SEPTA tracks; only 10 minutes until my train back to Haverford.

I get back to campus and then back to my dorm room. I need to go to bed early; 3 AM really sneaks up on you. Kellan is still packing when I enter the room. He’s supposed to be going home tonight.

I text Bram. _It feels so empty without you here._

_I miss you already._

_I don’t like this. I love you._

_I love you, too._

Just after 8:30 my phone rings. FaceTime request from Bram. I answer immediately. He’s already back in his dorm room. “I miss you,” I mumble.

“I miss you, too,” he says with a half-smile. “I can’t believe you’re going home tomorrow.”

“I know, right? It’s so weird. Not to mention the 6 AM flight. Remind me why I did that, again?”

“It was cheap enough that you could afford to come visit me in December?”

“Oh, right. You’re definitely worth not getting any sleep tonight.”

We talk for a long time and Kellan still doesn’t leave. By 9:30, I decide I really should try to sleep and Bram begrudgingly agrees, so we say goodnight. I go to get a shower after we hang up and by the time I get back to the room, Kellan is ready to head out the door. I tell him to be careful driving and apologize for sounding like my parents and then he’s gone and I’m alone in a dorm room that feels absurdly empty for the number of things it contains. I do somehow manage to fall asleep pretty quickly though.

The next morning is a shitshow. I have to get an Uber to the airport because the trains don’t even run this early. I hate being awake at 4 AM. I somehow manage to get to the airport just before 5 and breeze through security, since apparently, I’m the only lunatic who picks a 6 AM flight. It’s only once I’m past security and waiting outside the gate that I pull my phone out and it’s only then that I realize I have a new email.

**From:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

 **To:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

 **Date:** October 9 at 10:11 PM

 **Subject:** Re: Pretty sure I miss you more

Dear Jacques,

Well, I’m home. And I’ve been staring at this email for about twenty minutes, grasping around for something upbeat to say, but I’m coming up empty. It’s just getting harder and harder. I can’t believe I woke up this morning with your head in the crook of my neck, your hand on chest. Simon, I can’t even tell you how empty my room feels. I want to be back in Philly, looking at all the trees by the duck pond, and kissing you behind Drinker House, because apparently it really does exist (and for the record, if kissing you is my punishment, I’ll happily lose every bet we ever make).

Anyway, I know you’re attempting to go to bed early (and probably failing miserably. I don’t know how anyone sleeps before a six a.m. flight). Did Kellan leave yet? I’m actually really glad I got to meet him. I like him! He’s definitely an odd duck, but it’s endearing. I mean, he clearly believes in ghosts, and I don’t really get the clown thing. But he’s living his truth, and I have to respect that. Also, it was really cool of him to crash in Grover’s room all weekend. 😊

So, is it weird knowing you’ll be home tomorrow? I’m sure your parents are going to buy out the entire Oreo display at Publix. It’s pretty wild that they managed to hide the whole thing from Nora. Who knew your dad had it in him? Can’t wait to hear how she reacts when she sees you – an tell her happy birthday from me again, okay? I really hate that I’m not coming with you. I still can’t believe you have a full week off, and I’m just stuck here (with two essays due on Friday, no less). But apparently I’m doing an escape room with Ella and her friend Miriam on Saturday (she swears it’s fun, and she thinks I’ll be good at it? I guess we’ll find out!). And then I’ve got a game on Sunday.

Simon, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about soccer. And I’m sorry I had such a hard time explaining in person. I don’t even have a good explanation. I guess I was weirdly embarrassed about it being an intramural league and not the school team. Which is ridiculous, I realize, for so many reasons, beginning with the fact that you’re the literal last person who’d judge me for that (Simon, I’m not even sure you know what intramural sports _are_ ). But I felt so self-conscious about it anyway, like maybe I’m not really the soccer kid you fell in love with. And then there were the logistical factors, like how a lot of the games are on Sundays. I didn’t want you to feel like we had to plan our trips around my games (my team knows I’ll have to miss a few, and everyone’s cool with it, I promise).

And, Simon, I think the part that feels the shittiest is the fact that I’m actually really, really liking it. Which makes me feel like a terrible boyfriend. I don’t know if that even makes sense. I guess it just feels like if I’m happy here, I’m basically throwing up a giant middle finger at our relationship. I know that’s completely illogical, and I PROMISE it has nothing to do with anything you’ve ever said or done. It’s just my brain being glitchy, like it always is. I don’t think I’ve told you about that first year after we moved, but it was the same kind of thing. I was in this brand new school, in this brand new town, and every decent moment felt like a betrayal of my old life.

I just don’t want you to think I miss you any less, okay? Soccer’s a nice distraction, but you’re the love of my life.

Love,

Blue

Before I knew what was happening, I was sitting in the middle of Philadelphia International Airport, crying. _This boy will seriously be the end of me_. I don’t know how to respond to that, so I don’t. Not now. Not at 5:30 in the morning in the middle of an eerily empty airport. I’m going home to surprise my little sister for her birthday and visit my best friend next weekend. I should be happy. I should definitely not be crying. But yet, I am.

The flight to Atlanta is almost exactly 2 hours, so we land right after 8 o’clock and I turn off airplane mode. My phone buzzes for an extended period. Text messages.

From Mom: _Dad just left for the airport. Call me when you get in, please._

From Bram: _I hope your flight went smoothly. Have a good week at home, okay?_

From Dad: _Just pulled into the cell phone lot, call me upon arrival._

From Leah: _Let me know when you land, okay?_

I sigh. I text Leah first. _Just landed safe and sound in Atlanta._ Then my mom. _Just landed. I’ll call you from dad’s car in a little._ Then Bram. _Just landed in Atlanta. That feels weird to say. I’ll try, but you know I’m just going to spend it missing you, right?_

The plane taxis to the gate and the airbridge is attached. I follow everyone else off the plane and into the concourse. I call my dad while I walk toward the shuttle. “Hey, I’m here. About to get on the shuttle to the exit.”

“Alright, I’m on my way over. I’ll text you when I get there?”

“Sounds good. Thanks for doing this, Dad.”

“No worries, kid.” The line clicks dead. I manage to squeeze onto the next shuttle that arrives and end up in the main terminal. I still can’t get Bram’s email out of my mind and that’s when he texts me again.

_And I’ll be missing you while trying to write two essays. I love you. Glad you made it. Say hi to everyone for me._

_Will do. I love you, too._

I finally get outside. _Door S6_. I text my dad.

_Almost there_. He replies immediately and then I see his car pulling up.


	26. Chapter 26

My dad decides to stop at The Varsity for frosted oranges, but they’re not even open yet, so we head home. When we get there, my mom is at work and my sister is at school. “Nora still doesn’t know?” I confirm as I get out of his car.

“Correct,” he says with a smile.

“See you later.” He nods and I close the door. He backs out of the driveway as I let myself into the house. Bieber immediately jumps at me and I drop my bags and sit on the floor with him. “I missed you, too!” I say as I scratch his ears. Eventually Bieber decides I can get up and I head to my bedroom. I pull out my lap top and sit on my bed. I almost forgot what a real mattress felt like. I check my school email and my regular email. Nothing new or exciting. I sigh and log into my Jacques account. I reread Bram’s email again and sigh.

**From:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

 **To:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

 **Date:** October 8 at 12:10 PM

 **Subject:** The soccer kid I fell in love with

So, I’ve been thinking about your email all morning. God, I don’t even know what to say. I’m just gutted, Bram. I’m so fucking sorry. The fact that you found something good, and I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me. I’m the worst boyfriend on earth. But let me be totally clear: I want you to be happy. And if that’s in New York or New Zealand or Antarctica or Jupiter, so be it. Bram, I love that you’re playing soccer. I love that you’re loving it. I love that you’re happy. I love you, okay? And that’s it. That’s the whole entire point.

So tell me everything. I want to know about your teammates, and whether you get to wear those cute little knee socks, and if you’ll get a trophy with an upside-down gold guy kicking a soccer ball. I want to know if it feels different than it did at Creekwood. Oh, and for the record, I DO know what intramurals are, thank you very much. Did you know I played intramural basketball for six months in middle school? WE EVEN WON A GAME (okay, technically the other team had to forfeit, but it was STILL A WIN).

And in other news, I’m home! Though getting here was a bit of a shitshow. I don’t know why I picked a flight that landed in the middle of Atlanta morning rush hour (okay, I do know why, It was cheap, but GOD. What a mess). Also, my dad took the morning off work to pick me up, and we were going to stop at the Varsity for frosted oranges. But then the Varsity wasn’t even open yet, because apparently Simon and Jack Spier are the only two dumbasses who want milkshakes at ass o’clock in the morning. But Nora’s still at school, of course. Maybe I’ll hide in her room with Bieber and spring up from the bed or something when she walks in there. Is that creepy, genius, or both?

Anyway, soccer kid, go be happy this week. Kick a ball around, hang with Ella, take the subway down to Brooklyn. Fall in love with New York. (And, for the love of god, go to the dining hall! You’re an athlete, go eat some real food!)

I love you more than anything, okay?

Love,

Simon

I stare at my screen for a minute after hitting send and wipe away the tears that formed in the corners of my eyes. I glance at the time. I should eat lunch. Nora has the car at school, so I can’t exactly go anywhere. I venture into the kitchen and it feels weird. I end up making peanut butter toast before I even realize what I’m doing and as I sit down to eat it, I laugh. I take a picture of the plate and send it to Bram. _See what you’re doing to me._

He responds with a laugh-cry emoji and then a picture of his own plate of peanut butter toast on his desk. _How’s Shady Creek?_

_The same. I mean. My dad dropped me off at home and then went to work. Nora isn’t home yet and honestly I don’t know her schedule these days, so I’m sort of guessing at when she will be._

_She’s going to be excited to see you._

_I sort of wish I could have been here for her birthday, you know?_

_I told you, you could have._

_But I already missed you too much to wait another week. It’s fine. I think my parents are going to take us out to eat tonight to re-celebrate her birthday anyway._

When I finish my lunch, I wash my plate which also feels weird after a month and a half of dining hall life. I then head back upstairs and gather my dirty laundry which I definitely brought home to wash for free instead of paying for the school laundry. Once my laundry is in the washer, I head back upstairs to my room. It’s just after 2. My phone rings in the same second that I flop onto my bed. FaceTime request from Bram. I smile and answer.

“Hi,” I breath with a smile.

“Hey. It’s so weird seeing that room in your background.”

I laugh. “RIGHT!? I almost forgot what a real bed feels like! It’s amazing!”

He smiles. “I think I prefer this crappy dorm bed with you in it to any real bed without you.”

“Agreed. Honestly, any bed with you in it is clearly superior to any other bed without you.”

We talk for a while until I hear Bieber barking downstairs and the front door opens. “Nora’s home!” I say quietly. “I gotta go.”

He laughs. “Okay. Tell her happy birthday from me.”

“I will. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

I hear the stairs creak and carefully make my way to my bedroom door. I crack the door open and watch as Nora reaches the top of the stairs and then I swing the door open. “SURPRISE!” She screams and throws her backpack at me. I laugh and catch it.

“SIMON!” she squeals and throws her arms around me as I drop the backpack to the ground. “What are you doing here?!!?”

“Fall break.”

“That’s this week!?!” I nod. “Oh my god. Why didn’t you tell me!?!”

“Birthday surprise!”

She screams again. “I can’t believe you’re actually here!” She hugs me again.

I laugh.

The rest of the week goes fairly smoothly. Then on Friday, as soon as Nora get’s home from school, I take the keys from her and drive to Athens. I spend the night on Abby & Leah’s extra bed which is a little weird, but I’ll take it if it means seeing my friends. We skype with Bram on Friday Night and I spend most of Saturday wandering the streets of Athens with Leah before heading back to Shady Creek.


	27. Chapter 27

**From:** simonirvinspier@gmail.com

 **To:** leahontheoffbeat@gmail.com

 **Date:** October 16 at 4:55 PM

 **Subject:** Back in Philly!!

Hey! Just letting you know I made it (and sorry for all the frantic texts). Holy shit, that was way too close for comfort. I’m surprised they even let me board. I totally had to do the walk of plane shame, where everyone’s just blatantly hoping I won’t take the extra seat they apparently now feel is their birthright. But I’m here, and its’ weirdly nice to be back in my room again. It’s even good to see Kellan. He’s funny, he just asked me how my trip to Shady Creek was, like it’s a normal city people have heard of. Kind of sweet that he remembered that, I guess?

It was just so, so great to see you guys – wish I could have stayed the whole weekend. I’ve never really just wandered around Athens before, and I’m pretty jealous of you now, because it’s the coolest fucking city on earth. Like that record shop, with all the album art on the wall and all the vintage R.E.M. posters. Leah, I could lock myself inside that store and be happy for the rest of my life.

And thanks for letting me spiral about the Bram thing. I know it’s going to be fine. It’s already fine. I just feel bad I made him feel like he has to hate New York to prove he misses me. And I don’t want him to be sad just because I’m sad.

I mean, I don’t hate it here. It’s just that everything feels so muted without him. It’s so hard to explain it. It’s like, I’m happy sometimes, but there’s a ceiling. Without Bram, I’m never more than 75 percent okay. And, Leah, I’m so scared I’m not up for four years of this. Maybe I made the wrong choice. I do love this school. It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen in real life. And I like my customs group. But I also don’t really feel close to any of them. And it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why. I’m not fully present. I’ve got one foot in New York.

Sorry, I know that’s a lot. You don’t have to reply to any of that. I’m just being a mopehead (my new favorite Nora-ism – can you believe our girl was today years old when she learned that the word’s actually “moped”? I worry about Georgia public schools, I really do). Anyway, good luck with sociology. You’re going to ace the freaking fuck out of it, of course, because you’re you, and because you’re adorably obsessed with that class.

Miss you, Leah.

Love,

Simon

I glance at the time and then across the room at Kellan who is still unpacking even though I’m sure he’d already been back for hours when I walked into the room just before 3:30, to find him watching Grover play guitar. Grover left when I showed up, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. I clear my throat. Kellan looks up from his dresser. “Do you know if everyone’s doing normal Sunday dinner tonight?” I ask.

“Should be,” he says shrugging. “Why? What time is it?”

“Two minutes to five.”

His eyes go wide and he pulls out his phone to confirm. “Jesus! I hadn’t realized…”

I laugh. “I’m gonna head over,” I say grabbing my lanyard and keys. “Should we wait for you?”

“Uh, give me a second and I’ll be right there,” he says. He pushes his dresser drawer closed and sends a text and then grabs his lanyard and keys and follows me from the room.

Dinner is fine. Just a normal Sunday night. When I get back to the room, I flop onto my bed and pull out my phone. It’s not quite time for my nightly FaceTime with Bram yet, so I send him a text instead. _How was your game?_

_We won! And some of my teammates dragged me to the dining hall afterwards, where I still am._

_I’m glad you’re eating something other than peanut butter toast for once._

_The food’s alright. But I keep checking my phone because I don’t want to miss our FaceTime date._

_You’re cute. I’m going to get a shower and I’ll call you when I’m done, okay?_

_Sounds perfect. The best excuse to get out of this dining hall._

_The dining hall is literally inside your dorm building, Bram. I don’t understand why you’re so opposed to it._

He doesn’t answer. I get ready for my shower and head to the bathroom. By the time I get back it’s after 7 which is the typical nightly FaceTime threshold, so I hang up my towel and collapse onto my bed. He answers on the first ring and he’s back in his dorm room and smiles at me in that weird mischievous way.

It takes me a minute to realize he’s still wearing his soccer stuff. “Bram, have you seriously not changed?”

“I was at dinner! I thought you were happy I was eating.”

“I am happy you’re eating, but you’re probably also all sweaty and gross.”

He laughs. “Not really. It was barely in the 70s today, plus I thought you liked my _cute_ knee socks.” He holds up a leg revealing his soccer socks. At least he’s removed his shoes.

I laugh. “Okay, true.”

“I miss you,” he says quietly. I bite my lip.

“I miss you, too,” I say. “Only less than 3 weeks until you’re here again though.”

The next morning it’s back to life as usual. Classes and meals in the dining hall with my customs group. When I get back to my room after lunch, before heading to my 2 o’clock class, I check my email and notice Leah responded.

**From:** leahontheoffbeat@gmail.com

 **To:** simonirvinspier@gmail.com

 **Date:** October 17 at 10:01 AM

 **Subject** : RE: Back in Philly!!

Right, so what’s actually adorable is the thought of you sitting on your little dorm bed typing the words “freaking fuck.” I don’t want to turn your world upside down, Spier, but the whole point of freaking is to avoid saying fuck. Freaking fuck is like ordering a Diet Coke and twenty donuts. Just say fuck, you know? Own it. Live your truth. (I did, by the way, ace the fucking fuck out of that quiz.)

Simon, listen to me: I am always up for a spiral. Don’t apologize. This is a massive change for you guys, and I can’t begin to imagine what that must feel like. Obviously, my situation right now is the opposite of long-distance, but I’ve definitely thought about the whole being-fully-present thing. My mom always used to talk about how she never really had an Immersive College Experience (aka Baby Me was a cockblock). Anyway, she always said she liked the idea of me starting with a total blank slate – no babies, no relationships. Don’t get me wrong, she’s totally all-in on Abby. But I guess I must have internalized the whole idea of it at some point, because every so often, I find myself asking what parties I’m saying no to because I’d rather stay in with my girlfriend. (And then I remember I’m _perfectly_ fucking fine saying no to parties, girlfriend or no girlfriend.)

So what I’m trying to say is I get where you’re coming from, at least from the one-foot-in, one-foot-out feeling. But maybe that’s just what happens when you find a person you like better than the rest of the world. You say yes to your person and no to the world, over and over and over (until you’re old and married, I guess? Jesus Christ, I don’t know).

Anyway, I’m so sorry you’re having such a shitty time with all of this. I really hate how much you’re hurting. But, Simon, you don’t owe anyone your happiness. You know that, right? You can mope around and miss your boyfriend and be sad when he does stuff without you, and that’s a pretty fucking normal way to feel, actually. I’m not saying you should be an asshole to him about it. But don’t be an asshole to yourself either.

I love you, mopehead. Glad you made your flight.


	28. Chapter 28

There were two weeks of classes and then it was the weekend before Halloween. Kellan invited me to the Halloween Party at Bryn Mawr that apparently “everyone” was going to and I said I’d think about it. I didn’t really have a costume though, just a standard stripped shirt bank robber get-up.

Bram on the other hand, had major plans. Garrett flew up to New York for the weekend so they could party because honestly, what was Halloween without a Garrett Laughlin party?

We got back from dinner on Saturday night and it was suddenly time for everyone to get ready for this Halloween party. Kellan was dressed as a ventriloquist dummy and everyone else had these elaborate costumes and I had next to nothing so I decided I wasn’t going. Kellan left for the Jacobs’ room and literally a minute later there’s a knock on my door. I opened it to find literal angel, Liza holding a tutu and a bag of makeup.

“What?”

“Kellan said you weren’t going to the party. I am here to solve your problems, Simon.” And then the tutu was being pulled over my head and suddenly I was Billy Elliot? How did she do this? I may never know, but soon enough I was in the Jacobs’ room with them and Kellan and Grover and Jocelyn and Liza. And then there was vodka and orange juice and then we were running across campus to the party at Founders Hall instead of going to Bryn Mawr and everything was a blur.

Somewhere in the middle of the party, I pulled out my phone and called Bram. He didn’t answer and I was too drunk to actually care, but I left him a voicemail that I honestly don’t remember the contents of. Then I was looking at Instagram and holy fuck. Garrett and Bram were at some party in New York and Bram was wearing the Ravenclaw Robe I made him buy at Universal Studios and I lost it. I left a trail of thirsty heart-eye emojis in the comments and went back to the party.

When the party was over, it was 2 in the morning and everyone was probably more drunk than we should have been. Not as drunk as Mickey Mouse though, because Mickey Mouse was doing cartwheels on founders’ green wearing just his ears and it was a site for sure. But then I caught up to Kellan and Grover and holy fuck. “Wait, what?” I slurred staring at their interconnected hands.

“What?” Kellan asked looking up.

“You two are…”

“What, yeah? I mean, obviously,” he said with raised eyebrows like I should have known this already.

“When did that happen?”

“Uh, orientation week…”

“Seriously? Am I fucking blind? Or stupid? Or wow.”

By the time we got back to our room it was almost 3 in the morning but I pulled out my laptop.

“What are you doing?” Kellan asked as he pulled off his costume.

“I have to send an email.”

He raised his eyebrows but said nothing.

**From:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

 **To:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

 **Date:** October 30 at 3:04 AM

 **Subject:** This Night

All right, first of all, Bramster, your latest Instagram post is a personal attack. You in a Ravenclaw robe????? Text me a warning next time or something. You know PERFECTLY WELL I now have to drop a thirsty heart-eye emoji in your comments section (where my sisters can see it!!!! THANKS A LOT). You’re just so fucking gorgeous. Sometimes I see a picture of you, and I’m like, _holy shit, that’s my boyfriend_. I should really make a PowerPoint with pictures of you and call it Sorry, Gents, He’s Taken. It’ll be great, I’ll make the whole world die of jealousy.

Anyway, hope you and Garrett are having a happy Halloween weekend (which should _definitely_ be called Halloweekend, why aren’t we doing that???) (wait, I just googled it and apparently people ARE doing it, so congrats I guess to all you Einsteins out there who made it a hashtag. Way to be a million times smarter than me). Okay, I already forgot what I’m talking about. GOD I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU, but I don’t know where to start, because I’m a liiiiiittle drunk right now. Not like cartwheels-on-Founders-Green-wearing-only-Mickey-ears-level drunk (Nude Mickey, whoever you are, you were joyful and free, and I love that for you).

So guess what?? College is amaaaazing. And before I forget, Kellan told me to tell you to go to Big Nick’s Pizza, because it has the best pizza and milkshakes, and this according to his cousin Dannon Maya who (despite being named after yogurt apparently??) is a REAL New Yorker. Wait haha sorry, it’s TWO cousins, Dan AND Maya, which makes so much more sense. Needless to say, Kellan is slightly drunk and also dressed like a ventriloquist dummy (which is a plot twist I did NOT see coming…Kellan likes clowns _and_ dummies!).

But I have to tell you about tonight, Bram, and I actually kind of want to cry right now, because I’m so relieved my brain remembers how to be happy. Tonight just felt like COLLEGE. It was exactly how I’d always pictured it. I wasn’t even planning to go out, because all I had was a striped-shirt bank robber costume, aka the most basic bitch costume ever invented. But then Liza came over (can’t remember if I told you about her, but she’s our customs person. Kind of like an RA, I guess? Basically she’s a sophomore who lives on my hall, and she’s like a big sister to our whole customs group). So Liza took me under her wing (literal wing, she was dressed like an angel) (also, she’s an ACTUAL angel!). I don’t even know how it happened, B, but I pulled Liza’s tutu on over my jeans and polo shirt, and now I’m Billy Elliot??? (“Stranger Things Ballerina Edition” was a really good guess though, props to Garrett from me!)

So a bunch of us from my customs group ended up in this guy Jacob’s room (did I mention there are two Jacobs on my hall, plus an Isaac and a Rachel? I feel like I’m living in the Old Testament. IF ONLY WE HAD AN ABRAHAM). Anyway, it was me, both Jacobs, Liza, Kellan, Grover, and this girl Jocelyn from downstairs, and I’ve hung out with Liza and the Jacobs before (watching TV or chatting in the bathroom, that kind of thing), but I hadn’t really sat down and talked to them. So we kind of piled onto Jacob’s bed, just ranting about politics and talking about all our people from home (of course they got an EARFUL about you). And then somehow there was vodka and orange juice, and we were planning to go to the big Halloween party at Bryn Mawr, but we ended up just skipping that and going to the one at Founders Hall (which is when I left you the voicemail).

I don’t know, it all just felt so fun and carefree. I danced with the girls for a bit, and I had this weirdly intense conversation about pandas with someone dressed like a panda (I don’t even know their name, we were in line for the bathroom). And then we were walking home, and Bram GUESS WHAT: Kellan and Grover were holding hands!!! And it turns out they’ve been together since orientation week, and I missed the memo because I’m just that fucking oblivious. Bram, this whole time, I really thought they were straight-bro BFFs. I’m literally that woman Marjorie from the train station (“I just have to say, it’s so refreshing when young men are willing to be affectionate with their friends!”). I should just turn in my gay card. I don’t even deserve to drink iced coffee at this point.

Oh god, this email is like a whole ass novel. I’m sorry!!! I just miss you so much, honey. Babe. Sweetie. Oh my god, I legit can’t pull ANY of these off with a straight face. Are we just never going to have pet names? Darling??? I kind of love that one. It gives me Monty and Percy vibes (though truly, what does Percy see in that hot mess of a boy?). So, darling, I hope you and Garrett are having a most excellent Halloweekend. More pictures, please!!!! I love you so much, Brammy Bram. Come back to Philly ASAP, okay, so we can show Marjorie something REALLY refreshing.

Love,

Simon, Ballerina Edition

I pulled off Liza’s tutu and changed into pajama pants before crawling into bed. I think Kellan was already asleep and I soon was too. I didn’t wake up until afternoon on Sunday and Kellan had already left the room. I didn’t feel like going to the dining hall; it was almost too late for lunch anyway, so I pulled out a pack of oreos and opened my laptop. I had an email.

**From:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

 **To:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

 **Date:** October 30 at 11:29 AM

 **Subject:** RE: This night

Dear Jacques,

Hi, darling. 😊 I very much hope you’re still sleeping. So I can’t decide if your email completely charmed me or completely wrecked me. Maybe both. The problem, Simon, is that drunk you sounds just like sleepy you, and thinking about sleepy Simon Spier is kind of a gut punch right now. Have I mentioned how much I miss your head on my pillow? I miss it the _most_. Especially the part where you keep nodding off while talking (which is, by the the way, the _exact_ energy of your email). Anyway, the point is, I’m hopelessly in love with my drunk mess of a boyfriend.

(For what it’s worth, I think I know what Percy Newton sees in Henry Montague.)

Thank you very much for the thirsty emoji (both of your sisters did indeed “heart” it, as did your mom, of course). Last night was…fine? Don’t get me wrong, it was a good haunted house. It just might have been a little _too_ good (confession: I don’t really see the point of haunted houses if I can’t leave half-way through and make out with you in the back of Nick’s car). Garrett loved it, though. He’s still passed out, but I’m waking him up in a minute, since he has to get to LaGuardia by three. It was actually really awesome having him here. He caught me up on everything happening at Tech (except Morgan, because he’s still insisting nothing happened. Still!). Overall, he seems happy. It does sound like he might be having trouble keeping up with the workload (I’m not sure running away to New York for the weekend was the solution to that particular problem, but I’m trying to quiet my inner nerd and let our angel bro live).

Oh, I’m so glad you finally got to have your College Feeling. I’m actually a little chocked up over the thought of you in a tutu (wouldn’t your kid self be proud?). It just made me really happy, in the same way your rainbow shoelaces make me happy. I love watching you try on this part of yourself. You don’t have to give up a single day of iced coffee, Simon, I promise.

Tell Kellan I say thank you for the recommendation! I can save it for when you’re here in December, if you want. I’m really glad to hear about him and Grover! I kind of suspected it when Kellan stayed in Grover’s room that whole weekend (also, you realize Kellan has a framed picture of Harvey Milk on his desk, right?). So maybe you have a touch of Marjorie in you, but don’t we all? I’m not exactly batting a thousand on this stuff either (see also: prom night).

Anyway, I love you. And I miss every edition of you. Text me when you’re up, okay?

Love,

Blue

I smiled to myself and pulled out my phone.

_I miss you, too. I love you, too._

_Good morning, sleepyhead._

_[laugh-cry emoji] I don’t think it’s morning anymore._

_It’s not. Garrett just left for the airport._

_In that case._

I closed the messaging app and sent a facetime request instead.

Bram laughed as he answered. “You look like a hot mess.”

I laughed. “I think I barely made it to pajamas last night, to be fair.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize that this is suddenly in past tense! I took a long pause from writing and apparently forgot to check which tense I was writing in before I started writing again!

Halloween on Monday and the week that followed were something. On Monday, half the students wore less involved versions of their costumes to class; except Kellan of course. He was a complete ventriloquist dummy again.

The whole week was a just a blurry mess. Of course, I still missed Bram more than anything. We still Facetimed every single night. But, it was like a new weight had been lifted since Saturday. It actually felt like COLLEGE was happening, not just missing my boyfriend.

Columbia had the first Monday and Tuesday of November off for some reason. Something about Election day I think, so the weekend before Bram came to Haverford. Kellan was more than happy to ship off to Grover’s room when I told him where I was off to after classes on Friday.

As I sat on the crowded SEPTA train into center city, I knew there was a nearly 30-minute wait at 30th Street on the other end before Bram’s Acela would pull in, but that didn’t matter. I jammed my headphones in so the person sitting next to me, who I think was in my Psych class didn’t try to talk and turned up the volume on my iTunes playlist. Bram was already on his train; he’d texted me at 3 when they were pulling out of Penn Station. I’d managed to drop my backpack at my desk and grab my wallet, lanyard, and keys before walking toward the train station, bundled in my winter jacket. This Georgia boy was not prepared for this northern winter. It barely touched 60 degrees that day and was already steadily dropping.

20 minutes later, we pulled into 30th Street Station and it was familiar this time. I slowly wandered past the convenience store near the SEPTA tracks and down into the main concourse. I checked the board; Bram’s train was at the bottom of the list. Track 6 and on time for the 3:41 arrival. I sat on one of the benches near his track and pulled out my phone.

_At 30 th Street, waiting to see your face._

_I think we’re halfway between Newark and Philly. The conductor said 30 minutes a bit ago. I can’t wait to see you._

_I miss you so much._

_I miss you more._

_Literally impossible. Also, fair warning…it’s COLD! I hope you brought your coat._

Bram proceeded to send me a selfie of him looking out the train window wearing his winter jacket and my heart melted.

_I can’t believe I get to see that face in person in literal minutes._

_Approximately 15 of them if my calculations are correct._

_God, I miss you._

_I miss you, too._

I sighed as I slouched down on the bench. I just made it 3 weeks without him, why was 15 minutes so bad now? I groaned as I looked up at the giant clock above the Amtrak information desk. 4:02; 8 more minutes.

“Next to arrive, Amtrak’s Acela Express Service in route to Washington Union Station; making stops in Wilmington, Baltimore, BWI Airport, and Washington Union Station. Arriving Track 6.”

I jumped to my feet and shoved my phone into my pocket. I started pacing the floor in front of the stairs that lead down to track 6. The conductor was waiting at the top and then suddenly the escalator turned on and she opened the ribbon gate. People started streaming into the concourse until suddenly there he was and there weren’t any more minutes to tick off. Bram spotted me in the same moment I spotted him and he wiggled his way out of the crowd and directly into my arms a second later and nothing was better than that feeling, except maybe the kissing that followed.

I didn’t even care about the strangers who stared at us anymore, all I cared about was Bram and how he was suddenly mine again and how I had approximately 65 hours until I had to be without him again (Thank you, Daylight Savings Time). “I love you,” I breathed as our lips separated.

“I love you more,” he whispered back and then pressed his lips to mine again. “How long ‘til our train?” he asked breathlessly a minute later.

“4:29,” I said and then glanced at the clock. We’d apparently managed to spend nearly 20 minutes kissing in the middle of the train station. “The platform’s outside. It’s cold.”

Bram laughed and kissed me again before extracting himself from my arms and linking out hands together instead. “Let’s at least get the tickets?”

I sighed but nodded. Strangers were still staring at us. Marjorie was no where in site though which I laughed when I thought of her. Bram looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Good thing Marjorie wasn’t here,” I mumbled and he laughed, too.

The SEPTA train pulled into Haverford station at 4:47 and we quickly made our way from the train station toward my dorm room. “Dinner,” I mumbled once Bram dropped his backpack and was staring at me with bedroom eyes.

He raised his eyebrows and blinked. “You, Simon Spier, actually want to eat right now?”

“I mean…it’s 5…” I said glancing at my alarm clock.

“Simon, what is wrong with you?”

I laughed. “Nothing, I promise. Um, it’s just this past week finally felt like college and I’m sort of scared that if I stop now it won’t anymore.”

Bram sighed and smiled. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. “You’re adorable, Simon. Am I allowed to come eat with your mysterious friends?”

“We don’t have to,” I said quickly. “It’s just my brain being dumb. We can stay here.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and he sighed.

“Simon, if you want to go to dinner, let’s go to dinner. We have all weekend to not leave your dorm room.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely,” he said, kissing the top of my head again. I unwrapped my arms from his waist and took a step back to survey his face. “Lead the way!” he said gesturing toward the door. I eyed him with suspicion, but turned for the door, grabbing his hand in mine as I did.

We walked across campus toward the dining hall. By the time we got there, my usual group was already eating, including Kellan and Grover, the Jacobs, Jocelyn, and Liza. I quickly pulled Bram towards the food and then back toward the table. My chair was empty of course, but there was only one, so I stopped short and looked around. “Are we not eating with your friends?” Bram asked.

“There’s only one chair,” I mumbled.

“So, I’ll steal one from that table,” he said pointing and going to do exactly that. I smirked. This was weird. It was good weird, but it was weird.

I flopped into my usual chair and then scooted closer to Liza, trying to make room. Everyone stopped talking and stared at me with raised eyebrows. “Oh, uh,” I started to say, but then Bram was fitting his chair between me and one of the Jacobs and everyone’s eyes went even wider. “So, I hope it’s okay, if, uh, my boyfriend joins us tonight?”

“YES! Of course!” Liza said excitedly. “Kellan said he was coming down this weekend. I wasn’t expecting to see you until Monday!”

I laughed and glanced sideways at Bram. “Uh, anyway, this is the infamous, Bram Greenfeld, as I’m sure you’ve figured out by now. And Bram, this is, Jacob, Jacob, Jocelyn, Grover, Kellan (who you’ve met), and Liza.”

Then, as suddenly as it stopped, the chatter started again and somehow Bram just fit right in with my friends and it was the best dinner of the year. After we finished eating, everyone was discussing their plans for the night. The Jacobs were having another board game night, so everyone was headed there. They invited me, of course, but I turned bright red as I declined and everyone laughed. “Yeah, I sort of figured,” the Jacob next to Bram said though his own laughter. “Anyway, we’ll see you Monday, Simon.”

My face went even redder if possible and I felt Bram’s hand land on my thigh under the table. I glanced at him and he was smirking that cute half-smile and clearly enjoying my embarrassment. “Yeah, okay, enough, let’s go.” I pulled his hand off my leg and stood up, he followed. I glanced at Kellan. “You’re sure, you’re okay staying in Grover’s room?”

“No problem at all!” Kellan said with a smirk. “Have a good weekend!”


	30. Chapter 30

We did, have a good weekend, that is. We didn’t leave my dorm room again until Sunday. Kellan came back after dinner. Apparently, I failed to mention that Bram wasn’t leaving until Monday morning.

“Grover has an exam tomorrow morning. He needs to study,” Kellan said as he flopped onto his bed.

“Oh,” I said quietly, glancing at Bram. “Uh, well he doesn’t have classes until Wednesday for some absurd reason.”

“I didn’t get a fall break like you did, remember?”

“Right.”

“Dude, you’re cool. I’ll be over here studying. I have a quiz tomorrow in Biology. Don’t worry about it,” Kellan insisted as he put his headphones in and turned on his laptop.

I glanced at Bram again, he leaned his lips to my ear, “Let’s go for a walk?”

“It’s freezing and already dark,” I mumbled, glancing toward the window.

“I’ll keep you warm,” he mumbled with a wink as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

I eyed him, wondering what he was planning, but nodded and we quickly changed into jeans and pulled our coats on. I was at the point of opening the door when Kellan noticed. “Where’re you going?”

“Uh,” I glanced at Bram. “For a walk. We’ll be back.” Kellan raised his eyebrows and shook his head, but went back to his laptop almost immediately. I grabbed Bram by the hand and pulled him into the hallway. “So, why are we going for a walk?” I said as we left the front door of my dorm building.

“Because I want more time alone with you,” he said lightly and wrapped his arms around my shoulders as he pulled me across the road and onto Founders Green.

I laughed. “But it’s cold.”

“I said, I’ll keep you warm,” he promised, wrapping his arms tighter around me. He kissed the top of my head and I wrapped my arms around his waist.

“Is it weird that I kind of already miss you?” I whispered a minute later.

“I hope not, because I think I already miss you, too,” he mumbled, kissing my hair again. “Are there benches anywhere?” he asked looking around.

“There’s one over at that end of the building,” I said, pointing toward the southern end of my dorm building.

He unwrapped me from his arms and grabbed my hand as he pulled me in the direction, I’d pointed. There were still some other people outside, mostly leaving the dining hall. It seemed like the kids from up north didn’t actually think it was freezing, but my southern blood was not about this mid-50s nonsense.

We reached the bench and it was empty, so he pulled me by the hand toward it. Sitting down and then pulling me next to him. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head again. “Remember the last time we were sitting on a bench in the middle of the night?” he said quietly a moment later.

I searched my brain for what on earth he was referring to.

“Prom?” he said and I laughed.

“Oh, god. I haven’t thought about that night in so long.”

“It wasn’t all bad, was it?” he asked, seeming a little upset.

“No. Not all of it. Especially not the part where I got to spend all night kissing you afterwards,” I looked up and kissed him quickly.

He half-smiled in return and then put a hand on my cheek. “That was definitely my favorite part.” He kissed me again and it was one of those forget your own name type of kisses that I never wanted to end. It didn’t end. It felt like I spent all night on that bench, kissing Bram. I didn’t of course, at some point I started to shiver and Bram laughed. “We should go back inside.”

“But,” I mumbled, trying to pull his lips back to mine.

He laughed. “Just you wait until that roommate of yours is asleep.”

“Bram, no,” I said suddenly concerned with what he was planning.

He laughed again. “Don’t worry, I’m just going to spend all night kissing you.”

I sighed and snuggled closer to him before another shiver shook through my body. “Okay. I guess we can go inside.”

He laughed and opened his arms so I could get to my feet. He took my hand as he stood up and then I lead him back into the dorm building. When we got back to my room, Kellan was still staring at his computer screen. He glanced up at us when the door opened. “How was the walk?” he asked.

“Good,” I mumbled as Bram wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

“Good, until Simon started shivering.”

“It’s cold,” I protested.

“It’s going to get colder,” Kellan said with a laugh. “I always forget you’re from the south. Not used to this fall weather.”

“Fall!?!” I said incredulously. “This is not fall. It’s full-on winter. It’s freezing.”

Kellan laughed. “It’s not even cold enough to snow right now. It’s really not that bad.”

“SNOW!?!” I moaned loudly. “I forgot about snow. Is it actually going to do that? Whyyyy?”

Kellan and Bram both laughed. “Yes, I’m sure it will snow at some point,” Kellan assured me as Bram took his coat off. I crossed my arms and shook my head. “’fraid so,” Kellan laughed. He glanced back at his computer screen. “Oh, wow. It’s late. I’m going to go shower and head to bed.”

I glanced at my alarm clock. It was nearly 9:30. I looked at Bram. “You’re going to be halfway to New York in twelve hours,” I groaned as he sat on my bed.

“More than that,” he said quietly. “Get over here.”

I bit my lip but pulled my coat off and sat on the bed next to Bram, my head immediately falling to his shoulder. Once Kellan had left the room with his towel and bath caddy, Bram turned to look at me with that little mischievous half-smile that so often adorns his cute face and I laughed.

“Pajamas, and then…” he said slowly. He didn’t finish his sentence, but winked. I laughed.

“We don’t have that long,” I reminded him.

“I know,” he insisted as he pulled off his jeans.

We were in pajamas and cuddle together under the blankets in my bed when Kellan returned from his shower a little while later. Bram stopped kissing me when the door opened and I grumbled loudly as I nuzzled my head into his chest instead. Kellan laughed. “Is it okay if I hit the lights?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” I mumbled.

Kellan set his shower caddy down and hung up his towel before flipping the light switch and climbing into his bed. “Goodnight,” he said as he rolled over to the face the wall.

“Night,” I mumbled in return and then raised on my elbows to look at Bram.

Bram fought back a laugh and reached up to run a hand through my hair. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too,” I whispered back and then I dropped my head to kiss him again.

The 7 AM alarm came too quickly. And Kellan was already awake and staring at his laptop screen by the time I lifted my head from Bram’s chest. I sighed as I stretched to turn off the alarm. “You have to leave soon,” I mumbled as my head dropped back to its resting place.

Bram hummed in acknowledgement but his arm wrapped tightly around my back. “I don’t wanna,” he mumbled, kissing my hair.

“I don’t want you, too,” I agreed. “But I have classes.”

He sighed and kissed my hair again. “I know.”

Less than an hour later, I was walking Bram to the train station and I was still not ready to let go of him when the 7:51 train to center city arrived, but I had a 9 o’clock class and still needed to eat breakfast.

“I have to go,” he said, squeezing my hand.

“I know,” I mumbled back and then I stretched on tiptoe and kissed him once. “I love you. Text me so I know you make it okay.”

“I will,” he promised and then he hurried onto the train.

I waited on the platform until the train pulled away and then sighed as I headed back to campus. My phone buzzed in my pocket before I got across Lancaster Ave.

_I miss you already. [crying emoji]_

_I miss YOU. I love you._

_I love you, too. [kissy-face emoji]_

I got back to my room and threw my stuff for morning classes into my backpack. Kellan was already gone. Just as I was getting to the dining hall my phone buzzed again.

_I’m at 30 th Street. I don’t like it here without you._

_I don’t like it HERE without YOU. When’s your train?_

_8:36. Only 16 days then we’ll be flying home for Thanksgiving._

_16 days is too many. I miss you._

_I miss you, too._

I sat down at the usual table with my bowl of cereal and cup of coffee. Liza looked at me sideways. I think I must have sighed out loud without realizing it.

“Boyfriend left?” she asked.

I nodded.

“Are you both going home for Thanksgiving?”

I nodded again. “Yeah. 16 days.”

I ate breakfast and Bram texted that he was on the Acela, speeding back to New York. I sighed again as I took my dishes up and then trudged off toward my first class.

By the time I was getting out of my 9 o’clock class it was nearly 10 and I had another text from Bram that he was already back in Penn Station waiting on the subway.


	31. Chapter 31

I always hated the first few days after I had to leave him again. It was so much more intense. All I could think about was how much I missed Bram and what he was doing with his two days off classes. But it got better by the end of the week and a few people insisted on going into Center City on Saturday…for Cheesesteaks? I swear there had to be somewhere closer than Center City, but here we were in the freezing cold.

The cheesesteak _was_ good, but not twenty-minute train ride and walking around in the cold good if you asked me. By the time we got back to campus it was already dark.

“Wait, Simon,” Liza said as we entered the dorm building.

“Huh?”

“Your birthday’s this week isn’t it?”

“Is it?” I thought out loud. I looked at the date on my phone screen. “Huh, yeah, I guess it is.”

“Do you have plans?”

“Not really,” I mumbled. This was going to be so weird. Where was the giant-ass Publix sheet cake and party hats? Where were Leah and Abby and Nick and Anna and Morgan. Hell, where was Garrett? But mostly, where was Bram. I sighed.

“What day is it?” Kellan asked.

“The 17th.”

“That’s what? Thursday?” he said looking at his phone. I shrugged. “Yeah, looks like it. We’ll figure something out. You’re going to have a fun birthday. I guarantee it!”

I laughed at my roommate’s optimism as we headed down the hall toward our room.

On Wednesday morning, I got out of my 10 o’clock class to find an email notification on my phone.

**From:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

 **To:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

 **Date:** November 16 at 10:02 AM

 **Subject:** The Edge of Nineteen

Dear Jacques,

Well, it’s the last day of your first year of adulthood (soon to be the first day of the last year of your teens – is your head spinning yet?). I can’t believe how long I’ve known you. I can’t believe how recently I met you. My brain keeps scrolling back through all our Novembers, and I don’t know how you do it, Simon, but you make memories feel like time travel. Everything uploads in high-definition when it comes to you.

Remember last year? Homecoming, when we didn’t dance. And Nick’s cabin afterward, when we didn’t sleep. Or November of junior year, when I told me secret email boyfriend I imagine him fantasizing about sex. (Do I remember? Simon. You know I basically stopped breathing until you replied, right?) Or sophomore year, when Ms. Warshauer announced a pop quiz about Chaucer. You told her she was the cause by which you die, and she laughed so hard she had to leave the room for ten minutes.

And then there was ninth grade. Simon, you want to know what I was doing four years ago today? I was stumbling headfirst into the biggest, most all-consuming crush of my fourteen-year-old life. We had biology first period, Ms. Hensel’s class, and we were partnered together for the hereditary lab. Do you remember that? It was that truly batshit assignment where we had to flip coins to determine the genotype of our fictional baby. It was the first time we’d ever talked, though I was mostly trying not to openly gape at you.

I remember just how it felt. My rabbit heartbeat, my whirlpool stomach, the way my brain fogged over every time your mouth moved. Of course, I’d noticed you before then. Scrawny freshman Simon Spier, with your moppy hair and thick glasses. You always looked really startled and pleased when anyone talked to you, which was so strange and endearing (Simon, everyone wanted to talk to you. I don’t think you’ve ever understood your own gravitational pull).

So there I was, _making a baby_ with this unbearably cute boy (who had all these very strong opinions about coin toss terminology: “How is that a tail, Bram? How? It’s the freaking front of the eagle!”). I’ll never forget when we had to translate all those genotypes into phenotypes. Our giant-nostriled disaster baby. And, Simon, you loved him. You loved every recessive sprout of hair on his ears. You held my illustration up next to your face, beaming, and it was game over for me, Spier. You’ve had my heart ever since.

I really wish I could be there tomorrow. I know we’ll both be home in seven days, but it just sucks. Every moment we miss is so dumbfoundingly hard. And these four stupid years feel like forever. But I plan to be in love with you for so long, Simon Spier. We’ll make those four years feel like nothing. Not a blip.

Love,

Blue

I shoved my phone back into my pocket with a sigh. I immediately headed for my dorm room. There was still an hour until lunch.

“Okay, we’ve finally got it figured out,” Kellan said the instant I was through the door.

“What’s that? Who’s we?”

“We, Grover, the Jacobs, and I, have been trying to figure out what we’re doing for your birthday and today we had the perfect idea.”

“Do tell.”

“After dinner, we’re going to do this ghost tour in Center City. Liza said she went last year and it’s apparently really great. And then we’ll come back early enough that you can still facetime your boyfriend, because clearly that’s a very important part of the day.”

I sighed and laughed. “Okay.” I agreed through the laughter. Haunted attractions and ghosts weren’t really my thing, but whatever. I needed to do something.

Kellan drove the crew into the city for the ghost tour. It ended by 6:30 and we returned to campus by 7. We were walking from Kellan’s car to the dorm building, when everyone seemed to get really suspiciously quiet.

“Okay, what is going on?” I asked as we reached the top of the stairs.

“Nothing!” Kellan said quickly. Too quickly.

We passed Liza in the hallway and I swear she winked. “Happy Birthday, Simon! Did you guys have fun?”

“It was GREAT!” Grover assured her as he headed toward his room.

The Jacobs split off toward their room and then Kellan and I were walking in awkward silence toward our room at the end of the hall. “What is going on?” I demanded as I put my key in the door.

“Nothing!” Kellan assured me again.

I gave him a look as the door opened. The light was on. “Did we leave the light on?” I wondered aloud. I shook my head. We must have. I pushed the door open and stopped dead in my tracks as my mouth fell open.

“I’m just gonna, grab...these…” Kellan said, edging his way around me. He picked up a pair of pajama pants. “See you at breakfast.”

He scooted back around me and closed the door. I was still standing frozen a step inside the door staring at my bed. As if this was literally nothing, there, in the middle of my crappy dorm room bed, was sitting the most perfect person to ever exist. Cross-legged in flannel pajama pants reading a fucking textbook. He looked up and started laughing as soon as our eyes met. “Uh, surprise,” he said a few seconds later when I still hadn’t moved.

“How?” was all I could manage to say as I walked across the room and threw my lanyard and keys on my desk.

He started laughing again. “Happy Birthday!” He put on a huge smile and closed the textbook he’d been reading from. I just shook my head in disbelief. He set the textbook on my desk and turned around, opening his arms toward me. “Are you okay?” he eventually asked when I didn’t move again.

“I mean. I think I might be hallucinating…”

He laughed. “You’re not.” He got to his feet and wrapped his arms around me while I continued to not move. “I’m actually here, promise,” he whispered and kissed my hair. “Happy birthday, Simon.”

I shook my head against his chest. “But how?” I said again.

He laughed and kissed my hair. “Pajamas and then I’ll tell you, promise.” He pulled away from me, hands on my shoulders and laughed.

I blinked and shook my head again. Once he was sure I wasn’t going to fall over, he stepped backwards and sat on the edge of my bed with a smirk. “Do you need help?”

I blinked at him again. “I…I’m just…how? I don’t understand.”

He laughed again and gestured toward my dresser. “Go on.”

I shook my head again and took a deep breath. I turned to my dresser and exchanged my jeans for pajama pants and hung up my coat. I then turned back to my bed and stared at him again. “B, how?”

He laughed and got to his feet again. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into the bed with him. “Now,” he said quietly, kissing me once. “Now, that I actually have you in my arms, maybe I’ll tell you how I made that happen.”

I blinked and stared at him. “So, after I left earlier this month, I followed Kellan on Instagram.”

“Right, I knew that.”

“So I sent him a DM asking for a bit of help…”

I raised my eyebrows. “You slid into my fucking roommate’s DMs and did what exactly?”

He laughed. “I asked if it would be possible to get you out of your dorm room tonight while also getting me into said dorm room.” I blinked at him. “And he was totally down, so the plan flew into action and Liza got involved and here I am. Because, I just couldn’t not see you on your birthday, Simon. Because I love you.” And then he was kissing me and nothing mattered anymore.

An alarm went off much earlier than was reasonable. “I have an 8 AM class,” Bram mumbled next to my ear. “I have to go.”

I grumbled and clung to him. “I have to get an Uber to 30th Street. I talked to Liza. The trains don’t run out here this early.” He explained while trying to extract himself from my arms. I grumbled again and held him tighter. “We’ll be home in less than a week,” he reminded me.

“Right,” I mumbled as I nuzzled my face against his chest.

“I love you,” he said quietly and then finally managed to escape the bed. I sighed and sat up, check the time on my alarm clock. It was barely 5 AM.

“It’s so early,” I complained.

“You don’t have to get up,” he said, leaning down to kiss my forehead.

“But,” I grumbled and got to my feet. He was about to pull his coat on when I wrapped my arms around him from behind. He laughed. “I love you, too,” I mumbled, laying my head against his shoulder blade.

He sighed and turned around in my arms. He kissed me and I forgot how early it was for a minute because all I wanted was to keep kissing him. “I really have to go. My train leaves at 10 of.” I sighed and stepped back toward my bed. “And my Uber is here. I’ll see you next week, Si. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

And then just as quickly as he had arrived, he was gone and I was sad. I crawled back into my bed and pulled the blankets over my head. I somehow made it through all of Friday is some sort of daze. Kellan and Grover literally would not stop high-fiving each other over how perfectly their scheming with my boyfriend had worked and Liza seemed rather pleased with herself, too.

I got back to my room after dinner and pulled out my laptop. I read through the last few weeks of emails with Bram and just shook my head before I started composing a response. How was I this lucky?

**From:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

 **To:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

 **Date:** November 18 at 7:12 PM

 **Subject:** I’m still just…HOLY SHIT

Abraham Louis Greenfeld, you are UNBELIEVABLE. I just scrolled back through our emails, and I can’t stop smiling. You’re such a freaking con artist, you know that? God. Bram. Best fucking surprise of my life. I don’t think my feet have even hit the floor yet.

Bram, I’ll never get over the sight of you on my bed, cross-legged, in flannel freaking pajama pants, reading a textbook. A TEXTBOOK. Like it’s some regular homework night. And I’m just standing in the doorway, fucking _speechless_. Bram, I thought you were a ghost (probably because I’d just come back from a ghost tour, AS YOU KNEW PERFECTLY WELL, BECAUSE YOU’RE IN CAHOOTS WITH MY FREAKING ROOMMATE).

Like. I’m just trying to wrap my head around the fact that you two have been planning this all month. You guys are the sneakiest little sneaks on earth. I still can’t believe you SLID INTO KELLAN’S DMs, talked him into bringing me on a ghost tour, and then talked my freaking customs person into _smuggling you into my dorm room_. Such deception!!!! By the way, Kellan and Grover are so fucking pleased with themselves right now. They legit won’t stop high-fiving each other (high-fiving! Guys, this is why people think you’re a pair of straight dudes!) (okay, so the high fives are a little finger-twiney upon further observation, but STILL).

Anyway, it was perfect. It was just the most perfect birthday imaginable. You’re a really great person to be in love with, you know that?

Love,

Simon


	32. Chapter 32

On Saturday I got a text from Leah in the early afternoon.

_I just dropped Abby off and it feels like the end of the world. Do you feel like this all the time, Si? This sucks._

_You guys are home already!?! Jealous. And it gets better…but can’t you just literally go see her tomorrow?_

_I still don’t like it. When are you and Bram coming home?_

_We both have classes on Wednesday so we get in at like 9 on Wednesday night. My dad’s picking us up_

_Wait, are you flying together?_

_Oh, yeah. We’re both taking the train to Newark and then flying to Atlanta._

Wednesday couldn’t come soon enough. I muddled my way through the weekend and then 3 days of classes and then I was running to my dorm room. I made sure to pack the night before because I didn’t have a lot of time. I needed to catch the 3:21 train to 30th Street. I flew into the dorm room and nearly took Kellan out with the door. “Sorry,” I said quickly and started fumbling around with my suitcase and switching things out of my backpack.

“When are you leaving?” Kellan asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Now,” I said. “Train is at 3:21 and then I only have like 15 minutes to get from the SEPTA to the Amtrak and then I’m cutting it close with getting to the airport even.”

“Wait, where are you flying out of?”

“Newark. I’m meeting Bram.”

“That’s cute. Want me to drive you up to the SEPTA station?”

“Oh my god, would you? That would be amazing.”

“Sure, let me just get my keys.”

By the time I turned around from re-packing my backpack, Kellan was wearing his hoodie and holding his keys. “Ready?”

“Yes. Thank you so much.”

“No problem, seriously,” he said and opened the door.

Grover happened to be in the hall when we walked out of room. “Where’re you going?”

“Just, taking Simon up to the SEPTA station. I’ll be right back.”

“Oh, cool,” Grover said as we started down the stairs.

Less than 10 minutes later I was standing on the platform at Haverford Station with more than 5 minutes to spare. I’d thanked Kellan profusely at least a hundred times before he waved and drove back to campus. I pulled out my phone.

_On the platform. Waiting for the SEPTA Train. See you in less than 2 hours._

_I’m getting ready to leave my room. It’s so weird to be going home._

_It is._

The train pulled into the station just then and I got on. I took a whole two-person seat to myself since I had my suitcase and stared out the window as we headed toward Center City. The 20-minute ride had become routine at this point. 2 minutes between each stop: Ardmore, Wynnewood, Narbeth, Merion, Overbrook. Then 10 minutes to 30th Street.

Just before we pulled into 30th Street I got another text from Bram.

_On the Subway. See you so soon._

_I’m almost to 30 th Street then it’s an hour train ride to Newark._

“Next stop is 30th Street Station,” the automated voice in the SEPTA train announced. I pulled my backpack back on and pulled my suitcase into the aisle.

The platform at 30th Street was freezing, but I quickly made my way inside and down the long ramp into the main concourse. I checked the board over the information station, my train was on time. I found the right track and got into the already growing line. I pulled my phone out again as it buzzed. It was a text from Leah in the massive group chat we’d made to plan our Thanksgiving reunion which was happening Friday afternoon at WaHo. Literally just thinking those words was hilarious after all the time in the north.

_Abby keeps not getting the messages and texting me, can we start an email thread?_

Everyone quickly agreed and I laughed. Abby was the only one out of the group who had an Android and apparently it didn’t like group chats.

“Next to Arrive will be Amtrak’s Northeast Regional Service in route to Boston South Station. Making stops at Trenton, Newark Liberty International Airport, Newark Penn Station, New York Penn Station, Stamford, New Haven, Old Saybrook, New London, Kingston, Providence, Route 128, Boston Back Back Station, and Boston South Station. Arrive now on track 12.”

People streamed up from the platform and then the conductor let us down. At the bottom of the stairs more conductors were waiting.

“Business class to the front, Quiet Car in the rear, everyone else in the middle, please.”

I got onto the nearest car and threw my suitcase into the luggage rack before being directed to a seat by the conductor. I sat down and put my headphones in. I started my iTunes playlist and sent a text to Bram.

_On the Amtrak!_

He didn’t respond until we were already pulling out of the station.

_Sorry, I was running across Penn Station. I cut that a little too close. I only had 12 minutes to make it from the subway to my Amtrak._

_You’re cute. See you in an hour._

_I love you._

_I love you, too._

As we pulled out of 30th Street Station I head the announcement overhead. “Next stop will be Trenton in 29 minutes.”

An email from Abby came through a few minutes later, followed by Garrett’s response and then Garrett being Garrett and asking which WaHo.

**From:** simonirvinspier@gmail.com

 **To:** the.original.angel.bro@gmail.com, abbysuso0710@gmail.com, leahontheoffbeat@gmail.com, bram.l.greenfeld@gmail.com, therealnickeisner@gmail.com, temetternich.harvard@gmail.com

 **Date:** November 23 at 4:21 PM

 **Subject:** RE: SQUAD THE F UP

Roswell Road, right? Near the Starbucks? I’m hyped!!

**From:** the.original.angel.bro@gmail.com

 **To:** simonirvinspier@gmail.com, abbysuso0710@gmail.com, leahontheoffbeat@gmail.com, bram.l.greenfeld@gmail.com, therealnickeisner@gmail.com, temetternich.harvard@gmail.com

 **Date:** November 23 at 4:23 PM

 **Subject:** RE: SQUAD THE F UP

“WaHo near the Starbucks” LOL, we are most certainly back in Shady Creek, my friends.

Sent from G-money’s iPhone

**From:** temettermich.harvard@gmail.com

 **To:** the.original.angel.bro@gmail.com, simonirvinspier@gmail.com, abbysuso0710@gmail.com, leahontheoffbeat@gmail.com, bram.l.greenfeld@gmail.com, therealnickeisner@gmail.com

 **Date:** November 23 at 4:27 PM

 **Subject:** RE: SQUAD THE F UP

Hi, everyone! So excited for Friday. Quick question: “G-money,” who are you?

Best,

Taylor

_Taylor Eline Metternich_

_Harvard College_

_Creekwood High School Valedictorian_

Before anyone could respond to Taylor, I got a text from Bram.

_Just arrived at the Airport. I’ll be waiting for you by security._

_Can’t wait to see you. I still have a while._

We were pulling out of Trenton when the announcement came overhead: “Next stop will be Newark Liberty International Airport in 31 minutes.” I sent another message.

_31 minutes to be precise according to the announcement._

**From:** the.original.angel.bro@gmail.com

 **To:** temetternich.harvard@gmail.com, simonirvinspier@gmail.com, abbysuso0710@gmail.com, leahontheoffbeat@gmail.com, bram.l.greenfeld@gmail.com, therealnickeisner@gmail.com

 **Date:** November 23 at 4:30 PM

 **Subject:** RE: SQUAD THE F UP

‘Tis I, Guy Fieri!!

Okay wait, for real, should I bring back the Fieri hair? Do we think the ladies of Tech would appreciate??

Sent from G-money’s iPhone

**From:** leahontheoffbeat@gmail.com

 **To:** the.original.angel.bro@gmail.com, temetternich.harvard@gmail.com, simonirvinspier@gmail.com, abbysuso0710@gmail.com, bram.l.greenfeld@gmail.com, therealnickeisner@gmail.com

 **Date:** November 23 at 4:35 PM

 **Subject:** RE: SQUAD THE F UP

Garrett, no.

**From:** abbysuso0710@gmail.com

 **To:** leahontheoffbeat@gmail.com, the.original.angel.bro@gmail.com, temetternich.harvard@gmail.com, simonirvinspier@gmail.com, bram.l.greenfeld@gmail.com, therealnickeisner@gmail.com

 **Date:** November 23 at 4:39 PM

 **Subject:** RE: SQUAD THE F UP

Umm, Garrett, what do you mean by “bring back”?

(Do I want to know??)

I quickly texted Bram. _Do you have the picture of it on your phone?_

_Of course!_

**From:** bram.l.greenfeld@gmail.com

 **To:** abbysuso0710@gmail.com, leahontheoffbeat@gmail.com, the.original.angel.bro@gmail.com, temetternich.harvard@gmail.com, simonirvinspier@gmail.com, therealnickeisner@gmail.com

 **Date:** November 23 at 4:44 PM

 **Subject:** RE: SQUAD THE F UP

Fifth grade. Please see attached.

And attached to Bram’s email was the most gloriously embarrassing picture of Garrett Laughlin to ever exist. For some reason back in 5th grade, he’d thought it was a brilliant idea to bleach his hair and wear it all spiked up for a few months. When Bram had discovered this picture sophomore year, it had been one of the few times he actually spoke at the lunch table. Nick had shown him after soccer the night before and honestly the whole situation was glorious.

“Newark Liberty International Airport will be in 10 minutes.”

I flipped back to my messaging app.

_10 minutes._

_Hurry up. I miss you._

_I miss you, too._

When the train finally stopped, I got off as quickly as possible and caught the AirTrain to the terminal. I was literally two steps into the airport when I was sudden engulfed in a hug. “Bram,” I breathed against his shoulder as I let go of my suitcase handle.

“Hi,” he whispered. And then he kissed me and grabbed my suitcase before I could. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

I followed him toward the Delta ticketing counter and checked my suitcase before we hurried toward security. There was only about an hour left until our flight.

We were just sitting down near our gate when my phone buzzed. It was a text from my mom.

_Are you at the airport yet?_

_Yes. We just sat down by the gate. Dad is still coming to get us, right?_

_Of course! I can’t wait to see you!_

_Alice is already home?_

_Yep! She got in a couple hours ago._

_Good! I’ll see you in 4 hours!_

Bram glanced at me when I finally tucked my phone away. “My mom,” I explained. “My dad’s going to come get us at the airport when we land.”

“Perfect, an awkward 45-minute car ride with Jack Spier. What a better way to end the day.” He laughed.

“Oh, come on, he’s not that bad.”


	33. Chapter 33

Our flight landed right before 9 and we were home. The Atlanta Airport shouldn’t feel as much like home as it does, honestly. We quickly made our way toward baggage claim while I texted my dad.

Of course, my dad was waiting right outside the door, trunk already open. He helped us throw our suitcases in and then went back to the driver’s side. I don’t know if that was his way of not intruding on our seating choices or what, but I opened the backdoor and gestured for Bram to get in. He laughed, but did and then I told him to scoot over and slid in next to him. My head flopping back to his shoulder as soon as our seatbelts were on. Exactly where it had been for the past 2 and half hours on the plane.

I yawned as my dad pulled onto the highway and nuzzled into Bram’s neck. He smirked and wrapped his arm around my shoulders before kissing my hair. I heard my dad suppress a chuckle and died a little inside. I glanced up to see Bram looking rather pleased with himself and shook my head. He laughed.

I don’t know when exactly, but I fell asleep long before we reached Shady Creek. I woke to Bram kissing my hair again as my dad pulled up in front of his mom’s house. “Simon, wake up, sleepyhead,” he whispered. I groaned and nuzzled closer to him. He laughed. “As much as I would love to just sit here in your dad’s car and let you sleep on my shoulder all night, my mom is going to walk out that door at any minute and demand I come inside.” I groaned again but sat up, blinking around at my dark surroundings. “I love you,” he whispered as he opened the door. “I’ll see you on Friday at WaHo.” I nodded and opened my own door.

“You didn’t have to get out,” he said as my dad lifted his suitcase from the trunk.

“Yes, I did,” I mumbled and wrapped my arms around him and before I could think too much about the fact that my dad was right there and his mom was probably watching through the window, I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. “I love you, too.”

He laughed; my face turned red. “You goof. I’ll see you Friday.”

“Friday, noon, WaHo on Roswell Road.”

“That’s the one. I love you, you goof. Now go get some sleep.” He slipped out of my arms and grabbed his suitcase exactly as his mom opened the front door.

“Thank you for picking him up again, Mr. Spier!” she shouted.

“It’s no problem at all, and please, call me Jack!” my dad replied.

Bram pulled his suitcase into the house and I watched as he hugged his mom. I smiled and then got into the front seat of my dad’s car. “Everyone said they were staying up until you got home,” he informed me as he started the car again and pulled off toward our house.

“That means I can’t just go to bed, doesn’t it?”

He laughed. “You can try, but I doubt your mother or sisters will let you.”

I yawned and stretched.

On Thursday, I was in the living room watching stupid movies with Alice and Nora when the doorbell rang. “Is grandma coming?” I asked looking up to where my mom was already opening the door. Sure enough, my grandmother entered. I walked into the dining room a while later to find my mom and grandma setting the table. I noticed there were two extra place settings (a total of 8). “Who else is coming?” I asked my mom as she stood up.

“Oh, um, I hope you don’t mind. I was talking to Bram’s mom the other day and she said they weren’t going to be able to see any family today, so I invited them to join us.”

“WHAT!?” I practically shouted.

“Shhhh,” my mom said. “Is that okay?”

My head was spinning. “Why were you talking to his mom?”

“Just about your dad picking you up at the airport, Simon.”

“But, what?”

My mom laughed. “I’m going to assume that means it’s okay. I mean, even if it’s not, it’s already done.”

Nora entered the room. “What’s all the shouting about?”

“Mom, decided to invite my boyfriend and his mom to thanksgiving without telling me first.”

Nora laughed. “Wait, you didn’t know about that?”

“Are you kidding me?” I turned back to my mom.

“Sorry! I forgot to mention last night.”

I pulled out my phone and headed toward the stairs.

_Did your mom tell you?_

_Tell me what?_

I rolled my eyes and closed my bedroom door. I hit send on a facetime to Bram. It took him a couple rings to answer. “Sorry, I’m getting ready for dinner.”

“And where are you going to dinner?”

“Uh? Probably my aunt’s? That’s what we usually do.”

“Think again.”

“What?”

“I was just informed that our mothers are now conspiring behind our backs. Apparently, your mom told my mom that you weren’t going to be able to go see family today and my mom took it upon herself to invite you both to dinner. WITHOUT TELLING ME.”

“Wait, what?”

“Seriously, go ask your mom where you’re going for dinner.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m not,” he pulled his shirt over his head. “Actually, wait, don’t go ask her right now. I like this view.”

Bram shook his head and pulled a different shirt on. “Are you actually serious?”

“I am,” I confirmed with a nod. “Also serious about liking the view.”

He laughed. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I can’t help that you still dazzle me.”

“Sorry not sorry.”

I laughed. “But seriously. I can’t believe _our moms_.”

“How did that even happen?”

“Apparently they were talking about how my dad was picking us up at the airport and my mom asked what your Thanksgiving plans were and your mom said you weren’t going to be able to see family today. And then Emily Spier did the most Emily Spier thing to ever exist and invited her (and you) to our dinner.”

“I still don’t believe you.”

“Seriously, go ask your mom.”

He picked up his phone and walked to his bedroom door. “Mom?”

I heard her answer in the background.

“Where are we going for dinner?”

Bram’s mom came into view. “Oh! I didn’t tell you, did I? You got home so late. Simon’s mother invited us over. Aunt Kathy has to work, so she couldn’t host this year and we don’t have time to go all the way out to Savannah…”

Bram blinked at her and I fought back a laugh. “I told you!”

His mom got a funny look on her face until Bram held up the phone. “Oh, hello, Simon. I suppose we’ll be seeing you shortly then. Bram, please finish getting ready, we shouldn’t be late.” And she walked off, back down the hall.

Bram turned the phone back to his own face. “You’re actually not kidding,” he said quietly.

“Nope,” I said with a smirk. “I told you. It’s literally the most Emily Spier thing to ever happen. I literally can’t believe _our moms_ though.”

“In that case!” Bram said excitedly. “What do I wear? What do Spiers wear on holidays?”

I laughed. “What you’re wearing is fine, honestly. Also, my grandma’s here…”

“Now, that’s interesting. Tell me about your grandma. What do I need to know?”

I laughed as I flopped on my bed and told Bram all about my grandma while he finished getting dressed.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now I'm abruptly back to present tense, because I was editing the first 33 chapters and my brain did THAT. So, once again, I am sorry.

Almost half an hour later, I’m downstairs, sitting on the loveseat. My sisters are at opposite ends of the couch, watching yet another ridiculous holiday movie, with Bieber between them. The doorbell rings. I jump to my feet and run to the hall. I hear Nora laughing, but ignore it. I swing the door open immediately. Bram and his mom are waiting. “Hi, Ms. Greenfeld.”

“Hello, Simon!”

I step back so they can enter and Bram closes the door. My mom comes out of the kitchen a moment after that. “Gloria! Bram! Dinner’s nearly ready. Jack’s just about to carve the turkey and then we’re all set.” She approaches. “Here, let me take your jacket.”

Bram’s mom hands my mom her jacket with a smile and then follows her into the dining room. This leaves Bram and I staring at each other from two feet apart in the entry hall. He smirks at me and I grin broadly before throwing my arms around him. He laughs. “Hi.”

“Hi,” I repeat and then I kiss him. I hear a chuckle. My face gets hot and I glance to the living room doorway. Alice is holding Bieber’s collar and biting back laughter. “Shut up,” I say and give her a look. She laughs and releases Bieber. He runs over to us and jumps up. One paw on my leg and one on Bram’s. We both laugh. I scratch Bieber’s head. Bram’s hand joins mine for a moment. And then my dad’s head is poking out of the dining room. “Dinner’s on the table!”

“Be right there!”

Bieber trots off after my dad and I look back to Bram. I kiss him again, quickly, and then grab his hand, pulling him into the dining room. There are two seats left at the table; thankfully next to each other. We squeeze behind Bram’s mom and take our seats between her and my grandma. Grandma smiles at me and then looks at Bram. It’s like she’s evaluating him. I close my eyes and take his hand under the table.

“Let’s eat!” my dad announces, saving us from Grandma’s stare. There’s a lot of movement, plates and serving dishes being passed every which direction until everyone is satisfied with the contents of their plate. We start eating. I immediately dive into the cornbread stuffing. My mom made it every year from her mom’s recipe and it was always amazing. Once the initial frenzy ends, Grandma’s eyes are back on Bram.

“So,” she says, setting her fork down. I close my eyes. “Bram, tell me about yourself.” I squeeze my eyes tighter and grab Bram’s hand under the table again.

Bram swallows audibly and sets his own fork down. “Um, what do you want to know?”

“Where do you go to school?”

“Columbia.”

She looks impressed. “What are you studying?”

“Uh, political science.”

She arches an eyebrow. “What are your aspirations for that?”

“Uh,” he pauses and glances at me and then his mom. We’ve never really discussed what lies beyond college. “I’ve been thinking about that. I might go to law school…” I raise my eyebrows at him. That was a new development. He bites his lip. “My advisor mentioned it when I was talking to him last week and I don’t know for sure, but I think it might be something to look at.” I can see this is news to his mom as well. You can almost see her making the mental note that that needs discussing later. All I can think is, _are we seriously going to become my parents? The psychologist and the lawyer._ I almost laugh.

I look back to my grandma and she’s deep in thought. She nods suddenly. “And,” she glances at me. “You and Simon have been together, how long?” I close my eyes again.

“Next month will be 2 years,” he says with a smirk. I squeeze his hand where I’m still clenching it under the table.

“And do you intend to continue?”

I roll my eyes. I _s she actually serious?_ “As long as he’ll still have me.”

I laugh. “So forever then?” I ask.

He laughs too. “That’s the plan.”

I glance back to Grandma. She’s thinking again. “Jack says you played soccer in high school?” Bram nods. “Do you still play?”

He inhales. “Uh, yeah. I’m on an intramural team at school.”

Grandma nods. “Your plans for winter break? You, too, Simon, what are you doing?”

“Uh, well, I get home a week before Christmas, so, I’ll probably see my friends. Christmas Eve and Day traditions, you know. Have some friends over for New Years. Then, uh, I’m going to Savannah with Bram to visit his dad in January and then we go back to school the day after Martin Luther King Day…"

She nods. She likely already knew this with the way my family talks about literally everything. She turns to Bram. He smiles. “Uh, well I don’t get home until a week after Simon, the 23rd. We have finals right up until the 22nd. But I’ll be home for Christmas with my mom,” he gestures to her. “We uh, usually go to church both days with my Aunt and Uncle and Cousins. Hanukkah is actually the week between Christmas and New Years this year, but uh Simon and I are going out to Savannah the first week of January to celebrate with my dad and step-mom and family. Then we have a week before it’s back to school.”

“Hanukkah,” she says slowly. “Your father is…jewish?”

Bram nods. “And…white, just by the way.”

Grandma nods before finally going back to her plate of food. I relax and release Bram’s hand. He chuckles and we both go back to eating. My sisters are sitting across from us and I know they were listening to that entire conversation. I glance at my parents and Bram’s mom for a second and then I take a deep breath and start eating again.

Once we’re done with dinner my mom brings out the pumpkin pie and an enormous tub of cool whip. And once that’s gone, too, Bram’s mom insists on helping my parents clean up while my sisters, Bram, and I retreat to the living room. I pull Bram down onto the loveseat and immediately curl into his side, even through Nora’s fake gagging and Alice’s laughter. My head lands on his shoulder and I sigh. His arm snakes around my back, landing on my hip and my hand is on his thigh. I tilt my head to smile at him and he kisses me, too quickly. More fake gagging and laughter. “Shut up,” I say, glaring at my sisters. I look back at Bram. “I love you,” I whisper as I lay my head back on his shoulder.

“I love you, too,” he whispers, placing a kiss in my hair.

I don’t know how much later it is, but I’m half asleep on Bram’s shoulder. His mom appears in the doorway, holding her coat. “Abraham, we should be going.” Bram looks to her, but I snuggle closer to him, reaching my other arm around to grab his side. He laughs.

“I’ll bring him home later,” I offer, looking up at her. She looks at me for a moment and then back to Bram. I look at him, too. He has this pleading, puppy dog look on his face and I almost die.

“Please?” he asks.

His mom closes her eyes and glances toward where my mom has appeared in the dining room doorway. “Is that alright?” she asks.

“What?” my mom says, she clearly was not standing there for the first part of the conversation.

“I’ll take Bram home later,” I say quietly.

“Oh, yes, of course,” my mom says quickly. “That’s fine.”

Bram’s mom nods. “Not too late, boys. I haven’t seen you in months.”

“Sure thing, Mom,” Bram says quickly. I settle back into Bram’s side. I hear his mom pulling her jacket on and then the door opens and closes. Then her car pulling out of the driveway. I sigh and nuzzle against Bram’s shoulder. He chuckles under his breath. “You’re cute,” he whispers.

“Mmm,” I mumble, snuggling closer (as if that were possible). I yawn.

“Are you tired?” he asks.

“A little.”

“Maybe I should go so you can sleep…”

“No!” I say suddenly and he laughs. So do my sisters.

“Okay,” he agrees and I feel his hand start tracing patterns on my back.

A little while later, I’m barely awake and my grandma walks into the room from the hallway. “Alright kids, I’m going to go. Want to get home before it’s too dark.”

“Okay Grandma!” Nora says looking up.

“Be careful driving,” Alice adds.

“Good to see you,” I mumble.

“It was nice to meet you,” Bram adds.

“Likewise,” Grandma says and then she’s out the front door and a few seconds later her car is backing out of the driveway.

I nuzzle against Bram’s chest again. He kisses my hair. I hear Nora pretending to gag. I look at her. “Can you not?”

She rolls her eyes at me and goes back to watching the holiday movie that Alice had turned back on. I watch it, too, for a minute. “Why are you watching this?”

“What d’you mean?” Alice asks.

“These movies are all so formulaic and unfunny,” I complain. “It’s literally just the same plot with different characters in every one.”

Alice huffs. “No one said you had to watch, Bub.”

I roll my eyes and look up at Bram. He’s already looking at me. I smile. He smiles back. “I love you,” I whisper.

“I love you, too.” He kisses me, for just a second.

Nora’s gagging again. “Seriously, get a room,” she complains.

“Literally, look at the movie you are currently watching, Nora. How is that any better?”

“Because I _know_ you. You’re my _brother_.”

I roll my eyes and sit up, stretching. “Come on,” I say to Bram and get to my feet. He takes my hand and lets me lead him to the stairs.

“Door stays open!” My mom says from where I can see her and my dad sitting at the kitchen table.

“I know,” I say, suppressing an eye roll. I lead Bram up the stairs and into my room. I push the door so it’s just barely cracked and flop backwards onto my bed. He laughs, but crawls onto the bed next to me. “God, being home is so weird,” I complain, closing my eyes.

“It is,” he agrees. “But at least I get to see you.”

I open my eyes to find him staring at my lips. I smile at him and then his lips are on mine and nothing else matters.


	35. Chapter 35

I don’t know how much later it is, but my head is on Bram’s shoulder and I’m half-asleep. We somehow managed to stay not only on top of the covers, but fully dressed. It must be a new record. He runs his hand through my hair. I look up at him. “I love you,” he whispers and kisses me once.

“I love you, too.” I lay my head back to his chest for a second and then sigh when I realize it’s already dark outside my window. “So, what is this ‘too late’ I have to get you home before?”

Bram sighs. “I don’t know, 9:30? 10?”

I nod. “And what time is it?” I don’t feel like moving to get my phone.

He picks his phone up off the side table and turns the screen on. “8.” He also sighs at his screen. “It would seem we’ve been ignoring our friends.”

“What?”

“I have about a hundred texts and a couple emails,” he laughs.

I groan, but roll onto my back and pick up my own phone.

From Leah @ 4:15: _Happy Turkey Day!_

From Nick @ 4:23: _Traditional Thanksgiving after dinner walk?_

From Abby @ 4:52: _Happy Thanksgiving!_

From Leah @ 5:20: _Simon? Are you okay?_

From Nick @ 5:25: _I’ll take that as a no?_

From Abby @ 5:38: _Leah says you didn’t respond to her either. Are you okay?_

I sigh. I also have a missed call from Leah and 2 from Abby.

“So, most of these texts,” Bram says, “are people asking if I’ve heard from you. Apparently, you aren’t responding to their holiday wishes.”

I laugh and then I groan. “I should call Leah.”

He nods and sets his phone down. “FaceTime her so she can see why you didn’t respond earlier,” he suggests and I laugh.

I do it though. I press send on a FaceTime to Leah.

“SIMON!” she practically yells. “Where have you been? Nick says you guys didn’t have your traditional post-dinner walk even!”

I laugh. “Well,” I mumble and then turn the phone so she can see Bram lying next to me on the bed. She looks insulted for a minute and I raise my eyebrow at her.

“You two still make me want to vomit,” she says finally.

“This isn’t even my fault!” I tell her. Her turn with the eyebrow. “My mom!”

“Your…mom.”

“Mine, too, actually,” Bram says quietly.

I think Leah’s eyebrow might end up off her face at this rate. “They’re conspiring behind our backs!” I try to explain.

“Sure, they are,” Leah says.

“But they are!” I insist. “Apparently, they were talking the other day. About how my dad was picking us up at the airport yesterday. And somehow Bram’s mom mentioned that they didn’t have Thanksgiving Dinner plans.”

“My Aunt Kathy had to work and she usually hosts,” Bram adds.

“So, Emily Spier did the most Emily Spier thing she’s ever done and invited them to Dinner.”

“She would,” Leah says.

“So, what did _you_ do?” I ask. Desperate to change the topic.

“Uh, Wells’ family invited us. It was weird.”

“Sorry,” I mumble.

“Don’t be,” she insists. “I survived. Anyway. You two _are_ coming to WaHo tomorrow, right?”

“Of course, we are, Leah!” I said emphatically.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Bram adds.

Leah laughs. “Alright, well, I’m glad you’re alive, Si. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” Her eyes flashed between my face and Bram’s a couple times.

I laughed. “Yeah. Thanks, Leah. Sorry for the delay.”

“I’m sure I would have _actually_ been sick if you’d called me any earlier,” she says, rolling her eyes and then the call ends.

I text Abby. _Just got off FaceTime with Leah. I’m alive, promise._

_Good! We were concerned._ She replies immediately. I laugh. I’m sure Leah will fill her in with all the juicy details.

Then I text Nick. _Sorry, man. I literally didn’t realize the time. We’ll see you tomorrow at WaHo though, right?_

_Yeah, of course. Everything okay?_

_Yeah, everything’s great!_

I laugh. Nick doesn’t respond. That’s Nick though. He just takes you at what you say and moves on, even if he doesn’t believe you. “Come here,” I say, opening my arms toward Bram. “We have an Instagram selfie quota to fulfill!”

He laughs but crawls toward me. We take a few selfies, pick out the best one and then I’m posting it to Instagram with a cheesy holiday message in the caption.

_Happy Thanksgiving! [turkey emoji] I hope everyone’s holiday was as enjoyable as ours was and that you’ve all eaten more turkey than previously thought possible._

I post the picture and it immediately garners likes from Bram (obviously), Abby, Kellan, Liza, and a few seconds later, Leah and Nick. Leah comments the vomiting emoji. Then the text messages.

From Abby: _OMG. Bram came to Thanksgiving with the Spiers?_

From Nick: _I see why you were distracted. [winky emoji]_

I laugh and glance at the time, it’s almost 9. I sigh. “I guess I have to take you home soon,” I say, looking at Bram.

He glances at his phone and closes his eyes. “I don’t wanna.”

I laugh. “Me either.” I roll onto my side toward him and wrap an arm around him. He smiles and pulls me closer, back onto his chest. “Think we could convince your mom you fell asleep and we totally didn’t try it?”

He laughs. “Maybe?” He kisses my hair and then sighs as his phone vibrates. He picks it up and sighs again. “Unfortunately, not.” And then he types a reply. “She just asked if I’ll be home soon with an emphasis on the soon.”

I groaned. “Oh, alright. I guess we should go…”

“Probably,” he agreed, but he wrapped his arm around me tighter and kissed my hair again. “God, we’re ridiculous. I’m literally going to see you tomorrow.”

I laugh. “Don’t care.” I lift my head and kiss him again. “Any time away from you is too much.”

He laughs. “Literally, how do we survive?”

“I have no idea,” I admit. His arm releases me and I roll back to my back, staring at the ceiling above my bed. We both sigh. “Alright, let’s go,” I say and then roll to my feet.

We pull on our shoes and I grab a hoodie; Bram’s already wearing a sweater. We get to the bottom of the stairs and I realize I’m missing something. “The keys,” I mutter and look around the top of the old painted dresser. I don’t see them. “Nora!?”

“What?” she snaps from the living room.

“Where’re the keys? I need to take Bram home.”

“They’re on the dresser,” she says.

“They’re not,” I inform her, but then Bram picks them up out of one of the random dishes and holds them up. “Okay, they are. Never mind. Thank you. I’ll be back.”

“Be careful, Simon,” my mom says, appearing in the doorway.

“I will,” I tell her and then we’re out the door.

The car is not how I left it. Nora’s shorter than I am, so the driver’s seat is too far forward; I adjust it. Then I have to adjust the mirrors. Then there’s the heaping pile of Nora’s school things in the backseat which I roll my eyes at.

25 minutes later and I’m back at my house, without Bram. I drop the keys back onto the dresser and head back upstairs. That is, until my mom appears in the doorway again and clears her throat. I look at her.

“Simon, why don’t you come sit with us?”

“I’m tired.”

“Simon,” she sighs. “You haven’t been home in a month and a half. I’d like to actually _see_ you.”

I close my eyes for a second. “Okay.” I follow her back into the living room and flop onto the loveseat next to Bieber.

It dawns on me a while later that I haven’t even mentioned my Friday plans yet. “So, uh, a bunch of us were going to WaHo tomorrow. Is it okay if I have the car?”

“How long will you be?” my mom asks before Nora can open her mouth.

“Uh, I don’t really know…”

“Can you walk to Nick’s and ride with him?”

“Uh, maybe. Probably, I guess.”


	36. Chapter 36

_I’m not allowed to use the car tomorrow._ I text Bram an hour later when I’m finally back in my bed.

_I’ll come get you._

_Okay. What time should I be ready?_

_How’s 10?_

I laugh. _You know we’re not meeting until 12, right?_

_Correct. My mom works._

_How’s 9?_

_Text me when you wake up._

_I always do._

It’s hard to fall asleep, but eventually I do.

The next morning, I wake up, but squeeze my eyes tighter shut. I was having such a good dream. And then I remember Bram’s text last night and grab my phone and glasses from the side table.

_I’m awake_. I text before even checking the time. It’s only 8:30.

_She literally just left. You’re amazing. I’ll be there soon._

I laugh and climb out of bed. I pull on jeans and a t-shirt, grab my hoodie and head downstairs. Alice is already awake and making coffee in the kitchen. “Morning, Bub,” she says as I enter.

“How much are Mom and Dad going to kill me if I leave before they get up?”

She laughs. “Is Waffle House a breakfast thing?”

I shake my head. She eyes me carefully. “Bram’s mom works today.”

She bites her lip and snorts a laugh. “So, I’m going to tell Mom and Dad that Waffle House _is_ a breakfast thing and that you’re going over to Little Nick Eisnier’s house with your friends afterwards. And _you’re_ going to actually check your phone and respond to Mom when she texts you.”

“You’re the best, Alice, honestly.” I hear Bram’s car in the driveway. “See you later!”

I’m out the front door before she can even respond. I get into the front seat of Bram’s Honda Civic and it feels like we’re back in high school for a second. He leans across the center console and kisses me. “Good morning.” He winks and then backs out of the driveway.

“So, Alice is back in my good graces.”

“Oh? What happened?”

“She was the only one awake.”

“Okay…”

“My parents were already not super pleased that I was going out today. They want ‘family time’ since we’re all home.” I glance sideways at him. He looks like he’s about to turn around. “Don’t you dare.”

“But I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

“They agreed yesterday to WaHo. Alice is going to tell them it’s a ‘breakfast thing’ and that we’re all going to Nick’s afterward. I just have to make sure I check my phone to keep up the story. Because my mom _will_ text me.”

Bram smirks and turns out of my development.

Less than 20 minutes later, we’re laying on Bram’s bed, wearing far less clothing and the world finally feels right again. It’s so weird how being 5 miles or 117 ½ miles away from him feels like a million. Nothing ever feels quite right unless I have him next to me. I smile up at him until his lips crash back into mine and it feels like home. _He_ feels like home. Is it possible to fall _more_ in love with someone, because I think I am. And then before I realize it’s happening; I’m crying and Bram isn’t kissing me anymore. I reach up for his face, to pull his lips back, but he grabs my hands.

“What’s wrong?” he asks. I blink and look at him.

“Nothing. Like literally absolutely _nothing_ is wrong.”

“Why are you crying?”

“I…I love you.”

“I love you, too, silly. That’s no reason to cry.”

Then he’s laying next to me, running his hand down the side of my face.

“I know. It’s just…weird? Is that the right word? I don’t know.”

“What’s going on in your head?” he asks, pausing his hand to run his thumb over my lips.

“Is it possible to fall _more_ in love with you? Because I think I just did,” I mumble. Trying to wipe away my tears.

He holds my head in his hands and runs his thumbs under my eyes. He smiles gently. “What did I do to deserve that?”

“I…I don’t think you _did_ anything. I just. My brain.”

He laughs. “Okay.”

“I just,” I start to say, but stop. I need to explain this, but I can’t. There aren’t words. “Words don’t exist to describe the way I feel about you.”

He smiles again. “I love you, Simon.”

“I love you, too. Like so much; so _so_ much.”

He kisses me and everything fades away again and all I can think about is how absolutely, completely, and entirely in love with him I am. Nothing else matters.

We’re laying under the blankets in Bram’s bed, an hour later and I hear my phone buzz from my jeans pocket on the floor. I sigh. “You did say your mom was going to text you,” Bram reminds me. I nod and sit up.

I lean over the side of the bed and pull my jeans up. I take my phone out of the pocket. 3 texts from my mom.

9:45 AM – _When will you be home?_

9:58 AM – _Simon? Are you still at Waffle House?_

10:23 AM – _Simon, please answer me._

I check the time. It’s almost 10:30. I text my mom back. _I’m not sure when I’ll be home. I’m still with my friends. Sorry. I was distracted._

“What time is it?” Bram asks, his arms wrapping around my waist as he head leans against my hip.

I smile down at him. “Almost 10:30.”

“We still have time,” he says with a smirk.

I laugh. “I _always_ have time for you. Just so you know.”

My phone buzzes again. _Thank you. Please be home before dinner._

_Can do. Sorry._

I put my phone back on the night stand. “I’m officially on ‘be home before dinner’ rules,” I inform Bram as I drop my jeans back to the floor and lay down.

“When’s dinner?”

“I don’t know…like 5 I guess?”

“So, we have time now… _and_ later,” he says with a smirk and then he’s kissing me again and the world fades away.

My phone buzzes again. I pick it up. Leah. _You are coming to WaHo, right?_ I laugh and glance at the time, 11:45. Crap.

_Yeah, we’ll be there. May be a couple minutes late._

I glance at Bram. “We need to go.”

He raises his eyebrows as I sit up and reach for my clothing on the floor.

“Huh? What time is it?”

“Quarter of. I just told Leah we may be a couple minutes late.”

“Time really has a way of disappearing when I’m with you,” he says and then his arms are around me from behind and his lips are on my neck. “I could kiss you forever and never get tired of it.”

“Honestly, though,” I sigh, leaning back into him. “That’s…that’s kind of what I was thinking about earlier you know.”

“Hmm?” he mumbles, kissing my shoulder.

“When I was…uh, crying?”

“Really?” he asks, unwrapping my arms so I can pull my t-shirt on.

I nod. “Not exactly, but that’s part of it.”

“Will you tell me the rest?” he asks. I glance over at him as he pulls his own shirt on. _How? How is he so perfect?_ I don’t realize I’m doing it, but I lick my lips while I’m staring at him. He stands up to pull his jeans on and notices. He laughs. “Can I help you with something?”

“Mmm.” I don’t really say anything, but I sigh and shake my head before pulling my own jeans on. “How are you so perfect?” I ask when I’m sitting on his bed, tying my shoes.

“I’m not perfect,” he insists.

“But you _are_.” I turn around to look at him again. “You are so incredibly perfect.”

“I’m not,” he says again, watching my face. I meet his eyes for a minute and then my eyes rake over his body and goddamnit, _I wish I had more time alone with him._

“You are, and I’m not arguing with you about it anymore. Accept it and move on.”

He chuckles and shakes his head, but doesn’t argue again.

“As for ‘the rest’,” I say as we’re walking down the stairs a few minutes later. “I will…tell you…just not right now. I don’t want to cry again right before we walk into WaHo."

He chuckles again. “Good point.” He turns around from opening the door and kisses me. I laugh. “I look forward to hearing it though.” I nod and we get into his car and head toward Waffle House.


	37. Chapter 37

Waffle House is packed when we arrive. I don’t know why I expected any different. I see Nick’s and Leah’s cars already in the parking lot though, so they probably have a table. I lean across the center console and kiss Bram before getting out.

He's still chuckling when he grabs my hand before opening the door. I immediately spot our friends in the usual corner booth and we head directly for them. “Sorry we’re late,” I mumble pulling Bram down into the booth next to me.

“Garrett’s not here yet either,” Nick says from next to me. “Though he assures me, he _is_ on his way.” Bram laughs.

“I’ve missed this,” Leah says suddenly and I feel her foot nudge mine under the table.

“We’ll all be back for Christmas in less than a month, too!” Abby says with a smile and I can tell she’s grabbing Leah’s hand under the table.

“And Hanukkah!” Nick adds. “My mom’s so excited that since Hanukkah’s so late, I’ll actually be here.” He leans in front of me to look at Bram. “Are you heading out to Savannah for Jew festivities?”

Bram laughs. “So, it’s weird, because obviously my mom wants me here for Christmas and I don’t get home until the 23rd.”

“Hey, me either!” Nick says. “What time?”

“Right before 3, I think?”

“Hey! Airport carpool? I get in at like 2:30.”

“Maybe? My mom probably wants to pick me up though.”

“Are you going to Savannah after Christmas, then?” Nick asks.

“Kind of. We’re not actually going until January.”

“We’re? Simon, are you going, too?”

I nod. “Nice,” Nick says. “But you’ll be at my party, right?”

“New Year’s?”

“Yeah.”

“Of course, we will! Wouldn’t miss it.” Bram squeezes my hand under the table.

“THE PARTY HAS ARRIVED!” Garrett announces as he pulls a chair up to the end of the booth. We all laugh. It’s like nothing has changed at all and it’s perfect.

More than an hour later, Nick is suggesting everyone come over to his basement to continue the party. “My parents want me home,” I say.

“Oh, boo. Spier Family Time?” He asks. I nod.

“Well, you can still come, Bram.”

“I’m Simon’s ride.”

“Well, go drop him off, and then come over. It’s not like I don’t live around the corner.”

Bram laughs. “My mom was complaining that she wanted to see me since I haven't been home since August…”

“Oh, fine. Party poopers. The rest of you, Basement Party!?!”

Leah gives me a look. “Actually,” she glances at Taylor, too. “There was supposed to be an Emoji reunion this afternoon.” _Shit._ “Is Nora not allowed to come now?” she asks me, completely straight-faced.

“Uh, I don’t know.”

“Simon.”

It feels like my face is on fire. Leah stares at me. “Okay, fine. I don’t have to be home until dinner, but…Bram’s mom is working…and…”

Leah looks like she’s going to be sick. “Stop right there. I don’t want to know. Goodbye.” She gets up and pulls Abby with her. Abby is laughing hysterically. They stop at the register to pay and then leave.

“So, you’re not coming to my basement party?” Nick asks and I swear he’s almost pouting.

“I’ll come!” Garrett says eagerly. “We could invite some of the other guys. Soccer bros in Eisner’s basement.” He then glances at Bram. “Minus Greenfeld.”

Bram doesn’t blush often, but I swear he is. I lean into his ear. “Should we go?” He nods. “Okay, so we’ll uh, see you guys at Christmas?”

“Yeah, alright,” Nick says. Still clearly grumpy that his ultimate basement party has turned into video games with Garrett. “When’s your Emoji thing, Babe?”

“Oh, uh, 2,” Taylor says, looking at her phone. “Oooh, I’ve gotta go. I’ll see y’all later.” She leans across the table and kisses Nick before following Bram and me to the register.

Bram insists on paying for my food even though I insist that’s entirely unnecessary. He puts his card back in his wallet and then grabs my hand and pulls me out of the restaurant. “I swear if it was possible you were blushing back there.”

Bram doesn’t answer, he just unlocks the doors of his car and gets in. I chuckle under my breath. “I’m sorry,” I say as I sit down. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“It’s okay,” he assures me as he leans across the center console to kiss me before backing out of the parking spot. “You’re lucky, you’re cute. Plus, I still want to know what else you were thinking about earlier.”

“No. I’m lucky _you’re_ cute. Cute Bram Greenfeld.”

“Oh my god,” he says suddenly. “Do you really still do that?”

I chuckle. “Only sometimes. Usually, it’s _my boyfriend_ cute Bram Greenfeld.” He glances at me out of the corner of his eye and smirks. “I can’t help it.”

He fights off a laugh. “I think you can.”

“Do you not like that I think of you as cute?”

He smiles. “It’s adorable, Simon, never change, okay?”

He pulls into his driveway a few minutes later and cuts the engine. He turns to me. “So what _were_ you thinking about earlier?”

I sigh. “Can we go inside first?”

He eyes me for a second, but nods. As he opening the door, he turns to me. “It’s like you don’t want to tell me.”

“I _do_ want to tell you,” I promise as we step inside. “It’s just hard to put into words.”

“Try?” I nod and grab his hand, pulling him up the stairs. He pulls me onto the bed next to him and kisses my forehead.

“So,” I start, staring at his face. Just trying to think about it is making feel like I’m going to cry again. “I’m going to do this without crying. I swear.”

He chuckles under his breath. “You’re allowed to cry.”

I shake my head. “It’s just so dumb.”

“Nothing you think is dumb, Simon.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is. Okay, other than you thinking I’m perfect. That _is_ dumb.”

I shake my head. “I told you I’m not arguing about that anymore.”

He smirks at me. “Okay, I’ll stop complaining if you tell me what you’re thinking. Please?”

I nod. “Okay. Just promise not to laugh at me, okay?”

“I promise.”

“So,” I say, staring at my hands and then the words just fly out and I don’t look at him, because then I’d start crying. “I don’t know, but it just kind of hit me earlier. Laying here with you that... I guess this just feels _right_. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like every moment I’m away from you is missing _something_ , but every moment I’m with you just feels perfect and I want to wrap it up and keep it forever. Your arms around me. Your lips on my lips. It just feels _right_. It feels like nothing else matters. Those moments are everything. And I just want to stay there forever. You…you feel like… _home_. I feel safe and happy and like nothing could ever come close to that feeling without you.” I swallow and look up at him. He’s crying, so now I’m crying. I crawl into his arms and snuggle into his side. I feel his lips brush my hair.

“I love you so much,” he mumbles. “Please, look at me.” I do and he kisses me and this is different. It feels new. It feels like the rest of our kisses were just practice for this one and I don’t know how that’s possible because every time I’m kissing him feels perfect, but this feels _more_ perfect somehow. I could spend a thousand years in this moment. Kissing my boyfriend. Kissing the most perfect person to ever exist. And nothing else matters. Nothing else comes close.


	38. Chapter 38

Bram takes me home at 4:30. Nora arrives a few minutes later. Bram is kicked out at 5:30 because ‘family dinner’. We hug in the entry hall and he kisses me. Then he’s gone and the world feels empty again. Well, maybe not _empty_ , but something’s wrong. There’s something missing. I think Alice can tell. She keeps looking at me with apologies in her eyes that I don’t understand.

That night after too many hours of family dinner, a movie, and Facebook scavenger hunt, I’m finally back in my room. I close the door and flop face-first onto my bed. I think I might start crying again, but it’s okay now. I’m alone. It doesn’t matter if I cry now. I sigh and turn around, sitting on the bottom edge of my bed, staring at the familiar room. The desk where I spent months emailing my secret boyfriend junior year of high school. How was that only 2 years ago?

There’s a knock on the door. I don’t answer. I’m too lost in my own head for that. Another knock. I sigh. “Bub?” It’s Alice.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come in?”

I sigh again. “I mean, yeah, I guess.”

She opens the door and looks at me, more confusing apologies. “Can we talk?”

I blink at her. “Sure, what’s up?” I was hoping this wasn’t going to turn into another awkward hug fest like when Nora knocked on my door in August.

“Can I sit?” I nod and scoot over on my bed, patting the area next to me. “Thanks.”

“Can I ask you something?” I say before she can start talking.

She nods. “Of course!”

“You’ve been…looking at me weird all night. Did I do something?”

She laughs and and puts her face in her hands for a second. Then, she shakes her head and looks at me. “No, of course not. You…you just had this look on your face after Mom made Bram leave. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it at first and then I realized what it was.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Do enlighten me.”

She chuckles. “You miss him. Even when he’s only just left.”

_How does Alice still read me that well?_ I nod.

“How do you survive when you’re more than 5 miles apart?”

I snort. “I honestly don’t know.”

She smiles. “I wanted to talk to you though. Before I talk to Mom and Dad.”

“About?”

She bites her lip. “Well, provided I don’t make any major mistakes this year, I’m going to graduate in May.”

“Right. They know that though? Or they know that was what you were trying to do.”

She nods. “Right. But I’ve started looking for jobs, for after graduation you know.”

“Did you find something?”

“Not quite.”

I tilt my head to watch her face.

“I started looking her first; in Atlanta. It makes sense, I could move back in for a while, you know. The age-old millennial tradition of returning to your parents’ house after graduation.” I laugh. “But then I was looking across my apartment at Theo and realized when I graduate in May there’s a lot of questions. He’s graduating, too. He’s a year older than me. But, his family lives in Boston.”

“And he’s going back there?”

“That’s the thing. I had no idea what his plans were for after graduation. I hadn’t even asked him.”

“I didn’t know Bram was thinking about Law School until he told Grandma yesterday.”

Alice laughs through her nose. “But you’re freshmen, Simon. You still have 3 and a half years to figure that out.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. I don’t like thinking about how much longer I’m going to have to be away from him. “I know.”

“So, I asked him.”

“And?”

She swallows. “He said he didn’t really know, but just assumed he’d go back to Boston and find a job or whatever.”

I nod. “So, long distance?”

“Simon, I don’t know! I don’t know if I could _do_ long distance. He’s always been right across campus and then this year right across the room. I don’t know if I could handle him being all the way in Boston.”

I bite my lip. “I know what you mean. Did you talk to him about it?”

She nods. “I think…I think I’m going to move to Boston.”

My eyes go wide. “Like…permanently?”

She nods. “It’s more… _progressive_ than Atlanta. I don’t know. It just makes sense. There’s a lot more jobs there, too. I started looking.” She sighs and looks at me. “I just don’t want mom and dad to think I’m doing it _solely_ for Theo. I mean, he’s definitely _part_ of the reason, obviously, but he’s not like…the _entire_ reason. The more I think about it the more sense it makes really. I just don’t know how to explain that to them.”

“So, what, you want advice?”

“Not really. I have to figure it out though. I want to talk to them tomorrow. I just wanted you to know, you’re not alone, Bub. I feel like that, too. Like just _thinking_ about having to be so far away for more than a couple weeks is _weird_ and I don’t like it. I don’t know how you handle it, honestly.”

“Not well,” I admit.

“Have you thought about transferring? Has he?”

I shake my head. “Not seriously. Not really. I mean, we joked about it once.”

“So, you’re just going to keep doing this for four years? And then what?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t know.” And there are those tears I was fighting with before she knocked on my door. “I just. I love him so much, you know? It like _hurts_ to be away from him; even for a few hours let alone days and weeks at a time. But I really like my school and I’ve made friends there. And he loves his school and has friends and a soccer team there. So, it’s like we’re making these little bubbles in separate cities. And it feels wrong, but that’s what we’re supposed to be doing, right? That’s how college works.” And I’m full-on crying now and Alice is looking at me with those apologetic eyes again.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

I swallow. “Don’t be. It’s not the first time today.”

She raises an eyebrow. I laugh. “What happened?”

I shake my head. “It’s nothing. Just my brain being dumb.”

“Why were you crying before?”

I almost laugh. “Same reason.”

“Really?”

“Kind of? I don’t know. It was weird. I guess it just sort of dawned on me this morning how _right_ everything feels with him and _wrong_ it feels to be away from him and how just weird everything in life is. Like, I could honestly hug him or kiss him or whatever for a thousand years and never get tired of it; but the second we’re apart it’s like part of me is missing. It’s like part of me just refuses to leave him and so it stays and I’m not whole without him.”

Alice’s arms are suddenly around me and I’m half-laughing, half-crying as I hug her back. I think I needed this. I think I needed talking to my big sister who isn’t going to judge me and just getting it out there. This feels like a whole new ‘Coming Out Thing’ if I’m being honest and this one is all mine.

“I know what you mean,” is all she says and I think she might be crying, too.

“It’s like 5 miles or 117 and a half miles doesn’t matter. It could be a million miles and I’d still feel the same way. I miss him the second he leaves and it doesn’t get easier. In fact, I think it’s getting _harder_ every time.”

Alice nods. “I’m so glad you understand. It’s like its own language, you know. Being in love is one weird life.”

“God, it so is.” I hug Alice some more and eventually we both stop crying. She says goodnight and heads to her own room. I crawl under the covers and pull out my phone. I have a missed text from Bram.

_I love you. I miss you. Can I see you tomorrow?_

_I love you, too. I miss you, too. Please?_

_My mom’s only on-call, so maybe not, but I’m going to try because I don’t think I can survive being this close to you without actually seeing your face for much longer._


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longer chapter. I just kept writing. Oops.

I woke up at 8:30 again on Saturday, but didn’t get out of bed until I heard everyone else in the hallway. It was almost 9:30 by the time I made it downstairs. My mom had made breakfast and everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. I sit down and start helping myself to breakfast.

“Any plans for today?” my mom asks.

“Uh, not really,” I say. “I might go over to Bram’s at some point, but nothing crazy.”

He lips pull tight, but she doesn’t say anything. Sometimes I wish I could read minds, but I probably don’t want to know. Alice glances at me for a second and then turns to our parents. “So, I actually wanted to talk to you about something.”

Is she really doing this at the breakfast table? I mean, I’ll take it. It’s going to distract them all day, so I can hopefully sneak off to Bram’s at some point.

“Sure, Alice! Of course!” my mom is saying. “What is it, honey?”

“So, first of all. Provided nothing catastrophic happens this year, I’m going to graduate in May.” My parents look impressed. Nora looks positively elated and then I realize she thinks that means Alice will be back next year and I feel bad for her.

“Congratulations!” Dad says excitedly. “When is graduation? We’ll have to take off work so we can come up!”

“Uh, the twenty-eighth I think? It’s the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend.”

“Nora, when’s the last day of school and Simon, you’ll be home by then, right?”

I nod. “My finals are over on the twelfth, so I’ll be home.”

Nora squints for a second. “I think the Thursday before that? I’m not sure.”

“So, we can fly up Friday,” my dad is already pulling his phone out. “And come back Monday and we’ll only miss one day of work.” He glances at my mom.

“That works out,” she says. “Um, we actually wanted to talk to you kids anyway. About this summer.” I look at her. _Please no_ is all I can think. “We want to go on a _family_ vacation this year.” I fight back a groan. _Why?_ “With Alice taking all those summer classes the past two years and Simon’s college trips two years ago and then getting him ready for school last year, we feel like we didn’t really get any family time.”

“I need to look at colleges this year, you know,” Nora says suddenly. _Thank God for Nora._

“I know and we’ll do that, too, of course,” my mom says. “But we’ve already booked everything for vacation, too.” I fight the urge to roll my eyes.

“Where are we going?” Nora asks.

“London,” Dad says. “And probably some day trips elsewhere in England.”

“When?” Alice asks. She still hadn’t broached the real topic of surprise.

“June. We leave on the evening of the 16th and get back the 25th.” _One week. I can survive one week, right?_ “But uh, the other thing. We’re staying in a nice AirBnB and there’s plenty of room for you each to invite a friend.”

“Friend?” I say slowly. _Is that a qualifier?_

My parents look at each other and nod. It’s my mom that speaks. “Well, we sort of assumed you would invite Bram and Alice would invite Theo. Nora can invite who she would like.”

Alice and I look at each other and smiles that are somewhere between shock and relief spread over both our faces.

“You haven’t like…told his mom about _this_ have you?”

My mom shakes her head. “No. We wanted to leave it up to you who you invite.”

I roll my eyes. I can’t help it. “I mean I’m obviously going to invite him.”

My dad chuckles. “We know.”

“So, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about,” Alice says quietly once all the questions about vacation are answered. My parents look at her. I know which bombshell she’s about to drop and honestly after the one my parents dropped before her; I don’t know if it’s going to explode as much as she thought it might.

“So, after graduation…um, I mean the lease on my apartment is up at the end of May, but I was talking to Theo last week and…” she pauses and takes this deep ragged breath. I touch her shoulder. She smiles. “I think I’m going to move to Boston.”

Nora’s eyes go wide. My parents look startled and then my mom is doing her psychologist calming breaths. I squeeze my eyes shut.

“Talk me through this. Are you sure?” my mom says.

Alice takes a deep breath and nods. “Yes. There’re more jobs there…I’ve started looking, you know. And it’s more…progressive than Atlanta, so I just think it would be a better fit.”

“Theo’s family lives there,” my mom says.

“That, too. I mean. That’s definitely part of the equation, but not _all_ of it, you know?”

My mom nods. My dad still looks taken aback. “We’ll miss you, of course.”

“I mean, we’ll come and visit. It’s not like you’ll never see me again,” Alice assures them.

My mom nods again and glances at my dad. “Jack, she’s an adult. We can’t keep them here forever.”

My dad closes his eyes and nods. And then it’s over. Alice is graduating and moving to Boston. Nora is looking at colleges and I’m…I don’t know what I am. _Missing my boyfriend,_ that’s what I am, but that’s always what I am anymore. I leave the breakfast table and start heading back toward my room. I’m almost surprised when I make it without someone stopping me.

It’s when I come back from the shower than I notice my phone light is flashing. I pick it up from the side table.

_She just got called in. She said it’ll be at least a few hours. Can you come over?_

_YES. PLEASE. I don’t know if I can take the car though. With all three of us here._

_I’ll be there in 10 minutes._

_You are amazing._

_[kissy-face emoji]_

I quickly get dressed and head back down the stairs. My parents have migrated to the living room and seem to have re-started their interrogation of Alice. I almost feel bad. Nora is nowhere to be seen.

I clear my throat as I enter my parents look up. “Uh, is it okay if I go over to Bram’s?”

My mom blinks at me for a second, but then nods. “That’s fine, Simon. Just let me know when you’ll be home please.”

I nod and can’t help the smile that breaks over my face. Alice glances at me and smirks. I turn around before anyone notices the red wave attacking my face and then I hear a car in the driveway and run out the door.

Bram is sitting in the driver’s seat of his Honda Civic with a mischievous grin on his face. I laugh and get into the passenger’s seat. He leans across the center console and kisses me. I smile again. He smiles back. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” he says and then backs out of the driveway.

“So, you’ll never guess what just happened at Breakfast.”

“Oh?”

“Alice is graduating a year early as she’s been attempting to do.”

“Okay, so you have to go to Connecticut in May?”

“Memorial Day weekend.”

He sighs. “I was going to invite you to Savannah that weekend.”

“Sorry,” I say. “But there’s more!”

“Oh?”

“Alice is moving to Boston.”

His eyes go wide as he turns onto his street. “Like, permanently?”

I nod. “I think so. Theo’s family lives there.”

“What did your parents say?”

“They were still interrogating her when I left actually.”

“Oof.”

“And there was one more thing.”

He raises his eyebrows again. “There’s more? Is she engaged, too?”

I laugh. “Not to my knowledge.”

He laughs, too. “Do you think she’d tell you?”

I nod. “I know she would. Um, so my parents also had an announcement.”

He pulls into the driveway and cuts the engine. He turns to face me. “Oh really?”

I nod. “Um, we’re apparently going on a Spier Family Vacation this year.”

I watch his heart sink. “When? How long?” he pauses. “Where?”

“June. A little over a week. London.”

“London?”

I nod. “I have no idea what made that decision.”

“So, there’s going to be a whole week of the summer when I don’t get to see you either? I really don’t like this year.”

I swallow and smile at him. He looks confused by that reaction. I lean across and kiss him. “Not quite.”

“Not quite a week, or?”

I laugh. “No. Um, they apparently already booked everything and we’re staying at a ‘really nice’ AirBnB that has ‘plenty of room’ for each of us to invite a ‘friend’.” His eyes go wide. “I asked if that was a limitation and they said they already knew I was going to invite you. So, yeah, there’s that.”

“Spier Family Vacation though?”

I laugh. “Alice is inviting Theo. I don’t know who Nora’s going to bring. I mean, Nick’s been on Spier Family Vacation before when we were kids.”

“But _London_?”

I nod. “I have no idea. But you’re coming.”

He laughs. “I thought this was an invitation not a command.”

I feel my face get hot. “I mean. It is. You don’t…you don’t have to.”

He smiles gently and reaches a hand across to cup my cheek. “Simon, you know there’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be than with you, right? I was kidding, but I do need to ask my mom.” I swallow and nod, leaning my face against his hand. “We should go inside.”

He smiles at me again and I smile back.

It’s more than a few hours later and we’re in the kitchen of Bram’s mom’s house making peanut butter toast, because apparently that’s what we do on Saturdays. The door opens. “Abraham?” his mom’s voice calls.

“Kitchen,” he says, looking up from where our eyes had been locked together. His mom enters and eyes both of us. “I hope it’s okay that Simon came over for a little.”

“That’s fine. Of course. What are you two up to today?”

I bite my lip, willing myself not to blush. Bram on the other hand is perfectly calm. “Oh, we’ve just been hanging out. We were hungry, so,” he holds up his slice of toast, “Peanut Butter toast.”

“That’s nice.” She glances around the kitchen for a second and then shakes her head. “I’m going to go shower and then why don’t we go out for dinner tonight? You’re welcome to join us if you’d like, Simon.”

Once his mom disappears up the stairs, Bram kisses me. “Come to dinner. We can ask her about London. When do you have to be home anyway?”

I shrug. “My mom said to just tell here when I would be.”

“So, I can keep you forever?”

I laugh. “I’m pretty sure she meant tonight, unfortunately.”

He laughs, too and then we’re back in his room, pulling on our hoodies and shoes. “Where does going out for dinner usually mean in the Greenfeld household?”

He laughs. “Uh, don’t know. We don’t go out that often actually. She likes to cook.”

Half an hour later we end up at some Steakhouse I’ve never noticed existing. After we order our food and receive our drinks Bram seems nervous. I nudge him with my shoulder and give a concerned look. He shakes his head. “So, Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Uh, well, when Simon came over earlier he was telling me about some, uh, interesting developments that happened at breakfast today.”

“Oh?” Bram’s mom looks at me expectantly.

“Just my sister’s graduating from Wesleyan and May and moving to Boston with her boyfriend and his family.”

“And…” Bram continues. “His parents are taking them to London on a family vacation in June.” His mom looks at him with a raised eyebrow and then to me.

“That sounds nice.”

I nod and grab Bram’s hand under the table. I don’t know his mom that well, even if I have been spending more time in her house than my own for the past almost 2 years. She works a lot.

Bram swallows audibly. “Um, they sort of invited me to go along.”

“They said we could each bring someone with actually. I invited you,” I correct. He laughs.

“Okay, but they totally knew that was going to be the result.”

“Yes,” I nod and we both look back to his mom.

She seems to be contemplating. “When are you going exactly, Simon?”

“The sixteenth to the twenty-fifth of June. They already booked everything from what they said this morning.”

“That should be fine then. Your grandparents are going to be in town earlier in the month, Abraham. I’d like you to spend some time with them, please.”

“Oh, yeah, of course.”

And then it’s over and Bram is coming to London with my family because apparently that’s a thing that happened today. Today is weird.


	40. Chapter 40

“What time is your flight tomorrow, Simon?” Bram’s mom asked as we pulled back into their driveway.

“Uh, a little after one.”

“Do you want a ride to the airport? Abraham leaves at 1:30.”

I glance at Bram. It’s always amused me that his mom refers to him by his full name.

“That’s okay, Ms. Greenfeld. My sister leaves right before me, so our parents are taking us both down.”

Once we’re back in Bram’s room a few minutes later, I smirk at him. “So I guess that means, I’ll be seeing you at the airport tomorrow.”

“What airline are you flying?”

“Delta.”

“Me, too. Do you know which gate?”

“Uh, let me check.” I pull out my phone and open the confirmation email. “B3.”

“I’m B32,” he says with a smirk. “Meet you are yours?”

“Just text me when you get there and I’ll tell you where I am?”

He nods and then he kisses me. I think he must forget that his mom is literally in this house right now, because it’s one of those forget-who-you-are kisses and I really don’t care because nothing else matters when he’s kissing me like this.

It’s 10 o’clock on Sunday morning. Dad’s helping Alice and I put our suitcases in the trunk of his car. Alice and I slide into the backseat while Mom and Dad take the front. Nora is staying home to work on homework. “What time do you leave?” my mom asks, turning around in her seat to look at Alice who’s sitting behind Dad as he backs out of the driveway.

“Uh, it’s scheduled as 12:59.”

“And, Simon?”

“1:06 I belive.

“Has Bram already left?”

I shake my head. “His flight’s at 1:30.”

“Oh, we could have given him a ride,” she says glancing at my dad.

“It’s okay. I think his mom wanted to drive him.”

“And what are you plans when you get back to campus?”

“Mom, we’ve literally been over this,” I groan.

“I know. I just like keeping up with you, Simon. I feel like I’m missing so much,” she glances over her shoulder, “with both of you being so far away it’s hard.”

I sigh. “I’m taking the SEPTA Train from the airport to 30th Street Station and then from there to Haverford. The station’s like a 10-minute walk from my dorm and then I’m going to unpack and probably watch a stupid horror movie with my roommate and his boyfriend because that’s all they ever do.”

“Boyfriend?” Alice says glancing at me. “Your roommate’s gay, too?”

I laugh. “So is half my school, honestly. But they met at orientation, so his boyfriend literally lives like 4 rooms away.”

“Jealous, are you?”

I nod, but say “No.” She laughs.

“Alice, what are your plans?”

“Well, I’m flying into Hartford. Theo’s going to pick me up and then we’ll go back to the apartment and get ready for classes tomorrow, I guess.”

“And you’re both home again on the…seventeenth, is it?”

I nod. “Yeah, Mom.”

“Good. Good. When does Bram get back?”

“Not until the twenty-third.”

“Ooh, we get a whole week with you!”

I laugh. “Something like that. Abby and Leah will already be back though, so I’ll probably hang out with them.”

“Oh! That’s good though. It’s important you remember your other friends, you know?”

“I know. I know.”

30-minutes later, Dad’s pulling into the drop off for Delta Domestic flights at the Atlanta Airport. “Alright, kids. Here we are.” He gets out and opens the trunk. Alice and I both take our suitcases and I resituate my backpack. “We’ll, uh, see you in a few weeks.”

I nod and Alice hugs our Dad. “Thanks, Dad,” she says and then disappears into the airport. I follow her. I’m not big on awkward parent hugs and my parents don’t push it.

I see Alice already checking in for her flight by the time I get to the door. I find the counter for my flight and check my bag before heading toward the TSA line. Alice is waiting for me to join her. “When is the boyfriend getting here?”

I laugh. “I don’t know. His flight’s like half an hour after ours. He said he’d text me when he does.”

She nods. “I’m excited to see Theo.”

“I’m sure.”

20-minutes later we’re through security and getting off the shuttle at Concourse B. There’s a coffee place and I tell Alice I’m stopping. Once I have an iced coffee in my hands I look up for the signs that point to the gates. B3, mine, is to the right, all the way at the end, and B26, Alice’s, is to the left and much closer. “Yours is closer,” I suggest gesturing toward the left.

“Sure,” she agrees and we go to find seats. It’s as I’m sitting down, my phone buzzes.

_Just got here. Checking my bag._

_We’re at Alice’s gate. Let me know when you’re getting the shuttle and I’ll meet you there?_

_Sounds good._

I glance at Alice and she’s staring at her own phone. “Bram just got here,” I tell her.

“Mmm,” she nods. “Listen, are you okay if I uh, make a call?”

I laugh. “Alice, I’m an adult, too, you’re good. I’m gonna head back toward the shuttle and wait for Bram anyway.”

“Perfect. Enjoy your flight, Bub.”

“You, too,” I say as I get to my feet. When I get back to the main central area of the concourse, I see two more familiar faces about to head the other direction. “Nick! Taylor!”

Taylor immediately spins around and smiles when she spots me waving. “Spier!” Nick says as they walk over. I sip at my coffee. “I didn’t know you were flying out today, too!” He says, clapping a hand on my shoulder. “I mean, I should have guessed as much. Is Bram here?” he asks, looking around.

“Nearly. His mom just dropped him off. His flight isn’t until 1:30. When’s yours?”

“12:58.”

“Right before Alice.”

“Alice is here?!” Nick looks too excited. Taylor looks confused.

“That’s your sister, right?”

“I nod. The not-Nora one. She goes to Wesleyan in Connecticut.” I point to Alice where she’s barely a speck down the other hallway. “She’s on the phone,” I say, shrugging.

“When’s your flight?” Nick asks.

“1:06,” and then my phone is buzzing in my pocket.

_On the shuttle._

“Oh, uh, Bram’s almost here. I’ll see you guys,” I say and turn away from Nick and Taylor. I can feel Nick’s eyes on me as I walk toward the shuttle stop, but by the time I turn around they’ve disappeared toward their gate.

_I’m waiting._ I text Bram as the shuttle arrives. A few seconds later and he throws his arms around my shoulders and mine snake around his waist. I inhale and my mind rests. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” he says before kissing me, briefly, once. I can feel the eyes on us. We’re not in Philly or New York anymore. “So, where to?”

I pick up my coffee from where I’d sat it on the window ledge behind me. “Alice is making a phone call…” I say slowly. “Uh, Nick and Taylor are here somewhere, too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I ran into them when I was coming to meet you.”

“Where’s your gate?”

“That way,” I point. “Yours is the total other end.”

“I figured. Have you had lunch?”

“Want to?” he gestures toward the string of fast-food restaurants across the hall.

“Sure.”

We end up with Popeye’s and then he insists on coming with me to my gate because “your flight is earlier than mine”. We stop and say “Hi” to Nick and Taylor again as we pass and then settle into seats near gate B3.


	41. Chapter 41

The next hour is blissful magic. Other than the staring strangers and that one lady that covered her kid’s eyes when we kissed. I sigh and look at the time on my phone. Bram pushes his shoulder against mine and I laugh. “I’ll miss you,” he says.

I smile at him. “I already miss you.”

He bites his lip and half-smiles. “I love you,” he whispers.

“I love you, too.” The middle-aged couple sitting across from us stares. I don’t care. “I’ve been thinking.”

“About?”

“A lot, actually. I was talking to Alice the other night about how she’s moving to Boston?”

He nods. “I remember that.”

“Well, what do you think you’ll do after graduation?”

“Hmm, I mean, I am honestly thinking about Law School.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know.”

I bite my lip. “I don’t think I want to move back to Georgia.”

He looks at me. “No?”

I shake my head. “It’s so much better when we’re in Philly or even better New York.” I nod toward the couple that are still staring at us. “People don’t stare. They mind their own business.”

“Except for Marjorie.”

I laugh. “Except for her.”

“What are you going to do after school? I mean, like, career wise?”

“I don’t know. I mean, you can’t do much with a bachelors in Psychology, so I’ll probably go to grad school?”

“He nods. We can do this, you know? We will survive however long this takes and then we’ll be together and it won’t matter anymore. We’ll have the rest of our lives.”

I smile at him. “I know. Every moment I spend with you reminds me of that. Someday this,” I grab his hand in mine, “will be forever. No more 12 days until I see your face again.”

“Is it really twelve whole days until you come to New York,” he asks.

I nod. “Twelve whole days. The ninth.”

He sighs. “Why does that feel so long?”

“Twelve days with you would feel like nothing,” I say. “Twelve days without you feels like eternity.”

“Why is that so true?”

I shrug. “I think it’s part of this being in love nonsense.”

“Nonsense?” he asks with an air of offense.

“Loving you isn’t nonsense,” I promise. “Being in love with you and not being next you every day is nonsense.”

He nods and then he kisses me again and I can hear the couple across from us fuming. It’s like they’re actually sizzling with anger. I ignore it and put my hand on Bram’s face. “I love you,” he whispers against my lips.

“I love you, too,” I whisper against his. “I mean that,” I say as I slide back into my chair.

“This is the first boarding call for Delta Flight 3039 to Philadelphia. Gate B3 with departure at 1:06 PM. The plane has just arrived and we will begin boarding in approximately 15 minutes; please make your way to the gate at this time.”

I sigh. “That’s me.”

“15 minutes,” he repeats.

“True.” I lay my head against his shoulder and my eyes fall on the couple across from us again. I laugh. Bram looks at me and I nod toward the couple. His eyes follow.

“Do you think it’s because we’re gay…or because I’m black…or both?”

I bite my lip. I really hadn’t even thought of that. “We could ask?” He laughs. “It doesn’t matter either way. I still love you and they’re going to have to get over it.”

He laughs again and kisses me. I sigh and glance toward the gate. People are already lining up to board as the last of the passengers are getting off from the previous flight. I don’t move. I’ll be the last one on that plane if it means I have more time with Bram. I lean my head against his shoulder again and fall silent. I feel his arm wrap around my shoulders as he pulls me closer to him and nuzzle my face against his neck, kissing it once.

“Delta Flight 3039 to Philadelphia at Gate B3 is now boarding for first class passengers and those traveling with young children or who need additional assistance on the gangway.”

I watch as people start having their boarding passes scanned and walking toward the plane. I sigh. “I guess I should probably go,” I say finally, sitting up.

“Not yet,” he says and pulls me back to him. I laugh and kiss him once. “You still have time.” I settle back into his side with a smile. I really don’t want to go.

“Delta Flight 3039 to Philadelphia at Gate B3 is now boarding for all passengers.”

“That’s me, for real now,” I say, looking up at him and he sighs, releasing me. I get to my feet and pull my backpack on. He follows me to the line and waits until we’re almost to the ribbon gates.

“I guess I have to go,” he says quietly, releasing my hand from his.

“I love you and I’ll be in New York in twelve days.”

He nods. “I love you, too, Simon.” He kisses me and then he disappears back toward the other end of the concourse. I sigh as I step forward and hand my boarding pass to the gate attendant.

It’s a little over 4 hours later and I’m finally flopping backwards onto my crappy dorm room bed. Kellan and Grover are still nowhere to be found and honestly it’s nice to just be alone here for this moment of time. I get a text from Bram.

_Made it. Finally. I’ve never been happier to see this dorm room, except when you’re in it._

_Same. Kellan doesn’t seem to be back yet._

My phone buzzes a second later with an incoming FaceTime request. I laugh and answer. “Hi.”

“Hello,” he says quietly, smiling at me. “I miss you already.”

“I miss you, too,” I agree with a sigh.

“It was nice to be home, but I’m glad to be back if that makes sense?”

I nod. “Same. Except I’d rather be with you.”

“Definitely,” he agrees.

“You said something at the airport that really made me think.”

“Hmm?”

“About that old couple sitting across from us?” He blinks at me. “How you didn’t know if they were so angry because we’re gay or because you’re black or both?”

“Oh, yeah,” he nods. “I mean…”

“No, no. It’s totally true. I just never realized how much of a real 1-2-punch we are for those southern conservatives. It’s ridiculous.” He nods. “I’m sorry.”

“What? Why?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just never thought about how hard that extra thing is for you. I just…didn’t even realize. I’m sorry.”

He smiles at me. “It’s okay. It’s not like it’s your fault.”

“I just wish people weren’t so terrible, you know?”

He nods. “I know. Me, too.”

The door opens and I jump. “Sorry!” Kellan says quickly. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m just on the phone with Bram,” I say, holding it up

“Oh, no problem. Grover’s already back, so I’m just going to drop this off,” he says sliding his suitcase into the room. “And I’ll be back in a bit.” The door closes again.

“God, I missed living with someone that just let’s me exist without invading my privacy every 5 minutes.”

“We were only home for 4 ½ days.”

“I know and it was _too much_.”

He laughs. “So, Christmas?”

“Ah, yes. An extended trip to the land of southern conservatives who stare daggers at us every time we touch each other in public. Living in my parents’ house and being treated like I’m in high school again. Can’t wait.”

“Let’s talk about happier things?” he suggests.

“Such as?”

“You’ll be here in twelve days.”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” he gets that mischievous grin on his face again. “When you’re here, we should go to Rockefeller Plaza and see the Christmas tree and going ice skating and be stupid cliché New York City Christmas tourists.”

I laugh. “Or…we could stay in your room the entire weekend.”

He smirks. “That, too. Because, I miss you and I love you. And, Simon? It’s not just you. I’m pretty sure part of me is permanently attached to you. I don’t think I can be complete without you.”

“Well, you can’t have it back. I suspect its what keeps me alive when I’m not with you.”

He smiles. “You can’t have yours either.”

I laugh. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.”


	42. Chapter 42

Eventually Kellan comes back and everything is back to life as usual. Classes, studying for finals, stupid horror movies, Game nights in the Jacobs’ room, every meal in the dining hall with my customs group, and nightly facetimes with my boyfriend who is too far away. And then it’s finally, December 9th and I’m waiting for the train at Haverford Station. It’s too cold, not even 40 degrees and the wind isn’t helping matters. I’m wearing my winter coat, a scarf, a hat, and gloves, but I’m still freezing.

_2 hours until I see your face_. I text Bram as I see the train approaching. I was glad someone told me they make touchscreen-compatible gloves. I don’t think my fingers would survive these temperatures otherwise.

Once I’m in my seat with my backpack between my feet, I shove my headphones in my ears and turn on the newly Christmas-infused version of my playlist for travel days.

_What time do you get in again?_

_5:22._

_I’ll be there. I can’t wait to see you. I miss you so much._

_I miss you, too. [kissy-face emoji]_

I sigh and look out the window as we’re pulling out of Overbook Station. 10 minutes until 30th Street and then less than 20 minutes until my Amtrak.

When I walk into the main concourse at 30th Street the clock above the information desk says it’s already 3:45. 14 minutes until my train. I check the board and quickly find the right track and get in line.

“Next to arrive on track 8 will be Amtrak’s Northeast Regional Service. Train 94 in route to Boston South Station.”

I ignore the rest of the announcement and text Bram instead. _My train’s almost here. I get to see your face so soon._

_So soon. I love you._

_I love you, too._

By the time I look up again, people are streaming up the stairs and escalator into the concourse. I sigh and bounce on my toes a couple times. It’s slightly warmer in the station, but not warm enough. I don’t understand why people _like_ being this cold. Half the people in the station are barely wearing coats.

I find an empty seat in the middle of the train and settle in for the 83-minute journey.

“Next stop will be Trenton in 29 minutes,” the conductor announces overhead as we’re pulling out of the station. I sigh and stare at my phone. I check Instagram and Facebook; Twitter and Snapchat. Nothing exciting.

“Next stop will be Penn Station New York in 17 minutes,” the conductor announces as we pull out of Newark. I text Bram.

_17 minutes. Only 17 minutes._

_I’m on the subway. I’ll be waiting for you._

I smile at my phone and flip through social media again.

“This stop is New York Penn Station. We will be stopped for 20 minutes to change out the engine. All cabins will lose power during this time.” I don’t need to be told twice. I throw my backpack over my shoulders and join the line forming in the aisle. As the train comes to a stop, I’m bouncing on the balls of my feet, holding onto the back of a seat. _Open the damn doors_.

The doors do eventually open and once I’m free of the train I walk as quickly as possible around the people in front of me to the escalator. There’s only a few people in front of me by the time I arrive and I’m practically jumping out of my skin as I wait for the escalator to move. _Why are these things so slow?_

Then I’m in the main Amtrak Concourse at Penn Station and I’m looking for my favorite face. I’m suddenly in his arms and nothing else matters. “Hi,” I whisper, wrapping my arms around him.

“Hi,” he mumbles near my ear. “I missed you. I love you.”

And then he kisses me and it’s like the world re-centers itself. He breaks away, too soon. I grab his hand and he smiles at me. “I love you, too.”

He pulls me toward the subway station and I follow.

Before it’s even 6 o’clock, we’re in Bram’s dorm room and he’s closing the door behind us. “We should eat dinner,” he says, turning around.

I stare at him blankly. He bites his lip for a second and then dissolves into a puddle of laughter on the floor. I laugh, too.

“Okay, so, we should _not_ eat dinner,” I clarify. “And then tomorrow, we’re going to have Peanut Butter toast and stay in our pajamas ALL DAY while never leaving this room.”

He’s still laughing. “I was serious about Rockefeller Center, you know? I want to go.”

“But you can go _anytime_ ,” I practically whine. I don’t feel like sharing this weekend.

“But I can’t go _with you_ anytime. I want to go _with you_. Ella and Miriam having been trying to make me go all week and I refuse. I want to see that for the first time _with you_.” Now he’s sitting cross-legged on the floor of his dorm room, looking at me with those magical brown eyes and I’m done.

“Get up here,” I say, reaching for his hands. “I have spent entirely too much time not kissing your face.”

We wake up the next morning and his heart is still set on going to see this damn Christmas Tree. Somehow by lunch time he has me convinced and we’re changing into real clothes. “How cold is it?” I whine, looking out the window. Most of the people on the south green are wearing winter coats and hats. That doesn’t seem promising.

Bram pulls out his phone. “35.”

“Bram, no. I am not going outside in 35-degree weather. I refuse.”

“But I want to see the tree and go ice skating and…and…please?”

I turn around to look at him and he has this adorable puppy dog expression and I can’t say no to that. I sigh. “Oh, alright, but if I freeze to death, it’s your fault.”

He snorts. “Thank you.” He wraps his arms around me and kisses my forehead. “Also, you realize 35 isn’t even cold enough for snow, right? It’s going to get colder.”

I shake my head. “I refuse.”

He laughs. “You can’t just ‘refuse’ to go outside all winter. You chose to go to school in the north…”

I sigh. “I know, but it’s so cold.”

“Well put your coat on then,” he says, holding it up toward me.

We’re walking to the subway station and Bram is trying to look up how to get to Rockefeller Center on the MTA app. “Oh!” he says suddenly, grabbing my hand and putting his phone in his pocket. “We just take the 1 down to fiftieth street and then it’s only a few blocks over.”

“You’re telling me, I have to walk multiple more blocks in this cold?”

He shakes his head. “You’ll survive, Simon, I promise.”

We get off the subway at 50th Street and walk up the stairs and into the freezing cold New York air. I wrap my arms around myself and then I feel Bram’s arm around my shoulders as he pulls out his phone with the other hand. “Okay, so we just go this way a couple blocks,” he points. I nod and follow him.

I’m so overwhelmed by everything that’s happening around me. The stairs come out right in front of the most massive Applebee’s I’ve ever seen and there’s one of those tourist trap gift shops across the street.

We cross 7th Avenue and there’s even more restaurants. TGI Friday’s on the corner and then a KFC/Pizza Hut combo. “We need lunch,” I say as we’re walking.

“Ooh, true. What do you want?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

We keep walking down a couple more blocks and then I see Radio City Music Hall. “OH MY GOD.”

“What?” he asks looking around.

“RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL!?”

He laughs. “Yes. That is in fact in New York.”

And then we’re walking past it and it doesn’t feel real. The entrance for the “Top of the Rock” Observation deck is on the other side of the street and then suddenly we’re in Rockefeller Plaza and there’s the biggest Christmas Tree I’ve ever seen.

We take selfies in front of the tree. Some of which are sure to invoke vomit-emoji responses from Leah when they go on Instagram later. “Ice Skating?” he asks as we finally walk away. We walk over to the edge and look down at the ice rink. It’s crowded.

“I’m not coordinated enough for that. And it’s probably expensive.”

“Okay, we don’t have to. Um, the Lego store is over there, that’s pretty cool.”

“Lego Store?”

He nods and pulls me by the hand toward one of the smaller buildings. The Lego store is cool and then he shows me the Nintendo Store which is basically nerd-heaven. There’s a Starbucks across the street which I claim is entirely necessary because a hot drink will help with the freezing. He laughs, but agrees and and we’re back outside with coffees and looking around. He checks his phone and bites his lip.

“If we’re getting lunch, we should do it now.”

I nod. “Uh, Chinese?” I say and point to the sign down the block.

“Sure.”

All through lunch, Bram keeps checking his phone. He’s not texting anyone, but just looking at it. “Are we on a time crunch or something?”

“Uh,” he says looking up at me across the table. “Something like that.”

I raise my eyebrows at him. “There may have been more reasons I wanted to come down here today.” I bite my lip. “I may have a few surprises in store. That’s all.”

After we finish eating, Bram pulls me by the hand back onto the street. “This way,” he says and pulls me across the street and back toward Rockefeller Plaza.

It turns out Bram’s surprise is actually seeing the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes Christmas show and honestly, he gets the best boyfriend award, hands down. Then as we’re leaving the theatre, he tells me the surprises aren’t over. It’s starting to get dark at this point, but he pulls me back toward the Plaza before suddenly crossing the street. “This is supposed to be really cool when it’s getting dark.”

Now we’re standing on the top of 30 Rock, staring out at the city and it really is cool. You can see so much, but it’s also _freezing_. After freezing our butts off for half an hour, we take the elevator back down and head for the subway.

The train is more crowded than I’ve seen it before. There’s no seats. Bram wraps one arm around me and grabs a pole with the other. “Hold on,” he whispers as the doors close. I wrap my arms around him and he laughs. “Not exactly what I meant, but I’m not going to complain.”

“116th Street” the weird automate voice announces and I started to untwine myself from Bram.

“Do you want to get dinner?”

“Uh, sure,” I say, trying to pull him with me off the train. He shakes his head. “We’ll actually go to the Dinosaur Bar-B-Que place this time. It’s one more stop up.”

Two hours later and we’re finally walking back into Bram’s dorm room. “We’re not leaving again,” I say emphatically. “Don’t get me wrong; that was fun and all and I’m happy we went, but no more.”

He smirks at me as he turns around from closing the door. It’s already completely dark outside, so the only light in the room is that of the outdoor lighting coming through the window. It’s sort of magically. “Okay,” he agrees, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. “I’m sorry I made you go out.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and wrap my arms around his waist. “Don’t be. Like I said, I’m glad we went, but…now I’d like some time alone…with my very cute boyfriend…before I have to go take finals.”


	43. Chapter 43

It’s almost 7:30 and I’m sitting down at my desk. Kellan’s sitting at his with his back to me, groaning every couple minutes. I laugh. “Are you okay?”

“I’m totally going to bomb these finals. It’s too much,” he complains.

“You’re not,” I try to say. I realize I know next to nothing about Kellan academically. I’m not even sure I know what his major is if I’m being honest, but he can’t be doing _that_ bad.

He groans again. “You say that.”

“Come on, it can’t be _that_ bad,” I say. I have 3 exams and 3 papers that I haven’t even started, so I mean honestly, it might be. But I’m trying to be a supportive roommate here.

I managed to make it through my first two exams, Monday afternoon and Tuesday morning. I’m making my way back to the dorm room when Kellan catches my elbow. “What?” I say before realizing who it is.

He laughs. “Sorry. Do you have another exam today?”

I shake my head. “Not until Thursday, but I have 3 papers to write for Friday.”

“Good. Come Christmas shopping with me after lunch?”

I laugh. “Who else is going?”

He shakes his head. “No one. I…I need to buy something for Grover. And I thought maybe you’d want to come, that’s all.”

I nod. “Oh, alright. I haven’t done any shopping yet anyway. Where are we going?”

“Liza was telling me about this huge-ass mall that’s apparently less than half an hour from here. They apparently have _everything_.”

“Sounds promising,” I agree.

2 hours later, Kellan drags me directly from the dining hall to his car. He plugs the mall into his GPS app and mounts his phone to the dash board. “It’s only 20 minutes apparently,” he says as he snaps his seatbelt on. He glances to me, checking my seatbelt, and then sets off. The GPS takes up College Lane to Lancaster Ave, but then we’re cutting across Montgomery Ave next to Bryn Mawr’s campus; past yet another college (Rosemont which from my quick google is a Catholic school and probably not the place for two gay dudes from Haverford to be). Montgomery Ave winds through these really nice neighborhoods and then under the highway. There’re more nice neighborhoods and then we’re in some sort of business district that leads right up to the biggest mall I’ve ever seen in my life.

We park in this massive parking garage that I swear is the actual size of most malls back home. Once we’re inside, there are literal paper maps of the mall because it’s that massive and we each take one. “So what are you thinking?” Kellan asks.

“I don’t even know. Liza wasn’t kidding about there being _everything_.”

“Seriously.”

We end up sort of wandering aimlessly for what feels like 20 minutes but ends up being over an hour. Eventually we end up in Macy’s which is probably kind of lame, but department stores are familiar and this mall is a mess; too many people and way too many stores.

“Do you want to get dinner here or head back?” Kellan asks as I join him after checking out with all my Christmas shopping officially done.

“What’s here?” I ask stupidly.

“ _Everything_ ” he emphasizes. I laugh. He flips his map to the directory listing for food and hands it to me.

“Holy crap,” I say as I start scrolling the list. He laughs. “Wait there’s an old timey candy store? We have to go.” The map is confusing, but we eventually figure out where it is and set off.

When we find it, it’s even more glorious than I imagined. “So, are we having candy for dinner?” Kellan asks as we’re finally leaving. I may have bought too much.

I laugh. “Probably not the best idea.” I look around the area we’ve ended up in. “Starbucks!” I say pointing. “Let’s get coffee while we figure it out.” He agrees and 10 minutes later we’ve found a table at Starbucks and have coffees in hand. “See!” I say pointing. “There’s literally a cheesesteak place here. We did not have to go into Center City.”

He laughs. “But Jocelyn swears by the one we went to. I don’t know. She’s the one from Philly.”

“True.”

“There’s a food court around the corner, want to just go there?” He asks, looking up from his map.

“Oh, yeah, that’s perfect.” He navigates us to the food court and there’s still too many choices. I end up getting Thai food while Kellan gets a burger from Five Guys and we find a table. When we sit down, I realize I haven’t checked my phone in a while. I have a few missed texts and then I see the time. It’s already after 7. “We should go after this,” I say, looking up at Kellan. “It’s late and I still have papers to write.”

He nods and goes back to his own phone. I check the texts.

_Leah @ 5:34:_ I just dropped Abby off again and I hate it.

_Abby @ 5:38:_ I don’t know how you do this Simon. Leah just left. [crying emoji]

_Bram @ 6:23:_ Hey, I’m still at the library and will be for a while, so maybe super late FaceTime tonight? If that’s okay?

I respond in reverse order.

_To Bram:_ Yeah, that’s fine. I’m actually still at the mall with Kellan anyway.

_To Abby:_ I don’t know how I do it, Abby. I really don’t.

_To Leah_ : Believe me, I know.

It’s almost 8 by the time we’re finally back in our dorm room. I drop all of my Christmas shopping bags on the floor and take off my coat before sitting down in front of my computer to get these stupid papers written. There’s a knock on our door a second later. “It’s open,” Kellan says without looking up from where he’s shoving his Christmas shopping under his bed. The door opens as I turn around to face it. It’s Liza.

“Hey guys, we’re going to have a quick meeting at 9 about what you need to do before you leave for the break.”

“Oh,” Kellan looks up. “Okay.”

“We’ll be there.”

Liza closes the door. Kellan looks up. “What time is it?”

“8:26.”

“I’m not even going to bother starting to study. It’s not worth it.”

I shake my head and go back to my paper.

We come back into our room after the meeting and literally the second the door closes my phone buzzes with a text from Bram. _Finally heading back to my dorm. FaceTime in 20?_

_We just had a hall meeting, and I want to shower. I’ll call you when I’m done?_

_That works._

Kellan is sitting at his desk, staring at his laptop screen already. I pick up my towel and shower caddy. “Going to shower. I’ll be back,” I tell Kellan and he just sort of nods without looking at me.

The bathroom is crowded. It seems everyone else waited until after the meeting to shower, too. I stand against the wall and wait for someone to be done. Isaac comes out of a shower a few minutes later and I go in.

After the shower, I head back to my room and hang up my towel. I sit on my bed and pull out my phone. I press send on a FaceTime to Bram.

He answers on the first ring. “Hey!”

“Hi,” I say. I can’t help but smile. He’s sitting cross-legged on his bed and I can see he’s taped up some of our Christmas Tree selfies on the wall behind him. “How was the library?”

“Busy,” he says with a sigh. “It took forever to find somewhere to sit. It’s only the first reading day, too.”

“Right, when do your finals start?”

“Friday. That’s when you’re done, isn’t it?”

I nod. “I only have one more exam and then the 3 papers due Friday.”

“So how was the mall with Kellan?”

I laugh. “Good. I got all my Christmas shopping done. Well, and Hanukkah shopping I guess?”

He laughs. “What did you get?”

I run through the presents purchase for my sisters and parents. Tell him about the candy store and then refuse to tell him what I bought for him. He laughs. “Just so you know,” he says quietly. “I think my dad plans on buying you Hanukkah presents. You don’t have to get him anything, but it sounds like that’s his plan. He keeps asking me weird questions about you.”

I groan. “Damn it. I should have got him something. Can we go to the mall when you get home and find something, maybe?”

“I said you don’t have to.”

“I know I don’t _have_ to, but if he’s going to buy me something, I _want_ to. Oh and I got something for Caleb,” I add quickly.

“Oh? What did you get him?”

I laugh. “Hold on, I’ll show you.” I set the phone down on my bed and dig through my bags until I extract the miniature soccer ball from a bag and hold it up.

“Okay, that’s actually amazing.”

“I know you want to teach him as soon as he can run without falling over, so I figured…”

Bram laughs. “It’s perfect.”

We talk for longer than we probably should, considering I still have 3 papers to write and Bram has a study session planned for the morning, but it’s just what happens. I would talk to him forever if I could. Eventually, we do hang up though and I decide to just go to bed and write my papers in the morning.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the point when the book emails are getting extremely re-written in a lot of cases because Becky was clearly not looking at a calendar when she wrote Love, Creekwood and my nerd-brain will not let me write things that don’t fit on an actual calendar.

I get back from lunch on Wednesday to find an email from Leah waiting in my inbox. I decide to take a break from writing papers to respond.

**From:** simonirvinspier@gmail.com

 **To:** leahontheoffbeat@gmail.com

 **Date:** December 14 at 1:52 PM

 **Subject:** RE: Get your butt home, Spier

I am. So jealous. I can’t believe I’m still here with an exam tomorrow afternoon and three papers due Friday (THREE!) and you’re already home. But to answer your questions: I get in Saturday afternoon and Alice should get in thirty minutes after me. Our dad’s picking us up, so we should be good (but thank you!!!). Bram doesn’t get home until NEXT FRIDAY, literally Christmas Eve Eve. It should be illegal.

And I’m actually there through New Year’s! Savannah isn’t until January. Sorry, I realize calling it a Hanukkah trip was slightly misleading, haha. But yeah, Hanukkah’s actually the week between Christmas and New Year’s, but we’re driving down on January 4th so we can do Late Ass Hanukkah with his dad, stepmom, Caleb, and various elderly relatives, including Grandpa Greenfeld (who Bram describes as Bernie Sanders meets Eugene Levy, so I’m predicting only excellence).

Also, I think I’m going to go to New York on January 18th. Just for like a couple hours after classes. It’s probably a total waste of money, but I don’t care. He did it for me, right? I don’t know. It just feels like I need to do _something_ for him. He keeps planning these elaborate surprises for me and it’s honestly unfair.

I’m still not over Garrett’s new “G-money” moniker. Do you think he tells everyone at Tech to call him that? Do you think he tells them WE call him that? Also, I’m pretty sure Taylor knows exactly who G-money is, and was just trolling like the legend she is.

Anyway, I’ll see you SOON. Come hang with me and Bieber this weekend or something!!

And then somehow, it’s Saturday and I’m going home? I wake up early and finish packing. Obviously, I’m taking all of my laundry home and I end up needing to take both suitcases to fit all the Christmas gifts in, but it’s worth it. I send a text to Alice before I leave my room. _I’m about to leave for the train station. You get in at like 3:30, right? Have you talked to Dad?_

_Just got off the phone with him, actually. Theo and I are about to leave for the airport, too._

_Wait is he just driving you or is he coming to Christmas?_

_Coming to Christmas. I talked to Mom and Dad already and it’s totally going to be this huge thing because obviously they can’t just chill. We’re coming back before New Year’s because I’m doing January Session._

_Cool. Excited to see you._

I close my phone and glance across the room. Kellan and Grover already left last night. Kellan drove Grover to Annapolis where his parents live and then drove himself back to DC, so I’ve been alone all night. I confirm everything’s unplugged (one of those things we need to do before we leave that Liza had a meeting about) and then turn off the light and pull my bags toward the elevator. I don’t usually use the elevator since we’re only on the 3rd floor, but I don’t feel like wrangling these suitcases down the stairs. I stop at Liza’s room to tell her I’m leaving and she tells me to enjoy my break and then I’m off.

It’s a 10-minute walk to Haverford Station and I’m a little early for my train. It’s precipitating in ways I’m not sure I’ve seen before. I think I heard someone calling it a “wintery mix”. I don’t like it, but it’s supposed to stop in time for my flight, so I guess I’ll survive. The SEPTA train is slightly delayed, so I don’t get to 30th Street until 5 minutes before I have to catch the Airport Line which is somehow, _not_ delayed? I make it from one platform to the other just as the train pulls in and finally collapse into a seat.

We stop outside Terminals C&D at the Airport at 10:20 as scheduled and I pull my suitcases from the train. I quickly find my check-in counter and check my bags before heading for security. It’s crowded; probably because all the college kids are heading home for the break and there's A LOT of colleges in Philly. I glance out the window and notice it now seems to be just raining which is a pleasant change as I get into line.

It takes almost an hour to get through security and by the time I’m back at a window, the rain has stopped. I find a seat near my gate and sit down. My phone buzzes with a text from Alice a moment later.

_It’s still snowing here. I think our flight’s going to be delayed, but they haven’t said yet._

_Ew. It just stopped raining here, but it was snowing earlier and then doing some sort of weird mix of nonsense._

_Is your flight on time?_

_It should be. I still have over an hour._

_We do, too, but it’s hardcore snowing._

I sigh and flip to my text thread with Bram. His finals have barely started so he’s spending the weekend studying.

_I’m at the airport. It finally stopping snowing/raining/whatever the heck that was._

_Gross. It was gross. I’m glad you made it to the airport. Is your flight on time?_

_I haven’t heard anything yet, but there’s still over an hour. Alice said it’s still ‘hardcore snowing’ in Connecticut though._

“This is the first boarding call for Delta Flight 1556 to Atlanta. Gate D14 with a scheduled 12:46 PM departure. We will begin boarding in approximately 10 minutes; please make your way to the gate at this time.”

I glance up at the gate. The last of the passengers are streaming into the terminal and there’s already a crowd of people waiting to board. I sigh and get to my feel, throwing my backpack over my shoulders. I text Alice. _Are you leaving on time?_

_I think so. We’ve got about 40 minutes._

_My flight was just called for boarding to start in 10 minutes._

It’s less than 3 hours later and I’m sitting on a bench inside baggage claim at the Atlanta Airport waiting for Alice and Theo’s flight to land. It finally flicks onto the board and they're assigned to the baggage carousel that’s directly in front of the bench I’m sitting on. I text Alice. _I’m by your baggage claim. Texting Dad now._

I flip conversations and text my dad. _Alice’s flight just landed. We’ll be at door S5._

_Leaving the cell phone lot now._

I sigh and look toward the escalators just as Alice and Theo are stepping off. “Alice!” I say waving as they walk toward me.

“Hey, Bub!” She engulfs me in a hug as soon as they arrive.

“Nice to see you, Theo,” I say, glancing at him.

“You, too.”

“Is Dad already here?” Alice asks, looking around.

I nod. “He should be pulling up any minute. He was waiting in the cell phone lot.”

“Perfect,” she says and glances outside as Theo wanders toward the baggage carousel that just started moving. Alice follows him and a few minutes later they return both pulling suitcases. “Do you really have two bags?” she asks as I stand up and head for the door.

“All the presents I bought wouldn’t fit in the one that has all my laundry in it.”

She laughs. Dad pulls up as soon as we step outside and he immediately gets out and opens the trunk. “Hey, kids!” he says waving us over.

“Dad, we’re not ‘kids’ anymore.”

“Alice,” he says, shaking his head and hugging her. “How was your flight?”

“Good.” She lifts her suitcase into the trunk and steps back so Theo can do the same.

“Theo!” Dad says jovially. “It’s good to see you again!”

“You, too, Mr. Spier.”

“Please, call me Jack.” Theo steps away from the trunk and I pull up both of my suitcases. Dad lifts one while I lift the other. “Simon, why do you have two bags?”

I laugh. “Uh, I brought all my laundry home so I didn’t have to pay to do it and all the Christmas gifts wouldn’t fit in with that, soooo.”

“Of course, you did, kid. Alright, everyone in!” Dad goes around to the driver’s side door and Alice looks at me.

“Take the front?” she says.

I nod. “You got it.” I slide into the front seat next to my dad while Alice and Theo get in the back.

“Seatbelts on?” my dad asks, looking around at each of us. “Good, let’s go then!”

45 minutes later we’re pulling into the driveway. My mom’s car and the Spier Sibling Car are both already there as is…Leah’s car? I shake my head.

“Whose car is that?” Alice asks as we’re getting out.

“Leah’s.”

“Aw! I haven’t seen your little friends in so long. Is Little Nick Eisnier home yet?”

I shake my head. “Didn’t you just get done telling dad not to call us kids?” She blinks at me. “Can you not call them my ‘little friends’?”

“Oh, wow. That’s, yeah, okay. Sorry.”

Dad opens the trunk and starts pulling out suitcases. “And no, Nick and Bram both don’t get home until the 23rd.”

“Does that mean we can actually get some Spier Sibling Time this week!?!”

I roll my eyes. “What are you planning on doing with Theo?”

“Oh,” she says, glancing at him, “true. But still!”

I laugh as we head toward the front door. My mom throws the door open before we can even get to it. “Hi, mom. Where’s Leah? Why is she here?”

My mom laughs. “Oh, she’s with Nora in the basement. I’ll let them know you’re here.”

She disappears toward the basement stairs as we get to the door. Bieber jumps out a second later and nearly knocks me over. “Hi,” I say dropping my one suitcase handle to scratch his ears. “Yes, hi, I missed you, too.”

Then my mom’s back, with Nora and Leah behind her and Nora squeals. “Allie!” and hugs Alice. “Simon!” she squeals and hugs me, too.

“Hey,” I say, grabbing the handle of my suitcase again to pull it inside. “Leah! What are you doing here?”

“I asked Nora when you were getting home and came over!”

“I’m surprised you didn’t bring Abby.”

“Her brother’s home.”

“Ah,” I say, nodding. “Help me with my suitcases?”

“Sure,” she says and I hand her the smaller one as I grab the bigger one and we head up the stairs.

We drop the suitcases inside my bedroom door and I turn to her. “LEAH!” I can’t contain myself and hug her. She squirms. “See that hasn’t changed.”

She snorts a laugh. “You’re lucky I like you, Spier.”


	45. Chapter 45

It’s at least a little easier to distract myself from missing Bram at home. I spend most of the next week with Leah and Abby; we even see Garrett a couple times. Thursday afternoon, once Bram is finally done with finals, he FaceTimes me and we talk for hours while he’s packing.

“My mom has to work tomorrow.”

“Who’s picking you up?”

“Nick gets in around the same time, so I was going to hitch a ride with his mom.”

“Ah, okay.”

“You should come over when I get home,” he says.

I smirk. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“I can come get you after Nick’s mom drops me off.”

I laugh. “Okay. How late is your mom working?”

“At least 6?”

“What time will you be home?”

“I land at quarter of 3, so I should get to you by 4?”

I half-smile at him. “Okay. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too. I need to sleep though.”

I glance at my alarm clock. “Holy crap. I didn’t realize it was that late.” It’s after 1 am.

He laughs. “Neither did I. I have to get the bus to LaGuardia at 9.”

“Oof, yes. Please sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

I lay back in my bed and make futile attempts at sleep until I hear Nora getting up in the next room. I open my door before she can get down the stairs. “Nora!”

“Simon,” she grumbles.

“Nora, do you need the car today?”

She looks at me. “Uh, no. There’s no school.”

“Good.” She raises an eyebrow. “Bram gets home today.”

She laughs. “I should have guessed. Yeah, you can have it. I mean, I don’t think Alice and Theo were going anywhere.”

“Perfect.” I follow her downstairs, pulling out my phone to text Nick.

_Hey, I hear your mom is supposed to be giving Bram a ride home from the airport?_

_Uh, yeah. That’s the game plan._

_So, I just confirmed I can have the car today, so…tell her that isn’t necessary._

_You got it. Does he know?_

_No. Don’t tell him please._

_Sure thing. Hey are we doing anything before New Year’s? Like with everyone?_

_Not that I know of yet. Leah was at my house when I got home, actually. I’ll find out and let you know?_

_Sounds good._

Nora sits down at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. I laugh, remembering two Christmas ago when my mom discovered I drank coffee and thought that was the most shocking thing she was going to find out that day. “What’s funny?” she says, looking up.

“Nothing.” I get my own cup of coffee and make some toast.

My parents, Alice, and Theo get up about an hour later once Nora and I have already collapsed on the sofa with Bieber. “Alice?” I say when I see her walking down the stairs.

“What’s up, Bub?”

“You didn’t need the car today, did you?”

She shakes her head. “Nothing planned until the 26th.”

“Awesome.” I go back to watching the stupid holiday movie Nora insisted on watching.

“Where are you going?” my mom asks. _Ugh_. I had almost completely forgotten what it was like to live with my nosy parents.

“Um, Bram gets back today.”

She smiles. “Right. I forgot about that. Are you going to pick him up?”

“Yes. His mom’s working.”

“What time does he get in?”

“Uh, quarter of 3.”

“Just be careful driving to the airport,” she says. “People drive like maniacs down there.”

“I know. I will.”

Just then my phone buzzes. _I’m sorry I didn’t text you earlier, but I woke up late. I’m on the bus to the airport though._

_It’s fine. I’m glad you made your bus._

_I can’t believe I actually get to see you in 7 hours._

I smirk to myself. _I know. I miss you so much._

_I miss you, too._

“Bram doesn’t know your picking him up, does he?” Nora asks.

I shake my head. “He’s supposed to be getting a ride with Nick and his mom. Their flights get in around the same time.”

“Does Nick know?”

I nod. “I texted him earlier.”

I leave the house at 1:30, even after my mom insists that “If he doesn’t land until 2:45, you have time, Simon.” I am well aware that I have time, but I need to park and figure out where his baggage claim is. She doesn’t need to know that I plan on paying for Airport Parking though, so I don’t tell her that. I sit in the car and adjust everything from Nora's proportions to mine before plugging in my iPod and backing out of the driveway.

I pull into the Airport Complex just after 2. After parking in the short-term lot and finding my way to baggage claim I start looking at the board for Bram’s flight. I don’t actually know his flight details, but I know enough. He arrives at 2:45 and he flew out of LaGuardia. Finally, I find his flight on the board and it’s on-time, so I sit on a bench to wait.

_Just landed. Now to find Nick._

I chuckle and text Nick.

_Don’t you dare tell him._

_I wasn’t planning on it. Are you here?_

_At the bottom of the escalator on a bench._

_Delta Side?_

_Yeah._

_I flew American. So, I guess I’ll probably see you next week sometime?_

_Yep. Thanks._

Bram texts me again.

_He’s not responding._

I chuckle again and look up at the escalator for a second before texting him back.

_I’m sure he will._

_Okay. Getting off the plane. Still nothing from Nick. Maybe he was delayed?_

_Maybe._

I get to my feet and watch the top of the escalator. It takes a good 10 minutes, but eventually he’s there and I can’t stop smiling. He doesn’t see me, but he’s also not looking for me, so I don’t blame him. I walk toward the bottom of the escalator and as soon as he’s off, I catch him in my arms. He shouts at first and I laugh.

“Stop shouting,” I whisper and kiss his cheek.

“OH. MY. GOD. SIMON. What are you doing here?”

I laugh. “Sparing you from a car-ride with Nick and his mom?” He gives me a look and I laugh. “My intentions may have been selfish. I missed you too much to wait.”

He shakes his head. “Did you pay for airport parking?”

I nod. “You’re worth it. Also, Nick is totally already here and perfectly fine. I just told him he wasn’t allowed to tell you I was coming, so…”

Bram laughs and then turns toward the baggage carousels. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Less than an hour later, we’re walking into Bram’s mom’s house and I feel like it may as well already be Christmas. As soon as he finishes closing the door, he grabs his suitcase in one hand and my hand in the other and drags me up the stairs. He puts his suitcase next to his closet door, without ever letting go of my hand and pulls me onto his bed. “I missed you,” he says and then his lips are on mine and the world slips away.

It’s not until almost two hours later when Bram’s phone is buzzing incessantly that we’re pulled from the dream world. He picks up the phone and his eyes go wide. “My mom” he mouths as he answers the call. “Hey, Mom.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. No, I’m home. Everything’s fine,” he glances at me. “No, no, Simon surprised me at the airport and I sort of got distracted and forgot to call you. I’m sorry.”

I bite back a laugh and mouth “oops”. He smiles.

“Yeah, oh, okay, yeah, that’s fine. I can fend for myself. I’ll see you later.” He smirks at me and I raise an eyebrow. “Will do. Love you, too.” He ends the call.

“I’m sorry,” I say quickly.

He laughs. “It’s fine. She’s not mad. Um, she actually has to stay late at work…”

“How late?” I ask, putting a hand on his face. He smiles.

“Probably a couple hours? Something happened right as she was about to leave.”

“Hours, you say?” He nods. “Good.” My lips are back on his an instant later.

But a few minutes later, my phone buzzes. I pick it up. “My mom,” I say, clicking to read her text. _When will you be home?_

I groan. “What’s wrong?” he asks.

“She’s asking when I’ll be home. I really wish they wouldn’t treat me like a teenager.”

“I mean, you are _technically_ still a teenager.”

I roll my eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“I do,” he agrees.

_Probably a couple hours?_ I send back and set the phone back down. “Where were we?” My phone buzzes again before he’s even properly kissing me and I sigh.

_Okay. We’re about to eat. Are you eating with Bram and his mom?_

I snort. _That’s fine. And, we haven’t yet, but I can._

“Hmm?” Bram said as I set my phone down. He put a hand on my face. “Everything okay?”

I nod. “They’re eating dinner. She asked if I was eating with you and your mom.”

“My mom asked if I was okay eating on my own.”

“So…we totally already ate, yes?”

He laughs and presses his lips back to mine. “We definitely already ate.”

A couple hours later, Bram’s mom texts him again. He looks up at me as he sets his phone down. “How late are you allowed to stay?”

“She didn’t say.”

“So…my mom’s going to be late enough that she says I don’t need to wait up.”

I laugh until he’s kissing me again and then it doesn’t matter. At some point we must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, it’s light outside Bram’s window. He’s still sleeping, but I know I’m probably about to be in monumental trouble. I kiss his cheek; he grumbles. I try not to laugh. “Bram?”

“Mmm?”

“We fell asleep,” I say sitting up and picking up my nearly dead phone

“Mmm,” he grumbles again, “Come back here.” He’s reaching for me and I can’t stop smiling.

“Bram, wake up,” I say, trying not to laugh. He groans and opens his eyes and I’m pretty sure that’s when he realizes what happened. “I need to go. My parents are going to kill me.” I’m already pulling my clothes off the floor.

“So, let them wait a couple more hours.”

I roll my eyes. _“Your_ mom is probably going to wake up soon.”

He groans. “Just, come back here a minute. Please?” He reaches for me again.

I sigh and lean over to kiss him once. He catches my face in his hands. “Please, stay.”

“You know I wish I could.”

“So, do.”

“Bram, come on. My parents are going to be pissed. Your mom obviously already knows I’m here because my car is still in your driveway.”

“If she knows you’re here, why does it matter?”

“Because, my parents…” I’m scrolling through the missed texts on my phone. They’re all from my mom. She doesn’t seem to have given up until midnight. I groan.

“What?”

“I have like twenty texts from my mom.”

“Okay?” he grabs my waist with both hands.

“Bram….” I turn to look at him and he’s smiling at me.

“I love you.”

I shake my head. “I love you, too, but I really need to go.”

He sighs and lets go of me. “Fine, but come back.”

“If I’m allowed…”

“You’re an adult, Simon. What can they do?”

“I still live with them.”

He sighs. “I guess.”

“Isn’t your mom going to say something.”

“I mean, she’ll probably make me sit through another awkward sex talk…”

“I wish that was all I was facing,” I say with a sigh. I turn around and kiss him again. “Get some more sleep. I’ll talk to you later…hopefully.” I stand up and pull my pants on before he can complain again.

His mom seems to still be asleep when I make it to the hall so I quickly go downstairs and let myself out. I get in the car and quickly back out of the driveway. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket but ignore it as I’m turning onto Shady Creek Drive. A few minutes later, I’m pulling back into my driveway; my parents’ driveway. I don’t know how that works anymore. I quickly cut the engine, hoping I didn’t wake anyone and slip into the house. Bieber greets me with a bark and jumps up with his paws on my thighs. “Shhhhh. It’s just me, Bieb, shhhh.”

“Simon, is that you?” my mom calls from the kitchen.

I take a deep breath. “Yes.”

“Come in here, please.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and prepare for the worst as I step into the kitchen.


	46. Chapter 46

When I open my eyes, my mom is staring at me. She doesn’t look as angry as I’d imagined. She sighs and picks up her cup of coffee, heading for the table. “Sit down,” she says, gesturing.

I swallow and do so. “Listen,” I say. “I’m really sorry.”

She chuckles under her breath. “You’re not in trouble, Simon.”

My eyes go wide. “I’m…I’m not?”

She shakes her head. “No. Your father and I talked about it last night,” she pauses and looks at me carefully. “After I spoke with Bram’s mother.”

I close my eyes. _Why?_ “Um, you called Ms. Greenfeld?”

She nods. “When you weren’t answering, I figured you were there, but wanted to make sure and make sure you were safe. That’s all. In the future,” she says and I can’t believe this is actually happening right now, “please, just let me know when you won’t be home, okay? I just want to know that you’re safe.”

“I…I…uh, yeah, okay. I…can do that.”

She laughs. “You’re not in trouble,” she repeats.

“I…” I can’t think of words right now. _I’m not in trouble?_

“Simon,” she says slowly, pulling me out of my own head. I stare at here. “Simon, honey, you are an adult. You’re in college. I can’t keep you here forever. I know that, but just, while you are here, please let me know you’re okay? And when you aren’t here,” she pauses and swallows, “please, just keep me in the loop. It’s hard…you know.”

I nod. Not trusting myself to speak. She smiles gently. “What did…what did Bram’s mom tell you exactly?”

She laughs. “She said she’d only just gotten home and that you two were already asleep when she did. Did you ever eat dinner?”

I bite my lip and shake my head. She… _laughs_. I glance up at her. She’s _smiling_. This is weird. “I remember those days,” she says. My eyes go wide. “When your father and I were just starting to date…granted we were at the same college.”

“Um, Mom?”

“Hold on, I’m not done.”

“I know…I’d just really rather _not_ think about you and dad’s sex life.”

She laughs. “Oh, so you _are_ having sex.”

I feel the heat rise in my cheeks. “Um…”

“That’s okay, you know. As long as you’re being safe.”

I blink at her. “Uh…”

“You _are_ being safe, aren’t you?”

I blink again. We are _not_ having this conversation right now. She’s still staring at me expectantly. “Uh…”

“Simon.”

“I mean…yes?”

“Is that a question or an answer?”

“Um, an answer? I mean we are…I don’t know…like using…” I hate this so much. “We uh…use...condoms.”

She nods. “Good.”

“Can I go?”

She nods and I don’t need any more of this. I jump to my feet and run to the stairs. I close my bedroom door behind me and sink onto my bed. I think I may be a puddle of embarrassment at this point. I pull out my phone. That text I got in the car earlier is still on the screen. It’s from Bram.

_I miss you already._

I laugh and sigh. I miss him, too. How is that even possible? I shake my head and reply.

_I miss you, too, and guess what?_

_What?_

_I’m…NOT in trouble._

_See! You should have stayed._

I laugh. Maybe he’s right. _My mom called your mom last night._

_Oh? Why?_

_Because I didn’t answer her and she figured I was there. Apparently we were already asleep when your mom got home…or at least she told my mom that._

_Did she like…come in here?_

_No idea._

_But you’re not in trouble?_

_No. Shockingly. I was just told I have to tell her when I won’t be home and that she wants to know I’m safe or something and then she launched into an awkward sex talk._

_I’m a thousand percent sure I’m getting one of those later, too._

_So, what are you doing today?_

_Well, I have to go to Church later, but my dad will probably call me from the Hanukkah party, too since it’s the first night. They all go to my Aunt’s house for dinner. What about you?_

_Um…probably not much? French Toast for dinner because family tradition, but otherwise my sisters will probably rope me into watching some stupid holiday movies._

_“Stupid holiday movies”. You mean like “Love, Actually.”_

_Shush. But yes, probably._

_And it’s YOUR SISTERS that are going to rope YOU in to watching this?_

_Shush. Yes, definitely._

And now I’m remembering Bram’s promposal last year and I can’t stop smiling. I wonder if I still have that video. Sure enough, after scrolling far enough back in my phone, I do. I watch it, probably more times than is healthy and I can’t stop smiling. How did I get so lucky?

We finish opening presents the next morning, and everyone is just looking through the things they’ve been given. Theo clears his throat. We all look at him. “There’s one more.” He hands a small box to Alice and she tilts her head at him. “Go on, open it.”

She glances at everyone for a second and then back to Theo, narrowing her eyes. She starts pealing away the wrapping paper until she’s holding a tiny black box that appears to be made of fake velvet. “Open it,” Theo whispers and he slides off the couch to the floor in front of her. My hand flies to my mouth with a gasp. Nora’s does, too. My parents are holding hands and smiling ridiculously. Alice flips the box open and gasps. She looks at where Theo was sitting and then finds him on one knee in front of her.

“Oh my god,” she whispers. “I mean, yes, yes, of course, yes, but OH MY GOD.”

Theo laughs. “You didn’t even let me ask the question first.”

“Oh, right, go on then.”

He laughs again. “Alice, will you marry me?”

“YES!” she says again and pulls the ring out the box.

“Hey, that’s my job,” Theo says, grabbing it from her before she can put it on. She laughs and lets him slide the ring onto her finger. He climbs back onto the sofa next to her and she throws her arms around his neck. I think she’s crying. My hand finally falls from my face and I blink at them and then my parents. My mom is clutching her heart and my dad is smiling proudly.

“Let me see the ring,” my mom says and without moving, Alice holds out her left hand toward my mom. “It’s beautiful,” my mom says, taking Alice’s hand to look closer at the ring.

Alice eventually sits properly and wipes her eyes before examining the ring herself. “It really is beautiful,” she says, glancing at Theo. He smiles at her.

I pull out my phone and glance to make sure my parents aren’t going to complain, but my mom’s already looking at her own phone. I text Bram. _OMG. You’ll never guess what just happened._

_Merry Christmas to you, too. What happened?_

_Oh, right. Merry Christmas. I love you. But OMG. Theo proposed to Alice._

_Oh wow. That’s awesome. I love you, too._


	47. Chapter 47

After lunch, Bram comes over and we exchange presents. He likes the ridiculous Hanukkah sweater I bought him; he’ll find the note I left inside later. Because he’s the most adorable person on the planet, his present for me is a photo album full of what I’m pretty sure is every selfie we’ve ever taken together. “I love it,” I say, looking up at him. He smiles and I absolutely lose it. Why does this boy do this to me? I’m crying, full-on sobbing. I feel his arms wrap around me as I bury my face in his shoulder. “God, I’m such a weirdo. Why am I crying?” I finally manage to squeak out after a few minutes.

He laughs. “You’re not a weirdo.” I look up at him and he’s smiling at me.

“I am.”

“Okay, maybe a little, but you’re _my_ weirdo and I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I kiss him briefly before glancing around at my family. No one seems to notice or at least they don’t care and honestly, that’s refreshing. I lay my head against Bram’s shoulder and he wraps his arm around me. My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out; I have a text from Nick.

_Yo, Spier, come over before it gets dark and I have to do Hanukkah stuff._

_You realize it’s Christmas, right?_

_Oh, yeah, forgot about that. Never mind._

_No, it’s cool. Uh, Bram’s here, too, though. Is it cool if we both come?_

_Sweet, yeah, let’s do this._

_What are we doing exactly?_

_I don’t know. Video Games? I miss hanging out with people._

_Is Taylor mad at you or something?_

_What? No! We’re good man. She just won’t play video games with me._

I roll my eyes and nudge Bram. “Nick wants us to come over.”

He looks at me. “Okay? Why?”

I laugh. “Apparently Taylor won’t play video games with him and he’s going crazy. And…we have to go soon because Hanukkah things after dark or something.”

Bram nods. “Alright.”

“Mom?” I look across the room. “Is it okay if Bram and I go over to Nick’s for a little?”

She glances to my dad who shrugs. “Sure, that’s fine.”

“Aw, Little Nick Eisnier. Tell him I say hi,” Alice says.

I laugh. “I will tell him you said that.” I get up and offer my hand to Bram, who takes it. “Uh,” I look down at myself. “I should put real clothes on.” I drop Bram’s hand and head up the stairs. I feel him behind me two steps later and look at him over my shoulder.

“If you’re going to be naked,” he whispers, “in the same house as me…I’m coming with you.” He winks. I roll my eyes.

Bram flops across the bottom of my bed and props his head up in his hand. I shake my head at him, but pull a pair of jeans out of my suitcase. “You’ve been home for a week and haven’t unpacked?” he asks.

“I’m just going back in a month. What’s the point?”

“I guess.”

I pull my pajamas off and feel my underwear slip a little. Bram whistles from my bed. I throw my pajama pants at him and pull my jeans on. He bursts into laughter. “Alright, let’s go,” I say turning around. He’s already in front of me and he wraps his arms around my shoulders. I laugh and kiss him.

“Oh, alright. Let’s go entertain Nick,” he says as he grabs my hand and we head for the door.

When we get to the entry hall, I pull out my phone. “Let me just text Nick quick.”

_Leaving my house? Basement?_

_You know it._

I poke my head into the living room before we leave. “I’ll be back around dark. Nick has Hanukkah stuff.”

“Okay, honey,” my mom says, waving.

Once we’re outside, Bram heads for his car. I grab his shoulder to stop him. “Nick lives literally around the corner and it’s gorgeous out. We’re walking.”

“Oh, right.”

Bram bumps his shoulder into mine as we leave the driveway. I look at him and shake my head. “You’re a dork.”

“HEY!”

“I’m just saying. You are, but you’re _my_ dork and I love it.”

He laughs and grabs my hand. I don’t say anything; I love holding his hand, but I do wonder what my neighbors would say if they looked outside. This is exactly why I don’t think I’ll move back to Georgia after school. I don’t even _think_ about that when we’re in Philly or New York. I sigh. Bram squeezes my hand looks at me. “Everything okay?”

I nod. “I’ll tell you later.”

He squeezes my hand again and we turn onto Nick’s road. “I love you,” he says a few steps later. I look at him.

“I love you, too, silly.”

When we get to Nick’s house we walk around the back and into the basement.

“Greenfeld! Spier!” He says, pausing his game and looking up.

“Hey, Nick.” He holds up a fist and we both bump it.

I nudge Bram with my shoulder. “You play, I’ll sit on the couch.”

Bram chuckles and nods. Nick hands him the second control while I collapse onto the couch. Bram moves the video game chair back so he’s right next to my feet. Nick laughs and shakes his head. “So how are you guys?” Nick asks and he changes the game into 2-player mode.

“Good,” I say, nudging Bram with my leg. He chuckles and puts his hand my knee.

“Definitely, good. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about Friday.”

“He made me swear.”

Bram smirks at me. “Still.”

“So, what’ve you been up to?”

Bram glances at me and smirks again. “Well, Simon picked me up and my mom was working so we took advantage of our time alone in the house…”

“I do _not_ need details.”

We both laugh. “Don’t worry. I wasn’t going to give you any,” Bram says with a wink. “My mom ended up working late and we fell asleep, soooo.”

Nick raises his eyebrows. “And your parents didn’t ground you?” he asks, looking at me.

“Shockingly, no. I wasn’t even in trouble?”

“Weird.”

“Right? I just got a lecture about my mom wanting to know I’m safe and telling her if I’m not going to be home. So weird.” I nudge Bram with my knee again. “She also called Bram’s mom, because apparently our moms are friends now?”

“I mean, that’s good right?” Nick says as the game starts.

“I guess...I don’t even know. What have you been up to?”

“Mostly this,” Nick laughs. “We went to my grandma’s for Hanukkah last night.”

“Did you tell him about Alice?” Bram asks.

“Oh, no, I didn’t. So, first of all, when we were leaving, Alice said and I quote, ‘Aw, Little Nick Eisnier. Tell him I say hi.’ So, Alice says ‘hi’." Nick smiles more than he probably should. "Second of all, her boyfriend is here with her, right? So, we were opening presents this morning and when we’re all done, he hands her another one and the he _proposed_ in the middle of Christmas. I’m like 90% sure she cried.”

“So, Alice is engaged?” Nick confirms.

“Yep.”

“Wow. And…she still calls me _little_ Nick Eisnier.”

“She does.”

Nick huffs. I laugh. Bram glances at me. “Nick had a minor-level crush on Alice in Middle School.”

“I did not.”

“You definitely did.”

He huffs again and then Bram kills him. “HEY!”

Bram laughs. “You snooze you lose, Eisnier.”

When it’s starting to get dark, Nick’s mom calls down the stairs that he needs to come up for dinner. “Yeah, alright,” he says. “Thanks for coming over guys.”

“No problem.”

Nick turns off the game and Bram grabs my hand as I get off the couch. We make the 7-minute walk back to my house and Bram stops at his car. “I guess I should go.”

I groan a little. “I guesss.”

He laughs. “Tomorrow, come over. My mom works.”

I raise my eyebrows. “I like the sound of that.”

He smirks and then kisses me. “I love you.”

“Oh, wait. Alice said she has plans tomorrow. She probably needs the car.”

“I’ll come get you. Text me when you’re up.”

“I love you, too, by the way.”

He laughs. “I know.” He kisses me again. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I smile and finally release his hand. He reaches up and puts his hand on my check before I can turn away. I lean my head into his palm. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” he practically whispers and then he kisses me again. When he pulls away, he bites his lip. “Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” I repeat.


	48. Chapter 48

My mom has dinner almost ready when I get back inside. She’s standing in the kitchen doorway. “Good timing. Did Bram go home?” I nod. “Alright come on then.”

I follow her into the kitchen and help carry dinner to the dining room.

“Hey, uh, is it alright if I go to Bram’s tomorrow?”

“Of course, dear,” my mom says as we begin serving ourselves.

“I need the car though,” Alice says. “We have plans. I want to introduce Theo to my high school friends.”

“Yeah. I remembered you saying. Bram’s going to pick me up.”

“Oh, perfect,” she says and smiles at Theo.

I’m leaving the kitchen after helping my mom clean up and my phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out. It’s a text from Bram. I open it. It’s a picture of the note I left inside his sweater and a crying emoji.

_Don’t cry._ I text.

_Too late. This is beautiful, Simon. I love you._

_I love you, too._

_Can I call you?_

_I just sat down on my bed. I’m all yours._

I scoot toward the headboard and lean against it. My phone buzzes a second later with an incoming FaceTime request from Bram. I answer on the first ring. “Hi!”

“Hi,” he says. I can tell he only just stopped crying and I clutch my chest.

“Seriously, don’t cry. You’re going to make me cry.”

He smirks. “Sorry. That note though.”

I bite my lip. “I’m glad it didn’t take you 2 weeks to find it unlike some people.”

He laughs. “I also don’t plan on sleeping with the sweater under my pillow, for the record.”

I put my face in my hand. “About that.”

“What?”

“I realized yesterday; I left that shirt at school!”

“Oh no!”

“At least, I must have. It must have been clean? I brought all my laundry home to wash, but didn’t actually check my dresser. It must still be there because it was not in my laundry when I was folding it.”

“Will you survive? Or is drunk Simon going to make Abby drive across the _country_ for it?”

“First of all, Drunk Simon is not going to be around during break. Second of all, if anything 19-Year-Old Drunk Simon would make _you_ drive across the country for it if we’re being fair. One, because Leah wouldn’t let Abby go (at least not without her and that needlessly complicates things). Two, because I wouldn’t go without you.”

He laughs. “So, we’re _not_ getting Champagne-Drunk at Nick’s on New Year’s?”

“I mean, we are spending the night, so maybe? I don’t know. But you’ll be there, so I won’t need the shirt. The shirt was only a proxy for you…before I knew you were you because I’m a dumbass that didn’t notice a note inside a shirt until I was trying to put it on.”

“It’s weird, but I’m kind of glad it happened that way, you know? It was better. I feel like after all that, you putting my number into your phone to see my name pop up would have been pretty anti-climactic.”

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t have had to ride the Tilt-a-Whirl.”

He laughs again. “Okay, that’s true. Maybe I could have kissed you right away instead of worrying about vomiting into your mouth if I tried.”

“Would you have?”

“What?”

“Kissed me at the carnival.”

He thinks. “Probably? I’m pretty sure you’re made of magnets, you know. I don’t think I could have said no to you.”

I smirk. “But then what would we have done post-oreo-mush-first-date?”

“Kissed again. And again. And again. Because I could never get tired of kissing you.”

“Me either,” I say with a sigh. “God, I hate this.”

“What?”

“Not being next to you.”

He smiles. “It’s not easier when it’s 5 miles instead of 117 ½, is it?”

“Nope. I think it’s harder. Actually, I think it’s just harder every time. It’s like. I thought this would get easier, you know? Saying goodbye. It doesn’t. The more time I spend with you the harder it is to spend any time without you.”

He half-smiles. “I know. God do I know. I miss you so much. It’s so ridiculous. I literally just saw you and you are literally 5 miles away.”

“My mom said I could come over tomorrow,” I say. Trying to get us off the most depressing topic in the universe.

He smiles for real this time. “So…what time are we thinking?”

“I look at my alarm clock. What time does you mom leave for work?”

He laughs. “Usually 8:30?”

“Sounds perfect. Let me just…” I pick up my alarm clock and start setting it.

“You’re setting an alarm?” I nod. “It’s winter break.”

“Don’t care. You are _so_ worth setting an alarm for.”

“Won’t it wake Nora.”

“You’re also worth my sister being mad at me.”

He smirks. “So, I’ll text you when I’m leaving. Which will be the actual second my mom is far enough down the road to not notice.”

I laugh. “So, your mom isn’t supposed to know I’m there?”

He tilts his head for a second. “You have a point. I’ll be there at 8:20 tomorrow morning. Then we’ll get back here as she is walking out the door and I will have 20 extra minutes alone with you in my house.”

I laugh. “You know what I can’t wait for?”

He smirks. “What’s that?”

“3 and a half years from now. When we’re done with college and have our own apartment and I don’t have spend every night missing you.”

He half-smiles. “Is that what’s going to happen?”

“I don’t know, but that’s what I want to happen. I know we’ve talked about it and I know a lot of things are still up in the air, but honestly the only thing that gets me through is thinking about when this is over.”

He closes his eyes and he looks like he’s about to cry and my heart twists. “Bram…” He blinks at me. “Bram…I…I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” he asks, wiping his eyes with his forefingers.

“Because…you’re crying…I…”

“Simon,” he says, shaking his head. “When will you learn?”

“What?”

“I love you.”

I tilt my head. “I love you, too…if that wasn’t clear enough.”

“It was, but I still like when you say it. I could never get tired of hearing that.”

“I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

He laughs. _Good_. That’s what I was going for. His laughter fades quickly into a half-smile and he’s looking at me with those soft brown eyes and I think I’m falling in love again. “Simon, you don’t need to apologize. I…I’m crying because…” he wipes his eyes again. “Because I thought it was just me. I didn’t…I didn’t say anything, because I mean…we sort of don’t have an option right now and we _will_ make this work, but…but I think about it, too.”

I blink at him. I can feel the tears welling my own eyes. I try to look away.

“Look at me,” he says quietly. I do. “I love you, Simon. I love you so much. One day…maybe in 3 and a half years…maybe when you’re done with grad school or when I’m done with law school…I don’t know when for sure, but one day. We’re going to have a last night apart. At some point there’s just going to be us and there’s not going to be distance. Not five miles and definitely not 117 and a half miles. Just us. In one place. Together. And then it’ll never happen again. I’ll never have to lay awake at night staring at my ceiling wishing your head was on my chest. I’ll never have to wake up in the morning and sigh when you’re not there, because you’ll be there, Simon. And I’ll be there and we’ll be there. And it’s going to be the most perfect day. The most perfect moment. And it’s going to happen. It is.”

Nope, I can’t hold it together anymore. I’m actually full-on sobbing. Body-shaking; eyes puffing; can’t breathe sobbing. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“No,” I manage to croak out. I try to blink the tears out of my eyes. “No way.” I swallow and clear my throat. “No, if I’m not allowed to apologize, you’re not either. Just no.”

“I love you,” he says again.

“I love you, too.”


	49. Chapter 49

I spend all day every day at Bram’s until Thursday when my mom decides we need to have a family dinner before Alice leaves, which is fair. I’m not going to point out that Theo _technically_ isn’t family yet, so I should _technically_ be allowed to bring Bram. I don’t need Bram at a dinner table with both of my parents _and_ both of my sisters. Not tonight. Thanksgiving was enough of that for one year.

I have to admit, being 5 miles apart is getting less stressful. I don’t feel like I’m dying when he leaves if I know I’m going to see him again in 12 hours. Plus, we’re spending the end of next week in Savannah, together. Granted, we’re going to be in his dad’s house the whole time, so it’s not really going to be _alone_ , but I’ll still see him every waking moment of every day and his dad is actually the best out of any of our parents about the sleepover parts.

On Friday, Bram’s mom doesn’t work. I feel a little deflated when I wake up and there’s not a text saying he’s on his way. I eat breakfast with my family.

“When do you guys leave?” I ask Alice as we’re cleaning up.

“Our flight’s just after 2.”

“What are you doing for New Year’s?”

Alice and Theo glance at each other. “Our friend is having a little thing at his apartment.”

“Cool. I’m going to Nick’s.”

“Don’t your friends usually come here?”

I shrug. “Nick offered to host this year because his parents are going out of town. It’s still just like 6 of us.”

“Who all is going?” my mom asks, suddenly caring about our conversation.

“Uh, Leah and Abby…Bram and me…Taylor…and I mean, Nick obviously.”

My mom nods. “So a couples only party.”

I laugh and roll my eyes. “I mean, it’s the original trio and our plus ones, right? It’s sort of traditional at this point.”

“What happened to that Garrett kid?”

“Garrett? Oh, huh. I actually have no idea why he wasn’t invited.”

“Does Garrett have a ‘plus one’.”

“I actually don’t know. I don’t think so?”

“That’s why he wasn’t invited. I told you it was a couples only party.”

I roll my eyes again. “Well, it wouldn’t be fair would it? Everyone else has someone to kiss at midnight and Garrett’s just sitting there.”

“What did he do last year?”

“Well…last year was before…before Abby and Leah…Nick and Abby were still…so…he and Leah sort of stared at the floor, I think? I honestly don’t know. Leah probably pretended to vomit the whole time, honestly.”

She half smiles and laughs. “Too busy kissing Bram to notice your friends.”

I feel my face get hot. She laughs again and then looks up at the clock on the wall. “Oh! I need to go. I’m going to be late.” She quickly gets up and takes her plate to the kitchen. I hear it clank into the sink. She pokes her head back in from the hallway. “Alice, honey, let me know when you get back to Connecticut safely, okay?”

“I will, mom,” Alice says quickly.

My mom’s out the door a second later. My dad always takes off the week between Christmas and New Year’s because courts are closed anyway, so he’s taking Alice and Theo to the airport later. Mom on the other hand always says, “The holidays are such a rough time. My clients _need me_ this week more than ever.” Alice and I carry the last of the plates into the kitchen and start rinsing them and loading the dishwasher. She looks toward the dining room briefly and then turns to me.

“Hey, Bub?”

“Yeah?”

“Nick’s party. Really just the six of you?” I nod; she smirks. “His parents aren’t home?” I shake my head. “Does he already have booze?”

I laugh. “Alice…”

“Does he?”

“I don’t know.”

“Find out. Theo’s 22; we’ll hook you up before we go if need be.”

I pull out my phone while she turns the dishwasher on. I have a text from Bram.

_This is torture. How’s breakfast?_

I quickly reply. _Breakfast was good. I know. Believe me, I know._

Then I flip to my thread with Nick. _Do you have/want booze for tomorrow?_

_Does Simon Spier have a fake?_

_I do not; Alice’s boyfriend excuse me fiancé is 22 and she’s offering._

_Alice Spier. My hero! I only have like 2 six packs. We should have like…champagne? It’s new years. I was going to see if Garrett could get his cousin to supply, but this works._

_I’ll see what we can orchestrate before they leave. Did your parents already leave?_

_They literally just walked out the door._

_Perfect._

I look up to find Alice already left the kitchen. How the hell am I supposed to take her up on that offer in front of my dad…and Nora? I walk back through the dining room and into the living room. Alice and Theo are curled up on the love seat, Nora is on the sofa and my dad’s in the armchair. I walk across the room and stop next to Alice. “No.”

She raises an eyebrow.

“The conversation in the kitchen. Please.”

She mouths ‘Oh’ and nods.

I sit down on the couch, opposite Nora and scratch Bieber’s ears. Within 20 minutes, Alice has worked some kind of magic trick and I’m in the backseat of the car while Alice drives with Theo in the front. We’re going to Publix because “Oh no, we’re out of zip lock bags. I can’t pack my toiletries.” Nora was conveniently walking Bieber when this conversation happened, but Alice decided to ask if I wanted to join them. I say decided. She _orchestrated_. My sister is seriously a godsend sometimes.

Alice backs out of the driveway and turns toward the main road. “So, what do we need?” She asks, glancing in the rearview mirror at me.

“Uh, Nick mentioned champagne which seems…fitting?”

“Anything else?”

“He said he only had 2 6-packs. I know Abby doesn’t do beer…”

As she parks in front of Publix, she turns to Theo. “Get them a bottle of Vodka, a bottle of rum, and like…I don’t know? 3 bottles of champagne?” She glances at me. “Not the good-good-stuff, but be nice.” Theo nods and we all get out the car.

“You and I”, Alice says throwing her arm around my shoulders as she locks the car, “are going to get orange juice, Coke, and those zip lock bags.”

“Are we _actually_ out of zip lock bags?”

She shakes her head. “Nope. I just shoved them in the way back of the pantry earlier, so we’d have an excuse.”

“I could kiss you!”

She laughs. “Save it for your boyfriend, Bub, but I’ll definitely take a hug.”

I hug her in the middle of the Publix parking lot, because honestly I might have the best big sister in the world. “Wait, did you and Theo like pre-plan this?”

She laughs. “Kind of. I mentioned that you usually have friends over on New Year’s and that there’s no way mom and dad were going to buy you booze, so…” she winks. “Late Christmas gift for you _and_ your little friends.”

“Alice, you’re literally having your boyfriend, I’m sorry, _fiancé_ buy us alcohol; we’re not _little_.”

She blushes. “Right. I’m sorry. Force of habit.”

I laugh. She grabs one of the smaller buggies when we head toward the soda aisle.

As soon as we’re all back in the car, I text Nick. _Headed your way from Publix._

_Bring it to the basement door._

_You got it._

Alice pulls up in front of Nick’s house and I get out. “I’ll wait here,” Alice says as Theo gets out and opens the back door to start pulling out the bags.

“Nick will be livid that you were in his driveway and he didn’t get to see you,” I joke.

She laughs, “Oh, alright. Just for Little Nick Eisnier.” She turns off the car and gets out. She takes one of the bags and between Theo and I we grab the rest as I lead them around the back of the house to the basement door. I check and it’s unlocked, so I pull it open.

“Nick?”

“Oh, hey! Just put it on the counter by the fridge; I’ll get it organized,” he says getting up from the couch. He sort of freezes when Alice and Theo follow me in.

“Oh, right, this is Alice. Wait, you know Alice. This is Alice’s b… _fiancé_ Theo. Theo, this is my best friend, Nick.”

“Nice to meet you,” Theo says, offering his hand.

“Yeah, same. Thank you _so_ much for the hook up.” Nick says, shaking Theo’s hand.

“No problem!” he says.

“Late Christmas,” she pauses and then adds, “and Hanukkah present for you guys. Enjoy!” Alice says.

“Seriously, thank you!” He says as he starts making room in the fridge. “We didn’t really need all this…”

“Abby doesn’t like beer and I’m sure at some point we’re going to get tired of champagne,” I say.

“Oh, true. Good thinking, Spier.”

“I just realized…Hanukkah’s not even over is it? Where did your parents go?”

“They’re going to my grandparents’ house for the last night of Hanukkah tomorrow.”

“And you’re not going?”

He shakes his head. “I said I refused to miss your party. It’s a tradition, Spier. You don’t mess with this kind of thing.”

“Skipping out on Hanukkah to spend New Years with your best friends?”

“Yep. It’s okay. They’ll just bring my presents back with them and they left the last two from them upstairs so I can do the menorah prayers and whatever. They’re probably going to like FaceTime me or something. That’s why we can’t start until 10.”

“Okay, yeah, that makes sense. Alright. Well…I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah, man.”

Alice and Theo are already back out the door by the time I turn around.

“Hey, do you want to stay and play video games or something?”

“Taylor not coming over?”

“Not ‘til 3 and then she’s staying through the party.”

I smirk. “Oh, alright. Yeah. Alice?”

She pokes her head back in.

“I’m gonna stay and play video games with Nick. I’ll walk home then. Thank you SO MUCH.”

“How do I explain that to Dad? We were going to Publix for zip lock bags, remember?”

“Right…”

“Uh, Nick texted while we were out and asked me to come over so you dropped me off?”

“Works. Alright, Bub. See you in May I guess?”

“Oh my God that feels like forever, but yeah, I guess. Bye!”

Alice leaves and I help Nick finish putting away the drinks before we both collapse into the gaming chairs. He turns on a game. I recognize the load screen.

“A girl in my hall plays this game all the time.”

“A _girl_ in your hall?”

“Yeah. Well, I mean she lives downstairs, but yeah. Her name’s Jocelyn. She’s cool.”

“Well, pick up the controller, Spier. Let’s see what you’ve got.”


	50. Chapter 50

My phone buzzes. I pause the game. Nick looks at me. I pull my phone out of my pocket. It’s a text from Bram.

_Guess who just got called into work and said, I quote, “It sounds like a mess. I probably won’t be home until late.”_

_I’m at Nick’s. Come get me here?_

_On my way._

Nick’s still staring at me when I put my phone back in my pocket. “Um, so, I’m gonna head out…” Nick raises an eyebrow. I bite my lip. Nick starts cackling. “Shut up.”

“So, what’s the excuse? I was shocked you weren’t already over there.”

“His mom didn’t work today…but she just got called in.”

He pulls out his own phone and responds to a text. “Well, Greenfeld’s mom has good timing, because Taylor just asked if she can come earlier.”

“Perfect, so…I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yes, so pumped. Your sister…and the fiancé…are actual godsends.”

I laugh. “Sometimes,” I agree as I get to my feet while Nick turns off the video game.

I slip out the basement door and around to the driveway. Bram isn’t there yet, so I sit on the front stoop. I few minutes later, he pulls up and like a total dork gets out of the car and opens the passenger door for me when I get to the sidewalk. I roll my eyes at him. “Hi,” he whispers with a mischievous smile.

“Hi. You know I can open the door myself, right? You didn’t have to get out.”

“I know.” Before I can sit down, he puts a hand on my cheek and then kisses me. I forget where we are in an instant and my hands reach for his face. I want to pull him closer to me and he lets me. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and I wrap mine around his waist and we kiss. Nothing else matters until.

_Honk. Honk-Honk. Hoooooooonk._

We break apart and I see his eyes are wide. I turn around. Taylor’s pulled over behind Bram’s car which is blocking the end of Nick’s driveway and Nick’s standing at the front door of the house. Both of them look like they’re trying not to laugh.

Taylor sticks her head out the window. “The fact that you two are still _that_ into each other is adorable, but can you move, please? And…maybe get a room?” All four of us start laughing. I end up doubled over because I can’t stop laughing. It’s not even what she said that’s funny. It’s just that kissing this boy will never get old and we still forget where we are and everything just stops the moment his lips are on mine. And, you know, that’s not even funny, but in the context, I think it’s hilarious.

I eventually manage to calm down and get in the car. Bram leans down and kisses me again, much more chastely before winking and closing the door. “Sorry, Taylor!” I hear him say as he runs around to the driver’s side. He sits down and buckles his seatbelt before starting the car and quickly pulling forward. He doesn’t pull onto the road though, but he’s out of the way enough that Taylor can pull into the driveway. “I wasn’t done,” he says and puts the car in park. He leans across the center console and runs his hand down the side of my face before pressing his lips to mine again.

We break apart and he leans his forehead against mine. “We should probably wait until we’re in your bedroom to do anymore of that.” He wiggles his eyebrows. I smirk.

“Then, I think, we should probably get to my bedroom.”

“Please.”

He grabs my hand in his for a second and then puts the car back in drive and pulls out. To get out of the development, we have to drive right past my house which reminds me. I pull out my phone and send a text to my mom. _While I was at Nick’s (which Dad knew about), Bram asked me to come over, so he picked me up at Nick’s. I’ll probably be pretty late. I’ll let you know for sure later._

“Who are you texting?” Bram asks with a half-smile, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye.

“My mom. I do _not_ want a repeat of last weekend.”

“You didn’t even get in trouble.”

“Right, but I told her I’d let her know where I am when I’m home, so I don’t know if that would be the case should that happen again.”

He chuckles and claps his hand on my thigh for a second.

It’s almost 6 and my stomach betrays me with a loud grumble. Bram chuckles and keeps tracing circles on my back with his fingers. “We should have dinner.”

I hum into his chest and then kiss his shoulder. “Probably.”

He kisses the top of my head. “What do you want?” I shrug and snuggle closer to him. “We could go somewhere,” he suggests.

“Okay,” I say and tilt my head up to kiss him, but he’s looking the other way, so I kiss his neck instead.

“Mmm,” he hums, reaching for his phone. I kiss his neck again. “If you keep doing that, we’re not going anywhere.”

“Is that a promise?” I kiss his neck, but my stomach growls again and he laughs.

“Come on; lets get you some food.” He sits up and stretches, but I reach for him to pull him back. He laughs. “My mom said she’d be late; we have time to come back after dinner.” He leans down and kisses my forehead before standing up.

I grumble, but sit up and grab my phone. I groan. Bram looks at me with curious eyes. “My mom.”

“Do you have to go home?”

“I mean at some point, but no. She’s just being weird.” He tilts his head, so I read the text aloud. “ _You’ve spent all week over there, are you sure Gloria is okay with that? Or is she at work? If she is, does she know you’re there?”_

Bram laughs. “She totally knows you’re here, by the way.”

“She does?”

Bram nods. “After that night you accidently slept over, she said it was fine if you come over since clearly, we spend plenty of time alone together when we’re visiting at school and then launched into an awkward sex talk.”

“Every time including oral,” I say with a laugh.

“God, yes, I’m pretty sure that phrase was said more than once. But she did say it was okay if you come over.” He smiles at me. “You should feel honored. Garrett was previously her only exception to the ‘no guests when I’m not here’ rule.”

I laugh. “Glad to see I stack up to Garrett.” I start typing a response to my mom.

“So, where do you want to go for dinner?”

I shrug as I set my phone down. “Doesn’t matter. Wanna just go to WaHo?”

“Sure,” he says as he pockets his cell phone and keys.

“Have you heard from your mom yet?” He tilts his head. “Like when she’ll be home?”

“Oh, no. She hasn’t said anything.”

“Good,” I say with a smirk as I grab his hand. “I wasn’t done with you.”


	51. Chapter 51

On Saturday, I walk to Nicks at 9:30. When I get there, Nick and Taylor are already flopped onto the couch in the basement. “Hey!” I say as I enter.

“Yo, Spier, what’s up, man?” Nick says, looking up at me.

“Not much. No one else is here yet?”

“Leah said she was on her way to pick up Abby a little while ago. And I haven’t heard from your loverboy yet.”

I roll my eyes and collapse to the floor in front of the couch. “He’s on his way.”

“Perfect. I’m gonna go get Champagne glasses…I think there should be solo cups over by the fridge for the rest,” Nick says as he slides off the couch and up the stairs.

Taylor shifts on the sofa, so I glance over my shoulder at her. She’s biting her lip. I quirk my eyebrow for a second, but she doesn’t notice. I clear my throat. “So, how’s Harvard?”

She smiles. “It’s so great! You’re in Philly, right? What school again?”

I nod. “Haverford. It’s actually just east of Philly; like 20 minutes on the train.”

“And Bram’s at…Columbia? New York, right? How’s that? Do you…you know, see each other?”

_Does Nick not tell her anything?_ “Yes, and we have, yeah. I’ve been to New York a couple times and he’s come down a couple times too. Amtrak runs between Philly and New York all the time, so it’s not terrible. I mean, it _is_ terrible, but it could be worse.” I blush; I’m rambling…to Taylor freaking Metternich.

She smiles at me. “Are you doing drama at all?”

I shake my head. “I’m pretty busy with just classes. I have a couple friends in this all-girls’ a capella group though. They keep inviting me to watch their rehearsals. Are you? Doing drama that is?”

“I didn’t this semester because I just wanted to settle in, but I’m thinking about auditioning for the spring. What are you studying?”

“Psychology,” I say, but in that moment the door slides open and Bram walks in, so Taylor’s hopes for further conversation are quickly out the window. I jump to my feet and he laughs as he pulls the door shut. “Hi,” I say, throwing my arms around his neck.

He laughs and wraps his arms around my waist, lifting me briefly off my feet which makes me giggle and then Taylor’s laughing and I guess Nick must have come back downstairs because he’s laughing, too, and then Bram chuckles and kisses my cheek.

Nick sets the glasses on the counter next to the fridge and comes back to the couch. “Anyone want a drink? Simon’s sister got us booze and everything.”

“It was actually her fiancé, but yeah,” I correct.

“Your sister’s engaged?” Taylor asks.

“Uh, yeah, on Christmas actually. Theo came down with her for break. They’re already back in Connecticut though.”

“Cute,” she says and gets up to walk toward the fridge. “What do we have?” She doesn’t actually wait for us to respond; she just opens the fridge. “Is it weird to start drinking the champagne before midnight?”

“We have enough,” Nick says as he walks up behind her. “I say it’s fine.”

“Totally,” I agree and Bram nods as he wraps his arm around me and leans to look. “What else is there?”

“Uh, I still have a couple six-packs of Coors. Vodka and orange juice. Rum and Coke,” Nick says, pulling a beer out for himself while Taylor peels the the foil wrappings from a bottle of champagne.

Bram nudges me with his shoulder. “Do you want something?”

“Maybe?” I say, tilting my head and looking at him. “Do you?”

“Champagne is nice. I’ve only had it a couple times, but it’s pretty palatable…”

“Oh alright.” I stand up and offer him my hand. He laughs, but takes it.

After we both have glasses of champagne, he wraps himself around me from behind while I’m putting the bottle back into the fridge. His lips are next to my ear. “Just don’t get drunk, okay? Drunk Simon does things to me that are not appropriate for parties.” I feel the blood rushing to my cheeks and when I turn around, he winks at me and that definitely does not help. Nick and Taylor aren’t paying attention though. Nick has the remote in his hand and is trying to get the New Year’s Eve coverage on TV. I think they’re arguing about what channel it’s on.

“Can you not just look at the guide?” I ask as Bram and I sink back to the floor.

“Oh, yeah,” Nick says like he hadn’t even considered that. He opens the guide and finds the right channel. He’s setting the remote back onto the console table when Leah pulls the door open and Abby walks in. Leah follows her and closes the door a second later.

“LEAH!” I say with a huge grin.

“SIMON!” she says enthusiastically.

“Sure, just pretend I’m not here,” Nick says grumpily.

“Oh, shush you,” she says and slaps his shoulder. He laughs.

“Drinks are in the fridge if you want anything,” Nick says, gesturing in the that direction.

“Oooh, what d’you have?” Abby asks as she walks toward the fridge. Leah looks profoundly disinterested, but follows her.

“There’s Coke,” Abby says holding it up. Leah takes it and pulls a stack of solo cups out of the cabinet. Abby pulls out the vodka and orange juice. “How’d you get all this?” Abby asks, turning to Nick.

“Simon’s sister.”

“Alice isn’t 21 yet, is she?” Leah asks turning around and tilting her head.

“Nope,” I say. “It was actually Alice’s fiancé. He’s 22.”

Abby and Leah end up pulling the gaming chairs around from the back of the couch where Nick had shoved them. We’re all watching Ryan Seacrest as he introduces musical acts we don’t really care about. After about 20 minutes, Leah looks like she just remembered something important so I look at her expectantly.

“Wait! Did we ever find out what went down with Garrett and Morgan? Where is Garrett anyway? Did we not invite him?”

Bram and I laugh. Taylor looks confused. Nick smirks. “You mean when Morgan was up at Tech back in September?”

Leah nods. “Did he ever admit anything?”

Bram shakes his head. “He won’t give me anything. He swears nothing happened.”

Leah rolls her eyes. “Morgan won’t give me anything either.”

Taylor still looks confused. “What are they talking about?” she asks Nick.

“Back in September, there was a weekend where Morgan Hirsch, our U.G.A. superfan Morgan Hirsch was spotted on the Georgia Tech campus. Rumor has it Laughlin was involved,” Nick explains.

“Rumor that you started,” I add.

“I did _not_ start that rumor,” Nick complains.

“Who did?”

“I saw her Snapchat and recognized the background as one of the buildings at Tech; I went to a soccer tournament up there once. And sure enough a few minutes later Laughlin snapchatted from almost exactly the same location.”

“So, you _did_ start the rumor.”

“NO!”

“But you literally just said you say their snapchats and that’s why you told me that.”

“No, but like. They started the rumor themselves. I mean…”

I roll my eyes. “Whatever you say, Nicholas. I still can’t believe Garrett won’t admit to it. Is it not his goal to have everyone think he’s some sort of ladies’ man?”

Bram laughs. “You’d think.”

“Okay, that leaves my other two questions,” Leah says.

“I invited him,” Nick says. “He was already going to a party at Tech.”

“He drove out there just for tonight?” I ask.

“I guess?” Nick says with a shrug. “I didn’t ask questions.”

“I think he just went back early,” Bram says. “This is his last week off; classes start a week from Monday.”

“Cool. Cool,” Nick says. “Why are we talking about Laughlin? Isn’t this supposed to be a party?”

We all laugh. “Y’all go back Monday right?” I ask, looking at Leah and Abby.

They both nod. “We’re driving back Monday for advisement and stuff and then classes start on Thursday.” Abby says.

“Advisement?” I ask. “You have to meet with your advisor before the semester?”

“Yeah, to like register for classes and stuff?”

“Wait, you haven’t registered for classes yet?”

“No?”

“Weird. I registered in like November.”

“But you didn’t even know if you passed last semester yet how can you register for the next one? What if you fail a prerequisite?”

“I don’t know. I guess they just expect us all to pass? You’d probably have to drop the class and register to retake the one you failed at the start of the semester, I guess?”

“That seems like a waste of time,” she says.

“Whatever. It’s not like I get a choice in the matter.”

“When do you go back?” Leah asks changing the subject.

“First day of classes is the 17th. Tuesday after Martin Luther King Day.”

“Both of you?” Bram and I both nod.

“I don’t start until the next Monday, the 23rd,” Taylor adds.

“I’m the 19th. A random Thursday,” Nick says.

Then we’re discussing Spring Breaks and when we’ll all be home again for summer. Bram brings up the Spier Family Vacation and Abby talks about how Leah’s coming to DC with her for Spring Break. It’s so weird not being on the same schedule or even knowing each other’s schedules anymore. After a while, everyone is up getting their second drinks. When we sit back down, my head falls onto Bram’s shoulder. He smiles at me and then kisses my forehead.

By the time Midnight is approaching, Bram and I have migrated to the couch and Taylor is sitting on Nick’s lap. Bram is holding my hand as he finishes his third glass of champagne. He sets the glass on the floor by his feet and pulls out his phone. I give him a questioning look, but he just smiles at me and turns his screen so I can’t see. He doesn’t let go of my hand even as he starts typing.

Nick gets up and brings a bottle of champagne and the rest of the glasses over and fills all 6 of our glasses. Leah turns up her nose. “Come on, Leah, it’s New Year’s. Live a little!” Nick says, nudging her shoulder. She sighs and picks up the glass to look at it.

My phone dings and Bram giggles. I squint at him, but he’s putting his phone away. I pull my phone out expecting a text from my mom, if I’m being honest. It’s not. It’s an email to my Jacques account.

**From:** bluegreen118@gmail.com

 **To:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

 **Date:** December 31 at 11:52 PM

 **Subject:** last email of the year

Dear Jacques,

You’re holding my hand while I write this, which has to be the biggest advantage of being a lefty, and also the best possible reason for one-handed typing. And that’s it. That’s the email.

Love,

Blue

I look at him and shake my head a little. He smirks. “Oh my god, are you two seriously texting while holding hands? This is like lunch in high school all over again,” Leah complains.

I laugh. “Not texting,” I correct. She raises an eyebrow. “Emailing.”

She rolls her eyes. “Okay, so pre-winter-carnival-junior-year-high-school-lunch.”

Bram and I both laugh. “But we weren’t holding hands then,” he says.

“True, but you were eye-fucking even if you refuse to admit it.”

I roll my eyes at her and she chuckles.

“Shut up! The peach!” Nick says, pointing at the TV. And so it is; we all turn to watch as midnight draws nearer.


	52. Chapter 52

“10 – 9 – 8 – 7 – 6,” we all count in unison and then Nick raises his champagne glass and the rest of us follow his lead. “5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – HAPPY NEW YEAR!” We all laugh as we take sips of champagne. Then Bram’s hands are on the sides of my face and his lips are pressing against mine. He must be drunk because he doesn’t stop. We only break apart a minute later because Leah is clearing her throat. I feel my face going red. Bram sort of chuckles as he collapses backward on the sofa. I pull out my phone and lean against him. I take a selfie that I’ll put on Instagram later and then I open my email.

> **From:** hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com
> 
> **To:** bluegreen118@gmail.com
> 
> **Date:** January 1st at 12:05 AM
> 
> **Subject:** First Email of the Year
> 
> Hello, beautiful boy, you are really something else. You just typed that whole email with one damn hand, didn’t you, after _three glasses of champagne_. And not a comma out of place. Not a single freaking error in your whole entire email. Except the part where you say holding hands is the best reason to type one-handed. (Second best, Bram, don’t you think? 😊)
> 
> Anyway, Drunk Bram, let’s go watch the fireworks (and by watch, I mean let’s MAKE some fireworks, wink wink wink).

Even though he totally read that over my shoulder while I was typing it, he pulls out his phone when it dings. The fireworks are already going outside. My neighborhood goes a little crazy on New Year’s. Nick is pulling Taylor out the back door when we look up; Abby and Leah are right behind them. I glance at Bram and he smiles at me and then kisses me again. I don’t even care about the fireworks anymore; I’d rather spend all night kissing him.

And Bram is definitely drunk, because he doesn’t stop kissing me until the other four are coming back inside and Nick is clearing his throat. I feel my face blush as I pull away. I bury my face in Bram’s shoulder and his arm, wrapped around my back holds me close. I sigh into his shirt and I feel his lips brush the top of my head.

“So, now what?” Taylor asks. There’s a long pause.

My phone vibrates in my back pocket. I pull it out. A text from Kellan. _Happy New Year! Do you still want to facetime?_

_YES! Give me a minute._

I sit up and look at Bram. “I’m going to go upstairs and facetime Kellan and Grover. I’ll be back.” Bram nods and laughs a little.

“Who and who?” Nick asks.

“Oh, my roommate, Kellan, and his boyfriend Grover, that lives like 4 rooms over from ours.” Nick raises his eyebrows but nods.

By the time I get back downstairs, Taylor is trying to start a sing-along. No one else is interested and Leah looks like she might leave if that happens. Bram smiles at me and opens his arms when I get close enough. Taylor is now sitting on the couch next to Nick, so there’s not as much room. I manage to squeeze between her and Bram and he pulls me almost onto his lap. I laugh and lay my head against his shoulder.

Taylor is relentless, and eventually she just starts singing on her own. I recognize the song immediately. Nick picks up his guitar from next to the couch and starts playing with her and singing a quiet harmony line. _I guess he was only refusing because everyone else was?_ I smile at Bram and he smiles back and then nods toward Abby and Leah on the floor. Leah looks like she’s about to cry and Abby is holding her hand. I give Leah a look, but she doesn’t notice.

Taylor and Nick finish the song and in that same second, Leah is half-jumping to her feet and running toward the bathroom. Abby’s eyes go wide, but she follows after Leah. I hear the door latch behind them a second later and glance at Nick who shrugs and shakes his head. Taylor looks confused for a second before she sighs and leans her head on Nick’s shoulder. Bram wraps his arms around me and pulls me against his chest to get my attention back. “I love you,” he whispers.

I smile at him. “I love you, too,” I kiss him once and then lay my head against his shoulder, “more than words could ever describe.” His head rests against the top of mine.

Leah and Abby re-emerge a few minutes later. Leah’s eyes are bloodshot and her face is red. Abby is smiling, but her eyes are red, too. I tilt my head at them.

“Are you okay?” Taylor asks as they collapse back to the floor.

Leah nods. “I just wish I could freeze this moment,” Abby says with a smile, squeezing Leah’s hand in hers.

That’s when I notice Nick is staring at them and I wonder for a moment what he’s about to say. I feel Bram flinch next to me when Nick opens his mouth. Nick’s eyes un-focus and he looks above their heads as he talks. It’s hard to follow at first; he’s just rambling about time and memory and then he says something that really gets me. “When we say we want to freeze time, what we mean is that we want to control our memories.” And I guess that’s true, but I never really thought of it like that. Then there’s some video game analogy about re-spawning and we’re all just sort of enamored by Nick’s philosophical rambling because it’s hard not to be.

When everything is quiet again, I yawn and lean my head against Bram’s shoulder. “I’ll grab the sleeping bags,” Nick says, getting up from the couch.

Taylor watches him as he walks toward the door behind us that leads to the storage area of the Eisniers' basement. “Sleeping bags?” she asks.

“Well, I mean yeah. It’s sort of tradition. I mean, it’s usually Spier’s basement, but we all camp out in the basement on New Year’s.” Taylor makes a face but doesn’t say anything.

Nick comes back a moment later and dumps an armful of sleeping bags onto the floor in front of the couch.

“Why do your parents have so many sleeping bags?” Taylor asks.

“Because I had a lot of sleepovers as a kid!” Nick jokes with a laugh. “No, they actually really like camping. We used to go all the time when I was a kid.” He looks around for a second and then looks at the three of us still on the couch. “Hey, let’s move this back so we have more room,” he says and we all groan but stand up. I help Nick push the couch backwards until it’s against the far wall. Leah and Abby are already pulling sleeping bags from the pile when we get back and Bram has one over either arm. He hands one to me.

“I have an idea,” I say, stepping closer to him.

“Oh?”

“Here,” I say, opening the sleeping bag I’m holding. “I’ll just open this up and put it down.” I do just that and then look at him. “And we can cover up with that one…”

He smirks and leans his lips to my ear. “We are _not_ having sex.”

I laugh and feel my face turning red. “But we can cuddle,” I say quietly and he smiles softly at me.

Nick disappears into the back room and returns with a giant stack of pillows a minute later and throws one at each of us. I laugh when mine hits me square in the face, knocking my glasses slightly askew. “Sorry,” Nick says as he throws the next one to Leah.

Bram fixes my glasses before I can even set the pillow down and then kisses the end of my nose. “I’m glad that was only a pillow,” he whispers. “No breaking your face.”

I laugh. “Well, maybe people shouldn’t throw things at me. I’m the least athletic person to ever exist. I’m never going to catch them.”

Bram laughs again and sets his pillow down and I put mine next to it.

“Flashlights ready?” Nick asks from across the room by the stairs. I pull out my phone and turn the light on as Nick flips the light switch.

Bram lays his head on the pillow and stretches, his arms reaching over his head. I take advantage of the moment and flop down on top of him, my head landing against his chest. “Oof,” he grunts as I land.

“Sorry,” I mumble. I lift my head up and kiss him once. He smiles.

He wraps his arms around my back and sighs contentedly. I turn the light on my phone off and nuzzle against his chest. “I love you,” he whispers above my head.

“I love you, too,” I say back and then the tiredness finally hits me and I yawn.

When I wake the next morning, I can still hear Bram’s faint snores above my head, so I don’t move. At least not until I can hear someone else moving too. I roll onto my back away from Bram and his eyes flicker open as he looks at me. “Come back,” he mumbles.

I smile at him for a second and move my head back toward his. Then I look across the room and see Abby sitting up. She’s smirking at us and I feel my face blush as I look away from her. “Morning,” she says, sleepily.

Her voice seems to stir Leah next to her and soon enough we’re all awake. “WaHo?” Nick says as he comes back out of the bathroom, stretching. “Or is your mom still making us breakfast?” he asks looking at me.

I laugh. “I could ask her, but we may as well just go to WaHo.”

We all agree and take turns in the bathroom to freshen up. Taylor slips up the stairs at some point and returns in a completely different outfit. I’d almost forgot she’d been here since Friday. “When are your parents coming home?” I ask Nick as we’re all walking out the back door into the rainy morning.

“They’re staying for the family New Year’s party today and coming home late.”

I nod as Bram opens his passenger door for me. “You really don’t have to do that,” I say, kissing him once. He bites his lip, but says nothing.


	53. Chapter 53

A little over an hour later, we’re leaving Waffle House. Leah has to take Abby home before Abby’s dad freaks out. Nick and Taylor are heading back to Nick’s house so Taylor can get her stuff and head home before Nick’s parents get back. Bram and I are sitting in his car, holding hands over the center console, talking and watching the rain.

“I guess I have to take you home,” he says.

I groan. “Yeah, I guess…”

It’s starting to get really foggy and still raining. It’s also cold; not as cold as Philly, but colder than I’d like it to be. Bram already has the engine running for the heat. He pulls his hand away from mine and I sigh and pull my hand back to my lap. He looks at me and smiles. “Do you think I’m allowed to stay?” he asks.

I smile. “I mean, probably? We don’t usually do anything on New Year’s.”

“Okay,” he says. He pulls his seatbelt on and I buckle mine, too. “Music?” he asks, holding up his iPod. I take the iPod from him and pick a playlist. He backs out of the parking space and pulls out onto Roswell Road. 10 minutes later he pulls into my driveway.

“Come in until they kick you out,” I suggest as he puts the car in park.

He laughs. “That’s my plan.”

When we walk inside, shockingly no one is waiting at the door. I glance around and _nothing_. I grab Bram’s hand and head for the stairs.

“Simon, is that you?” my mom says from the kitchen.

“Uh, yeah,” I say. Bram glances at me and I sigh. “And, uh, Bram’s here, too, if that’s okay.” He smiles at me; I roll my eyes.

My mom walks into the hallway. “Of course, dear. Did you have a good time at Nick’s?”

I nod. “Yeah, it was nice. We went to Waffle House for breakfast.”

She smiles and shakes her head. “Of course, you did. Do they not have those up north?”

“Not near Haverford,” I say.

“Or in New York,” Bram adds.

She raises her eyebrows slightly but nots. “Door open.”

“Mom, I know,” I say and I grab Bram’s hand and pull him the rest of the way up the stairs and into my room.

I fall backwards onto my bed and stretch. Sleeping on basement floors is not as comfortable as it used to be. Bram sits on the edge of the bed next to me. I sit back up and lean my head against his shoulder. He wraps his arm around my back. “Make a playlist for the drive on Wednesday,” he says a few moments later.

I laugh. “Okay,” I say and look up at him. He’s smiling at me. “Can I just enjoy you being here right now instead?”

His smile gets broader and he leans down to kiss me. We’re kissing likes it’s breathing. We end up horizontal on the bed and I don’t think either of us realizes where we are until there are far less clothes involved. I push my hands against his bare chest. “What?” he says, pouting at me and stretching his neck to try to reconnect our lips.

“We can’t,” I say quietly. I want to, oh God do I want to, but we can’t. My parents are home. The door is open. I don’t know where the hell Nora is, but she could literally be in her room or about to be. We can’t do that right now regardless of how much I want to.

He sighs and sits up, sliding to rest his back against my headboard. “You’re right.”

“Sorry,” I whisper, moving closer to him but not sitting up. He smiles down at me and I lean my head against his hip. “I promise I want to.”

He chuckles. “I know, but you’re totally right. Your parents could walk up here any minute.”

“And I have no idea where my sister even is.”

He nods and runs a hand through my hair. “I should probably put my clothes back on, huh?”

I groan. “I guessss,” I say with an exaggerated frown.

“I don’t really want your mother seeing me sitting on your bed in my boxers, if I’m being honest,” he says quietly.

“True, true. I do _not_ want to have that discussion today.”

He sighs and tries to lean off the side of the bed to pick up his clothes, but when he can’t reach, he leans further and my head is suddenly against his butt instead of his hip and I laugh and bite him through the thin cloth of his boxers. He yelps and jumps. I just manage to move my head out of the way before he lands back on the bed. I laugh. He looks at me and shakes his head. “What?” I ask innocently.

He shakes his head again. “I love you,” he says quietly as he moves to the edge of the bed and picks up his sweatpants and t-shirt.

“I love you, too,” I say as I sit up and start picking up my own clothes.

In the exact second I finish pulling my shirt over my head, there’s a knock on the door and it creaks open a little further. “Boys?” my mom’s voice says.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come in?”

I glance at Bram to make sure he’s fully clothed. “Yeah, okay.”

My mom opens the door the rest of the way and smiles at us. I realize we probably look a little odd. Sitting on opposite sides of the bed, but I try not to think about it and quickly shift to the end of the bed which Bram must catch onto, because he’s next to me a second later. “What’s up?” I ask, trying to be casual. It doesn’t work.

My mom shakes her head slightly and smiles in that I-know-what-you’re-up-to way. I feel my face flush. “I wanted to talk to the two of you about something.” I bite my lip and glance at Bram; he’s looking at me, too and I try to smile. He half-smiles back. “Okay, well,” my mom says, pulling out attention back. “I was speaking with Gloria a little while ago.” Bram’s eyes go wide at the mention of his mother.

“Why?” I ask.

My mom chuckles. “Because she’s my friend, Simon.”

“Is she?”

She chuckles again. “We’ve sort of bonded over how much we love the two of you. She was also wondering if Bram was here; it would appear she was expecting you to be home by now,” my mom admits and I bite my lip. Bram grabs my hand on the bed between us and I glance to smile at him; he smiles back tentatively. “Anyway, I was talking to Gloria, and then I was talking to you father,” she says, looking at me. I nod, having no idea what she’s about to say. “You boys are both adults now and we know you’ve been spending a lot of time together alone while you’re away at school.”

_Oh God. Is my mom seriously about to have a sex talk with us right now?_

And that thought must be written on my face, because she’s chuckling again. “Don’t worry, Simon, I’m not going to embarrass you.” I stare at her; I don’t think she understands the actual dread I’m experiencing right now. She smiles kindly and pulls my desk chair over to sit on. “We were all thinking, that perhaps you deserve a little more privacy here at home, too.”

And now my eyes must be as wide as saucers, because what did she just say? Who is this woman and what has she done with my mother? I glance at Bram and he looks just as shocked as I feel. “Wha…what are you suggesting?” I ask slowly.

She chuckles again. “I thought you’d be happy about this,” she says quietly.

“About _what_?”

She continues to chuckle. “Okay. So, we think it’s time to amend a few rules. Now that you’re both adults and you’ve both proven you can be trusted with more freedom.”

I bite my lip, trying not to get my hopes up too far. “Such as?”

She smiles gently. “Well, first of all. That open door rule?” she asks. I nod. “We don’t think that’s necessary. Considering, well, considering the two of you have clearly been alone behind many a closed door at this point and you haven’t managed to do anything terrible.”

I can’t help the laugh that escapes my lips. I glance over and Bram is staring at me with a raised eyebrow. “I’m sorry,” I whisper to him. “I can’t help it.”

“Have you? Done something terrible?” my mom asks, looking at me.

I shake my head. “Not terrible. Definitely not terrible,” I say with a smirk.

She raises an eyebrow and then clears her throat. “Okay, well. We are under the impression that it would be potentially easier on the both of you if there were less rules involved. So,” she says slowly. “As you are adults, you no longer have a curfew.”

I raise my eyebrows. She _can’t_ be serious, but she keeps going, so I guess she is?

“The door may be closed,” she says. “And if you wish to spend the night, either of you,” she says, looking between us, “we just ask that you let us all know, okay? We care about you a lot and want to make sure you’re being safe. In more ways than one.”

My eyes go wide. _Please no. Please, please, please, no._

“But we’ve already had that conversation,” she says and I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. I hear Bram chuckle under his breath and glance at him. He smiles. “I do still expect to see you,” she says looking at me pointedly. “But we think it’s only fair that you be granted a certain higher level of freedom at this point. Now,” she says finally, standing up. “You two get yourselves cleaned up and we’re going to go out for lunch.”

I raise my eyebrow. “Where are we going?”

“I’m not sure,” she admits. “Your father’s idea, actually. I’m just going to go tell Nora to get ready and I’ll see you downstairs in a few.”

She closes the door behind her when she leaves and I look at Bram with wide eyes. “Did that really just happen?” I ask.

He nods. “It would seem so.”

“But wait. She’s going to tell Nora…does that mean…God, why?”

“Huh?”

“That means, Nora was in her room that whole time,” I say, glancing at the wall behind my headboard. I swallow heavily.

Bram laughs. “Oops.”


	54. Chapter 54

I’m now squished in the middle of the backseat of my dad’s car. Nora’s on one side and Bram’s on the other. My head is on Bram’s shoulder and his head is resting against mine. Our fingers are tangled together on my knee. Nora is staring out her window and trying to ignore us. My parents are talking about something, but I have no idea what anymore and everything is perfect. It’s just stupid perfect.

My dad pulls into the driveway and shuts off the engine. No one really says anything as we all climb out of the car. I follow Bram out his door and wrap my arms around his waist from behind once we’re both standing. He laughs and lays his arms over mine. “I should probably go home,” he says as my chin comes to rest on his shoulder. I groan. He chuckles. “I really don’t want to, but my mom probably wants to see me or something.”

I groan again, but instead of releasing him, I tighten my arms and he chuckles again. “That does mean you’re going to have to let go.” I shake my head against his shoulder. “She works tomorrow,” he says. “I’ll come get you first thing, promise.”

“I guess I can live with that,” I mumble and pull my arms back. He turns around to look at me and leans down to capture my lips in his for a second. “Only if you promise to come get me stupidly early in the morning.”

He laughs. “7:20 on the dot,” he confirms. “I love you, Simon.” He kisses me again.

I can’t help but smile at him. “I love you, too.”

And for a second we’re just smiling at each other. Then, he wraps his arms around my shoulders and buries his face in my hair. I sigh and wrap my arms around him again. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says as he pulls away.

I nod. “Call me later.”

He smirks. “Okay. Bye.”

“Bye,” I say and I start walking toward the front door of the house while he walks to his car. I stop with my hand on the doorknob to turn and look at him one last time. He’s already in the car and staring at me. He smiles when our eyes meet and I smile back. He waves and I wave back and then he starts his car and backs out of the driveway.

I sigh and walk into the house only to be accosted by Bieber immediately upon entry. I chuckle and kneel down to scratch his ears. “Hey, Biebs.” I sit on the floor and he flops his head into my lap. I scratch him with one hand and pull my phone out with the other. I text Nick. _Hey, I’m about to go walk Bieber, wanna come?_

_Did you ditch the boyfriend already?_

I chuckle. _His mom wanted him home; she’s off work today. Is Taylor still around?_

_She already left, too. I’m down for walking the dog though._

_Perfect. Meet us at the corner in 5?_

_[thumbs up emoji]_

I shove my phone back into my pocket and get to my feet, pulling Bieber’s leash off the wall. “Hey mom?” I say tentatively toward her study.

“What’s up?” she asks, opening the door from her chair.

“I’m just gonna take Bieber for a walk. Meeting up with Nick.”

“Did Bram leave then?”

I nod. “Uh, it sounded like his mom wanted him home, but uh, I’m gonna go over there tomorrow if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, of course. We both work tomorrow anyway.”

“Thanks,” I say and look down at Bieber to clip the leash on. “We’ll be back.”

“Tell Nick I say hi,” she says.

“Will do. Thanks, Mom.” She closes the door of her study and I open the front door. Bieber launches out ahead of me and I laugh.

We get to the corner before Nick, but I can see him coming down the block and wave. He waves back and starts jogging until he gets to us. “Hey, man,” he says holding out his fist which I bump. “Bieber!” he says and bends over to scratch the dog’s ears for a second. When he stands back up, he looks at me. “So, where to?”

I shrug. “The park, I guess?”

“Sounds good,” he agrees and we turn left.

“So, get this,” I say as we start walking. “First of all, my mom and Bram’s mom are apparently full-on friends now which is just weird.”

Nick chuckles. “Could be worse.”

“Yeah, so earlier, when we left WaHo, Bram came over and we were in my room for awhile…”

“With your parents home?” Nick asks with wide eyes.

I chuckle. “Yeah, but that’s kind of besides the point.”

“You didn’t.”

I laugh for real this time. “We did not, but anyway, after a while my mom came up and knocked on the door. She was apparently talking to Bram’s mom and they’re changing the rules?”

“Which rules?”

“Like, all of them? I’m really confused. I honestly think my mom might be possessed because this was the most un-my-mom conversation that has ever happened.”

Nick raises an eyebrow. “Do elaborate,” he says gesturing for me to continue as we enter the park.

“Well, apparently we’re allowed to have sleepovers now.”

Nick opening gapes at me for a second. “Seriously? _Your mom_.”

“My mom,” I confirm. “It’s so weird. And the door doesn’t have to be open anymore…”

“Holy shit. Who is this woman and what has she done with Emily Spier?”

I laugh. “That’s actually what I thought, too. Oh, and I no longer have a curfew.”

“At all!?! Now I’m just jealous.”

I laugh again. “It’s so weird.”

“So are you just never going to be home?”

“I thought about it, but apparently she still expects to see me or something like that. Did I even tell you what happened the first night Bram was home?”

“You did not.”

“We accidentally fell asleep before his mom got home from work because she was working so late and… she didn’t even wake us up… or care? It was really weird.”

“So, your parents and Greenfeld’s mom are treating you… like adults?”

“It would seem. Believe me, I’m just as shocked as you are.”

“Aren’t you guys going down to Savannah this week?”

I nod. “We leave Wednesday and come back Sunday.”

“Is his _dad_ also in on this treating you like adults thing?”

“Actually, his dad has always been really chill? I think he’s trying to be the cool parent if we’re being fair.”

We spend the next 20 minutes wandering around the park and talking about nothing in particular. Spending time with Nick has always been so relaxing for me. Except maybe last Spring during the whole Abby debacle. Nick just gets it. It probably helps that I’ve known him since we were literally in diapers. We’re walking back toward home when my phone buzzes in my pocket with a text from Bram.

_I miss you. [frowning emoji]_

_I miss you, too._

When I slide the phone back into my pocket and look up, Nick is raising his eyebrow at me. “Bram,” I say and he rolls his eyes and nods.

“How do you two actually survive in different cities?”

I chuckle. “Honestly? I have no idea.”

Nick sighs. “You know I’ll listen if you wanna talk about it, right?”

I nod and look at him. “Yeah, man. I, uh, really appreciate that. But right now, we’re home and things aren’t so bad.” I shrug. “I’m trying not to think about going back, honestly.”

“I hear that. I’m so glad for this break from classes.”

“How are your classes going?” I ask.

“Not bad, but it’s a lot of work. More work than high school for sure.”

“What’s your major again?”

“Chemical Engineering.”

“Yikes. Yeah, I’m just gonna stick with psychology, thanks.”

He laughs and then we’re back at the corner. “So, I’ll probably see you again before we head back, right?” he asks.

“Oh definitely. Leah and Abby leave tomorrow, but maybe we can double date to WaHo next week sometime?”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll talk to Taylor.”

“Yeah, just let me know what day works best for y’all and we’ll get it figured out. See ya!” I say and I pull Bieber toward home as Nick crosses the street and heads toward his own house.

My phone buzzes again as I’m opening the front door. I let Bieber off his leash and hang it up before pulling my phone out. It’s a text from Abby. _We leave tomorrow. Can we do dinner tonight? I feel like I’ve barely seen you guys._

_What’s the game plan?_

_Is that a yes? We were thinking double date at that weird 50s Diner off Roswell Road?_

_[laughing emoji] I’ll talk to Bram and get back to you. What time are we thinking?_

_6?_

_Okay, give me a minute._

I flip conversations to the one with Bram. _Hey, so, are you doing anything tonight?_

_Is that an invitation?_

_Actually, it kinda is. Abby just asked if we’d want to double date for dinner before they leave tomorrow._

_They leave tomorrow?_

_They do. UGA has a weird calendar. I’ve stopped asking questions._

_When and where?_

_6 at that 50s Diner off Roswell?_

_I’ll see you at 5:30?_

_Sounds perfect. I’ll let Abby know._

I flip back to the conversation with Abby. _We’re on. See you soon!_


	55. Chapter 55

I get up from where I’d subconsciously decided to sit on the stairs while texting and walk toward my mom’s study. “Mom?”

“Have a nice walk with Nick?”

I nod. “Yeah, um… Abby and Leah leave for UGA tomorrow, would it be okay if I go to dinner with them and Bram tonight?”

“Of course,” she says. “Where are you going?”

“Uh, that 50s diner off Roswell Road? Abby’s idea.”

“Okay,” she says. “When are you and Bram leaving for Savannah, again?”

“Wednesday.”

“And you’ll be back…”

“Sunday, Mom,” I say. She definitely already knows this. I’ve told her probably a thousand times. She keeps asking again as if she thinks it’s going to change.

“Okay,” she says and then kind of shoos me toward the door. “I need to prepare for some clients I see tomorrow.”

I nod and leave the study. Nora is in the hallway and she’s looking at me. “Hey,” I say. “What’s up?”

“Do you wanna hang out on Tuesday?” she asks. I raise an eyebrow. “I go back to school Wednesday,” she complains. “I just thought, maybe we could go to WaHo or something?”

I nod. “Alright, but I’m driving.”

She laughs. “Thanks,” she says and she smiles at me. “It’s weird being here alone most of the time.”

“You’re not alone. Mom and Dad and Bieber are here!”

She laughs and says. “You know what I mean.”

“I do,” I confirm.

“I heard Mom saying you’re not coming home for Spring Break?”

I shake my head. “I’ll be in New York.”

“With Bram,” she says and I nod. “Why can’t you both come home?”

“His spring break is a week after mine, so I’m going there for a week and then he’s coming to Philly the next week.”

“Wow,” she says, making a face. I roll my eyes. “I mean, hey, at least that means I don’t have to listen to you two,” she says shrugging.

I close my eyes and feel my cheeks burning. “I honestly didn’t know you were in your room earlier…”

She laughs. “You act like that’s the first time…”

I exhale loudly. “I’m sorry.”

“You say that,” she says.

“I am. I… uh, we don’t mean to disturb you.”

She rolls her eyes. “Whatever, Simon.” She walks back into the living room and I sigh.

I pull my phone out to check the time. It’s only 4. I have an hour and a half until Bram will be here. I should probably actually do laundry. I go upstairs and gather all my dirty clothes in the hamper and carry them down to the laundry room. I open the washer to find a load of clothes, that I think are Nora’s so I walk out the living room. “Is that your stuff in the washer?” I ask her.

“Oh, yeah, I totally forgot about that,” she says and she jumps up.

Once Nora’s stuff is in the dryer, I throw mine in the washer and start it before going back upstairs. My phone buzzes in my pocket as I sit down, so I pull it out. It’s a text from Bram.

_How early is too early to come get you? Because I miss you already and my mom is driving me insane._

I laugh to myself.

_What’s she doing now? Also, it’s never too early because I miss you, too._

_Does that mean I can come now?_

_[laugh-cry emoji] Yeah, but we have to stay here. I’m doing laundry._

_Are your parents going to complain if I come back so soon?_

_I really don’t care if they do, tbh. [shrugging emoji]_

_I feel like after that conversation with your mom, we maybe shouldn’t push our luck?_

_I guessssssss. But I miss you._

_We’re hopeless, aren’t we?_

_Yep. But in the best possible way. Hopelessly in love._

_I love you so much. [heart emoji]_

_I love you, too. [heart emoji]_

_I guess I’ll just stay here and deal with my mom for another hour._

_One more hour and then you get to hang out with me and Abby and Leah!_

_Not that I don’t love Abby and Leah, but I’m definitely most excited about the you part._

_Same though._

I put my phone down next to me on the bed and pull out my laptop. I should probably actually make that playlist for Wednesday at some point. By the time I have it created and uploaded to my phone it’s nearly 5 so I go to check the laundry. “Nora, is your dryer done?” I ask, poking my head into the living room as I walk by.

“I don’t know. Probably,” she says. She pauses whatever she’s watching and gets up to follow me toward the laundry room. She opens the dryer and feels around for a second. “Yep, we’re good,” she says and starts pulling it out into her basket. Once she leaves, I move my clothes into the dryer and turn it on.

Bram knocks on the door at exactly 5:30 and I open it. I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him. He chuckles. “Hi,” he breathes as we separate. “Ready for dinner?”

I nod. “Yep." I pick my jacket up off the stairs and throw it on, patting my pockets for my keys, wallet, and phone. “Let me just tell my mom we’re leaving,” I say and I walk into the kitchen. My mom is working on dinner. “Hey, Bram’s here, we’re gonna head to dinner. I’ll see you later.”

“Okay, honey, be safe,” she says.

“Thanks, Mom. We will,” I say and then I walk back to Bram. “Okay, let’s go.”

He smirks at me for a second and then kisses me quickly. He grabs my hand and we head for his car. We pull into the parking lot of the diner less than 10 minutes later and Leah’s car isn’t there yet, so I text Abby. _We just got to the diner. Want us to get a table or should we wait for you two?_

_Just turning onto Roswell. We’ll be there in a minute._

_Perfect._ When I look up, Bram’s looking at me. “They’re almost here.” He pouts and I laugh. “What’s wrong?”

He shrugs. “I was kind of hoping we’d have time to make out in the car before they got here,” he says with a wink.

I roll my eyes and lean across the console to kiss him. He puts a hand on the back of neck, so I can’t pull away and I chuckle a little against his lips, but give in. We’re still kissing when there’s a sudden sharp knock on his window. I pull away to find Leah pretending to gag and Abby laughing. “Let’s go, boys!” Abby says loudly, tapping her toe dramatically.

Bram and I both laugh as I slide back into the passenger’s seat and we both get out of the car. “Hey guys,” I say and then I hug Abby. “Can I hug you today?” I ask Leah.

She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, alright.” And she actually let’s me hug her for a full second before she starts squirm. “That’s enough,” she grumbles. I roll my eyes and step away.

“Is she like that with you?” I ask Abby as we’re walking toward the entrance.

Abby laughs. “Nope.”

I hurumph and cross my arms over my chest. Bram chuckles. “You can hug me if it makes you feel better,” he whispers as he wraps an arm around my back.

There’s a bit of a wait for a table, so Abby gives her name and we’re standing in the lobby waiting. Bram’s arm is still around my back and I can see the old white people staring and it makes me internally groan. “I hate Georgia,” I whisper. He raises an eyebrow. “Okay, I hate old white conservatives.”

He laughs. “Me, too.”

I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in his chest. “I can’t see them staring like this,” I inform him as he wraps his other arm around me. He just hums in response.

“I see you two have gotten more bold,” Leah says and I can almost hear the eye roll. I turn my head just far enough to stick my tongue out at her. She laughs. “Just saying. If I told you a year ago you’d be cuddling in the lobby of a diner, you would have looked at me like I had two heads.”

“And if I’d told you Abby would be your girlfriend, you’d have done the same.”

Leah’s face goes red and Abby laughs as I bury my face back in Bram’s chest. “Abby, party of four,” she hostess calls and I groan a little as I stand back up. Bram chuckles and grabs my hand as we follow Abby and Leah to a booth against the far wall. “Your server will be right over to get your order,” the hostess says before walking away. Abby slides into one side and pulls Leah next to her by the hand and I do the same on the opposite side to Bram.

“I think Taylor’s gotten more bearable,” Abby comments about halfway through our meal. “She was actually not that annoying last night.”

“It’s because Nick was there. When he’s in the room that’s all she cares about,” Leah laughs.

“True,” Abby says and then she looks at Leah with a little smirk. “Kind of how when you’re in the room, that’s all I care about,” she whispers so I can barely hear her and Leah’s face turns bright red. Abby winks at her.

I glance over to find Bram biting back laughter and I lean my head against his shoulder. “Even when you’re _not_ in the room, you’re all I think about,” I whisper.

“Same,” he whispers back as he leans his head against mine.

“Just over there trying to one-up our love,” Abby jokes.

“No,” I say. “I wasn’t trying. I was doing,” I add with a wink.

Abby sticks out her tongue and I laugh. “We should probably finish eating,” Bram says as he lifts his head from mine. I sigh, but sit back up and stare at my plate of food.

A little while later, we’re waiting for the waitress to come back with our cards, or well Bram and Abby’s cards. Bram insisted on paying for me and Abby insisted on paying for Leah. I half-heartedly told him that was unnecessary, but he rolled his eyes and I gave, up. After almost 2 years of this behavior, I guess I’ve just gotten used to it. Leah on the other hand actually bickered with Abby for at least a minute before giving up.

“Here you are. Just leave the signed copies for me!” the waitress says as she hands the receipts and cards back to Abby and Bram.

“Thanks,” Leah says.

“Have a good night,” the waitress says. “Thanks for coming in.”

She walks away as Abby and Bram sign their receipts and add tips before placing both in the middle of the table. Bram turns to me and sighs a little. “I really don’t want to take you home,” he says.

“Well, I no longer have a curfew, so we could definitely go do something else if you want.”

“ _You_ don’t have a curfew?” Leah scoffs.

“Nope,” I say. “I’m pretty sure my mom is possessed.”

“Wait. Like she actually _said_ you don’t have a curfew?”

I nod. “And I no longer have to leave my door open when Bram’s over…” I say.

“And sleepovers are apparently allowed,” Bram adds with a wink.

Leah gapes at us. “Wait, seriously?”

“Apparently,” I tell her. “My mom came up to my room earlier and sprung that on us. Apparently, she and Bram’s mom are friends now and decided this together? I have no idea.”

“Can confirm,” Bram says. “Because I was there and because my mom brought it up when I got home. Anyway, speaking of which,” he says, turning back to me. “Why don’t you just come over tonight… then we don’t have to get up early tomorrow.”

“Why would you have to get up early tomorrow?” Abby asks as we all finally slide out of the booth and start toward the door.

I bite back a laugh and Bram chuckles. “My mom works.”

“I don’t follow,” Abby says.

“Um, the plan was pick him at stupid o’clock in the morning so we’d have all day, but as I was saying,” he says, turning back to me, “if you just come over tonight, we don’t have to get up early _and_ we still have all day.”

I smirk and shrug. “I mean, I concede that being a valid point. However, I have to tell my parents.”

“You probably want to go get pajamas anyway,” he says.

“Valid,” I agree and then we’re outside.

“So, uh,” Abby says. “Bye guys! I’ll miss you!”

“I’ll miss you, too,” I say and I let go of Bram’s hand to hug her again. “You guys are still coming to New York in April, right?”

“Of course, we are!” Leah says. “I haven’t been pinching pennies all year for nothing, Spier. Bram, you better make room for us on your dorm room floor.”

I laugh and raise my eye brows at him. “My room’s tiny,” he says and it's not a lie, “but I can move some stuff around and make it work. Might want an air mattress though. The floor’s wood.”

“Good heads up,” Abby says. “I’ll see if I can borrow one from my parents. They have a couple for when we have houseguests.”

I hug Leah again even though she definitely objects, and then grab Bram’s hand as we walk back to his car. “We’ll go get your stuff and I’ll text my mom, okay?” he says.

I smile. “I can’t believe this is something we’re just allowed to do.”

He chuckles. “Yeah. Um, maybe you should grab some extra clothes? You can leave some at my house in case we fall asleep again unplanned…”

I smirk at him. “Do I sense nefarious plans up your sleeve?”

He laughs. “Not nefarious, no. But I definitely plan on spending every possible moment with you before we have to go back to school.”

I groan “How is it that we already leave 2 weeks from tomorrow?”

He groans, too, and starts the car. “I don’t know, but I’m very upset about it. I wish we’d still be here for my birthday so I could see you.”

“ _God_ , I know. And you don’t have a roommate to smuggle me into your dorm room.”

He laughs. “And we also literally go back 2 days before. I think we’ll survive.”

“Honestly, it’s our anniversary that makes me sad,” I say. “That day’s supposed to be about us and we’re going to be 117 and a half miles apart.”

He sighs, “But first we have two weeks. With very few rules and my mom working practically every day,” he says with a wink. “And we’re going to Savannah in a couple days.”

“To be stuck in a house with your dad, stepmom, and a baby for 4 days.”

He chuckles. “True, but still. We’re going to be together for 4 days with no interruptions!”

“Okay, that is a very valid point.”


	56. Chapter 56

Bram parks in front of my parents’ house and releases my hand. “I’ll wait here,” he says.

I almost laugh. “No, come with me." He raises an eyebrow. "Please?”

He actually laughs, but doesn’t argue. “Okay.” We both get out of the car and he reattaches our hands as we approach the front door. As soon as we’re inside I can see that they’re still at the dinner table so I pull Bram toward the kitchen.

My mom looks up as we enter. “Oh,” she says, tilting her head. “Did you boys have a nice time at dinner with Abby and Leah?”

I nod. “Yeah, it was great.” Apparently, I must already sound nervous because she raises an eyebrow and doesn’t respond. “Um, so we were thinking… after what you said earlier… would it, uh, would it be okay if I spent the night at Bram’s? I mean I was going to go over tomorrow anyway, so…”

She laughs a little under her breath and glances at my dad. He shrugs and she does, too. “Yeah, that seems reasonable. As long as Gloria’s okay with it.”

“I’m going to text her now,” Bram says, pulling out his phone. I try to ignore the fact that Nora is gaping at my mom. I guess she didn’t hear that conversation this morning. She probably had her headphones turned up from trying to drown out what was happening right before, I realize with embarrassment.

“Come on,” I say, pulling Bram by the hand back out of the kitchen toward the stairs. “I need pajamas.”

When we get to my room, he sits on the end of my bed and smirks at me. I raise my eyebrows. “My mom says it’s fine, so… get some clothes and let’s go.”

I laugh. “Your mom is home right now… It’s not like…”

“Yes, but we can cuddle! And…”

I laugh and walk over to stand between his knees. I lean down and kiss him. “I know. I’m just kidding. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he whispers back and then kisses me again and I guess we get lost in the moment because the next thing I know, I’m on top of him on the bed and I’m trying to remember how to breathe.

“At least close the door a little bit, _Jesus_ ,” Nora’s voice comes from the hallway and I can’t help but laugh as I roll off of Bram and look at her. I hadn't closed the door because we weren't supposed to be here long. Bram’s cheeks are tinted red and he’s trying not to laugh behind a smirk.

“Yeah, yeah,” I tell her. “We’re leaving anyway.”

She rolls her eyes and walks away without another word. I glance at Bram and he can’t contain his laughter anymore, so we both laugh for a minute. “Oops, “he whispers eventually. “I guess we got a little carried away.”

I laugh and kiss him briefly before sitting up. “I’m going to actually get some pajamas now,” I say as I get to my feet. He sits back up on the end of the bed and watches for a second.

“Extra clothes?” he reminds me.

I nod. “Right.” I grab my backpack and shove a pair of sweatpants and a few t-shirts into it along with my golden retriever pajama pants. I pull the zipper closed and throw the backpack over my shoulder. I look at Bram and he’s still watching me. “Ready?”

“Come here first,” he says, opening his arms. I laugh through my nose and walk over to him as he stands up. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and leans down to kiss me. I wrap my arms around his waist and kiss him back. It’s one of those stupidly perfect moments that I wish would last forever. Eventually, he pulls away and smirks at me. “Okay, let’s go.”

Hours later we’re in Bram’s room and everything is still perfect. We’re sitting on his bed, our backs against the headboard and his laptop in front of us watching stupid youtube videos and we're cuddling; our legs are tangled together under the blankets and his right arm is wrapped around my shoulders. There’s literally nothing better in the world than this feeling; okay, there is a few things better, but none that are appropriate when your boyfriend's mother is also home. I lean my head against his shoulder and sigh. I feel his head press against the top of mine. “I love you,” I whisper.

He chuckles under his breath. “I love you, too.” The video we’re watching ends and he stops the next one from auto-playing, so I look up at him. He shrugs. “It’s getting late.”

I glance at the time on his computer screen. It’s only just after 10. “It’s not that late.”

“I know,” he whispers. “I just really want to like… properly cuddle you.”

I laugh a little and kiss him. “Okay.”

He disentangles himself from me and closes his laptop. He gets out of the bed to take the laptop to his desk and while he’s gone, I scoot lower and pull the covers up over my shoulders. He turns the lights off while he's up and then crawls into the bed next to me and opens his arms toward me. I move closer to him until my head is resting on his chest and his arm is around my back. I sigh contentedly as his fingers start tracing patterns through my t-shit. We lay there in silence for a couple minutes and then he moves his hand lower and goes under the bottom of my shirt to run his fingers along the bare skin and I shutter a little. “You okay?” he asks.

“Perfect,” I whisper and nuzzle my face against his soft cotton t-shirt.

“Can we lose the shirts?” he asks a minute later. I don’t bother answering, but sit up and pull my shirt over my head and drop it to the floor while he does the same. Then we resume our previous position and I rub my face against his skin. He sighs a little. “Better.”

“I’m so happy right now,” I whisper as I press a kiss to his chest.

“Me, too,” he says. “It’s so nice to just be able to hold you and kiss you…” he pauses to press a kiss to the top of my head. “And just be here… and the fact that it’s finally in a real bed, definitely doesn’t hurt.”

I laugh. “We literally spent all last week right here.”

“I know,” he says quietly, “but this is different. I get to fall asleep with you in my arms and not have to worry about anything else. It just feels…” he trails off.

“Right?” I suggest.

“Exactly,” he agrees. “Everything about this is perfect.”

“It’s where we belong,” I say quietly. I feel his arm tighten around me and I tighten the arm that’s draped across him and we just lay there enjoying each other’s presence for a long minute. “I love you,” I whisper again.

“I love you, too,” he says back and then I lift my head and kiss him. His left hand comes up to rest on the side of my face and we keep kissing. I don’t know how much later it is, but when we finally break apart, I’m practically on top of him. My right knee is between his legs and my torso is pressed flat on top of his. My hands are on either side of his face and my fingers are just barely threaded through his soft curls as my weight rests on my wrists. He still has his right arm around my back, his fingers touching the nape of my neck as his palm rests between my shoulder blades. His left hand is tangled in my hair and we’re both panting for breath. He chuckles a little and plays with my hair in his left hand. “We got a little carried away again,” he mumbles and then he lifts his head to kiss me again for a second.

“That seems to be the theme of the day,” I say quietly as I shift myself off of him.

“Tomorrow,” he whispers, “we’re not leaving this bed until at least noon. And we’re going to get _so_ carried away.”

“ _So_ carried away,” I repeat as I lay my head against his chest. “I really wish your mom wasn’t here right now.”

He chuckles. “We have all day tomorrow… and Tuesday… and then the morning on Wednesday before we leave for Savannah…” he says.

“Actually, I’m apparently going to WaHo with Nora on Tuesday at some point.”

“Really?” he asks and he sounds a little surprised and maybe disappointed.

“Yeah. She asked me earlier. They go back to school on Wednesday, so it’s our last chance to do anything on a non-weekend before I leave.”

“Oh,” he says. “That’s really sweet.”

I laugh a little through my nose. “Don’t worry. It’ll only be a couple hours at most. The rest of the week is all yours. Promise.”

“It’s okay,” he says softly. “You should spend time with your sister. After all, I am stealing your entire spring break.”

“And I’m stealing yours,” I say.

“What are you planning on doing with Kellan while I’m there for a week, by the way?”

I laugh a little. “Ship him to Grover’s room.”

“Doesn’t Grover have a roommate?”

“He did.” Bram doesn’t respond and I imagine he’s probably raising his eyebrow, but I’m too tired to lift my head and look. “Uh, his roommate isn’t coming back for spring.”

“Really? Why?”

I nod. “Yeah. He decided it wasn't worth the price tag, I think? Not really sure. At first Kellan was actually thinking about asking if he could just move down there, but they decided that would probably be a bad idea.”

“Why?” he asks and he genuinely seems confused.

“Too distracting. They’d probably just watch horror movies every night and never get their homework done,” I say, laughing.

“Well, I’m going to be trying to do midterms with you waiting in my dorm room, so…”

I smirk a little and press a kiss to his chest. “Yeah. I promise I won’t be _too_ distracting.”

“We’ll see about that…”

“You’re probably right. You’ll probably end up kicking me out.”

He wraps both arms around me and pulls me tight against his side for a second. “I won’t actually kick you out, but I may make you go entertain yourself so I can study,” he says and then he kisses the top of my head. “It’ll be really nice to have you there to cuddle after my exams though. I always get so stressed out.”

“Cuddle you say?” I ask with a sarcastic laugh.

“You caught me,” he mumbles and then he sighs.

“What’s wrong?”

He tightens his arm around me again. “Nothing.”

“I don’t believe that,” I whisper.

He sighs again. “Just wishing my mom wasn’t home right now,” he admits.

“ _God_ , that would be nice,” I say as I tighten my arm around him.

“As soon as she leaves for work,” he says and I laugh a little.

“The very second the door closes,” I agree.


	57. Chapter 57

As promised, we don’t move from Bram’s bed until just after noon on Monday. And then we only get as far as the kitchen where we make peanut butter toast and eat it quickly before curling up next to each other on the sofa. Bram’s mom actually comes home on time and chuckles when she sees us still in our pajamas on the sofa. “Oh!” Bram says, looking up. “Uh, hey, Mom.”

“Hi, boys,” she says, shaking her head a little. “I’m going to go make dinner. Simon, you’re welcome to stay if you’d like.” She walks toward the kitchen without waiting for a reply.

I look at Bram and he shrugs, so I pull out my phone and text my mom. _Bram’s mom invited me to stay for dinner, is that okay?_

_Of course, honey, I just got home anyway._

_Thanks_. I shove my phone back into my pocket and lean my head back against Bram’s shoulder. He chuckles and tightens the arm that’s around my back, holding my other shoulder.

“I guess that means you’re staying?”

I smile and kiss his neck. “For dinner at least.”

Then he whispers, “If you keep kissing my neck like that, I’m taking you back upstairs.”

I smirk a little and kiss his neck again, but then laugh and kiss his cheek instead. “Sorry. It’s just _right there_.”

He laughs, too and turns his head to kiss me for real, but only for a minute. “I could kiss you forever,” he says.

“So do,” I say and I kiss him again. He chuckles and pulls away.

“Not with my mom in the next room.”

I roll my eyes and sigh as I lay my head back on his shoulder. At some point we were actually watching something on TV, but I don’t even remember what at this point. Whatever it was was on HGTV because that’s the channel that’s still playing. We end up watching the rest of an episode of _House Hunters_ and laughing at how ridiculous the couple being featured is and then Bram’s mom reappears from the kitchen and tells us dinner’s ready. Bram picks up the remote and turns the TV off and then we both stand up and he takes my hand as we walk toward the kitchen.

After dinner, Bram offers to help his mom clean up, but she shoos him away and he looks at me with a smirk. “I should probably take you home.”

I sigh. “I guessss.”

He laughs. “Come on, let’s go get your stuff,” he says as he pulls me toward the stairs by the hand. Once we’re in his room, I go to pick up my backpack but he puts a hand on my cheek and smiles at me for a second before pressing his lips to mine. “Don’t forget to leave that extra stuff here,” he whispers as we pull apart a minute later.

“Right,” I say and I open my backpack. I pull out the pair of sweatpants and couple t-shirts. “Where should I put them?”

“Hmm,” he says and then he opens a drawer in his dresser and moves some stuff around. “Here.” He holds his hand out and I put the stack on top of it. He puts the clothing into the drawer and closes it. “Perfect. Now, I suppose I have to take you home.”

“Hmm,” I say, making a thoughtful face. And then I step toward him and wrap my arms around his waist. “Kiss me first,” I whisper.

“Okay,” he says and then he does.

“I really don’t wanna go,” I say as we pull apart.

He chuckles. “I’m not going to argue with you.”

I sigh. “But I promised Nora we’d go to WaHo tomorrow,” I say.

“Right,” he says with a little sigh of his own. He kisses me again briefly. “I guess I’ll take you home now, but only if you promise to have her drop you off after WaHo.”

I laugh a little. “I think that can be arranged.” And I kiss him again, because I can.

“Come on, before I end up keeping you here forever,” he says and I laugh.

Bram drives me home and when he parks in the driveway, I lean across the center console to kiss him. He catches my face in his hands so I can’t pull away and then his tongue is in my mouth and I don’t know how long we’re sitting there. Eventually our lips separate and I sink back into the passenger’s seat. “We’ve done an awful lot of kissing in this car,” he says quietly and I chuckle.

“Our very first kiss over Oreo mush in front of Publix,” I say fondly.

He chuckles a little. “That was a good day.”

“The day you agreed to be my boyfriend…”

“The day you agreed to be mine,” he says with a smirk. “Best decision we ever made.”

“Definitely,” I agree and then I glance toward the house. “I guess I should go inside.”

He sighs. “Yeah, probably.”

I turn back to him and smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” he says, smiling back and then he leans across and kisses me again. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” I sigh and open the door. “Bye,” I say with a little smile toward him as I stand up.

He chuckles a little. “Bye, Simon,” he says and then he bites his lip. “This is never going to get easier, is it?”

I shake my head. “I don’t think so. I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll text you when we’re leaving WaHo.”

“I love you, too. I’ll be waiting,” he says and then he winks and smirks and I laugh a little as I close the door. I wave to him as I get to the front door and he waves back before blowing a kiss. I laugh again and blow a kiss back and then I open the door and go inside.

I hear him backing out of the driveway as I close the door and sigh. “I’m home,” I call into the void of the house.

“Just in time!” my mom says, walking out of the kitchen with a giant bowl of popcorn.

“For?” I ask with a raised eyebrow.

“The Bachelor!” she says as if that should be obvious.

“Oh,” I say with a chuckle. “Didn’t realize that was on tonight.”

“Yep. New Season! It’s about to start. Come sit with us,” she says as she walks into the living room. I drop my backpack at the bottom of the stairs and follow her. Nora is already on one end of the couch, her legs curled under her and her phone in her hand. My dad is on the opposite end and my mom sits between them. I take the love seat and sit half sideways so I can see the screen. I pull out my phone and text Bram.

_Save me._

_From? Didn’t I JUST drop you off?_

_You did. Just in time for… THE BACHELOR._

_Oh no! I’m sorry._

_[laugh-cry emoji] I think I’ll survive, but I’d definitely rather still be kissing you than watching this disaster._

_I’d always rather be kissing you than just about anything else. [kissy emoji]_

_Just about? What would you rather do than kiss me? [eye emoji]_

_[eggplant emoji] [peach emoji] [embarrassed emoji]_

_[shocked emoji] Abraham Louis Greenfeld. Are you SEXTING me while I’m in the living room with my family right now?_

_You asked. I just answered your question. [winking emoji]_

“Simon,” my mom says and I look up. “Put the phone away and watch with us.”

I sigh. “Yeah, okay,” I agree and put my phone back into my pocket. It’s a two-hour premiere episode so I’m trapped there until ten o’clock. As soon as the credits roll, I practically jump to my feet. Nora laughs under her breath. “Hey, uh,” I say, looking at her. She looks up with raised eyebrows. “When did you want to go to WaHo tomorrow?”

“Oh, right! Um,” she says shrugging. “Like 10? We can do brunch?”

“Sounds good,” I agree. “I’ll drive there, but if you could drive back and drop me off at Bram’s…”  
  


She laughs. “Yeah, okay, but we are _not_ spending the entire meal talking about your boyfriend,” she says rolling her eyes.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” I say and then I head to the hallway and pick up my backpack before going to my room. I drop the bag onto my desk chair and then crawl into my bed with my laptop and phone. I text Bram again. _Sorry. My mom made me put my phone away to watch that trainwreck._

_Some things haven’t changed._

_[laughing emoji] Right? But now, you were saying?_

_[laugh-cry emoji] I was just saying that the only thing I’d rather do than kiss you is do much less appropriate things to you. [winking emoji]_

_Hmmm. Yeah, I can see that point. It’s a very good point. [smirking emoji]_

_I miss you. I wish you were here again. Last night was too perfect._

_It was. I miss you, too. Also, we’re going to WaHo at 10, so I should be to you before noon which gives us a solid 5 hours at least until your mom gets home._

_Plenty of time to do all sorts of inappropriate things. [smirking emoji]_

_Indeed. What time are we leaving on Wednesday?_

_My dad has school until 3 and it’s a 4 hour drive, so I was thinking we leave right after lunch and get there in time for dinner?_

_Sounds good. And the family thing… that’s Friday night, right?_

_Yep. It’s technically just Shabbat dinner, but we’re going to do Hanukkah presents and stuff since I wasn’t there over actual Hanukkah. My Grandpa is oddly excited to meet you, btw. My dad was texting me earlier. It’s cute._

_Oddly excited? How so?_

_Idk. My dad was just saying that he keeps asking about you and about us…_

_Really?_

_Apparently. I think some of my cousins are coming, too, though, so you won’t be trapped talking to old people all night._

_Hey, I happen to like talking to old people. And you were stuck being interrogated by my grandma at Thanksgiving so it would only be fair._

_[laugh-cry emoji] I almost forgot about that. You raise a valid point. I’ll make sure he’s prepared with all sorts of invasive questions for Friday._

_Please don’t._

_I’d never. I love you too much for that. Don’t want to scare you away._

_You couldn’t scare me away if you tried. You know that, right? You’re sort of stuck with me forever._

_I can definitely live with that, but you’re also stuck with me forever, so…_

_Welp, it’s a good thing we’re so in love then._


	58. Chapter 58

When I wake up on Tuesday morning, I just lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling for a long time. I don’t even check my phone; that is until it vibrates. I pick it up to find a text from Bram. I chuckle to myself as I open it.

_This bed is too big without you. Come back._

_[sad emoji] Soon. It’s so weird not jumping out of bed to see you. I don’t like it._

_Me either. I miss you._

_I miss you, too._

_How do we do this at school?_

_Honestly? No idea._

_And we’re sure we’re going to survive a month and a half until spring break?_

_Don’t remind me!_

_46 days, Simon. I think I might die. [crying emoji]_

_I said don’t remind me! I don’t wanna think about it. [crying emoji]_

_And my birthday. And our anniversary. And Valentine’s day. [crying emoji]_

_STOP! [crying emoji] I’m going to actually cry if you don’t stop this._

_I’m sorry. Waking up without you just made me sad and then I started thinking about it and now I’m even sadder. I MISS YOU._

_I miss you, too. [kissy emoji]_

_I love you so much it hurts. [kissy emoji; heart emoji]_

_I love you, too. More than should be possible. [heart emoji]_

_Is it noon yet?_

_Soon._

_Not soon enough. [sad emoji]_

He’s right of course, it’s only 8:30. If I’m lucky, I’ll see him in approximately 3 hours. If Nora has her way it’ll be closer to 4. How am I supposed to spend an hour at WaHo with Nora and _not_ talk about my boyfriend when he’s all I can think about? He’s all I _want_ to think about. He’s all I ever think about. That’s not true of course, but sometimes it feels true and I just want these four stupid years to be over so I never have to miss him again. I sigh as I roll over in bed. I’m staring at the pile of clean laundry that I still haven’t folded and trying to find the will to get up.

Nora’s door opens and then the bathroom door closes and I sigh again. I _do_ miss Nora, too. It’s weird not having her around to bug me when I’m at school, so I guess there’s that. I realize, I have next to no idea what’s happening in Nora’s life these days. I know our mom has been making plans to take her to see a bunch of college’s this summer, but I have no idea what she’s even planning to study. I guess Bram’s right, I really should spend some time with my sister.

The bathroom door opens and then Nora’s bedroom door closes and I sigh once again. I close my eyes for a second and then I stare across my room at the vinyl album covers that hanging crooked on my walls. My eyes land on Elliott Smith’s _Figure 8_ and I groan. I really wish I knew for sure where that shirt was. It’s not the same as it was for those first two weeks of course, but I still _really_ love that shirt and it feels weird not knowing where it is. I can’t believe it was almost two whole years ago that I was sitting in this very bed sending my secret email boyfriend the riskiest email of my life and that 8 hours after that I was coming back to this bedroom to find a note that sort of broke everything inside me hidden inside a t-shirt that had been under my pillow for 2 weeks. _God_ , why was I so dumb? I sort of laugh at myself for a second and then I hear Nora’s bedroom door open again and her footsteps down the hall and then down the stairs. I guess I should actually get out of bed at some point.

I’m at the point of actually sitting up on the side of my bed when my phone vibrates again. I pick it up and it’s another text from Bram. This one has a picture attached. I didn’t realize how much power a single selfie could hold until that moment. I’m so tempted to just tell Nora we’re not going to WaHo and tell Bram to come get me right now, because _how is my boyfriend that hot_? In the picture he’s laying on his bed, right in the middle. He doesn’t have a shirt on and I can just make out the waistband of his boxers which means he doesn’t have pants on either. And he’s just staring at the camera with this sad little expression that makes my heart contract in my chest. All I want to do is kiss him until the frown goes away and then do a lot of other things to him in that bed. I reply with a heart eye emoji before I even read his actual text.

_You’re still not here and I still don’t like it. I miss you. I love you. Hurry up._

_GOD! Where do I even begin with you? I almost want to say fuck WaHo with Nora and just come crawl into that bed next to you. I miss you, too. I love you, too. I’m doing my best. I promise._

And then I send him another string of heart eye emojis and kissy emojis and I groan as I set the phone down and actually stand up.

Nora’s on the couch with her laptop when I get downstairs. It’s only 9:15, but she looks up and smiles at me. “Care if we go now? I’m actually starving.”

“Fine by me,” I say with a smile.

“Perfect. Let me get my shoes on and then WaHo here we come!”

I don’t even sit down. I’m already wearing my shoes, so I pick up my jacket from the hooks by the door and pull it on before picking up the car keys from the old painted dresser and shoving them in my pocket. I send Bram a text. _Going to WaHo now, so I’ll see you so soon. I love you. [kissy emoji]_

_Ahhhhh! YES! Okay. Let me know when you’re headed here. I love you, too. [kissy emoji]_

I laugh a little under my breath and Nora raises an eyebrow at me as she turns around from her jacket on. “I believe I promised to _not_ talk about my boyfriend during this meal, so…” She rolls her eyes.

“Come on, let’s go then.”

I manage to get through the whole first hour without mentioning Bram once. I think it might be a new record. I try to focus on figuring Nora out instead. Apparently, she and Cal broke up, which isn’t shocking since he’s my age and she’s still a junior in high school. And the play is the weekend after I’m back at school and she’s taken over Cal’s old stage manager role at the insistence of Ms. Albright who apparently asks her about me every single day. She’s thinking about the northeast for college, too, but she doesn’t know where yet. She wants to go to a smaller school though and not in a big city. She says she’s been looking at a few in Pennsylvania, but she’s still not sure.

“So, you’re really not coming home at all until May?”

“Sorry,” I say.

She rolls her eyes. “Isn’t he going to be in classes the whole week? What’s the point?”

I shrug. “New York? I don’t know,” I say. “I just mean. We’re not doing any visits until Spring Break and then we’re going to have 16 days together. Granted he’ll be doing midterms the week I’m in New York and I’ll have classes the week he’s in Philly, but still.”

She sighs a little. “Okay, well. I still think that’s weird and you should come home instead.”

“Sorry,” I say again. She laughs and raises an eyebrow. “I’m not actually sorry. Or maybe I am a little bit, but I’m really looking forward to being in New York for a whole week.”

She shakes her head. “You’re just looking forward to having sex with your boyfriend every night for two weeks,” she says completely casually. “And honestly? I’m looking forward to not listening to it, so… have fun.” My face feels like it’s on fire and she’s laughing manically. “I always forget how easy it is to make you blush. Your face is _glorious_.”

“I hate you,” I say quietly.

She laughs. “You hate me because I’m right.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you know I am.”

I groan. “Can we not talk about this?”

She laughs. “Yeah, okay. I don’t really like thinking about that anyway. It’s just funny to make you uncomfortable.”

I roll my eyes. “Alice is coming home for spring break, isn’t she?”

“Part of it,” she says nodding. “They apparently have two weeks? So, they’re going to Boston to visit his family for the first one and then they’re coming here.”

“See, you’ll have some Spier sibling spring break time!”

She laughs. “Yeah, but she’s bringing Theo so will I actually see her?”

I laugh. “Hey, they hung out with us a lot over Christmas.”

“I guess,” she admits. “I hate that she had to go back so early.”

“She’s taking winter classes so she can graduate in May.”

“I know. And then she’s moving to Boston and we’re never going to see her.”

“That’s not true and you know it,” I say. “They’re going to come visit. And you can visit them when you’re going to see colleges with Mom.”

“I guess. It’s not the same though.”

“I know it isn’t,” I say with a little sigh. “We do have vacation in June though! Who are you bringing?”

“Haven’t figured that out yet, actually. I was thinking about asking Leah, but she probably won’t want to go without Abby.” I nod. Nora shrugs. “I guess we’ll see.”


	59. Chapter 59

20 minutes later we’re getting back into the car and I text Bram.

_On my way to you. [heart emoji]_

_Okay, I left the door unlocked. You can just come in._

_[eye emoji]_

_You’ll see. [kissy emoji]_

I must be making a face at my phone, because when Nora glances at me she laughs. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I say as I slide my phone back into my pocket. “Bram’s just being cryptic.”

She shakes her head as she turns onto his street. She parks in front of his house and laughs. “Shocked he’s not like running out the door,” she says.

“Yeah. Like I said, cryptic,” I say as I unfasten my seatbelt and open the door. “I’ll see you later, Nora. That was nice.”

“Yeah, it was,” she agrees. “Are you coming home tonight?”

“Probably? We leave for Savannah tomorrow and I need to pack at some point.”

She laughs. “You always were a last-minute packer. Alright, well I’ll see you then.”

I close the door and head toward the house. I hear her pull away before I get to the door. When I do get to the door, I open it and walk inside. Bram’s no where to be seen. “Bram?” I say, looking around. He runs out of the kitchen and throws his arms around my neck. I laugh as I hug him back and realize he’s not wearing any clothes. “Why are you naked?”

“I’m not naked. I’m wear boxers!” he says. “But I thought it would silly to get dressed and come downstairs for 5 minutes, to go back upstairs and get undressed again.”

“Is that why you left the door unlocked?” I ask, laughing.

“It is. I didn’t think Nora needed to see me like this.”

“I’m sure she appreciates that,” I say and then I kiss him.

He pushes me backwards until my back is against the inside of the front door. He drops one of his hands and locks the door and then both of his hands are under the bottom of my shirt. “You’re wearing entirely too many clothes,” he says.

I smirk. “And what are you going to do about that?”

“Hmm,” he says and he pretends to think for a second before pulling my t-shirt and hoodie over my head at once. “Better,” he says and he moves his lips from mine to my neck.

“We should probably go to your room,” I say, but then I feel his teeth and moan instead.

He chuckles. “Yeah, okay.” He bends down and picks up my hoodie with the shirt still inside it and then grabs my hand with his other hand and leads me up the stairs.

A couple hours later, we’re laying in Bram’s bed. My head is on his chest while his hand draws patterns on my back and we’re talking. At first, we’re not talking about anything. He asks how WaHo with Nora was and if I packed for Savannah yet. I again ask what time we’re leaving tomorrow and then insist that means I still have plenty of time to pack at which he laughs. And then we fall silent for a minute. Just laying there. Enjoying each other’s company.

“How long do we have until your mom gets home?” I ask.

“Hmm,” he says and picks up his phone from the night stand. “It’s not quite 3.”

“So, two and half hours?”

“At least,” he says and then he sets the phone down again.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course, you know you can ask me anything, Simon.”

“I know,” I say and then I swallow. “What are we doing, Bram?”

“What d’you mean?”

“I don’t know, just… what are we doing?”

“Well,” he says. “Right now, we’re laying in my bed, cuddling after having mind-blowingly amazing sex.” I laugh. “What?”

“While that’s completely true,” I say, lifting my head to look at him. “It’s not exactly what I was asking about.”

“So, what were you asking about then?” he asks. I smile at him for a second and then I kiss him before lowering my head back to his chest.

“I don’t know. I guess just that we spent most of last week, laying here like this and when we get back from Savannah on Sunday, we’re going to spend most of next week laying here like this and…”

“Do you want to go out and do something?” he asks. “Because, that can definitely happen if you want. I don’t mind.”

“Not exactly,” I say and then I sigh. “It’s hard to explain.”

He kisses the top of my head. “Try.”

“I guess I’m just trying to figure out the point.”

“The point of what exactly?”

“Spending all this time with you when in two weeks, I’m going back to Philly and you’re going back to New York and I won’t see you for forty-six fucking days.”

“I could come visit in February,” he says quietly. “We don’t have to wait until Spring Break.”

I sigh again. “That’s not the point.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No,” I say and then I nuzzle my face against his chest. “I love you,” I say.

“I love you, too.”

“I want to spend forever with you.”

“And I with you,” he says.

“So, why are we doing this to ourselves?” I ask.

“What d’you mean?”

“The schools in different cities thing.”

He sighs this time. “Because I got a scholarship to Columbia and my parents would murder me if I didn’t take advantage of that,” he says. “And you fell in love with Haverford.”

I groan. “Why couldn’t I have fallen in love with NYU instead?”

He chuckles. “Because that would’ve been too easy. We’re going to get through this, Simon. I promise we are. I plan on being in love with you for so long that these four years of torture are barely a blink in our memories.”

“I know. I know,” I say and I sigh again. “I guess, I’m just trying to figure some things out.”

“What things?” he asks and I shrug. “Okay. You know I’m here if you want to talk about anything, right?” I nod against his chest. “Okay,” he says. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.”


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 60 chapters, holy fuck and there's still so much more to go!

Bram’s mom gets home on time again and she’s immediately outside his bedroom door. “Boys?” she says.

“Hi, Mom,” Bram says.

And then I say, “Hi, Ms. Greenfeld.”

She chuckles. “Okay. I saw your car out there, Abraham, and I just wanted to make sure you were here. I’m going to make dinner. Simon, will you be joining us?”

I’m kind of shocked she hasn’t opened the door. We’re buried under the covers for that exact reason. Bram looks at me with raised eyebrows and I shrug a little. “Um, if that’s okay, I guess.”

“Of course, dear,” she says. “I’ll let you boys know when it’s ready.” Then I listen as her footsteps trail away and the stairs squeak as she walks back down.

I look at Bram. “She didn’t even open the door…”

He holds up his hands. “That was weird. I’m sort of scared what she’s going to say at dinner,” he says with a laugh.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have agreed to stay.”

“She would _definitely_ be worse without you.”

“Okay, true, so I guess I’ll have dinner with your mom to save you from the awkward mess it would be without me. And I guess I should tell my mom I’m having dinner with you.” He nods a little and leans his head toward me. I pick my phone up off the nightstand and send a text to my mom.

_Staying at Bram’s for dinner with his mom. I’ll probably be home to pack after that._

_Okay dear. Please do come home tonight. I want to see you before you leave tomorrow._

_[thumbs up emoji]_

“I apparently have to go home after dinner,” I tell Bram as I set my phone back down.

“Oh?”

“For one, I need to pack. For two, my mother apparently wants to see me before we leave because you know, four days is just going to kill her. Not like I’m about to be gone for 4 months or anything.”

Bram chuckles. “Moms are weird. Think she’ll complain if I come with you? You know, to help you pack,” he says with a wink.

I laugh. “Uh, we can try. But she’s probably going to want ‘family time’ or whatever.”

“We should probably get dressed before my mom calls us for dinner,” he says, nuzzling his face against my cheek.

“Hmm,” I say. “But I don’t wanna get out of this bed and I definitely don’t want you to put clothes on.” I turn to face him and wink. He laughs.

“Come on,” he says, throwing the covers off of us. I groan when the cool air hits my skin.

“Braaaam,” I whine. “It’s cold.” I try to snuggle into him and he chuckles but wraps his arms around me tightly.

“It won’t feel as cold once you put your clothes back on,” he says before kissing whatever you want to call the part of my face that’s next to his lips.

“I think I’ll just cuddle you instead,” I say.

He chuckles again. “You’re adorable,” he whispers.

I grumble. “Adorable or not, I’m freezing.”

“So, let’s get dressed,” he says and he starts to open his arms. I grumble and snuggle closer to him instead. He chuckles. “Well, we can’t go eat dinner with my mom like this,” he says.

I sigh. He had to bring that up. “Fine, fine,” I say. “I’ll put clothes on, but you owe me.” I lift my head as I start to roll away and he’s raising an eyebrow at me.

“What do I owe you exactly?”

“More cuddle time and definitely more kisses.”

He smiles. “That’s a price I can definitely afford any day of the week.” He leans over and kisses me before we both sit up. We get to our feet and quickly pull on sweatpants and t-shirts and then he’s looking in the mirror over his dresser, trying to fix his hair which makes me laugh. “Are you laughing at me?”

I run my hand through my own hair as I walk up behind him. “It’s possible,” I say quietly and then I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my chin on his shoulder. “You’re cute and your hair looks fine, B.”

“Thanks,” he says and then he turns his head to kiss my cheek. “You’re cute, too.”

I laugh a little. “What do you want to do until dinner?”

“Hmm,” he says and he makes a thinking face as we look at each other in the mirror. “Kiss you,” he says quietly and then he turns around in my arms and does just that.

“If you were just going to do this, why’d you make me get dressed?” I ask when he moves his lips to my neck.

He chuckles and looks at me. “Because it would be a bit suspicious if when my mom comes and tells us dinner’s ready, we had to take 10 minutes before we came out of the room. Plus, clothes remind me to not try anything else.”

“I don’t like clothes,” I say quietly and then I kiss his lips briefly.

He laughs. “Well, get used to them, because the only time you’re going to be out of them in Savannah is when you’re in the shower.”

“And you won’t even be in the room. It’s a damn shame,” I say.

“It is,” he agrees. “But at least we can cuddle all night and fall asleep together and wake up together and do literally everything else together.”

“I am definitely looking forward to that part. I swear I sleep better when I’m next to you.”

“Same,” he says and then he kisses me again. We end up crawling back on his bed and snuggling together to watch a couple disastrous YouTube videos while we wait for his mom to tell us dinner’s ready.

It’s a little over half an hour later, when Bram’s mom calls from the bottom of the stairs. “Dinner!”

Bram sighs and pauses the video we’re watching. We both get to our feet and I start walking toward the door, but he catches me in a hug before I can get there. I chuckle a little, but hug him back. He kisses my cheek and then unwraps his arms and links our hands together instead. He opens the door just as his mom calls again. “Did you hear me?”

“Mom, we’re coming right now,” Bram says as we walk out into the hallway. He pulls me down the stairs after him and we cross the first floor into the kitchen. His mom already has dinner on the table with three plates waiting. She says grace before we eat and then it’s kind of oddly silent for a little while.

“So, what did you boys get up to today?” she asks.

“I went to Waffle House with my sister earlier,” I say. That seems like a safe topic of conversation.

“Oh, that’s nice!” she says with a smile. “How old is she now?”

“Um, she’s a junior,” I say. “They go back to school tomorrow.”

“Ah,” she say with a smile. “And what time are you two leaving tomorrow?”

“Um, probably right after lunch,” Bram says. “Dad works, but that way we can get there in time for dinner.”

She nods a little. “Are you both all packed?”

“I am,” Bram says. “This one hasn’t even started,” he adds, nudging me with his shoulder.

“Shush. I’ll do it tonight,” I say and he laughs.

“And you’re coming home Sunday, right?”

“Yep,” he confirms and his mom nods. We fall into that weird silent state again.

“I was talking to you father earlier,” his mom says a few minutes later.

“Oh?” he asks. Bram’s parents don’t really talk and he seems panicked about something in particular, but I have no idea what.

“Just about the rule changes Emily and I had agreed upon for you two. I wanted to make sure he was on the same page.” We glance at each other. “But it sounds like he was already more relaxed with you that we were,” she says with a chuckle.

“I really think he was just trying to be the cool parent,” Bram say and we both laugh a little.

His mom smiles. “Well, I hope you don’t actually think he’s cooler than me.”

We both laugh for real and Bram tries to tell her, “I would never,” but can barely get the words out. “I mean as far as awkward reactions to me coming out for instance. Him telling me Casanova was apparently bi is way less cool than your awkward sex talk.”

His mom looks at him. “Safe sex is important, Abraham.” She says and Bram rolls his eyes. I used to think it was funny that she almost always uses his full name, but I guess I’ve gotten used to it in the past almost two years, because I barely even notice anymore. “You are being safe, aren’t you?”

We glance at each other and _Jesus_ this is awkward. “Yeah, Mom, of course,” he says and I can see a pink tint on his cheeks. I bite my lips in. She gives him a look like she doesn’t believe him. “We are. I swear.”

“Every time,” she starts to say and he holds up a hand.

“Please don’t do this over dinner. Yes, I know. I swear, we are, please don’t.”

She looks at him for a long minute and he stares back and then she finally nods and we fall into a rather awkward silence. Bram looks at me with apologetic wide eyes and I chuckle under my breath and lean toward him a little bit. He smiles then and bumps his shoulder into mine.


	61. Chapter 61

After dinner, we go back upstairs for a minute to grab our hoodies and shoes and then Bram tells his mom he’s taking me home and we walk out of the house. Once we’re in the car, Bram smirks at me and then leans across and kisses me. “So, I’m staying until your mom makes me leave,” he says.

“I can’t promise that’s going to be more than five minutes, but okay.”

He laughs and puts the car in drive before grabbing my hand as he pulls out of the driveway. When we get to my house he parks and shuts off the engine. I get out and walk toward the door, pausing to wait for him before I walk in.

“Oh, Simon, there you are,” my mom’s voice comes from the living room, so I walk toward the doorway.

“Here I am,” I say. She doesn’t look up from the TV. Nora and my dad are there, too. “So, um, I’m just gonna go pack,” I say. I have no idea what on earth she’s watching.

“Okay,” she says and then she finally looks up as the show goes to commercial. “Oh! Hi, Bram,” she says and he chuckles next to me.

“Hey,” he says quietly.

I grab his hand and turn toward the stairs. No one says anything about it, so I guess this is allowed tonight? I’m still trying to figure this new world of next to no rules out, honestly. When we get to my room, Bram immediately flops backwards onto the bed and scoots up until his head is on the pillow and then folds his arms behind his head to prop it up a little more. He smiles at me and I smile back. I _was_ planning on packing, but I can resist the sight of my boyfriend sprawled out on my bed, so I crawl up next to him instead and lay down with my head on his chest.

He wraps both arms around me tightly for a second and then kisses the top of my head. “Thought you were going to pack,” he says.

“Well, I was,” I say as I look up at him, “but then my boyfriend decided to distract me by laying on my bed like that and here we are.”

“Like what exactly?” he asks with a chuckle. “I was literally just laying here, Simon.”

“Exactly.”

“So, I’m not allowed to lie down in your presence without it being distracting?”

“Nope.”

He laughs and I lay my head back on his chest. “It’s too easy to just lay down and cuddle you when you do that, so.”

“Fair point, you’re pretty distracting when you lay down, too.”

“Glad it’s not just me.”

“But you really _do_ need to pack at some point,” he says.

I sigh. “I know, I know.” I nuzzle my face against him. “I mean, at least you’re wearing clothes. I actually stand a chance of getting out of this bed that way.”

“I can not wear clothes if you’d prefer,” he says, “but I’m not sure your parents would approve of that.”

“Honestly, the way they’ve been the past few days? Anything’s possible.” I laugh a little. “But you should probably keep the clothes on, because I do actually need to pack.”

He laughs, too, and a few minutes later I do actually get up and retrieve my smallest suitcase from the back of my closet and put it on the end of the bed. Bram doesn’t move though. He just continues laying there and watching me. “What happened helping me pack?” I ask sarcastically.

“I’m supervising,” he says and I roll my eyes.

Just then I hear Bieber whining outside the door and go to open it for him. “Hey, Biebs,” I say and I bend down to scratch below his ears. He barely stops for a second before trotting over to the bed and jumping up to lay next to Bram. “Sometimes I think that dog and I share a brain,” I say with a laugh.

“Oh?” Bram asks as Bieber nudges his arm to request pets.

“I mean, who would want _me_ to scratch their ears when they could curl up on a bed next _you_ instead? Also, if you don’t recall the first time the two of you met, he might’ve attacked you with this tongue.”

“And you said…” Bram starts to say and then he pauses to think as he starts rubbing Bieber’s fur. “I have that effect on you, plural.”

I laugh a little and feel my face turning red. “Exactly!” I start throwing clothes into the suitcase then as Bram continues petting the dog and ignoring me entirely.

“Oh!” he says suddenly. “Pack something nice for Friday night.”

I groan a little. “How nice? Like suit and tie nice or like button down with khakis nice?”

“Buttondown with khakis,” he says and I have to say I’m a little relieved.

“I can handle that,” I say and I go to the closet.

“Also, Leah would be so jealous right now.”

“What d’you mean?” I ask as I try to neatly fold a dress shirt on top of the suitcase.

“Me. Laying on your bed, petting your dog. Living my best life.”

I laugh. “Valid. She loves my dog.”

I walk over to my desk and pick up my phone. Bram goes back to petting Bieber, so he doesn’t even notice that I’m trying to line up an Instagram picture until I’m literally on the verge of taking it. “What’re you doing?”

“Taking a picture,” I say.

“Why?” he asks, covering his face.

“For Instagram. Stop covering your beautiful face.”

He rolls his eyes and then moves his hand away and smiles cheesily at me as I take the picture. “Perfect!” I say and then I edit it a little and type out a caption.

_simonspiersays: He’s supposed to be helping me pack, but instead he’s being distracting and petting the dog. [heart eyes emoji; dog emoji]_

Bram’s phone dings and he pulls it out of his pocket and chuckles a little as he types something. My phone dings a second later. And by the time I get back into Instagram there’s three comments on the post.

_bramgreen118: I’m SUPERVISING and I have the best view from here. [kissy emoji]_

_abbysuso0710: This is ADORABLE!!!!!! [heart emojis]_

_leahontheoffbeat: Bieber is clearly the best Spier sibling, and I’m glad your boyfriend agrees, Si. [tongue out emoji]_

“Told you Leah would be jealous,” he says and I laugh.

I put the last couple things in my suitcase and zip it shut. Then I set the whole thing next to the door. “See, all packed.”

“Good, now get over here so I can take a cuter picture for _my_ Instagram,” he says and I roll my eyes.

“Me being in the picture does _not_ make it cuter. Just for the record. The dog is _definitely_ cuter than me.”

“Only Leah truly believes that,” he says and we both laugh as I crawl back onto the bed.

I have to squeeze into the tiny amount of space on Bram’s left side because Bieber will not move from where he’s taking up more than half the bed on Bram’s right. “Stupid dog,” I grumble as I try to lean against him as to not fall off the side of the bed.

“Don’t call him stupid!” Bram says. “He’s very smart. He knows that if he stays there it means you have to be even closer to me! He’s just on my side of things. That’s all.”

I roll my eyes and shake my head. “Just take your picture,” I say.

He laughs and fumbles to use his right hand on the phone. “Okay, maybe the dog is stupid, because I cannot do this with my right hand,” he says after a few seconds.

“Want me to?” I ask, reaching for his phone.

“Please?” he says and grins at me as he hands me the phone. I get Instagram open and the camera function turned on and then I hold the phone out and we both smile as I take the picture. “Perfect,” he says when I hand the phone back so he can see. I stand up and walk around the bed.

“Bieber, come on. Get down, please?” I beg. He doesn’t move. “I swear you can come right back on the bed, just let me lay down first, dude.” Still nothing. I sigh. “Fine, I’m just going to have to move you myself.” I poke his butt a few times until he finally gets up and walks slowly toward the end of the bed. I take the opportunity to lay down and curl up next to Bram. Bieber jumps off the bed a second later and I look over to see him staring at us. “You can come back now,” I say. He doesn’t move. “Dumb dog.”

Bram sets his phone down and mine dings with the notification of his post of I pull it out and check. He’s edited the picture a little and captioned it with just a single heart emoji. I comment with another single heart emoji and shove my phone back into my pocket. “So, how long are you staying?”

“I told you. Until your mom makes me leave,” he says.

I chuckle. “Well, she doesn’t seem to be planning on doing that any time soon.”

He shrugs. “So, I guess I’m not leaving anytime soon,” he says and then he kisses the top of my head.

After a little while, Bieber is whining to be let out of the room, so I go and open the door for him and he takes off down the stairs as I close the door again. Then I pick up my laptop from my desk and walk back to the bed. “I think it’s stupid YouTube video time,” I say as I sit down and lean against the headboard.

“Definitely,” Bram agrees and he scoots around to sit next to me. I lay my head on his shoulder as I start a video. We’ve gotten into the habit of finding one video we actually want to watch and then letting the YouTube algorithm auto-play for a while. It’s resulted in finding some pretty hilarious stuff.

I’ve lost count of how many videos we’ve watch when Bram’s phone vibrates on the nightstand. I glance at the time. It’s already 10:30, _oops_. I watch as he checks a text. “My mom wants to know if I’m coming home tonight,” he says.

“Yeah, I didn’t realize how late it was,” I say. “I’m honestly shocked my mom hasn’t demanded family time or something ridiculous. Especially after she claimed she wanted to see me before we left.”

“So, am I going home?” he asks.

“I mean…” He laughs and opens his mouth to say something else, but that’s when there’s finally a knock on my bedroom door. “Yeah?” I call toward it.

“Can I come in?” my mom asks.

“Sure,” I say. We’re actually still fully clothed and just sitting on the bed with my laptop, so we don’t even have to make ourselves presentable for once. The door opens and she steps in.

“Are you all packed?” she asks.

I point to my suitcase next to her. “Yep. All ready to go.”

“What time are you boys leaving tomorrow?”

“Right after lunch,” I say. “Bram’s dad works, but we want to get there for dinner.”

My mom nods at me and then she looks at Bram. “Bram, are you planning on going home tonight, or are you staying here?”

“Uh,” he says and we glance at each other. “We were just trying to figure that out actually. We didn’t realize how late it had gotten and my mom just texted me.”

My mom nods. “Well, it’s fine either way.”

He glances at me and I kind of smirk at him. We both know how this is ending. “I think I’m going to stay, if that’s okay,” he says, looking back to my mom.

She nods. “Of course. Nora goes back to school tomorrow, so I’ll be up making breakfast early if either of you want any.” She then turns around and walks back toward the door. “Good night.”

“Night, Mom,” I say.

“G’night, Mrs. Spier.”

She smiles and then closes the door behind herself as she leaves. “Okay, this is still weird,” I say as Bram types out a response to his mom.

“Incredibly, but in a really good way,” he says as he sets his phone back on the nightstand.


End file.
